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Well, back again .. hardly ate all day .. half a mug of soup .. then out .. then round six a mug of hot chocolate on my way back here.

There was a very nice letter from the Ministry of Health waiting for me .. very pleasant which made me think that if I need help with sorting out the pain problem it could be worth writing to them.

I had written to them after someone I knew had contacted both the Depts of Health and Education about a problem and had been very pleased with the outcome. I gave her one of my ADC books partially because of that and partially because of her friend who has cancer .. think I'd mentioned her before.

As for my own pain I think the next step is to try adding a drug for nerve pain. There are two different pain paths in the body and I haven't tried any medication that are just for the nerve pain route yet and I have crushed nerve endings. there are reasons why I'm not too keen on it .. side effects yet again ofcourse .. but it might be worth trying just a small dose to see if it'll help any of the other meds work a bit better .. it's trying to get an effective cocktail of pain relief. It might be just the boost it needs. can't remember what the drugs's called but I'll recognise it when I see it .. there might be other meds like it anyway .. mightn't be the only one that is just for that which you might be able to use in combination with other meds. I'll have to talk to my friend about it too.

Just going to put the kettle on .. for a mug of soup !!! Had an early christmas treat .. me yearly bottle of Diet Coke!!! Well, I have two in .. one for me birthday too .. lol!!! though maybe I should save that for the New Year .. leave a gap between drinking them. I don't miss it during the year but it's nice to have a couple of bottles of the stuff as a treat over the holidays.

Was talking about that experience the family had wasn't I. It does seem strange .. a dream that came true. Nothing like that has ever happened to me but then there is a lot of variety in these experiences. I have very little doubt that there is life after life as they say .. as people have said there comes a point where you have to accept what's happening .. because it would be really strange not to!!! I find it hard to understand that dream the woman had because it's so different from experiences of my own. I don't remember my dreams. The whole story was full of coincidencs though.

One of the good things about going to these people who study this kind of phenomena is that you get to hear about even more. I might even learn how to have a NDE .. I'd just like to be able to study one of my own.

The best thing about mine is how they've helped me through the illnesss .. much easier to get through with all that in your mind .. and I guess that's the same for everybody.

It's my own and those of people close to me that give comfort really but it is very nice reading about the ADCs in that book and other things like that. Well, I love that book.

Have me soup and'll soon be going to bed. Didn't sleep well last night because of pain in my left side .. too ages to get to sleep but I was very relaxed .. really deep relaxation .. fortunately the break through pain wasn't too bad but bad enough to make it harder to fall asleep .. it's very tempting to take more pain relief but i know I must stick to what's been prescribed. The relaxation reminded me that I must start meditating again .. I do know someone who has better pain control since she's started meditating and it is taught in pain clinics .. though I'm not sure what sort of meditation is used. I will have to ask her what sort of meditation she does .. I expect combined with massage it could be very relaxing and that could help stop the muscles being so tense with pain .. it could also release chemicals to help you relax and ease pain from the brain maybe? I have a couple of free cds given with magazines to help with meditation for this kind of thing .. I'll have to have a closer look .. I think they're just parts of a course .. and see what they're about .. don't know if they're silent meditation, guided meditation, mantra meditation .. if you're taken through it or if it's just explained.

I still have this feeling of deep relaxation .. I can remembr when I used to blog about going into Brum and doing five minutes of meditation on the train to relax .. though this is much deeper. Saw in the new little book on massage in The Works that there were a couple of pages on alternate nostril breathing. I expect that's something to do with relaxation .. didn't read any of it but having that in it interested me.

Well, off to bed now .. perhaps I'll do five minutes of meditation before sleep.