Cry Freedom
Read this too. Infact I could write quite a lot on the topics in todays BBC's magazine but will prudently leave it at these two.
Cry Freedom
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4905628.stm
It's about the psychological effects of being a hostage. I was never a hostage in the true sense of the word. Just a captive for a little time with my life at risk on two occasions. On one occasion I was in the process of being killed when I was rescued. I can remember exactly what was going through my mind at the time. Virtually never think about it now though.
My first reaction was surprize was that it was actually happening. You know it's difficult to comprehend that people actually will go through with it. Survival was on my mind but there was little chance of escape, and as I saw it, once what was to be the final attack started, none at all. Still the thought was there for a while again in a thought or two. When I realised that there would be no escape I felt sadness for all the things I wouldn't do that I wanted to and the people I wouldn't see again and how they'd cope. Surprizingly I wasn't in any pain though I ended up badly injured. Don't know why but I figure they hit something that controlled feeling or pain in my body. I really don't know and no one's ever told me. But I do know that other people have had similar experiences, Donald Campbell being one. And I've met someone else who felt no pain after being badly injured. I never thought to ask if she'd felt any pain at all, because I felt none at all. It must've been a lucky first blow.
I was rescued, which was beyond belief, I'd reckon within seconds to a minute of losing my life. I don't know but things were getting to a stage where it wouldn't have needed to go on for much longer. I was still aware of what was happening.
After a few thoughts of grieving for the things I wouldn't do and for people I thought I wouldn't see again and realising that I wouldn't escape I relaxed totally, slumped into a relaxation in body and mind and just thought sadly, oh well.
Seconds later I was rescued. I was glad then that I was still conscious as I saw the faces of the guys who were there.
How did it affect me. Well, apart from having to cope with getting my injuries sorted, on the surface for quite a time you'd think nothing had happened to me. (The month's drinking followed being injured some other time) I carried on with quite a few aspects of my life. Didn't even think of hiding away with my injuries, infact rather the opposite. I was lucky though because I knew people who'd been through similar experiences and I didn't feel anything but my usual self when I was with them. They just treated me as me. And no one was fazed by the extent of my injuries, sad about them, but I was treated as usual with no one even seeming to even notice that I was rather different from how I had been. We talked about getting it all sorted out and things. And people touched me lots, hugs and back patting etc.
On the surface I was just myself though I was obviously having to cope with the injuries. I know it would have been very different if there had been any pain. But, no pain at all. But I know inside that my attitude had changed. I'd experienced a lot of life and seen a lot too and had kind of filed a lot of it away in my head to call on if it was needed but this did change me .... for a while. I became much more insular. People were wonderful to me on the whole and that saw me through a lot of it because that stopped me becoming too suspicious of people, though later on I went through a period of not liking being touched which I knew was related to what had happened, but that has gone, again thanks to other people.
I suppose because I was only to aware that events like this happened I wasn't as traumatised as I would've been if I hadn't been prepared to some extent by experience.
One thing it's left me with is empathy when I read about similar events. It's easy to relate to in a personal way because I've been there. Having said that I realise that everyone's different though I also know that there must be some common emotions.
Cry Freedom
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4905628.stm
It's about the psychological effects of being a hostage. I was never a hostage in the true sense of the word. Just a captive for a little time with my life at risk on two occasions. On one occasion I was in the process of being killed when I was rescued. I can remember exactly what was going through my mind at the time. Virtually never think about it now though.
My first reaction was surprize was that it was actually happening. You know it's difficult to comprehend that people actually will go through with it. Survival was on my mind but there was little chance of escape, and as I saw it, once what was to be the final attack started, none at all. Still the thought was there for a while again in a thought or two. When I realised that there would be no escape I felt sadness for all the things I wouldn't do that I wanted to and the people I wouldn't see again and how they'd cope. Surprizingly I wasn't in any pain though I ended up badly injured. Don't know why but I figure they hit something that controlled feeling or pain in my body. I really don't know and no one's ever told me. But I do know that other people have had similar experiences, Donald Campbell being one. And I've met someone else who felt no pain after being badly injured. I never thought to ask if she'd felt any pain at all, because I felt none at all. It must've been a lucky first blow.
I was rescued, which was beyond belief, I'd reckon within seconds to a minute of losing my life. I don't know but things were getting to a stage where it wouldn't have needed to go on for much longer. I was still aware of what was happening.
After a few thoughts of grieving for the things I wouldn't do and for people I thought I wouldn't see again and realising that I wouldn't escape I relaxed totally, slumped into a relaxation in body and mind and just thought sadly, oh well.
Seconds later I was rescued. I was glad then that I was still conscious as I saw the faces of the guys who were there.
How did it affect me. Well, apart from having to cope with getting my injuries sorted, on the surface for quite a time you'd think nothing had happened to me. (The month's drinking followed being injured some other time) I carried on with quite a few aspects of my life. Didn't even think of hiding away with my injuries, infact rather the opposite. I was lucky though because I knew people who'd been through similar experiences and I didn't feel anything but my usual self when I was with them. They just treated me as me. And no one was fazed by the extent of my injuries, sad about them, but I was treated as usual with no one even seeming to even notice that I was rather different from how I had been. We talked about getting it all sorted out and things. And people touched me lots, hugs and back patting etc.
On the surface I was just myself though I was obviously having to cope with the injuries. I know it would have been very different if there had been any pain. But, no pain at all. But I know inside that my attitude had changed. I'd experienced a lot of life and seen a lot too and had kind of filed a lot of it away in my head to call on if it was needed but this did change me .... for a while. I became much more insular. People were wonderful to me on the whole and that saw me through a lot of it because that stopped me becoming too suspicious of people, though later on I went through a period of not liking being touched which I knew was related to what had happened, but that has gone, again thanks to other people.
I suppose because I was only to aware that events like this happened I wasn't as traumatised as I would've been if I hadn't been prepared to some extent by experience.
One thing it's left me with is empathy when I read about similar events. It's easy to relate to in a personal way because I've been there. Having said that I realise that everyone's different though I also know that there must be some common emotions.
posted by Zeb at 7:02 AM
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