Saturday

Well, will talk to people before I decide what to do with it all .. as so many people have these experiences ,, and, in hospital, I did find people who had, they obviously have plenty to be going on with for now .. lol .. so no rush really.

I just want to have more indepth conversations with other people. There're study centres in lots of places and I'll give them my experiences one day I guess.

There's mounds and mounds of work on this kind of thing though but I guess they won't mind a bit more!!!!!

I think I now where I'm headed to find other people to talk to for now though. As someone said to me last night .. you either take this kind of thing seriously .. or, you don't .. if you do then you'll be willing to put time in to understand where research is at the moment.

It's very interesting ... and very comforting. Have to say that I wasn't very interested once and really thought that it was just there to make people feel better .. I've changed my mind.

I do think it's a serious subject and, if you want to study it seriously, you have to make sure that everything is as it seems.

Have to say that the things discussed in hospital were often confidential so they'll stay with me and the people who told me .. but they did kind of confirm things for me. Outside of the hospital things weren't quite so clear as far as other peoples experiences went.

Anyway .. it should be interesting. There're friends who know a lot about mine and maybe I'll ask them to sort things out a bit for me .. if they want to.

But, as people've pointed out .. there's no rush. I want to get to know more people who have a good grounding in the academic side of this ..and then I'll know where to contact.

A few people have said don't bother .. and, to be honest I do feel that I've said enough over the years and I feel that I want to do other things now though staying interested on a personal level.

And. if people really are interested. that and all the work that's already out there should be enough to start their own journey off.

If they're not then ofcourse they won't be bothered. It's one or the other.

I've said where I've found interesting work but other people will know about things that interest them more in other subjects I guess .. because the personal is the most understandable

I've been very grateful for that .. though it'd been better if I hadn't been so ill .. but there you go.

I hope there'll be people to have interesting conversations with on the subject.

What I have found is that there's no quick route to understanding .. if that's the right word .. for any of this.