Saturday

In the end you have to accept don't you. Regardless, I'd like to get to now about a lot of othe peoples experiences . realising that about a third of people have had ADCs and then there are those who've had other related type experiences .. it makes up a large proportion of the population .. so it must be quite unusual for there to be people who haven't had them .. after a certain age .. or who don't know anybody who has.

I'll say again though that it's best to believe those that people you know and trust tell you .. so no need for me to put mine up here as the people close to me know about mine .. and I know their's and those of people close to them .. cause they trust me with them .. and. no, I don't tell other people. They're not mine to tell.

I would like to know some more .. and I will when I get home .. and am looking forward to it!!! I'll be taking my own advice about telling people. To be honest I'd've kept it all a bit more close to the chest earlier but there you go. But, again, it'll've helped people a bit who wanted to know more because of their own and other people they know's experiences .. as I said earlier it won't make the slightest difference to those who won't believe what other people have to tell them .. and, I guess, there are people out there who don't trust anyone or don't have people close to them who trust them. Just won't make any difference!!!

I've had a lot .. and am very grateful .. it's like having your own kind of security blanket .. and .. well, I'm very grateful. Don't know why I've been so lucky.

Latest one today .. and I wanted it as kind of confirmation .. though didn't think that I would .. but .. I did.

Me conscious mind is still going .. natter .. natter .. natter .. can this be so ... lol!!! But I think I have to accept that it really, really is!!!!

I would like to know more about other peoples though. I have a selection of stories .. but would like to hear more .. when I've moved .. eh!!! Won't be long now!!!

Got one of the books that someone I know here is reading from one of the charity shops here today .. buy one .. get one free too .. lol!!! Doubt if it's really my kind of thing but I'm interested to know what it's all about so I now more about his beliefs .. he likes this book and the follow up one.

Got some very interesting books .. both scientific and esoteric or whatever you want to call them today from the charity shops.

I also have the one I ordered from Waterstones .. have started reading it .. and am past the first few pages that I read on Amazon .. I actually winced when I saw the cover ... lol!!! Those pages are exactly the same in the book and am on Amazon .. so he hasn't altered that and I can't check what I've read on the forums because I haven't got a copy of the earliest edition .. haven't been trying very hard I must say .. cause I'm really not that bothered.

What I don't get is that he is continually refered to as a great psychic and people describe exanples of this .. yet on the programmes I've heard this is anything but the case and his foretelling of his own probable passing certainly hasn't happened nor the unmistakeable contact from other beings in the universe prior to 2008. And the radio shows are awful.

He did take me aback for a while because I didn't think that anyone who'd been through what he has would lie. I have wondered if he is conscious that this is so .. because I find it so very hard to believe .. I suppose I must go and try and find a first printing of the book .. but, what a nuisance, huh. Has he changed things .. or not.

He writes a lot of the things that I've come to believe though .. that love is the most important thing .. lying to make other people feel bad etc and being a bully .. he says he was one and I guess this is true because he writes under his own name .. and not helping people .. are things that are considered wrong there .. but lots of people who have had these experiences say the same. It's difficult to know just what to think of him .. other than he isn't doesn't seem like a good psychic now .. and the beginning of that book contradicts itself very badly and hasn't been altered with an explanation that would be ok.

I have to believe in life after death .. someone said to me the other day that they would like to have a NDE .. providing they came back ok .. I don't think i'd want one of those. When you've been through the types of illnesses that I'm going through you get to realise that it's not a good option. Nothing can prepare you for this type of illness. You might think you know .. but it's extremely likely that you don't.

And it is spirit that's got me through.

I'm thinking of trying to find one of the doctors who said that the guy who went to the clinic in Switzerland was wrong in thinking his pain couldn't be managed to see what he would recommend for the pain from my illnesses and other peoples I know who are in a lot of pain at times, most of the time or, sadly, all the time. When I was reading about that I didn't note down the doctors names so I'm going to have to start again .. but I'm very interested in what they'd have to say. Obviously for myself .. but also for people who are suffering .. it seems .. needlessly.

I take it that he was given all the advice needed. I believe he was scared that he wouldn't be able to let people know when he was in a lot of pain. There are medical people out there who seem to think that his pain could be controlled then. I take it that it must be pretty bad pain if he was that concerned about not being able to tell people.

Yeah, think I'll try and find out.

Today was brilliant though .. I can't keep on umming and ahhing over it all. There was a quote in a book I was reading .. well, leafing through .. that said something like there comes a point where the evidence is just too great for you not to believe .. and it's well past that point for me.

I said years ago that I believed that I would never know what it was all about because the brains we have to decipher this world probably aren't formed to be able to even see let alone understand the next world. And I have to take that on board I guess .. but I still hope to find out more ... lol!!!

Today was brilliant though .. so brilliant it seems I've had to say it twice .. I just couldn't believe it .. well, figure of speech there .. I had to believe it .. cause it happened .. lol!!!

Ofcourse I dearly want to find out how .. but I've an idea that's not an option. lol!!! The only option is the comfort of knowing that all this has happened.

I've some great new books from the charity shops today .. might find that I don't agree with much of what I read .. might find that a lot will be truely inspiring .. who knows.

Though first I guess I've got to trog my way through this other one .. time and money wasted I guess .. though I won't know that for sure until I've read it. But that's how I feel at the moment. I should've cancelled it when there was trouble getting it .. but then I guess I'd've always wondered about it.

Taken my meds .. well, all except me last paracetamol and oramorph of the day. Tomorrow it's the bone sparing pill .. the alendronic acid .. the one you have to take half an hour before other meds and food, sitting up etc!!! I don't like taking them but they are very necessary.

Today has been brilliant though .. lol!!!

I understand that there's no way that I could possibly understand the mechanics of all of this .. or any of I suppose .. and even if I did it could only be a weird kind of guessing theory .. guesses made while totally not knowing anything about the sciences that would be behind it .. because one thing is for sure and that is that the science is from there and not from here.

Anyway, I'm having a mug of soup now, then going to sort out my pills etc for tomorrow. then taking me oramorph and paracetamol and then off to bed with book .. whether dipping into my ADE one or t'other (sigh) I don't know.

Anyway, off to put the kettle on.