I've been wondering about getting in touch with people again .. I will .. but it's going to be so much work .. not the initial contact but sorting out anything that they might want to know. I was kind of put off the other week too and really thought "oh what's the point in bothering."

But there is the other side too and I suppose I'll just have to see what happens as I get involved. It was seeing someone's happy face yesterday that really started me thinking yjat it really is important and I should do it as what I have to say does appear quite involved and complicated.

Bits have been lost in time and I haven't been careful about keeping track of things cause I really did think it was just something for me and people I knew and didn't reckon it was that important. Even messed up on the last bit slightly .. but it did work out.

I'm not feeling that well right now either .. both conditions aren't being that great. I'm getting in touch with the hospital tomorrow .. something I should've done a while back. It's mainly about the auto immkune condition but the pain and other problems from the muscles need looking into again I guess. I have no idea how they can tweak it round but my doc did say that there are things they can do.

They do have a speciality unit for my illness at St Thomas. it's the world's research centre for it.



Today's being a little difficult and I'm very tired. Not quite sure why .. bug? the change in my muscles? .. it's caused quite a lot of change, not just round my right armpit but my breathing has changed quite a lot and is moving my ribcage more and I can feel the change affecting muscles all around my ribcage and my head..



It's good that it's happening, but difficult.



I did think of other people who are ill like this too yesterday. Thought about a lot of things. Whether it's really worth all the effort. Hopefully most of the people involved in the studies will be open minded and not closed in by any dogma they don'y want to give up regardless of what they discpver.



I did have a flurry of worry about scientists with agendas .. well, the far right .. people like that and got rather fed up. I like to think that people involved in this kind of work just wouldn't be like that by the very nature of their work and I'm sure I'll find out that I'm right in the main.