........

Ah .. well. I now that she wasn't welcomed back into their lives. I found out yesterday. Wonder what she thought would happen. She walked out on them when they had problems before .. and other people too including me .. then reappears when a dreadful tragedy has taken place .. but only minor details put out for her to read .. she's there saying that she was in tears and wants to hug everybody .. but, a few wees before she'd taken her drunken self off from people who had helped and befriended her, some who had quite bad problems of their own .. like me.

I wondered if they had taken her back because the situation was so sad and I could imagine them maybe reaching out to people they were familiar with .. but, no .. seems they had point blank ignored her.

Now, I'm not sure what to do. Whether to get in touch with the family or not. I guess it might be more or less inevitable one day. I know, too, that this guy has been under more strain in his life than most people could cope with .. and come through. I just don't know whether to get in touch and say how sorry I am to hear about what's happened .. or, just leave it for the family and closer friends. I stayed away before because I didn't want to get involved if she was there .. and I thought she might be .. he's very lonely at the moment .. though he does have some supportive kids. I think that knowing she'd walked out on me in my state would have influenced his decision too. Doesn't make her look very trustworthy.

She's lied a lot too and said something really unkind in the situation .. probably said in retaliation because she wasn't welcomed back .. by him or me. I've no idea quite where her brain is but I know that once she's drunk over a certain amount she gets very bitter and very nasty, playing games etc.

My brother might be right and the booze has caused more damage than you'd really expect at her age .. I guess we all respond differently, though there is an average length of time this would normally take, and she might be someone who has been affected very early on. It might be too tht she doesn't give herself much chance to sober up which is why her memory is so bad. She was playing nasty little games with everyone though .. and, I think probably thought that we were too stupid to realize to some extent and too stupid to call her on it in others .. though how she could remember that yet forget things about her daughters is beyond me. Maybe that's just were her mind is though.

I made excuses for her because I knew how she'd changed, knew she'd been through a lot of hard times .. though I did say things to her about somethings .. but, now, I think it's best kept in the family .. getting her help etc .. otside friends just give her more reason to carry on behaving the way she was.

I missed her for ages .. funny really, because weeks before that I did often wish she'd just go .. though at the same time, missing the person I'd first met and feeling so sorry for her. I hated seeing her like that cause she'd turned into someone totally bristling with hatred and resentment. It'd been going that way for sometime though. Somebody said to me that drink often makes people very bitter .. well, it certainly did her. I just wonder if there'd been a lot bubbling away under the surface for a long, long time though.

Think I'll go to bed now anyway. An hour earlier than usul .. not bad. I'm exhausted.