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Back just to say that I'm off to sleep. Been thinking a lot tonight and wished that I'd kept a diary of everything that happened through spirit .. don't know why I didn't .. seems absolutely silly now. Was thinking of the good things that have come through it .. I've enjoyed searcching and exploring and talking to people .. love how it's changed my perception of life and how it's made this illness soooooooooooooooo much easier to cope with ... I didn't have to go through any fear .. well, the pain isn't nice .. but there's no fear of dying .. doesn't phaze me at all .. I don't think I view things quite the way people who've had NDEs do .. seeing J's happy face makes me know that my experiences are not the same. With me it's like the experiences have been answering questions .. but staying totally in this world.

I'm glad I found myelf where I did .. through a series of strange coincidences .. and went to investigate just before my illness became apparent .. I could have walked away but I was just phazed .. if I hadn't things would've been very different I think.

Synchronicity .. huh!!!

I hope when I'm back there'll be lots more to hear. I was saying to someone the other day that I thought drink and drugs probably affect peoples knowledge too cause they can never really be clear about a lot of their lives if they over induldge so to speak or do certain drugs. Someone I know is not clear about one OBE .. whether it was a drug induced vision or whether it actually happened .. though he nows for sure that one was real.

I'm going to do two booklets for people here based on the one I started for my brother. I will write about my own experiences and those of other people who I trust. I've only been had someone once not tell me how thingsactually were .. I may be wrong here and she may not have been confused but I think she was relating someone elses experience .. and they were telling the truth.

She was pissed at the time ofcourse.

She didn't used to lie to me at all. Maybe it's just another strange coincidence. Why should she just lie to me about that I used to wish that she wouldn't be quite so open at times.


I doubt that she was intentionally lying ..I mean she just didn't lie to me .. I got the full unabridged version of her life. She didn't hide her drinking from me .. nothing. She got muddled at times though and she was relating something that had happened to her partner and maybe she got the two things muddled up.

I did know that this had happened but knew it had happened to someone else.

Maybe it really did happen to her partner .. I believe that something did, but, I think, and I may be wrong, that she just got befuddled that night when she was telling me about it and got confused and mixed the two incidents up.

That's what I mean by booze and other drugs clouding your interpretation of things. It must be difficult to look back when something strange, for want of a better word, has happened and be sure about it.

I think sometimes people push things away too .. like I did in my thirties .. nothing like that had happened before in my life .. and after I'd asked for it to stop happening .. it didn't happen again for a long time. It was very apparent by the fact that nothing so obvious had happened before and then didn't again til a few years ago. I've met two other people who's experiences have started off the way mine did .. much to my surprize .. so not very unique at all.

I was told by someone who new a lot about these things how things would progress this time and she was totally right .. so it's not unusual .. and I've also now read something that points to that being true too by someone who was researching it.

But, yeah, it's been brilliant. I said I was scared this time .. well, not much. One thing got me but that was all .. and after that I was fine. Spirit is just proof and that is nothing to be scared of .. it'll come in different ways.

I think, apart from clouding your perception with mind altering drugs, that you can stop them but your attitude .. though they do happen to sceptics too as I've found out ... but, I've an idea that these sceptics don't have closed minds and that they are like I used to be sceptical but not closed.

Anyway, I hope it continues .. or, if it doesn't .. maybe I've had my lessons now, that I have other people to talk to who can tell me more. Ofcourse, I'd like to now everyone's experiences along these lines .. I've told people a few of mine over the net on the boards and blogging etc .. more than I've had tell me things . hope that I will get to hear many more .. maybe when I join in more with some of the net people and get to know them better .. and, ofcourse, when I've moved. Will be talking again and there are lots of different places to go.

I was told a story last week but it was just a"feeling" one again. A lot of the stories round here seem to be like that .. it may be that I just don't understand that because it's never happened to me .. this time the person who had the feelings was very convinced as apparently he ran out of the building saying he'd never go back .. and he'd only been delivering something!!!!!!!!

I feel very comfortable with my experiences now. Makes sense to me. I would like to know more. I would like to now how this all started .. how there can be anywhere at all .. just the question about there being something for universes and galaxies to be in for it all to have unfolded in is so amazing. But, ofcourse, I'm not going to .. it'd be too much for my brain to understand I reckon anyway .. point zero is a strange concept. I'd like to know what the point of being here is. I do believe from my experiences that there is a point rather than it just being a muddle through but that it's difficult to grasp until you reach a certain age because your mind isn't really prepared to be focused on such things til later in most cases .. not all .. but wordly problems are the most important early on and tend to block out other feelings and senses to a great degree for a lot of people. I know I'm a lot different now in my acceptance and approach to these things.

I've cut back on my dairy produce a lot .. but not completely .. I waseating a lot of dairy yogurt before but have cut down on that a lot and have replaced most of it with vegan food again .. but, not all. I've never really got used to having dairy produce for food again .. apart from a couple of flavours of ice creams and milky drinks haven't really liked it much .. actually found a sandwich difficult to eat the other day because I was finding the taste and texture really strange and to be honest, yukky. It was then that I decided to eat more veggie things again. I have my soya milk for my porridge and I'll start working other things out again too.

Anyway .. off to bed now.

Let's see how things are when I get up. I'm still puffy round ribcage and tummy .. there's still a feeling of greater pressure there than usual .. but let's hope that will ease while I'm sleeping and that this time my cold won't've landed me in hospital. Still not out of the woods yet though .. but, fingers crossed. My mouth has been so much better over night .. slough (pronounced sluff) wise for the past three nights.

Doesn't mean that I'm not going to end up in hospital again though .. I usually do .. and last time it took three or four days of sneezing before things got so bad that I needed ambulance.

Anyway .. off to bed. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz