Today

Maybe it was just a little run of coincidence yesterday but I'm glad they happened because today was difficult healthwise and it helped me to remember everything else and made me realise that it's ok .. however hard it can be sometimes.


I know of someone who's in so much pain that he's finding it very difficult day to day .. though he refuses to have a wheelchair and will only use sticks or crutches to get around .. he needs hip and knee replacements. He may have lupus .. it often seems to take a long time to diagnose that illness it appears .. there was someone in hospital with me who they initially thought had develped it but now they're not sure. I know a friend of hers and I'm told that the woman I was in hospital with isn't too well again which is a shame. She was planning on being back at work soon. I think that maybe she was already overdoing it a bit. Anyway hope she'll soon be feeling better.


Walked up to the meeting this evening though it wasn't easy .. was asked if I needed help but I was ok .. got there after it was over .. it had finished early as the original guest couldn't make it so someone else stepped in but couldn't stay for too long. Went for healing. A friend was having healing and she said she thought I wasn't going to be there this evening so sent up a little prayer for me as she was in the healing room .. then heard my voice as she was doing it.


Late as ever .. huh!!!!! Wanted to be there but hadn't felt like going earlier on cause of the pain but then decided to see if I could make it .. and I did with quite a few stops along the way.




There seems to be a warmth in my body that wasn't there before I went this evening .. probably developing another cold. Mustn't joke about it really. It might be with my myscles starting to relax again that the blood flow is better than it was. I could really feel the change in my breathing this morning .. though there as a lot of pain .. and I hadn't taken me bone sparing pill or the oramorph to the bedroom with me last night so had to get up without having taken any morphine. It's amazing how many people take the bone sparing tablets .. when you spea about them there's almost a chorus of ".. and you take them up half and hour before food and you must sit up". Yup!!!! That's how it is.


The healer gave me hugs as well. I thought that I could've done with a massage to get my circulation going better and to just try to ease some of the pain. I understand why it meant so much to mum now and I was very glad that I'd learnt how to .. it must've made such a difference to her and I know how much she looked forward to it. Didn't understand so much at the time though I knew it was one of the things she really looked forward to. Maybe lter huh. I can massage my own shoulders and it does make a difference .. changes the rate of my breathing at the moment .. don't know what that's all about.


There were quite a few people having healing this evening .. of all ages. As I've said before .. it's not just about physical healing but a healing of the spirit too .. all healing is .. but so many people seem to think that it must only be physical.


Gosh I felt a lot of heat in my right side then where a lot of the pain has been today. It looks as if most of the pain must be in my lungs cause of the breathing changes .. but it's often not. I'm finding it hard to believe that these chnges are happening. It would've been very difficult indeed if they hadn't.


Don't know what will get me in the end .. possibly skin cancer because my skin is so flimsy now. It could've been my reaction to some of the medication. I have spent time in the tropics though and a lot of time outdoors in my time so I think maybe it will be that. Mum had skin cancer as well as her other illnesses.


Yup .. I'm very grateful for yesterday .. a little coincidence maybe but it did remind me. She seemed to get her little prayer for help in working something out answered pretty strongly I must say!!!! lol!!!! It's something that hs been on her mind for a long time .. hope she does sort it out .. but that is up to her really. I was grateful to have her get off the bus with her new literature and tell me all about it .. made today a lot easier. For her I know accepting something might not be what she wants but it'd be better if she could.



Well, without the pain it would have been a nice day. I was a bit worried about some of my friends .. a bit worried that maybe they didn't care for me as much as I hoped .. totally needlessly. I guess I'm still a bit on edge cause of the friend who disappeared a couple of weeks ago because of her drinking and some of the things it had caused. I realise that the booze is more important than the friendships she had. Still it's not relevant anywhere else. She is very ill. I've decided not to say anything much to other people who knew her .. she confided a lot in me and I've come to realise that she was telling the truth when she said that I was the only person she did confide in out of the family .. so what she told me will stay that way .. with me. I was pretty much the new girl and found it dificult to understand that she was telling me loads that she wasn't other friends who she'd known a lot longer. None of them now about my blogs including her and we live all over the world. It seems that the only thing that ws common knowledge was the drinking and that she'd been rather erratic lately. And that is how it will stay.

I find it difficult to know that she won't ever be back in my life .. or it's very unlikely that she will. She's not ready to change her life and it looks very likely that it'll be too late by the time anything happens to make a difference. I didn't ask about absent healing but I will. I will ask about that .. sort it out .. and then put her out of my mind.