Still very good friends

Been talking ... e mailing ... It's so difficult .. obviously I'd like to say that everything would be great if I moved in at some point .. and maybe things will be.


But it has to be just as friends. Obviously with the amount of morphine/steroids/steroid sparing drugs I'm taking I don't even think of things like that anymore .. totally erased from my mind. Which is interesting from a medical point of view I guess. The illness makes a physical relationship totally impossible and the medication ... huge doses of pain relief and the steroids and steroid sparing pills ... makes sure you never think about it anyway .. unless it's as one of the reasons not to move in. It's kind of interesting I guess. Obviously I don't know quite what has done this .. it's a total erasing .. which with this illness is fine. One goes well with the other but needs talking about in a relationship.

But then as friends ... I can't do much .. won't be able to travel long distances for a long time .. if ever .. which kinda makes things difficult .. London is as far as I can look now. I'm looking for a place I can be looked after in for a while until I see if I can feel a little better. So, possibly a while before I know what could be for the future. Will have to see. I'm ok and understand that living together as friends'll be ok though I still wonder if it's easier to think about than actually put into practice.

Even now the mornings can be quite tough and I really won't be able to do much more than go out for a mug of hot chocolate here and there. Can't even eat much .. would have to order child size portions and then take twice as long to eat as other people.