Memories ............ again

It's like talking about something just sets off a chain of memories at the moment. This time about something I hardly ever think about because it's been filed way back in my mind somewhere and that's where it stays most of the time.

So, anyway went to Birmingham late this afternoon to pick up some books. I'm still very whoozy and tired. Guess it was just another cold. There's still a lot of people sneezing around here and obviously somehow I haven't managed to catch all the bugs that are going around here at the moment.

It's such a slow process but I guess something is happening. I seem to have gone off junk food anyway. I eat a bit of chocolate some days but I'm just not that bothered now. And I'm much better at going to get something to eat rather than just picking at what's lying around when I get in. I noticed a few days ago that my attitude had just changed completely. Wasn't a conscious effort, just a shift in perception and attitude I guess that just happened somewhere along the line.

I haven't used any painkillers at all for the last week or so though at times there's been pain. I'd realised that I was taking them at times when normally I wouldn't. I'd just got used to taking them when the pain in my spine was really bad and had continued taking them when I was in pain that wouldn't be the type of pain that I'd normally take pain relief for. Sometimes I was taking them just to ease discomfort to make the day easier. It was a pretty strange discomfort and it did affect me quite badly and was very tiring but I don't think I really needed pain relief for it. Just needed to rest when I became tired I guess.

I've never liked taking pain relief. I've tended to think that if I can get on with things without taking it then I will. I've usually lasted a few days if the pain's reasonably bad and then take something because it really starts affecting what I'm doing.

I was very lucky with the worst injuries I've had in my life because there was no pain from them. This isn't as unusual as it may sound. I know the same happened to Donald Campbell, the racing driver, when he was very badly injured, and I've known a couple of other people it's happened to. The injuries have been really bad in all cases and I guess the pain is cut out because of damage to the nervous system.

I had no idea that my injuries were as bad as they were because there was no pain. I was very whoozy and I was concentrating on trying to stay conscious because I thought if I had any brain damage staying conscious would help minimize it. I was a bit surprized when the people I was with told me about my injuries and told me to stay still because I wasn't in any pain. If I hadn't been so whoozy I'd've realised that with the amount of blood I'd lost that there should be some pain. I just chatted with the people I was with.

I didn't realise how badly injured I was until I'd been treated and then saw myself in a mirror. I didn't recognise myself. Just a mass of bruising and swelling. You really swell up when you've been injured like that. There was still no pain though.

The only time I felt anything like pain was when I was having the gauze that had been put up my nostrils when they had pushed my nose back together removed. It wasn't really pain just a nasty sensation as the gauze was tweezed out past my sinuses. They'd sure packed a lot of gauze up there. If you have an injury like that they just push the nose back together to start with and then you wait a year for all the swelling to go down before they operate to put it back together properly.

I had a year of treatment but still didn't feel any pain and there was no pain from the operations. It had to be something to do with the damage to my nervous system through the injuries because I wasn't numb, it was just that I felt no pain around the injuries. I was very surprized when I stubbed my toe and it hurt.

I wonder how differently I would've reacted to the injuries,well, to everything really, if I had felt pain. I was out as soon as possible but then when I've been injured and felt pain I've behaved exactly the same. Guess it must've minimized shock though.