......................

It is difficult .. maybe it'll be a few days or so before things are better .. anyway he was still a bit muddled yesterday so we'll see. Should have gone to the doc .

Was just thinking of Dr Wei last time I saw him in A and E. There I was thinking why is this man asking all these questions when I'm feeling so ill. Why don't they just help but ofcourse they have to find out what is happening because it might not be anything to do with my illness that they are used to seeing.

Last time I ended up in resuscitation because they thought I might have a heart attack didn't but had three days having to have everything done for me because I could hardly move .. amazing how the nurses worked .. had someone with me most of the time for the first day on the ward doing obs and just keeping things ticking over .. such hard work.

Guess you can kind of think that it could be easier to tell what you're feeling than it actually is. Though they are trying to work out if you have certain conditions.

Anyway to me a headache is a headache .. though could be very bad .. but add a bit of a fever.

Well

Headache's gone .. but I can't really tell just how things are .. but they certainly look better this morning.

Seems to be over it anyway .. but not sure what the fever has left behind.

Suppose it kinda shows you how difficult it can be for doctors trying to understand what someone else is feeling.

Seems a lot better anyway.

Um

Seems better but I'm not sure. Must've had quite a temperature I guess. Once before .. will do some reading on the net .. not quite sure what to do over all though .. seems a very difficult situation.

Er ...........

Not til about three days ago and then it didn't really sink in til yesterday morning. Now that it has guess it's my new comfort blanket!! Suppose I should've taken a bit more notice to begin with.

Anyway .. there you go.

Well, can't see how they could ... but .. I am probably wrong .. in general .. going by experience

So difficult to see how though whatever way you look at it.

Anyway .. sunny day again .. yesterday I had an appointment at the hospital .. am back on the Cellcept and waiting for some treatment to be sorted out .. it's going to take a while though. Now I've got to see about trying to sort the rest out.

And as for what I was told on the phone last night .. guess things are much the same. Was a bit surprised among other things .. but I guess to have expected anything else would've been rather silly. Guess TJ and I could be like twins .. yeah .. well, they kinda have really haven't they. Maybe identical plaques in the town halls celebrating all the hard work she did to achieve this.

Not everyone's cup of tea certainly but there you go.

Morning

Latest favourite piece of new music

http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Wildbirds_and_Peacedrums

Not recorded it for anyone yet.

Don't know

And .. yeah .. I just don't know .. I just don't know. All I can say is that it can be very difficult to tell just what's going on when someone else isn't feeling well.

There are obviously headaches and Headaches and HEADACHES.

...................

No .. didn't really spend all that much time thinking about it .. did test out one thing .. and still no joy .. can't work it out at all. Though I'm happy to think that later I was very riled up and'll just leave that.

And yeah .. if I'd ignored it people would've said I was stupid too.

Anyway .. hope to get the pain meds sorted out .. want to ask about the gabepentin too .. can't remember it being that effective but apparently, it can take a while to reach it's full strength .. as can the amitriptyline which had helped quickly for me .. suppose it depends on what it's needed for .. but it also made me feel a bit ill .. but someone has said that maybe I just needed to get used to it.

I'll ask if I can give it another try at a much lower dose.

I'm not asking that all my pain will go but I am hoping for a reasonable reduction through the meds that are available now .. and hoping that other things will still be on track.

Health problems

Perhaps you do all think I'm totally off my head .. all I can say is that someone here needs some treatment.


And that is the truth.

Tuesday

Searching again .. looking for a link. The site for people getting together to play music together .. or one of them. The one with the woman with the lovely voice.

I hoped I might've saved a link to her perhaps in capitals or something that might have easily let me recognise it easily but I haven't .. think I've found it though .. just got to find her now.

Must've done a Google search for that sort of site I guess as I've saved links to two different sites that are that kind of music communities.

Also decided to join somewhere that other people have spoken about .. within 24 hours of deciding I was too ill and too old.

Bit late really .. but there you go.

So

Guess some people don't have a very good grip on reality.

Hippies

http://www.jamendo.com/en/album/63039

Live in forrests.

So boring

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

http://www.jamendo.com/en/album/4219

All sounds the same.

Etc

Well, no, ofcourse not .. did I really say that!!! I was really born in a blackberry thicket in the Arctic circle.

Arctic circle .. Battersea?

Maybe my aunt was a giraffe.

Oh, sorry, that would be Australia, wouldn't it.

.....................................

About four days. But it had been going on for longer than that .. remember the people with the supposedly x ray eyes that could see into my woven bag. Couple of other things too.

And the club with the apparently strange door policy .. would've been a very strange club all round. I mean can you imagine it .. oramorph!!!!!!

Fortunately I have points of reference that let me know I haven't lost it completely.

Monday

After today .. well, the last few days I think I'll be looking for somewhere else to live. Where I recognise my own life for a start and so do other people.

Sunday

OIH



http://voices.mysanantonio.com/mt/mt-search.cgi?IncludeBlogs=165&tag=opiate-induced%20hyperalgesia&limit=20



Will definitely ask about trying the amitriptyline again.

And, strangely, this has led me to Vit D. Seems that a deficiency can cause pain but, ofcourse people are worried about being in the sun now. You don't need to be in the sun for long to top up during the summer

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/08/03/vitamin.d.children/index.html


http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Vitamin-D-Deficiency.htm


http://newsblog.mayoclinic.org/2009/03/20/mayo-clinic-researchers-link-vitamin-d-and-chronic-pain-relief/


http://www.emaxhealth.com/1020/83/32596/ten-health-risks-low-vitamin-d-levels.html

............

Feeling a bit coldy which is causing extra aches and pains. I'll be glad when they start sorting out my pain relief again. Someone visited me from the chronic pain relief team while I was in hospital this time but I was discharged before anything was decided!!!!

They reduced what I was taking by loafs when I was in around March because apparently taking loads of opiates has a kick back effect and causes extra pain so I was taken off nearly all of it. Fortunately there was very little withdrawal .. this might be because when a person is in lots of pain the morphine gets eaten up by the pain .. but I don't really know so that's just guess work.

I was allergic to something else they hoped would help and wasn't too good with something else which is usually used as an antidepressant but also helps with nerve pain .. say if nerves are crushed or something like that. I hope to try it at a lower dose which would be really tiny.because it did work before but made me feel ill. Maybe I should've tried for a bit longer.

Suppose I can get on the phone on Monday.

saturday

Not a good day to put it mildly. Someone up on the roof across the road who was mirroring my moves when I looked out of the window a lot of the time by moving out of sight when I looked out.



Then I had people here who wouldn't believe me .. so, after one of them had said how logical my reasoning was I asked if everything else I said was so logical why on earth would I be imagining this. Have to say I did almost let myself be talked out of it for some reason or other for some bizarre reason.



There'd been a little bit more verbal crap earlier on and I lost my temper eventually.

Well, yeah .. it does happen occasionally!!

Going back to the other stuff I have to say that, unsurprisingly, there was this big rush of zero people!!!

Anyway .. was rather sniffley this morning but it seems to have worn off now.

..................

Anyway .. whatever.

................

Yeah .. I've been told that other people generally haven't been taken in by all that shit and like and appreciate the blogs.

The forest was apparently downsized to a wood a couple of weeks ago to make it sound a bit more believable!!!! Must've mislaid a few of my trees eh. I would really like to know how I lived in this forrest/wood. Up a tree maybe and how I managed to use the net from it.

Etc.

???

Yeah .. totally. Not my problem though, is it .. they can read.

Huh

Well, got it together to tell more people about what had been going on and why today. Couldn't really put it into order in my head last night and it didn't really seem to make sense .. very different this morning though.

Yeah .. totally round the bend .. but there you go.

Still planning on leaving though I'm being well looked after and having the physical problems in the illness looked after. I think yuck .. he just takes it in his stride. There is no way I could've been a nurse.

Marriage

I don't listen to the radio now .. haven't for years .. I'm almost 60 years old .. which reminds me .. we've been married 40 years this summer .. couple of break ups .. and I thought the last would be the last a couple of months ago because we get on a lot better than we used to. Think it's probably because there's less .. well, I don't really know .. we used to get round the problems that were there .. physical problems that were the forerunner of this illness started quite early on .. but they weren't really the problem .. I think it was probably more tiredness and stress. But whatever things are so much better .. maybe we can sort something out but at the moment I'm going under with illness and tiredness,

Help?

But it seems things have changed.

No help has been an understatement.

Why

No point is there?

Didn't realise there were problems with Malcolm Mclaren, charity records and someone who worked so damn hard to change disadvantaged young peoples lives around. Things were different thirty odd years ago .. we were trying to help other people.

But there you go.

My mistake.

And if you've got yourselves in a twist about the few lines of a Pattie Smith song that was played while testing a tape out without knowing what the words to the song were, Rock amd Roll ****** or something. Well ... what can I say.

Don't know why people have believed this crap.

The last ten months have been .... for no reason at all.

Going .. going .. going .. gone

I suppose most people reading this will have got what I was saying last night even though I didn't say it in plain English.

I've had one good nights sleep and a reasonably good one since leaving hospital. Last night was another totally sleepless one .. that's two out of the last four and I got about 3 to 4 hours on the other two. Not sleeping during the day either now.

I'm not managing my pills that well either though I do get the most important ones down at sometime.

Not managing to eat and drink that well either.

A friend had suggested a way to break the monotony and get a bit of fresh air at the same time without tiring myself out but I found out yesterday that it wouldn't be possible which meant that I was going to find myself feeling as if I was suffering from cabin fever a lot of the time with no real break.

Well, if standing in my doorway for a little while waiting on a friend and talking to my brother on the phone for quarter of an hour means what it seems to here ................

Yes!!!!!!

Giving myself to the New Year to sort things out.

Meditation etc

Found some music that might be nice for meditation .. for some reason I didn't save the link so now have to trawl my way back through yesterday's history. Also found some folksy music that was nice but maybe not quite what I was thinking of .. didn't link to that either.

Also a very interesting looking Buddhist site that I'll probably go through.

Will alternate that with the language lessons and the rest.

Will put the links up later.

Thursday

Went out for a short walk .. four minutes .. rest .. four minutes back. Things have changed down the road too .. used to be a car park there, an elderberry bush and a tree that was blown down in a storm years ago. The car park is now flats.


June slept right the way through the storm and was surprised there was no electricity .. think she phoned rather than came up to find out what had happened. There'd been a hurricane over night.



http://iberianature.com/britainnature/remembering-the-great-storm-of-1987/



Longest walk since I've been back. Breathing isn't brilliant at times at the moment so that was far enough.

Was expecting a friend over to drop something off .. on another day. Well, got some fresh air while waiting for her!!!

Sadly made my mind up about something else during the evening. Had discussed it before after someone had said that I needed to get a bit more fresh air. Afraid peeps it won't be possible. And you thought it was a joke??????!!!!!!!

Creepy .. creepy .. creepy and even creepier.

So ??? Looks like it might be the best answer .. would have been ok otherwise I guess.

Also discovered that someone thinks my computer must be at least ten years old. Must be one of the kind you plug into trees too which is probably why it's still grumbling along.

Anyway phoned my brother .. not for long though as I was rather queasy and had to say that I'd call back later. Well prepared these days though as I now have two kinds of anti sickness pills. Just talked a bit about music. He'd bought a friend a Woody Guthrie CD which brought back a few memories as I used to have a Woody Guthrie song book back in the day .. think it was the most used along with the Buffy Sainte Marie one and a couple of tutors for quite a while.


Not much sleep again even with the pills but fortunately things haven't got worse. Only took the cyclizine.

Thought about Afrika and the bunch from way back when. It's said that he and the work he did saved a lot of lives. The effect could be more than just on a local level as it was through them that I became more aware of the human rights movement.

Will probably try to get some sleep during the day.

............................

About the last four days .. but it had been going on for longer .. you know .. the people with the seemingly x ray eyes who could see into my woven bag!!!!

And this weird club .. where the door policy seemed a bit strange to say the least. Such a strange place too .. where oramorph was apparently very popular.


Fortunately I have points of reference if I ever think I'm losing it completely.

Memories

Can remember what he looked like now too.

The Duke

You know I remember The Duke when it had the ex copper running it .. Dave??? John??? Used to have the Danny La Rue type nights which you could just about squeeze into. Used to be a lot of fun.

Things seem to have changed rather I must say.

Sigh

Have just spent the last hour or two reading medical stuff again and I'm getting really fed up with it. The pills I need are here from the doc .. phoned for a phone consultation this morning and spoke to her this afternoon .. but am looking through the home remedies too for a little bit of extra support.

I've already been totally confused by some of the differences in dosages with conventional medicines.

Anyway I'm now going to try a bit of extra support with home remedies.

Have a hospital appointment very soon and will discuss the whole thing then. Have to take a list of questions in with me,

We're such b*****s

Well T***** or Travis

http://www.theunbeatentrack.com/

and Malcolm and Afrika and the Zulu Nation etc

I guess we know what's what huh?

Goal posts here and there .. completely bonkers!!

And that silly President and his literacy thing .. er .. magy .. jig.

early Saturday morning

Was great to come out of hospital to this crap.

The most prejudiced blog on the net

Played a few songs from Duck Rock last night and this morning .. Buffalo Girls and Double Dutch mainly. Well, they were the main hits of the time. Think more or less everyone of around school age danced to them.


Well .. why not .. I'm a hip hop w**** .. fill in gap .. no not wombat sillies .. too many letters .. might as well live up to my reputation .. huh?!!!

Sssshhhh .. apparently I used to play hip hop all day long!! Not quite sure where .. but there you go.

But then again I was wrong if I didn't apparently too .. or something!!!

The person who told everyone this is apparently a good friend of mine .. found that out just after leaving hospital .. yes, that person again. Strange as I don't know who she is. Though I do know she's a very good friend of a lot of people round here.

Um .. wonder what they have to say about Afrika Bambaataa who did all he could to help the people back in those days and was connected to the Buffalo boys and girls.

And strange they weren't worried when the charity single was played.

Monday

Slept well but day didn't start off too well again .. but didn't get bad enough to have to go into hospital.

And .. actually went to Tesco in the late afternoon .. soup .. soup and more soup basically. Plus things like spaghetti that you can add to soup that don't take much chewing.

Slept well last night .. not so good at the moment.

Won't get fooled again

Hippies in forests .. do it yourself abortions in your fifties and very ill .. a family of gangstas .. and movable musical goalposts .. BDSM or something similar pemphigus .. we don't like her but she's our friend again .. sweet thing.

She's here .. no she's not .. yes she is .. no she's not.

She's a bloke from Warwick .. or this girl .. along with one or two other descriptions.

??????????

Hospital and back

Wasn't too sure if I was well enough to come back this Friday but things are better than they were last time though I actually felt better when I left hospital the previous time than I did this Friday. Anyway, if things move that way again I'll phone in and ask what to do. Should really have gone back in on the Saturday morning the first time because things weren't too good when I got up though they did improve during the day.

No choice by Sunday morning. Can't remember too much about it once I'd arrived at A & E which would've been around 11am I guess .. maybe earlier. Was told I was semi conscious through a lot of the time and was in the resuscitation area for a while. I've no memory of that at all .. and was eventually taken up to a ward around 1.30 early Monday morning.

Stayed there two or three days, again with some really heavy nursing going on .. was on fluids as usual ... couldn't move much by myself and couldn't eat or drink until shortly before I left for another ward. Managed a few sips of Fortisip and was able to take some meds by mouth.

Then went to another ward. Was still on fluids and not able to move all that much for a while .. though there was definitely a bit of an improvement by then. Though I was getting better .. things were still a bit of a blur.

Guess that might've been on Wednesday .. but I'm not sure as the nights and days had been running into each other. I've memories of the other patients and the staff on the first ward and one of the patients getting a nurse for me when I wasn't well enough to use my buzzer and was asking for a nurse when there couldn't've been a member of staff close enough to hear me.

Think I managed a Fortisip soon after reaching the second ward .. probably didn't eat anything but might've drank a build up soup that day. Didn't really manage to eat more than a couple of spoonfuls of anything til a couple of days before I left when I managed a Weetabix both breakfasts.

Didn't feel that good the day I left but am able to get around. Not feeling that good this morning but then I didn't sleep last night and wasn't managing my meds as well as I should. Usually very careful but could've done a bit better yesterday.

Drank a reasonable amount of water and stuck with the Fortisips ans soup and bread.

Will start the morning meds and breakfast off now.

Nancy

Down to earth and rarely complained. I knew that getting around wasn't so easy for her anymore .. though she did go down the road to feed the birds ... and that she had problems catching her breath at times but she'd hardly seemed to've changed. Still looked much the same, same voice and same sense of humour and attitude. And twinkle in her eyes.

Think I met her on my first or second day back and she made it seem as if I'd hardly been away at all.

Nancy

I heard some very sad news on Friday soon after arriving back from hospital. I was told that Nancy, who lived just down the road from here had passed over a few weeks ago. Had known her for a very long time.. she was in her 80's and had moved here from the Elephant and Castle many many years ago where her mum and dad had a pub.

I saw her just after coming back and had taken her a birthday card. She'd tripped over and injured herself some weeks ago.

Think of her feeding the birds under the bridge.

One of us often saw her in the street or out of the window and had wondered where she was.

Saturday .. and a bit of Sunday

Last of yesterday's .. as it is now .. pills downed and a bit of soup before trying to get some rest. Haven't done what I meant to today but there you go .. maybe later, hey.

My legs have felt really heavy for a few weeks ... think they were slightly better this evening .. again .. see how things go.

Ssssshhhhhhhhhh

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Track .. stars in your eyes


http://www.jamendo.com/en/track/575987

zzzzzzzz

Ssssshhhhzzzzzz J!!!!!!!!! ... or do u think those exclaimation marks are a bit too loud.

Sssshzzzzssshhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsssshhhhhhhh

zzzzzzzzzssssshhhhhhhhhh

Sigh

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A couple more weeks

Turned out that I had to go back to hospital for a couple more weeks or so as I wasn't quite well enough to leave before.