Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ofcourse, what I really want to ask people is what they really believe. Unfortunately, when I'm very ill, in appalling pain, running a temperature, anf sweating, vomitting and drooling for Britain, I tend to forget some of the things that I've come to rely on having in my mind .. or, at least I did this time .. guess this kind of thing often happens when someone is feverish and extremely ill because of the pain.

But, I might have stepped back from it all a bit because I'm really not sure just what a lot of the people I know really believe. I know what I believe .. obviously .. though might be a bit forgetful when the thermometer is on the way up and I'm in the kind of condition I was in on my last visit to hospital. It was an infection that caused the problems that time .. got the chest infection that was/is doing the rounds that the Coventry ambulance guy told me about, and it really did cause me a lot of trouble .. though the worst was cleared up with antibiotics soon enough.


I don't know .. it just seemed very distant for some reason .. maybe it was just because I had so much to cope with. I'm back to my usual way of thinking now. But, it's really started me thinking about what other people I know really believe .. and, it's so difficult to ask. I have and I have generally got quite ambiguous answers. Not from everyone mind you .. but, a few. I expected them to tell me that, after all the time they had been interested, that they had little doubt .. but, that's not really the impression I always get. From some .. yes .. but, not from all.


I also expected that once people did really believe that there was life after life that it would become very obvious .. but I haven't always got that impression .. and that's from talking to people all over the world. It's a very difficult subject to bring up and talk about too.


Can't remeber what we were talking about .. but, afew weeks ago, someone turned round and said to me .. I know that you have a very strong belief .. she was very happy with me at that time cause she felt that something I had inadvertantly done, had strengthened her belief. I was just a bit perplexed .. and, got the feeling that maybe her belief wasn't as strong as I thought it was.


I think I more or less introduced her to the subject of synchronicity .. when I expected anyone with an interest in philisophical things like this with a scientific desire to be able to explore and prove it personally to one self .. that's all you can do really, isn't it .. it's a personal thing.

I was thinking back to the first time something lie this came into my life, back in my 30s, that hen I came in that day and said "F** o** Universe" cause I was rather scared .. it did, what had been happenning stopped completely and nothing like it started again til a while before mum's passing .. this time I just accepted it and watched to see what would happen. Was a bit scared at times .. cause it was the unknown. Glad I did let things take their own course.

But, today, thinking about it all, I wondered if people's own attitudes can alter what happens in this respect .. even to what they remember and what they don't.

Nothing like this had ever happened to me before .. I asked for it to stop .. one of the few times I've been in tears .. and it just so totally did for a very long time. I had lost two very close friends not that long before it happened .. and it stayed that way, even when I was searching in the pagan community, til a little while before mum passed.

Anyway, that was a bit of what passed through my mind today. Lot's of other things too ... lol!!!

Cleaned me cupboards out!!!! Didnae cook though .. but ate reasonably well.

Off to bed now.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz