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Well, I almost did what I set myself to do today .. not quite though. I'm tired. I might've mislaid my new friends phone number too and I promised to phone her about Friday. Had it this afternoon just can't remember where I put it down .. but I expect I'll find it .. just a bit too tired to go and look now.

The talk, though short, on Sunday, was interesting and touched on one of my questions. She was very honest and I would've liked to ask her questions .. but then I felt that it might be imposing on her privacy so I left it. I feel the opposite of what I used to .. once very skeptical andnow finding it hard to feel the skepticism .. cause it isn't there anymore .. lol. I find myself trying to slip back into me old ways but subconsciously there's now a soft carpet of subconscious acceptance which, though continuously questioned, won't go away because it just seems really silly to dismiss it.

I have been questioning lots of things though .. my own experiences are there for me and those from people I trust and the other way round. Have just found the address of someone I met in hospital who I meant to keep in touch with but lost touch through both of us being ill. Will contact her when I've settled back in after moving. I want to make a few notebooks like the one I started for my brother for a couple of people I know but I'm just too tired at the moment. Infact so tired I'm going to turn in soon.

Really that's all I have to go on .. and the same for everyone .. just ourselves and those close to us at one time or another that we know we can trust .. and, for me, at least, some people than we can relate to for some reason or another. I'm glad that I was accepting this time.

I do think ..wow .. all those people sometimes .. and wish I could hear some more peoples .. but guess that I will have to be content with what I've been shown. As I've said they've provided a knowing place in my subconscious that seems permanent .. though for some reason in my fever the last time I was in hospital I was busy trying to reject it all again .. don't think it really did go .. because the fear wasn't there .. just that the memories were rather lost in trying to cope with the pain. And I am generally questioning on a conscious level.

Going to eat half my sarnie now and that's it for the night ... yawn .. I really am tired. I'm pleased with myself for carrying on sorting out .. obviously I had to stop while I was having problems because of the cold .. it's good exercise for me and I'm so amazed that I can do it. Think I'll be able to travel now without causing more problems cause of my illnesses.