.....

I woke up (to get up) around eightish this morning which wasn't too bad. Had obviously been going over yesterday in my mind while asleep .. cause I was thinking about Gordon Smith/Colin Fry when I woke. I would like to have bought a ticket .. though doubt if I'll be here in August to be honest and really don't now if I'd be well enough to travel a long distance that I don't need to. Someone else could have had it though if I couldn't've used it.

I guess the woman who mentioned the magician didn't have any personal experiences nor had she spoken about this to people she knows and trusts who have. I haven't read what he says but I guess it's about body language and phishing.

I'm grateful that these people are out there to compare things with. But on an everyday level I still think that you should talk to people you trust about things like this. I would like to talk to the woman I know .. because I want to clarify something. I'm actually in a bit of a quandry about something .. though I know from someone else that I've spoken to that what I feel is what someone else feels .. and I know that this person was being honest with me.

Well, I almost decided to leave me bone sparing pill to tomorrow as I wanted me pain relief this morning but then decided to stick it out as I should. The lady in the flat opposite me says her pain is always worse in the morning .. I guess because there's been little or no pain relief during the night. I have it there for the night in the form of oramorph if I've been careful during the day .. but there's been no ibuprofen .. I generally only take two doses of that cause I want to watch me tum and I take me tummy lining pill in the morning so quite a lot of time has passed since I had the protection from that and there's been no paracetamol since 10ish. Also I guess you get a bit stiff over night not moving around much. During the day you're medicating the pain away so the morning and the night .. if you wake up .. can be difficult especially if most of the pain is on moving.

I did about five minutes meditation while waiting .. and was ok .. concentrated on my mantra .. a few thoughts drifted across me mind but I just carried on concentrating on me mantra.

Today I will listen to music .. I'd noticed while in Head that the music was starting to get through to me again. I don't hear as well as I used to .. sometimes it's like words just aren't so clear .. especially if I'm moving. Seems better if music is attached though.

I know what I'm gonna say today too .. seen the problem discussed enough on the bag one way or another .. I often give me own opinions as I'm reading through that .. if what's being discussed really gets to me .. don't post no more though .. the board is just so big. Though I know some people there post on that and other boards. I suppose you really have to limit which forums you read .. possibly only reading a few threads too if you look in quite a few of the forums. There's always people saying what I feel anyway .. so I don't have to add me own voice really. It's usually the general concensus too so I'm only adding to the general opinion.

Last night made me aware that I really do need to decide what to do. Today I'll go and pick up some literature to read so I now all the ins and outs as far as I'm concerned. It is such a difficult decision to make. I'm talking about it with people too.

I've got quite a lot to do today really.