.........

Well, off to bed .. almost midnight again. Would have gone earlier but have been catching up with people.

Tomorrow .. hopefully back to the sorting out etc. Me stomach's a bit painful tonight again so I've no idea if I'm going to find myself back in hospital or not.

Been reading up a bit on the net too. Some of it very interesting. I was wondering just what people involved with spiritual things who deliberately lie really think about life after life. I have no idea what it's like if there is one .. but if love is the answer then anything like that must come further down the scale so to speak. Generally people who don't want to believe that love is the answer will disbelieve whatever anyone tells them. They might want to find out if there's anything like The Secret involved in it .. otherwise .. no.

It amazes me that people will believe anything like The Secret for very long .. I mean .. just look around the world and life has been on this planet for a very long time. It's a simple concept from what I believe and people would have noticed if things were that way. Same with anything like that.

I believe that if there is life after life .. and I know that I do believe that on a deep level ..subconsciously but that my mind finds the concept hard to take in .. but not as hard as the idea of all that lead to the formation of all that we know being here in the first place .. because something coming from something is easier for the mind to accept than the seeming formation of something from nothing .. it had to start sometime but why was there anything there for it to start in or from!!!! That is a much harder concept. But it's a tangeable concept.

I think there's a hazy connection between different worlds or planes .. maybe somethings are easier to get through than others. I don't now. There is one thing that if I knew was true I would be as sure as u can be about all this .. but .. I don't know if this person waslying or not. It concerns two people .. the first person was being truthful .. of that I'm sure .. the second person I'm not so sure about .. though she did alter things enough for them not to be out of date .. leaving the things out that weren't relevant by date anymore. But, I just don't know. The first person was quite strange with the way everything she said tying in .. it wasso strange .. but, the second time .. just blurted out before I left was some of that info again .. leaving out that which wasn't relevant anymore.

I just wondered if there was anyway she could've found out .. if not bit was another strange coincidence .. but I don't know. I could contact the person I think is truthful in all this.. and had a chance to do this easily for quite awhile but left it much too late .. now it's not so easy.

On a subconscious level I'm aware that it doesn't matter really about that .. but I would really, really like to know.

Guess I'll just have to let it go though.

And .. just work on .. love is the answer and potter on.

I do think that people's own minds stop them from having experiences of that kind or forgetting them if they do. I have never .. obviously .. forgotten that afternoon I pottered home completely blitzed by what had been going on .. it didn;t occur to me for ages tht it had stopped .. I just stopped thinking about it when it stopped happening which was strange considering the way it affected me.

Before that happened I didn't believe in anything else but here and now but I should hope that I had an open mind about things .. cause you can't possibly dismiss something out of hand as big as that especially up against the amazing fact that there is anything here at all.

I realized that as far as I was concerned that magic was a religious rite and or a psychological tool. I can remember being told if I didn't believe everything in one wiccan course I did .. with a woman called Elizabeth .. that she'd threaten me with her .. um .. magickal powers .. she did this with all her students I found out when I asked around .. this was a long time ago when I did my little flit through the pagan world .. not recently I might add People told me that she had um .. problems including a power over complex .. I told her what she could do with her magickal powers .. and reminded her that this was going outside of her religious creed .. do what you will be all the law be that it hurt none. She was relying on the psychological effects of her words. I'd been intereted in finding out what it was all about .. but as there were different strands of Wicca .. the religion had split .. Alexandrian and Gardnerian along with Dianic and solitaries and I expect other forms .. some claiming to be the only true way along with heated arguments .. I guess it would have taken much more than just one course. I dunno .. in the end though I decided that I really wasn't cut out for religion. I read a lot and it all seemed nice to tie in with the Wheel of the Year .. the celebration of nature through the seasons and religious symbolism .. but there was masses of religious ritual .. don't know what else I really expected really. I tried quite a few things .. the Servants of Light based on the Kabbalah and the tree of life, something similar based on Ancient Egyptian religion and the goddess Isis.

It just wasn't for me.

I told quite a few people what was going on and about some of the homophobic tripe that I'd read in one of Kevin Carlyon's magazines .. I wrote about that earlier on in my blogs last time I discussed all this but it might've gone now .. and they removed the magazine from Mysteries .. and that second hand bookshop that that Druid guy with the curly who sadly passed over some years ago used to manage .. the shop has moved now .. can't remember it's name .. Skoob???? Something like that anyhow.

Anyhow .. better get to bed and get some sleep.