Pain

Well, me friends are thrilled. I expect tomorrow will find the pain going through my body as it usually does. It's back now and I expect it'll be there when I wake.. It's a crushing pain because that's what's happening. Mum used to complain of something similar though I realise now it was nothing to the extent I have experienced it. And a dear lady who's now passed over so the actual feeling is not so unusual but there are differences in severity. There's more to it ofcourse because other forms of pain come in too but that is the main one but there are different pains that come along with it.

Again having cared for someone who has had a similar experience has prepared me to a certain extent and knowing the other lady. You know if they can cope so can I. Though I do realise that I am in rather a lot more pain than mum was at times. Dunno why because she certainly looked as if she should've been in more pain than me but I know from what she could do and how she reacted and what she said. But she did have the same kind of symptoms just a lesser form from what she told me about it and from what I gathered from what I could see her doing.

I think I might have a muscle illness contributing towards the pain too. I found out that problem and the illness I have sometime go together. It makes sense.

The last couple of days have veered a bit towards the severe other type pain a bit more. One of the things this has taught me is that there are many kinds of pain. I was saying to a doctor that I just had no idea before. There was no reason that I should have. It's certainly changed how I talk about it with people. Experience can certainly teach you a lot!!!!!! Flipping heck!!!! I am trying to pass it on to my wanna be doctor pals but it's difficult but they're very interested. Hey!!! I'll do my best. They ask me questions about it and I do my best to describe it.

I hope this works out for them. With the shambles that becoming a doctor here seems to've become I wonder if knowing me is such a good thing as far as career influence goes but we've talked through safeguarding that as far as possible too. They're great guys and I think they'll be great doctors.

Anyway I'm off to sort out me veggie mince etc. I went out and got some beans and veggie sausages rather than get down to the cooking this evening. Testing out the pain on walking too. It has got worse since I've been back but I know that this is going to be a very rocky road, very rocky indeed. It's going to get really bad at times still I guess but maybe I'll get some periods of relief now and again now.

It is bad again at the moment but I look upon what happened this afternoon/evening as possibly a sign that it might ease up some at least now and then.

I wish I knew what changed things today but I've written what happened down. There were a few bodily changes to start it off. My breathing for one. No noticeable changes when the pain came back though.

And I'm well aware that this is difficult overall but on we go. Not scared of the outcome if the illnesses turn out to not to respond to treatment but the pain sure ain't nice. And it's back.

But today has changed things in my mind a bit and has made me at least be determined to see if there is at least a solution to some of the problems. I'm expecting a natural one but, if by some chance, that doesn't come, then I'll be researching to see what else may be on offer. With virtually no let up I'd reached a point where I was beginning to wonder if there was a chance. That has changed.