........

I've been having a bit of a problem with one of the boards I read .. haven't posted there for a long time .. but I still read some of it quite often. I'd been quite pleased a few days go because I'd been proven right about something I'd thought about someone who posts there. I was pleased because I'd been reading the board and once posted there .. though never talking to her, and this had just stuck in my mind. After all those years it was good to now that I hadn't got it wrong. Usually if I'm not joining in the cyber talk I don't pay that much attention to who's posting and who isn't but she'd just caught my attention and I'd been thinking about this for a while.



A couple of the threads have worried me but I've decided not to join in. There's one where one partner has resorted to some rather nasty game playing .. he works as someone who teaches other people to manipulate others in a pretty unpleasant way which I guess must have quite bearing on what's going on now. No one should say much about that as she's posting under another name, though the connection has been mentioned pretty clearly and not been denied and the problems described so graphically that it would be difficult for someone reading it not to know who it's refering to recognise their situation. It' been a pretty strange thread throughout really with the people joining in quarelling about what's right and what's wrong as far as advising her goes. Everyone seems to feel the same about the situation which is that it's a very unhealthy one all round .. I think everyone there really feels that she should leave .. and from what she says this seems a good move on her part .. she doesn't want to though so is going to attempt counselling.

What has amazed me more than anything though is that she got in touch with one poster there for help and the person she turned to was someone who was posting about problems in her relationhip where he'd ended up hitting and throwing something at the person she's going to marry in a couple or so weeks time and then refusing to discuss it beause it isn't important seeing that she is a woman and so couldn't possibly do her partner any harm and shouldn't be considered as violence.

Now, I know all the statistics backwards, frontwards and any which way round and I know what is behind her remark .. but, even so, I thought .. what if you pick up something heavier to throw at him next time or to hit him with because you're so angry ..after all you're doing this very early on. But she refused to talk about it because there was absolutely no comparison between a woman hitting a man and a man hitting a woman.

This was from someone who's been seen as the prime advisor on the board .. but in my mind only because she dresses everything up in very academic language. But, anyway, the person with the secret id PMs her complaining about the attitude of the majority of the women on the board who are saying .. given on what she's told them .. to get out and to get out fast .. she says it's not that easy because even though they've only been together since the beginning of the year and she hasn't too many ties to sort out if she goes that she still has emotional ones.

Now, she too, hit her partner, though, again from what I can make out, not very hard and then turned to the person who also had done this .. but refuses to talk to anyone about it cause it's just not important enough as she's a woman so therefore can't do any major harm.

But does this woman say this back to the anonymous one who'd PM'd her for help. After all this is what she's said about herself. No!!! She says exactly what I thought about her .. which is .. what if you escalate it next time and telling her that it is DV .. whereas when it's her doing it .. it's so insignificant not to need talking about.

I'm not joining in. The other woman is looking for a local counsellor.

I have to say this really got to me .. and I wondered what on earth was going on.