Gud night again

Still haven't put the lettering back on me keyboard which means I end up having to correct a bit here and there as I'm going along .. cause these days I type with one finger looking at the keyboard!!!! lol!!! Don't know if I'd get it right if I typed using both hands or not.


Did get to bed earlier last night .. though went to sleep rather than read me new book. I guess part of the reason I'm not diving into the book like I once would have is that I feel I've probably read or heard about most of what's in it before .. well, not his experiences exactly .. but things very like them.


And these days I prefer to rely on my own or people's close to me .. best way as I've always said. I know my own are true and I have other people in my life I can trust too. And that's the best way to be.


At the moment I'm feeling very sorry for the Friday woman .. someone who thought that you could manipulate spirit and that it made her special ..and who started playing games .. and unfortunately now has had a lot of thinking to do .. will have scared her .. either breaking her belief, or, like my mum was just before she passed over, scared of what spirit would think of her. Or God as she put it. Actually someone who knows her well did say that everything's always about her .. and this was more or less true from where I was standing .. but as I'd said before we seem to run it through our own beliefs and morals .. and .. er ..



I got a lot out of it .. apart from being sad at the end result for her. Blimey ....!!!!! She must be feeling like crap now in some ways where she could have been feeling quite different. Though it's probably not a total wash out for herbut very different from what it could've been. Did sadden me some. I'd been feeling rather ill in the previous few weeks too and it could've been a nice experience altogether. She really won't know quite what to think now .. as I said it could've broken her belief or, more likely, she's kept it but now is a bit scared .. if it's broken through her self importance .. which she would talk about too .. lol really I guess .. because of the way she behaved. Nothing .. absolutely nothing ,, unless I really put myself out .. that I can do about it.



It did make or seem as if the thing about running everything spiritual through your own beliefs and morals for your interpretation of spirit is right though. Fits in again. I have a hard time with it all cause I really want it to be more tangeable.


Well, I'm scared in a different way .. cause I can't imagine quite what it'd be like. I know something's been going on .. and this is what it points to .. second time round seemed to centre round mum's passing .. the first time, round two friends. Though I cab't quite date it .. though I knew it was after because if it had been before I would definitely have talked about it with one cause her family had been interested for a long time. At least her grandparents on one side had been. My attitude then was that id it was comforting for her then that was fine by me but it wasn't what I believed. I revised my ideas sometime after she passed over .. at 35 from a brain haemorrage. Long story.


But then went back to my old way of thinking .. then a few things happened and I went off to search in the pagan world .. but nothing happened so left believing , somehow .. that it had just been a fluke. Then things started happening again once mum was in the home shortly before she passed .. and now I have to believe .. no one else does .. go by your own experiences and those of people you know and trust. I think u have to put quite a lot in to get a lot back too .. in acceptance and soul searching happenings. I think, in the end, it can make u a lot happier.


I still push it away to a certain extent cause I find it difficult to come to terms with mixed up with the cruelty of this world. It baffles me.

Right .. going to put the kettle on .. have done .. going to bed early tonight again .. probably won't read my book .. or just a little if I do. Who knows what's in it, huh. I don't know anything about mediumship personally .. never had a message or anything like that .. but I don't disbelieve totally in it. If spirit's there then it's certainly not an impossibility at all. I can't disbelieve in spirit anymore .. but do still wonder if it could all be some kind of fluke .. but .. to be honest that is rather pushing things .. lol at myself a bit.

I know it's real .. can't even say why not potter round earlier .. because it did .. think I wtote about what happened .. I came busting throung the front door, burst into tears said f off universe .. and that was that .. must've decided that I knew what I was talking about and meant what I said!!! lol!!!

As if!

I've met one other, no, sorry, two other people, whose experiences started off much the same as mine .. neither of them reacted the way I did. Both were very near the beginning of whatever was happening and I didn't stay in touch so I don't know what happened later.

I guess .. it is very unlikely that all this could have just happened .. but this is what I don't get .. why is this planet so cruel .. eh .. surely we don't need that to grow .. especially as from what I've experienced love is what's considered a priority.

Still there you go.



I doubt if I'll make it through the coming panademic .. most people will in this country I would imagine. Very fortunate that the country was getting prepared for an outbreak of bird flu and also very fortunate that the method of producing one chemical needed for an anti viral drug has changed from a long drawn out process that took about a year to complete to one from another source that's much quicker and makes producing the drug much easier. I'm surprized about the masks though .. I'm sure I remember them saying that they were going to stock pile those back when I first started blogging about bird flu and global warming and the scientific processes .. and political ones too .. behind it all. Before I became ill.

Anyway .. guess they're seeing to it now.

Right, computer off .. I'm not staying up to the early hours anymore. Read my books .. meditate .. sleep .. rest .. whatever .. but no more sitting up here.

Dunno if it's really worth getting down to me languages .. but why not .. huh!!!