Off out ...................................... soon
i've started tidying up again. Hopefully I'll soon have it sorted out. Most of my things are in boxes now ... and when I'm well enough my solicitor will deal with selling the flat. If I hadn't become ill myself this would all have been dealt with as soon as mum passed over.
Still that's life. People ask if I'd've given up my time for her if I knew what was going to happen to my health. Can't really tell because I didn't know what was going to happen. I had no idea what would happen to her or to me. I stayed up after she'd gone into the home because she asked me to because she felt scared. When she passed over I was seriously ill myself though didn't realise it. Though I was pretty much falling apart ... literally.
My solicitor will deal with selling this place when I'm well enough and I'll move back.
Hopefully I'll be able to go to a couple more meetings before I go back. Was going to try to go last night but decided against it in the end. Someone here said that it was much too cold for me to go out and they were right ... I was much too tired too. Was almost asleep on the couch later on.
The things I'll be doing with people here can all be sorted over the net. Doesn't mean I won't see them again ... but it's going to be a bit difficult for me to travel .. at least for a while. Should be fun though ... and I'm looking forward to doing it. Woo hoo!!!!!! Have to admit that I haven't been reading and learning but I will.
I'm going to try to potter out again. It's difficult to walk but I'm up for trying. I have mum's stick. It almost went AWOL in hospital when someone with memory loss thought it was hers. Hers was the nice new one ... mine was the one about 15/20 years old but she didn't know it. Still we managed to sort that out and she left with hers and me with mine.
I'm very grateful for that stick ... it is just the right height. You'd think I would need a smaller one but that one's so comfortable. The woman's one in hospital was shorter and you'd've thought it would be more comfortable for me than the one I have .. I thought it would be .. but, no, this one is exactly the right size for me both in height and the size of the handle. Lucky we both got our sticks back because I guess she'd've been uncomfortable with mum's old one too.
I say mum's stick ... actually it was dads but mum could have used it when she was ill too .... but ... she wouldn't. Now, it's mine and as I said exactly the right size. There's another slightly taller one here too which isn't a bad fit but this is the most comfortable to use. The woman in hospital is taller than me and you'd've thought because of that she'd need a longer stick but she didn't. I noticed that she walked with it a slightly different way than I do with mine and that must be the reason. She had to use it in a slightly different way to assist her walking. It makes a lot of difference using the right size. A lot.
I'm very grateful that I have the right size stick. Not quite sure why dad had two. Don't know if he needed two of different sizes to get around when he could still walk or if he only used one but needed a different size during the years. Anyway .. the smaller one is just my size. If I'd had to go and buy one I couldn't've done better.
Mum thought for some reason that it wasn't good to use a stick and to be honest she did manage to get round without one even when she was so bent over her head was almost touching her knees.
I guess she'd've used it if she'd not been able to walk without it.
Right ... for me .. a bit more pain relief .. then I'll try again. I guess I should get a trolley really .. it'll mean I have more to support myself with and won't have to carry anything. On the other hand walking like this helps me exercise and pulls my muscles out and helps them work which is good too.
Difficult to decide what to do.
I gave another of me books away yesterday evening. Said it could go to the little library at her place if she didn't want it after she'd finished reading it. The other will go to the chapel at the hospital. Then I'll make little booklets and illustrate them for friends as I said in the beginning.
Seems a lot of people have their stories to tell. I'll never get to hear many I guess though I'll always like to stay in touch with people who have an interest in such things. I'd like to meet the author of the books one day I guess. Maybe I will ... maybe I won't. It doesn't matter really but I'd like to talk to him. I'm still interested and curious. But it doesn't matter because most people have a story to tell either from their own experience or from someone close to them. And, in my opinion, that's how it should be .. because then they know they can rely on it.
I've told people my experiences when I've known them a while or they've brought the subject up or responded to something I've said in a way that's let me know that they're really interested ... generally I've found that they have something similar to tell me in return.
Mine are pretty run of the mill I guess. Generally reassuring rather than anything else. More in line with book than some of these very dramatic things you get to hear about. The people I've spoken to have found the same, Scarey only because they're not something I would've been expecting .. because I was so cynical about things like this ... no more though. I also think, as I've said before, that there's nothing strange about it really if you think about how strange anything existing at all is. T'ain't nothing in comparrison.
I wish I had taken a bit more notice of things people told me earlier on though .. but at least I didn't forget. It's strange .... but, maybe not, that other people's starting off along this line has been almost the same as mine. You know, back when I was around 35 and it just bugged me out and I said no thankyou very much ... or something alomng those lines!!!! I was just scared though. Can't say I wasn't this time but this time I was interested too.
Guess I might get in touch with Arthur Koestler's lot. There are other people too. Still that will come in time. There's always the chance that I'll lose interest. I don't think or talk about it anywhere near as much as I used to though I love hearing about other people's experiences ... but it wouldn't worry me if I never read or heard about anything connected to it all again ... though I know that won't happen. But I've gone past the totally flabbergasted phase. Think I was affected more than most people because I was such a cynic. Most people tend to keep their experiences within families and friendships I think .. or even to themselves .. I was just to astounded to.
Maybe it's best that way. I think those books have helped me too. But .. I don't know how I'd've related to them without the help of other people I know who I've spoken to.
It's very nice to have one of the books though to potter through now and then though. He says he hopes writing them has helped people. Think it has u know!!!!!
Right ......... off out .......... soon
Still that's life. People ask if I'd've given up my time for her if I knew what was going to happen to my health. Can't really tell because I didn't know what was going to happen. I had no idea what would happen to her or to me. I stayed up after she'd gone into the home because she asked me to because she felt scared. When she passed over I was seriously ill myself though didn't realise it. Though I was pretty much falling apart ... literally.
My solicitor will deal with selling this place when I'm well enough and I'll move back.
Hopefully I'll be able to go to a couple more meetings before I go back. Was going to try to go last night but decided against it in the end. Someone here said that it was much too cold for me to go out and they were right ... I was much too tired too. Was almost asleep on the couch later on.
The things I'll be doing with people here can all be sorted over the net. Doesn't mean I won't see them again ... but it's going to be a bit difficult for me to travel .. at least for a while. Should be fun though ... and I'm looking forward to doing it. Woo hoo!!!!!! Have to admit that I haven't been reading and learning but I will.
I'm going to try to potter out again. It's difficult to walk but I'm up for trying. I have mum's stick. It almost went AWOL in hospital when someone with memory loss thought it was hers. Hers was the nice new one ... mine was the one about 15/20 years old but she didn't know it. Still we managed to sort that out and she left with hers and me with mine.
I'm very grateful for that stick ... it is just the right height. You'd think I would need a smaller one but that one's so comfortable. The woman's one in hospital was shorter and you'd've thought it would be more comfortable for me than the one I have .. I thought it would be .. but, no, this one is exactly the right size for me both in height and the size of the handle. Lucky we both got our sticks back because I guess she'd've been uncomfortable with mum's old one too.
I say mum's stick ... actually it was dads but mum could have used it when she was ill too .... but ... she wouldn't. Now, it's mine and as I said exactly the right size. There's another slightly taller one here too which isn't a bad fit but this is the most comfortable to use. The woman in hospital is taller than me and you'd've thought because of that she'd need a longer stick but she didn't. I noticed that she walked with it a slightly different way than I do with mine and that must be the reason. She had to use it in a slightly different way to assist her walking. It makes a lot of difference using the right size. A lot.
I'm very grateful that I have the right size stick. Not quite sure why dad had two. Don't know if he needed two of different sizes to get around when he could still walk or if he only used one but needed a different size during the years. Anyway .. the smaller one is just my size. If I'd had to go and buy one I couldn't've done better.
Mum thought for some reason that it wasn't good to use a stick and to be honest she did manage to get round without one even when she was so bent over her head was almost touching her knees.
I guess she'd've used it if she'd not been able to walk without it.
Right ... for me .. a bit more pain relief .. then I'll try again. I guess I should get a trolley really .. it'll mean I have more to support myself with and won't have to carry anything. On the other hand walking like this helps me exercise and pulls my muscles out and helps them work which is good too.
Difficult to decide what to do.
I gave another of me books away yesterday evening. Said it could go to the little library at her place if she didn't want it after she'd finished reading it. The other will go to the chapel at the hospital. Then I'll make little booklets and illustrate them for friends as I said in the beginning.
Seems a lot of people have their stories to tell. I'll never get to hear many I guess though I'll always like to stay in touch with people who have an interest in such things. I'd like to meet the author of the books one day I guess. Maybe I will ... maybe I won't. It doesn't matter really but I'd like to talk to him. I'm still interested and curious. But it doesn't matter because most people have a story to tell either from their own experience or from someone close to them. And, in my opinion, that's how it should be .. because then they know they can rely on it.
I've told people my experiences when I've known them a while or they've brought the subject up or responded to something I've said in a way that's let me know that they're really interested ... generally I've found that they have something similar to tell me in return.
Mine are pretty run of the mill I guess. Generally reassuring rather than anything else. More in line with book than some of these very dramatic things you get to hear about. The people I've spoken to have found the same, Scarey only because they're not something I would've been expecting .. because I was so cynical about things like this ... no more though. I also think, as I've said before, that there's nothing strange about it really if you think about how strange anything existing at all is. T'ain't nothing in comparrison.
I wish I had taken a bit more notice of things people told me earlier on though .. but at least I didn't forget. It's strange .... but, maybe not, that other people's starting off along this line has been almost the same as mine. You know, back when I was around 35 and it just bugged me out and I said no thankyou very much ... or something alomng those lines!!!! I was just scared though. Can't say I wasn't this time but this time I was interested too.
Guess I might get in touch with Arthur Koestler's lot. There are other people too. Still that will come in time. There's always the chance that I'll lose interest. I don't think or talk about it anywhere near as much as I used to though I love hearing about other people's experiences ... but it wouldn't worry me if I never read or heard about anything connected to it all again ... though I know that won't happen. But I've gone past the totally flabbergasted phase. Think I was affected more than most people because I was such a cynic. Most people tend to keep their experiences within families and friendships I think .. or even to themselves .. I was just to astounded to.
Maybe it's best that way. I think those books have helped me too. But .. I don't know how I'd've related to them without the help of other people I know who I've spoken to.
It's very nice to have one of the books though to potter through now and then though. He says he hopes writing them has helped people. Think it has u know!!!!!
Right ......... off out .......... soon
posted by Zeb at 6:15 AM
<< Home