Sunday

Off to bed in a few minutes. Did potter down this evening .. was very late as usual .. but went for healing and ofcourse chatted quite a bit before being driven back.

Was a bit surprized by something the healer said but then realised that he'd overheard me talking to someone else about the problems with my medication. I already knew that healing was about healing the soul as well as the body. After all there is a natural limit to physical healing. Healing is also about acceptance as well as fighting back. I said a long time ago that I thought I had done the spiritual side thanks to spirit being obviously near and that showed when I found out about the problems with some of my medication. No shock, no upset and no anger at all.

I do have a slight cold .. sneezed this morning .. but again didn't have to go into hospital. I've felt quite sick for the past few days when I've got up and thought there was a sneeze brewing .. also been very sweaty .. and I wondered if I was going to have the sickness and spasms and end up in hospital again for a week. It wasn't feeling too promising as I thought my stomach was a bit swollen .. before I'd been sick .. add the sickness and spasms and the resulting inner damage (because of the auto immune condition) and I could see myself heading for the hospital again.

Anyway it was ok. Went out for a walk late afternoon to pick up a couple of papers .. probably the longest walk I'd been on for a long time. It was ok but I did just get back in time before slight trouble started .. bit of wind in the tummy .. not good with the swelling and the extra tenderness which went with it. Just got back in time though and had a rest til it cleared up plus a bit more then went back out again for the Sunday meeting. Had to stop quite a bit along the way but got there ok and had me lift back.

Saturday morning

I dozed a lot last night and didn't have as much sleep as I'd've liked and am tired this morning. I've been listening to someone talking about their NDE. She's very religious and is trying to explain everything through her religion which I felt limited it a lot almost as if she wasn't viewing it so much as it was but putting it through someone elses words who hadn't had the same experience. I found it strange and would have prefered to her about it just in her own words rather than through those of someone who hadn't experienced this.

The part about the hospital and what she could remember when to all extents and purposes she shouldn't have been able to have known about any of it, was interesting though. Rather like the people I know who've had NDEs. Obviously the details are different though.

I wondered if Elizabeth Kubler Ross's speaker had a NDE or an OBE. I suppose you can't say for sure though his account of what happened is much like that of the person I was listening to this morning's account of what had happened .. following the ambulance to hospital .. though her account was much more detailed. She'd been pronounced DOA .. Elizabeth Kubler Ross doesn't say that the man she had speaking at her lecture was .. just "critically injured". Judging by the way he left the hospital he didn't have any serious injuries though she describes his "totally injured" body. He hadn't described his experience as that from what I can see .. he just described what had happened and she then desribed it as a NDE .. which it might've been at one point in time along the way .. who knows. Something happened and what did fits in with what other people have experienced though different kinds of experiences in connection to things like this.

I've still got a bit of a chill. Though feeling better but tired .. been feeling a bit sickly in the mornings .. thought I had a sneeze coming this morning .. but, nothing. Hope it soon goes.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Going to drink a Fortesip then turn in. Not staying up any later tonight.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Friday morning

Well .. I think I've come across the first person who can't cope with the problem with my medication. We shall see. I got a very sulky message this morning!!!! She is not going to like the one she got back .. it's not in the slightest bit nasty but she had been jumping to conclusions and then having a sulk so I put her right. But judging by the sulkiness I don't think she's going to be too happy.

Strange thing was something very similar had happened to me that day with a new friend and my reaction had been very different. I'm glad to have the two to compare. Her reaction was all about her .. quelle surprize .. not!! And mine was the other way round .. didn't even occur to me .. but let's not go down that route!!!!!

People do act in different ways I guess .. maybe she's a plodding down Elizabeth Kubler Ross's path of grief. We shall see. Potter's off to have another look at EKR's writings about grief. The woman who wrote to me is an angry, sulky bunny at the moment and that's for sure. Not for it happening but because I didn't tell her straight away .. I've only known for a week .. if that. She could possibly put it a week or so earlier .. or days later .. by what I said.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/experts02.html

Her stages of grief format

http://changingminds.org/disciplines/change-management/kubler_ross/kubler_ross.htm



I still go totally by what I said about talking to people you trust about things like this. She was hoodwinked herself. Not in this instance as this happened in reply to something she wished for .. though it could have been sheer coincidence rather than synchronicity. It was a one off .. well, as far as I know .. I don't know if she'd had a run of synchronicity on this subject. It's the kind of thing that there are runs of it in it seems.

Anyway good for the guy. Lots of my friends have read this already cause they're happily finding their own paths .. they have a few of my experiences .. looking round for other people's and adding any of their own. Thought I'd put it up though incase anyone hadn't seen it.

Anyway .. we'll see what happens with this woman.

....

I have been waiting for some kind of reaction to kick in about my illness and the medication .. but it hasn't. I have the Elizabeth Kubler Ross model for grief stuck in me head but am not feeling anything like that at all.

Went on Wednesday but was very late cause I'd been out with a friend then had to come back to take my meds and have a rest. Glad that I did go though. Dave was there singing lots of songs .. I won one of his prints in the free raffle. I have a few to take back with me .. though one is promised to someone here.

Anyway I better turn in or I'm going to be really late again. I often doze off on the sofa now, wake up and potter off to bed later on. Tonight I've been awake the whole evening.

This evening

The last couple of days have reminded me of the beginning of the chronic part of my illness. Someone asked me to look over some legal stuff for them and it reminded me that when I was dealing with the start of my auto immune illness I was trying to sort some legal things out for myself and wrote about it here. I left it in the end because while I was capable of applying the points of law to the situation I wasn't well enough to see it through. It was a very complicated situation and needed to be gone over in minute detail because I'd already discovered how difficult it was going to be .. and being able to apply the law to everything that would come up was important .. and so complicated I just felt happy that I could do it myself .. in the end though I didn't take any action because I was too ill to really see it through. I still have all of it worked out legally but I've decided to leave it even though, timewise, there are circumstances that would account for me being unable to proceed earlier.

As it turned out there wasn't much I could do but query how things had proceded up to then and hope I've made some valid points along those lines.

Bit like going to the GP I guess and trying to remember everything that's important and applying the law/medical knowledge to the facts. It can be difficult to remember everything and know just what importance and relevence it has.

Went out and had a mug of cocoa and some green tea this evening while having a look through the case she'd presented and what was going on.

I thought she'd been a bit jumpy for a little while .. now I realise she was just trying to find out how I'd feel being asked to have a look. Must be difficult I guess.

Course things are a bit more difficult now because the odds are that I'm dying and people are finding it difficult to accept .. though everyone must've been aware that it was a real possibility before .. though how long it will take is anyone's guess .. but I'm aware of the reasons now. Even finding out the reality of this was done in stages and by coincidence again. But very gently I guess you could say especially after having the run up to this stage where I had come to believe in life after death through my own and other people's experiences.

No anger or anything along those lines.

Zzzzzzzz

Did get myself out in the evening .. though was late as usual. Didn't really feel like going but decided to and was glad that I did. Just felt a bit tired and earlier on had a bit of trouble when walking. Was almost back when my muscles changed the position of my ribcage very slightly and I had to stop walking because breathing became painful and difficult. Was almost back so it was ok. The rest of my time out had been easier than usual.

Anyway took some pain relief and rested for a while .. and later on managed to walk to my meeting. I could've left earlier and would've been alright. Wish I had. I'd thought on Wednesday that I should try and get there on time more often. I looked round the room with love for the people there. Someone else is leaving that I've known for most of my time here .. not that she used to attend .. but her gran had been chairperson or something many, many, many years ago. She was there this evening with her family. They'd come down to help her move. It was nice talking with them all .. sad that I won't see them again. I gave her a hedgehog (one of the fluffy sort!!!) telling her what it meant to me.

Had healing.

And now it's time to turn in for sure.

T'day

I met the first lady I gave a book to the other day again. I wanted to because I'll be leaving sometime in the near future and I didn't want her not to know and start wondering where I'd gone. Anyway I saw her in the street one day but I was eating at the time so left it. Well, did for a few minutes then decided to go out and see if I could see her but I couldn't. Met her in Boots the next day when she was collecting a prescription. She came and tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I'd like to come for a cup of coffee and a chat.

Spent ages talking over a cup of coffee .. she always insists on buying me a cup of coffee now. She's thought things out well. Afterwards she didn't seem to want me to go and walked around a bit with me. Then we both went back to our flats.

I have had another chill .. two sneezes this morning .. and I'm still sitting here rather than being in hospital!! Guess my cold is why I almost brought my morning tablets back up yesterday morning. I felt the spasm and I thought .. no .. thought that might end me back in the hospital again .. but it was only once and not too bad.

I was very tired yesterday evening and went to sleep on the couch for a few hours .. woke up and went to bed and straight to sleep again. I'm lucky that the oramorph does seem to help get me to sleep. I don't really want to be taking sleeping pills on top of all the other stuff. Made me think of my friend's partner who finds it so difficult to sleep because of his pain. I'm on much more morphine than he is .. I've an idea it's the fact that he won't accept a wheelchair that makes them think he doesn't need anymore. I am still in difficulties but it's manageable most of the time as it is at the moment.

Pitter patter .. pitter patter!!!!

It's raining .. well, naturally. When isn't it these days .. or, at least looking as if it's going to. Still gotta go though.

Not to worry though .. it's not too far. I can remember hen I first got this illness and walking down to the docs in the rain and getting wet feet. My feet suffered that day. It was the time when I'd started blistering very easily. All the medication keeps that at bay to certain extent now. I can remember writing about having a blister the size of a hen's egg on the side of one foot. It was just while I was waiting for diagnosis I think. Had to go to hospital to have some biopsies done though they were pretty certain what had happened when they saw the problems. As I said it's a bit like rheumatoid thritis but happens to the in too. And like EB the condition the young woman had who died a few weeks ago here. The woman I met out gave me butterfly pins for my lapel from DebRA the charity that helps people with EB. The illnesses are quite similar though with EB it's more often present from birth and is a problem with the skin rather than the immune system attacking the wrong things .. my illness develops because the immune system attacks more than it should be .. just like in rheumatoid arthritis .. and generally develops in older people .. generally over 50. I was very grateful that I met the woman though. I've, since then, met Gina's brother who is an inspiration. He's quite a bit younger than me and has another related illness and is amazing.

Looks a bit brighter out there now .. when I say a bit .. I mean .. a bit!!! lol!!! It's still raining though. Fingers crossed eh!!!

Blimey .. blue sky .. well, a titchy, teeny bit .. in comparrison to the clouds.

Must dash!!!

.....

I suppose the nicest thing is that I've been told three more experiences along the same lines as the ones I've mentioned. Two different people .. think I might've been told one before .. can't remember .. that's what someone told me that a friend had told her plus a chat at the hospital produced a couple more. Not mine to tell obviously.

I know my new friend will tell me more soon too. Her experience is fascinating because I was told something similar by one of the patients in the hospital and had read a little bit about something similar in a book I was browsing through. It's not something that I've experienced but it is fascinating. It was nice hearing her read a bit from her book on the net. It just covered this little bit too. She writes well and reads well too .. this wasn't a usual subject for her but it's fascinating.

I would still like to have a OBE .. but I don't think I'm going to. I've listened to the music .. the site I was listening to isn't available right now .. but it never did anything to me along those lines .. though it was relaxing. I just felt chilled out. Nothing more.

I was talking to someone who had a relative almost passed over a while back who experienced something too. He told a few close people and left it like that. I've picked up a few more books in the charity shops which is very nice. Just reading about other people's experiences.

It's cool.

I doubt if I'll have an OBE though. Doubt if I'll bother much when I'm back with my book either .. how to have an OBE .. can't remember quite what it was called. I can remember getting into ultra relaxed states at times but not due to the book .. just through relaxation and meditation .. but that was many years ago. I'm meditating again now .. though not as much as I'd like to. I think it's helping with the lack of sleep though.

My brother's sleeping better since having treatment for his asthma. He's kinda gone back to being the person I used to know .. well, more than he has been for sometime. I noticed a couple of weeks ago. Though this happened before his sleep improved.

It's cool.

Anyway, I've got to go to the docs. Guess I'll walk down. Take some oramorph before I go I guess.

Thursday

Went to bed much too late last night and then took a while to get to sleep as my breathing was changing so much. Eventually did drop off though but was awake about five hours later .. not good. I'd've kept on waking up if I had gone to bed earlier so suppose it didn't make that much difference. It was just one thing after another. Got up .. tried to swallow most of me pills at once which caused a spasm but I was lucky and they somehow went down. Don't know why that happened but everything was ok. It was just some kind of reflex action but didn't cause any trouble.


I've decided to try to do about an hour a day in the flat .. getting things sorted .. the papers out .. things like that. I'll leave it if I'm feeling really bad .. but otherwise an hour a day. Have to leave it til after my second lot of pain relief after I get up I guess. It should be ok.



Will turn in earlier .. though, as I said, it wouldn't've made much difference last night .. I'd've been awake for much of the time I was up anyway.



Going to do me hour of sorting .. just taken the second lot of pain relief. Was ok with that last night but couldn't remember if I'd taken the Cellcept .. can't spell it's chemical name off hand .. they hope to reduce it soon .. but I think it'll be when the muscle problem is much better as I think that makes the auto immune illness worse at the moment so I need all the Cellcept I'm taking. They, like the illness itself, predisposes you to forming skin cancer. I have been very lucky in that I've had few side effects from them .. not so lucky with the steroids though .. the ones prescribed for my illness have very different effects to the ones that body builders use to build body mass .. they are very different drugs and lots and lots of people take them .. I take prednisolone. It's quite amazed me the number of people I've met who are or who have taken them in one form or another. The Cellcept are much rarer and often used for transplants but they can also be used as a steroid sparing drug .. in place of high doses of the steroids.

Prednisolone is a corticosteroid where as the steroids that can be used to build body mass are anabolic steroids .. very different .. infact in some ways more or less opposite .. for example one builds you up while the other .. the one I take .. can make you lose body mass.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corticosteroid


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anabolic_steroid


I used to take corticosteroids in large amounts but now I take 10mgs a day along with the Cellcept.

Been "singing" for the first time for a long time today .. bit on the raspy side but there you go. Just going to put some music on.

Here today:

http://magnatune.com/

Found it through Stumbleupon who someone directed me to a while back.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/tag/music

Listening to this right now

http://magnatune.com/artists/albums/hanschristian-cinema


ot listening to much music .. think I'd been put off a bit cause my hearing isn't as good as it used to be .. but I can hear this well enough. Well, easily really.

Today.

Well .. wanted to do more sorting than I did today but that wasn't the way it turned out .. anyway .. I did do a little this morning though not as much as I'd told myself I was going to. C'est la vie!!! A good day anyway .. I might do a bit this evening .. just to kinda keep it to what I said I was going to .. or round about anyway.

Weather!!!! After hoping it'd be dry .. it wasn't. But there u go. I did remember to take me brolly today anyway .. and used it for the three or four minutes it rained!!!!

It was a meeting new people and people I'd known for a while type of day .. with lots to talk about. I obviously wasn't going to get back to do much here .. but never mind, eh.

I wish I'd been out earlier though. I must try and be on time more often for things I guess. One thing I realised was how much easier it was to get back to the flat than when I first met the person I was talking to last .. an amazing difference. I can remember wondering how I was going to make it because it was so difficult and while I was pleased to see her and chat over a cup of coffee getting back was very difficult after being out all that time. Well, it was a long time for me anyway. Just a couple of hours maybe .. but I really struggled back. Still not easy but there are more days like that than there are the really difficult ones.

I think I might be coming down with another chill so maybe things will be rather difficult again for a while .. who knows. Anyway .. I did a little today and got to see people I'd like to so that was nice. I might do a little bit more before turning in though .. doesn't have to be much but it'll still be a bit more done.

Zzzzzzzz

Went into hospital for me weekly visit. The pain's not been so bad since Sunday though it has been very up and down. Sunday was bad though .. but I know that it's going to vary a lot from day to day so just have to wait and see how things go.

Am off to try and get some sleep now.

Today

Maybe it was just a little run of coincidence yesterday but I'm glad they happened because today was difficult healthwise and it helped me to remember everything else and made me realise that it's ok .. however hard it can be sometimes.


I know of someone who's in so much pain that he's finding it very difficult day to day .. though he refuses to have a wheelchair and will only use sticks or crutches to get around .. he needs hip and knee replacements. He may have lupus .. it often seems to take a long time to diagnose that illness it appears .. there was someone in hospital with me who they initially thought had develped it but now they're not sure. I know a friend of hers and I'm told that the woman I was in hospital with isn't too well again which is a shame. She was planning on being back at work soon. I think that maybe she was already overdoing it a bit. Anyway hope she'll soon be feeling better.


Walked up to the meeting this evening though it wasn't easy .. was asked if I needed help but I was ok .. got there after it was over .. it had finished early as the original guest couldn't make it so someone else stepped in but couldn't stay for too long. Went for healing. A friend was having healing and she said she thought I wasn't going to be there this evening so sent up a little prayer for me as she was in the healing room .. then heard my voice as she was doing it.


Late as ever .. huh!!!!! Wanted to be there but hadn't felt like going earlier on cause of the pain but then decided to see if I could make it .. and I did with quite a few stops along the way.




There seems to be a warmth in my body that wasn't there before I went this evening .. probably developing another cold. Mustn't joke about it really. It might be with my myscles starting to relax again that the blood flow is better than it was. I could really feel the change in my breathing this morning .. though there as a lot of pain .. and I hadn't taken me bone sparing pill or the oramorph to the bedroom with me last night so had to get up without having taken any morphine. It's amazing how many people take the bone sparing tablets .. when you spea about them there's almost a chorus of ".. and you take them up half and hour before food and you must sit up". Yup!!!! That's how it is.


The healer gave me hugs as well. I thought that I could've done with a massage to get my circulation going better and to just try to ease some of the pain. I understand why it meant so much to mum now and I was very glad that I'd learnt how to .. it must've made such a difference to her and I know how much she looked forward to it. Didn't understand so much at the time though I knew it was one of the things she really looked forward to. Maybe lter huh. I can massage my own shoulders and it does make a difference .. changes the rate of my breathing at the moment .. don't know what that's all about.


There were quite a few people having healing this evening .. of all ages. As I've said before .. it's not just about physical healing but a healing of the spirit too .. all healing is .. but so many people seem to think that it must only be physical.


Gosh I felt a lot of heat in my right side then where a lot of the pain has been today. It looks as if most of the pain must be in my lungs cause of the breathing changes .. but it's often not. I'm finding it hard to believe that these chnges are happening. It would've been very difficult indeed if they hadn't.


Don't know what will get me in the end .. possibly skin cancer because my skin is so flimsy now. It could've been my reaction to some of the medication. I have spent time in the tropics though and a lot of time outdoors in my time so I think maybe it will be that. Mum had skin cancer as well as her other illnesses.


Yup .. I'm very grateful for yesterday .. a little coincidence maybe but it did remind me. She seemed to get her little prayer for help in working something out answered pretty strongly I must say!!!! lol!!!! It's something that hs been on her mind for a long time .. hope she does sort it out .. but that is up to her really. I was grateful to have her get off the bus with her new literature and tell me all about it .. made today a lot easier. For her I know accepting something might not be what she wants but it'd be better if she could.



Well, without the pain it would have been a nice day. I was a bit worried about some of my friends .. a bit worried that maybe they didn't care for me as much as I hoped .. totally needlessly. I guess I'm still a bit on edge cause of the friend who disappeared a couple of weeks ago because of her drinking and some of the things it had caused. I realise that the booze is more important than the friendships she had. Still it's not relevant anywhere else. She is very ill. I've decided not to say anything much to other people who knew her .. she confided a lot in me and I've come to realise that she was telling the truth when she said that I was the only person she did confide in out of the family .. so what she told me will stay that way .. with me. I was pretty much the new girl and found it dificult to understand that she was telling me loads that she wasn't other friends who she'd known a lot longer. None of them now about my blogs including her and we live all over the world. It seems that the only thing that ws common knowledge was the drinking and that she'd been rather erratic lately. And that is how it will stay.

I find it difficult to know that she won't ever be back in my life .. or it's very unlikely that she will. She's not ready to change her life and it looks very likely that it'll be too late by the time anything happens to make a difference. I didn't ask about absent healing but I will. I will ask about that .. sort it out .. and then put her out of my mind.

... cont ...

When it comes to the story that I've heard that my new friend has written about .. I know the whole story .. I guess I'd just like to hear her describe it to me .. it's more personal tht way and I can ask questions. It really is fascinating. I'd read some more stories a bit like it .. just related by the fact that the people having the experiences were young children rather than the content in any great detail .. in a book a couple of days ago that was in a secondhand shop here, Didn't buy it cause it was too heavy for me to carry if I was going over to Tesco.

Obviously I would like to hear some of her other experiences too. I think the rest in the book are from other people.

My other new friend probably has a few too .. just going by the name she uses on the net .. seems very likely though. She'd only recently changed her name too .. makes me very interested .. lol!! She contacted me .. not the other way round .. and doesn't know anything about my interest in the subject.

I wasn't totally surprized when the woman turned up in Tesco .. though it did make me jump a little .. doesn't very often but I think it was because of one bit of synchronicity earlier on in the week. That had made me start and me being a bit jumpy was a follow on from that.

I'd wanted to be friends with this other woman for quite a long time but hadn't wanted to be the one to get in contact first .. didn't realise it was her to start off with cause of the change in the name .. well. that's not entirely true .. I had put two and two together and come up with the right answer .. it would have been too much of a coincidence if they were two different people .. lol!!!

I'm going to doze off for a while I think .. even after last night's mega sleepathon I'm still very tired. The pain relief has kept the pain at bay to reasonable degree today .. though getting up was difficult this morning. Tomorrow's Sunday which means the bone sparing pill before the pain relief .. will take it into the bedroom tonight so I don't have to get up to get it .. take the oramorph and antisickness pill in for tomorrow too.

I've had quite a few problems over the last few days s my breathing has changed with the loosening of the muscles in my chest. It's been very difficult at times as my lungs have tried to adapt .. almost breathing in three stages with one stage getting a bit stuck if I was walking .. that had sorted itself out by this morning but there was a lot of pain in my right side and I was a bit on the wobbly side.

Coincidence!!lol!!!

Have corrected my last sentence and put the s in rested .. my keyboard is so much better than it was before I sorted it out though. So many letters weren't showing very often when I typed them .. can hardly believe the difference now.

And so it continues .. met the woman who I gave the first book to in Tesco .. she'd just been given a booklet on the same kind of subject by someone she didn't know but started talking to at a bus stop. She'd asked for help while alone a couple of days ago about something that had been going round and round in her head. Gets off the bus and bumps straight into me who gave her the first book!!! lol!!! I was fascinated by the booklet too because of it's solar system type piccies on the cover.

That's just a very minor string of coincidences .. or, even .. a very, very minor string of coincidences .. though perhaps they were more important to her than to me from a personal point of view especially as we ended up having a conversation about something that'd just happened that had been troubling her.

A good night's sleep

A long night's sleep and up late .. though in quite a bit of pain .. think I'll go back to keeping the oramorph by the bed instead of having to get up for it .. I always get tempted to stay up too long when I do get up so guess it'll be a good idea all round.

Was happy to find out that my new friend has lots of experiences .. whether she'll want to talk about them in detail I dunno .. guess she might find a lot of them too personal to talk about with someone she's only just met. Especially over the net .. I could be anyone. I know who she is!!!lol!!! Have heard her voice and seen her photo .. though, even then .. ofcourse .. she could be pretending to be this person .. but in reality .. I know she's not!!!! She doesn't know that I know .. but probably guesses that I do ... though I've said nothing.

Didn't want to talk to her about her experience that she'd written about in the book because something sad had happened in her life recently and she was feeling down but looks as if I've supported her and said the right things cause she's ok .. but I suspect there'll be a lot of ups and downs .. but I'll be there if she wants.

Anyway we are skirting around the subject .. if she doesn't want to talk much .. that's fine .. though it does fascinate me. I have plenty of personal experience, though not of that kind .. but I know it can happen cause someone I know wouldn't've lied to me has told me something very similar. It's not in my experience though.

Fascinating.

There's plenty to read in books and on the net .. and lots of people have related experiences of one kind or another. It's said that synchronicity often runs in a kind of thread and I've often found this to be so. It 's interesting.

I think I might have another new friend who has quite a lot to say about this kind of thing too. Not that I was consciously looking .. just the way it's worked out.

I gave another book away a couple of days ago. There'd been a very mild run of coincidences and as he believes that there's something more to life than is instantly obvious too I thought he might like to have a read. Told him about the synchronicity too .. which ended up with him telling me something about green tea which was cool to know and which I had been wondering about.

It can be a bit of a diuretic!!! lol!!!!

Still a bit tired but the pain relief has helped with the pain .. will go out for a while .. have rested for most of the day.

Tired

Been a bit tired today and yesterday. Things are still on the move though .. got a bit tricky last night but weren't so bad again this morning. Took a fluffy into hospital yesterday for one of my doctors cause him and his wife have just had a baby. He'd been quite captivated by the one I'd had in hospital so I got the family one. He's leaving too .. we'll be going about the same time I guess. Didn't do much today .. just felt that I needed to rest up for the day. I think that I've still got a bit of a cold cause my eyes were wet this morning with dark rings under them. The early mornings are nearly always a bit of a trial though.

I've got through the sneezing bout that could have landed me back in hospital though. That did surprize me .. cause I was ready for the pain levels to go shooting through the ceiling again .. way beyond what a daily gram of morphine could cope with. It was exactly the same kind of thing as before .. lots bloating and inner tearing from the sickness and spasms. But, for some reason, it wasn't so bad that time .. and that was with three sneezes!!! It's generally not too bad if I'm not sick as well but this time I was.

My new friend is a bit up and down .. though I'm not surprized .. seem to have said the right things though. And I'm becoming friends with someone else that I wanted to .. though have been sad to learn that her husband has been dignosed with an illness similar to mine.

Anyway .. I'm going to turn in soon .. no more staying up til the early hours of the morning.

day

Got so much sorted this morning!! Had quite a few cartons of long life soya milk and other things like that sitting in carrier bags which hadn't been used because I hadn't been doing much meal preparation .. so there was just a pile in the middle of my sitting room .. this morning I've sorted it all out. I don't need anyone to help me do the shopping anymore it seems either!!!!!!!

This doesn't mean that I'll be able to do it tomorrow .. I should be ok with the shopping but there could be problems with break through pain if I get another cold and/or my muscles release in a way that adds a lot more pain to what I already have.

They really don't want to put me on any more pain relief at the moment. I'm on bucket loads as it is .. three different kinds which includes over a gram of morphine a day. In a study they did over 600mgs a day was categorised as a very high dose and I take about twice that long with two other pain killers and still get breakthrough pain. I suppose it's not that surprising though.

My breathing has given me a lot of problems over the past few days as my lungs struggle to move more of my rib cage. Last night it was like having a new rhythm of breathing altogether!!!! It caused a lot of breathlessness at times. But, still, you just have to get on with things.

........

I've been having a bit of a problem with one of the boards I read .. haven't posted there for a long time .. but I still read some of it quite often. I'd been quite pleased a few days go because I'd been proven right about something I'd thought about someone who posts there. I was pleased because I'd been reading the board and once posted there .. though never talking to her, and this had just stuck in my mind. After all those years it was good to now that I hadn't got it wrong. Usually if I'm not joining in the cyber talk I don't pay that much attention to who's posting and who isn't but she'd just caught my attention and I'd been thinking about this for a while.



A couple of the threads have worried me but I've decided not to join in. There's one where one partner has resorted to some rather nasty game playing .. he works as someone who teaches other people to manipulate others in a pretty unpleasant way which I guess must have quite bearing on what's going on now. No one should say much about that as she's posting under another name, though the connection has been mentioned pretty clearly and not been denied and the problems described so graphically that it would be difficult for someone reading it not to know who it's refering to recognise their situation. It' been a pretty strange thread throughout really with the people joining in quarelling about what's right and what's wrong as far as advising her goes. Everyone seems to feel the same about the situation which is that it's a very unhealthy one all round .. I think everyone there really feels that she should leave .. and from what she says this seems a good move on her part .. she doesn't want to though so is going to attempt counselling.

What has amazed me more than anything though is that she got in touch with one poster there for help and the person she turned to was someone who was posting about problems in her relationhip where he'd ended up hitting and throwing something at the person she's going to marry in a couple or so weeks time and then refusing to discuss it beause it isn't important seeing that she is a woman and so couldn't possibly do her partner any harm and shouldn't be considered as violence.

Now, I know all the statistics backwards, frontwards and any which way round and I know what is behind her remark .. but, even so, I thought .. what if you pick up something heavier to throw at him next time or to hit him with because you're so angry ..after all you're doing this very early on. But she refused to talk about it because there was absolutely no comparison between a woman hitting a man and a man hitting a woman.

This was from someone who's been seen as the prime advisor on the board .. but in my mind only because she dresses everything up in very academic language. But, anyway, the person with the secret id PMs her complaining about the attitude of the majority of the women on the board who are saying .. given on what she's told them .. to get out and to get out fast .. she says it's not that easy because even though they've only been together since the beginning of the year and she hasn't too many ties to sort out if she goes that she still has emotional ones.

Now, she too, hit her partner, though, again from what I can make out, not very hard and then turned to the person who also had done this .. but refuses to talk to anyone about it cause it's just not important enough as she's a woman so therefore can't do any major harm.

But does this woman say this back to the anonymous one who'd PM'd her for help. After all this is what she's said about herself. No!!! She says exactly what I thought about her .. which is .. what if you escalate it next time and telling her that it is DV .. whereas when it's her doing it .. it's so insignificant not to need talking about.

I'm not joining in. The other woman is looking for a local counsellor.

I have to say this really got to me .. and I wondered what on earth was going on.

Tuesday

Up, fed and medicated and a bit meditated .. though very early on. Have been doing some sorting out though haven't been feeling much like it cause of lack of sleep .. I guess .. though thinking of the little sleep I have been getting recently it's surprizing that I feel as well as I do I guess. My muscles have been moving a lot too too which has meant extra pain but it's good that this is happening. Haven't woken up again with my breathing as deep as I did a week or so ago .. my ribcage must've really moved that time. That resulted in my back being more painful than usual but I guess this has to happen. I can feel how much deeper my breathing is now. Dunno if that's why the sneezing didn't land me back in hospital this time .. that the sneezes just didn't start such heavy spasms off that time because my muscles were slightly looser than before. Time will tell I guess .. though, at the moment, with things changing as they are, I suppose each reaction might be different.

...........

Well, off to bed .. been reading too much round the net nd saying goodnight to people. Not going out this evening but will be on Wednesday. I'm giving me book on coincidences to someone but they're not going tonight. Had another one yesterday, bit of synchronicity that is, while I was sitting talking to someone which I thought was quite funny .. it certainly fitted in with the rest .. there you are I said!!! Though he didn't know what I was refering to other than it fitted in with the conversation .. though I'd've thought the look on my face was priceless .. lol!!!!

I want to buy one of Dave's paintings for my brother too. They don't cost much and they're nice to have. My brother has the prints .. a painting would be nice.

When I'm back I hope to stay in touch with them though I'll be with the local bunch .. or bunches as I discovered there're more than one to choose from. I'll go. I can place where one is .. not sure about the others.

Was a bit disappointed last Wednesday and won't be there today .. but will be after that. I never did get round to making the booklets .. but people have their own experiences and that is what's personal to them. Some are quite different from mine.

I still want to talk to my new friend .. but now is not the time .. but it's enough knowing. I'll talk about it later . I had fortunately brought my own belief up at a very good time but to go into childhood memories, even though the reason for not going back to then is not about her family, I think would be a mistake. Her story is fascinating. As I said a woman in hospital told me something very similar .. I was still at the talking stage then, well, it as one of my stages .. now, I often mean not to get onto the subject but it still somehow ends up being talked about in hospital .. both with staff and patients. usually with an exchange of stories. And, often, elsewhere too. But I try not to talk much anymore .. I have my personal experiences and there are plenty of books and stuff on the net and programmes around to feed my curiousity.

I do hope to make my booklets for friends and family though eventually .. The Work ere selling 10 notebooks for about £2 which are ideal. Just want a small book to put a few experiences in .. sadly I've forgotten some .. but enough of mine and other people's are still there to give me a big choice. There've been so mny now. I will ask a few people before I leave though for their best experience along this line and see what they have to say.

I still haven't had an OBE .. still my How To book is by me bed I think .. not that I bothered that much before. I was talking to someone else who has a how to have an OBE book .. she thought it was pretty dull .. maybe that's what I thought too because I didn't use it much. Must have bought it fifteen or more years back!!!! If I remember rightly it has a light blue cover with white writing and illustration on it. I suppose I'll have to make do with my brother's account .. I have others too but not so easy to talk about ... and my friend's NDE. His was a short one but fitted in with accounts I'd read about. Well, my brother's OBEs and my friend's NDE were all short. He is happy about it as I mention everytime I talk about it!!!!

I will be very pleased to told to my new friend about her childhood experience ... it's fascinating .. I'm glad there's another story along those lines. Not that I didn't believe the firt woman who told me about her family's ..it was obvious that she was telling the truth .. but it is all fascinating. Nothing like that has happened to me. But then it seems you could say that about a lot of things in this line. lol!!!! I like this though as I know I was told the truth the first time round and now I've another one to add.

f to get some sleep now. Had a day where I've dozed a bit so I'll be ok.

Green tea and cocoa

Sitting here with me copy of this weeks New Scientist wondering whether to go for the green tea and hot chocolate and feed the brain .. lol!!! Well, they're saying in the article on hormesis that chemicals in green tea and cocoa could stimulate neuron production in the brain.

It's already known that they protect against cancer .. though difficult to pin point just how because the effect varies depending on the stage the tumour's at and which type of catechin is used. Other illnesses are also said to respond to them.

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2007-03/soci-ch030707.php

From this week's New Scientist:

"Mild stresses can also stimulate stem cells in the brain to divide and form new neurons. An understanding of neurogenesis is leding to the development of new drugs and dietary supplements to promote the replacement of neurons damaged through injury or disease. Epicatechins, present in cocoa and green tea, are a promising candidate.

You can read the study here:

http://www.jneurosci.org/cgi/reprint/27/22/5869



And a small article about the effects of green tea on the brain:

http://www.green-tea-health-news.com/antiaging-health.html

................

Still up, fed, medicated .. though not meditated. And just about to turn in .. rather than tune in .. still have a cold though have kept the hot chocolate and green tea down tonight.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Bit on the tender side today but have taken all me meds and some honey and hope me tum settles. It's the sneezing again .. three last night though I wasn't terribly sick .. but I'm not that great today.

Yesterday was quite a good day though apart from the end of it!!! But that, though unpleasant, was down to the sneezing as usual .. got me into hopital for a week at a time the last three times it's happened.

Had quite a good nights sleep though .. usually have morphine pumped straight into me veins when this happens because the pain is so bad ... so fingers crossed that it will just settle down a bit now. I can feel things aren't quite right but obviously haven't got anywhere near that bad. I space my morphine out .. well, the oramorph anyway .. obviously I always take the full dose of MST everyday ... as and when I need it and have a bit to spare so if it just gets a bit worse I'll use that. I can feel that it's the same kind of thing that has happened before but nowhere near as bad

I've taken some manuka honey as an antibiotic and for whatever other properties it might have .. I was with someone who had a bad chest infection the other day so hopefully the honey might stop something like that developing as it cleared something like that up pretty quickly once before. We'll see. If it gets worse and I need to go into hospital then I do .. but at the moment I don't feel too bad at all.

It's just sneezing often seems to set off spasms which in turn because I'm a bit on the fragile side can cause internal problems.

Not every sneeze lands me back in hospital though but I've no idea why some do and some don't. All my sneezes are on the tiny side because of the constriction in my chest .. I can only sneeze very gently and quietly .. you wouldn't think that any of them could cause so many problems.

Actually starting to feel a bit better .. I suppose things didn't get too bad last night because I didn't swell up too much or the spasms didn't cause much internal damage .. no rips or anything like that. I could feel this morning that there was a little bit of puffiness but I'm feeling quite a bit better now.

I meditated last night and this morning and had a pretty peaceful night all things considered. Considering what happened last night I guess I'm in quite an amazing condition at the moment. I wasn't dreadfully sick but I was having spasms with each sneeze .. lost some of my green tea which was a bit of a pain in itlf as I'd just been reading about the benefits of that and hot chocolate in New Scientist's article on hormesis .. another name easy to remember .. like epigenetics (with the little piggies) .. if you just think of homeopathy and remember that hormesis has the same 4 letters as homeopathy to start off with but with an R in the middle and then just add sis .. and remember that like homeopathy hormesis is about using a little rather than a lot of a substance.

http://everything2.com/e2node/Hormesis

http://web.mit.edu/murj/www/v10/v10-Features/v10-f1.pdf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormesis

http://www.themedicineprogram.com/home/article/Hormesis

........

Up, fed and medicated and meditated.

?????????

I guess I want to hear more and more about other people's experiences and want more of my own because I'm still surprized by it all consciously and find it all very difficult to take in.

Sunday just gone was one of those times where I had to alter my thinking a bit .. in a good way. I was very pleased to have to because it was another doubt that I had floating around about something.

Ofcourse doubts do turn up .. because the subject isn't tangeable as such, is it. But the doubts always seem to be taken care of and that can't keep on happening and me ignoring it.. because of that I've come up with my conclusion. Ofcourse I would like something totally tangeable .. other people seem to feel that I've got it .. but there's always a part of me, while admitting that everything that's happened has happened and that little details make it even more likely. I know that I'm not scared by death and the reason is because of the experiences and that it's a subconscious thing now .. that subconsciously I believe in "spirit" (I just use that word as a description of life after death) but I'm still busy trying to rationalize it with my conscious mind. Subconsciously it's changed me.

It took a long time for the subconscious change to happen and it is a result of continually doubting and having that doubt being removed over and over again. On the surface I'm continually searching for more and more and new questions come into my mind.

I don't find the idea that difficult to take in anymore .. that changed once I really compared the idea of there being anything at all to the thought that there could be spirit. The latter was much easier to accept as a result of somehow there being anything at all.

Not much sleep

My brother had an out of the body experience many years ago. His wasn't as complex as a lot of peoples .. just staying in the same room and looking back at himself. He wasn't well at the time and had a nurse with him who understood what had happened .. the fact that the nurse knew and understood is pretty cool I think.

I'm listening to music that's meant to stimulate OBEs .. I find it relaxing but that is it .. nice to listen to though .. especially as I didn't sleep too well last night .. movement in the rib cage again. The night before my breathing had changed and woke me up .. last night it was just difficult getting to sleep .. then when I did wake up again I decided to get up and stay up. I meditated for around three quarters of an hour .

My breathing had been very different the previous night for a while .. very deep. Didn't last long before it settled down again .. about an hour or so I guess

I'm sure I feel better than I would've done without the meditation and music .. I didn't get too much sleep last night at all .. and I sneezed this morning too .. hope it's the cold on it's way out.

DebRA

I noticed the front page of the local paper today. I can remember when I first had this illness and met the woman whose granddaughter had the illness that DebRA raise money for and put the charity up on my blog. My illness is very similar as I was reminded today. Must drink my fortisips, huh!!!

http://www.debra.org.uk/

The BBC did some fundraising for the charity too which went up on my blog. There isn't much support for my illness though there is a very small charity .. but there aren't many of us really. Not too many people with epidermolysis bullosa either but it's an illness you're born with rather than develop later on and therefore there are children with it.

I, too, could easily develop skin cancer .. it goes with the illness as I suspect it did with Alex's. Not only could my illnes be solar induced .. but the sun .. because of my skin being so fragile could cause skin cancer too. I've also spent time in the tropics which won't have helped And been out in the sun too much while I was allergic to the ingredients in the skincream here .. found some American ones I was ok with though eventually .. the EC warned the companies to sort it out or banning the ingredient would become law ..I think it's still a voluntary thing ... I'm ok with most of them now .. well, I say ok .. my skin doesn't really like many of them but that's because of my illness .. I plop on a hat if I'm out for long.

Yeah .. this is a difficult illness .. well, there's more than one illness .. but the skin one is difficult .. it affects my mucous membranes too which means both my insides and outsides can be affected..

Anyway, I remember meeting the little girl's grandma and she helped me understand more about my own .. though as I said it's not quite the same .. but very similar.

So, thankyou .. it helped me understand my own illness.

Anyway, off to bed now .. I meditated for a while over me hot chocolate because I thought I'd be late for bed. More when I wake up, huh.

................

Sorted out the keyboard ..Woo Hoo!! Other times I've tried it hasn't worked out too well but this time it's great. No more wondering where the missing letters had gone .. the s is still slightly dodgy and I've tried twice to sort it out but compared to how it was before it's brill .. I was losing most ks and ses and as and ks with a few more playing up a bit. Was taking ages to type anything out. When I've tried to get other keyboards working again there's nearly always been something that's stuck somewhere and got messed up when I was trying to sort it out but this time no probs at all.

Wrote lots about my ex friend with the drink problem but then decided not to put it up. There's one little bit that's just doing my head in and it's too late to ask about it now. I must say life is a lot better without her .. it got pretty bad towards the end .. but I hoped she'd somehow still pull through .. but she wont. She could be really nice and very entertaining til the drink really hit in and then she'd start with the passive aggressive bullshit. I also knew too much about her life which I really didn't want to .. it was easy to read through the lines as time went on and those "between the lines" became huge cracks towards the end and I just ended up knowing far too much about her that I really didn't want to know because it involved her family. She said one thing to me that once it was out couldn't be taken back and it would've hung there between us if we'd remained friends. I think it was part of the reason .. not the main one .. why she went .. because she was always worried that I might say something .. not that I would've. I know she misses me a lot too .. though u wouldn't've thought so towards the end so much .. but then she was getting really ill. It was nasty really .. she was like two people .. one the friendly caring person I knew and the other one!!!!!!

Her memory was going big time too because of the booze .. so I'd get to hear differing accounts of the same thing .. though only towards the end along with the thing that had messed up the friendship before. I thought it was awful .. but I realise now that she was unhappy with life .. not for the reason she once gave me that apparently came from her mum!!! lol!!! But she was still unhappy even though she said she wasn't. Things she did and said let me know that she wasn't happy. When she was pissed she thought some things hysterical and it just gave it all away. While she's drinking there's no chance of things getting better though .. I do hope she does get well.

I'm not sure if you're allowed to put people down in the absent healing book without their permission .. I'll have to ask. If she doesn't know then she's not going to get that psychological boost that knowing would give .. a sort of placebo effect. I really do hope she does get better .. doesn't have to be my friend .. though she was nice ... sober .. and .. well .. you know .........

But, most of all .... I just wish her better.

I have an experience too from someone she knows that was really strange for two reasons .. one for the story .. and, two, I knew about an almost identical one down to little details .. as I said though before ... knowing doesn't often make any difference to people's lives .. though NDEs often do .. well, do in the main part, I don't know why .. you'd think the rest would have more effect on people. I think they often won't really take it on board. Why should you especially if the experiences are second hand .. however much you rationalise it. One of the reason I don't always think discussing it helps people .. doesn't always make them happier. If I was just starting on this journey I would not have mentioned it except to close friends and family .. though I would have missed out on a lot of stories.

I know I'm soon going to be told some more great stories. Early childhood ones interest me .. though I'm not sure that I believe in past life regression .. but that doesn't mean that reincarnation doesn't happen .. I just haven't encountered anything that makes me feel that it's a fact.

zzzzzzzz

Glad I went out this evening .. wasn't going to cause of the rain and I've been rather sniffly this week which has caused a few problems. But, in the end cause it wasn't too wet and windy out there decided to go .. as I said very pleased that I did.

Turning in now. Wonder how long I'll sleep for .. usually sleep seven hours now so add on a slightly longer period of meditation than I'd usually have .. well, half an hour rather than twenty minutes.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sunday

Up, fed and medicated and meditated. Feeling a bit better than I did yesterday. Listening to my Tibetan chant again. It's not brought about an out of the body experience but is nice to listen to. They've added some pretty spacey music to it. My hearing's not as good as it was but I can still hear this. But before my illness really came out, if I remember properly, my hearing could be worse and I could hardly hear at all sometimes. Think I used to say that I couldn't hear the music very well when I had a cold and had problems on the phone .. though more with one ear than the other.

Will do a bit more sorting out today .. haven't felt like doing any for a while.

One of my new friends is going to have quite a bit to tell me about things of an esoteric nature I think. Researched her on the net and came up with quite a few surprises. I'm a bit tired of talking about it at the moment and just want to settle down with my books. Still, she appears to have had childhood experiences or an experience. I say appears to have because I don't know if it is fiction or not but I suspect not. It was great .. I got to hear a bit of a cassette recording of her work and it covered this. But ... I don't know if it's fiction or not .. don't think so cause no-one else mentioned in that series, which covers a host of topics, is writing fiction so it would be a bit strange if she was. What she's talking about fits in with what someone told me in hospital. i guess it might be some time before I bring it up though.

I'm still tired .. manage about seven hours sleep plus half an hours meditation. Think I'm like my brother though and could do with eight. Especially at the moment.

ZzZzzZzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzz

I think I'll potter off to bed now. Bit early .. lol!!! Another 25 mins or so to go!!! And I'll only wake up too early and have to meditate for like two hours or something. Anyway I'll down me oramorph and go.

ZzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A new doggie

Awww . One of me mates has just been adopted by a lost dog .. I hope she can keep it .. the dog I had was found roaming and taken to the dogs home. The pair of them are very attached already. I suppose it's quite likely that it has been abandoned .. the cases of known cruelty to animals have risen a lot this year so it'd be no surprise if the dog has been abandoned. Nobody's claimed it yet. The dog followed her home .. obviously knows a soft touch when it sees one!! lol!!! It's just a little doggie. It'll be nice for her to have a dog around .. she's semi retired and widowed.

She's written a book about dog care .. so the doggie has gone to the right place.

lol!!! Wonder if it recognised her photo.

.... cont .. or something

I wasn't feeling well today .. think it's my cold really. But some music I was listening to on the net changed thing a bit. It was meant to help create an obe. I wasn't particularly hopeful .. just as well, because, along that line, nothing happened, but it was very relaxing. The first piece was an altered Buddhist chant. Just went on and on and on .. probably fitted in with this morning's meditation then.

I meditate for much longer than I intend to. When I'm back I will be surrounded by all kinds of places to go .. probably the most in the country more or less in walking distance. I didn't know before because .. I wasn't really interested though I had looked around once before when all this ind of experience came into my life once before but hadn't been interested in this .. not groovy enuff I guess .. lol!!! Was more into the pagan side and I didn't investigate that much really .. got put off one bunch cause they wanted to know things about me that weren't really their business as far as I was concerned .. thought they were a bit on the snobbish side. And as for Wicca .. well, I'm not religious and it is very much a religion with all the internal quabbles of much religion. I'm happier now being able to be on a philisophical side where I am .. goes with being a Buddhist too and I like a lot of Buddhist attitudes. Don't now enough about it really to say "all". Spirit appears to be everywhere though .. it was with me before I was there so to speak .. and I wouldn't've been there without spirit as I explained ages ago somewhere on line .. fascinating story of excellently timed coincidences.

I'll soon be burrowing down with me new boos to read about some other peoples experiences. They charm me on the whole. That's most of them .. not all of them are happy. I now that there is the feeling of going through what you've done to others .. just the nasty things. I don't for one minute believe that nature would have had any reason for incorporating that into our lives if we say that there is a reason for how we've evolved .. it seems too cut and dried .. you'd think it would be more higgledy piggledy wouldn't you. Why just the nasty things. That would be strange just like that. The more people have to say the more it seems that it is a lesson. I think people forget lot of what happens. But that is sometimes a very early part of a NDE for some people. The books are just a continution of my own and other people that I've spoken to about it experiences. I guess if you haven't experienced anything along that line then you're in the same position I was in when I read Dr Raymond Moody's books for the first time. But I guess a lot of you will have friends who have had them or have had them yourself. And they're in Dr Moody's books and online etc.

Really there's not much, if anything, more to say about it .. so I'll leave it there.

Superstring

Am rather sniffley today and stayed in til late afternoon. Cooked meself a meal today though .. had been living on sandwiches and yogurt really but had deided to do a meal for some reason or other .. and did .. and ate it too. Just an oven meal .. a vegetarian cottage pie ..so I've had three hot meals this week .. two at the hospital and one here.

Saw one of the congregation in Waterstones yesterday .. had pottered in to have another look at a book after looking it up on the internet .. decided not to read it though .. other people .. well, one other person has told me the same but it is so far away from my experiences that I decided not to read it yet awhile. I now the theory well enough. Bought one by a doctor describing near death experiences he'd been told about and another that is interviews with a selection of people about that and related things that they've experienced. I didn't talk to the guy about it cause I only know him by sight .. he plays the piano when Dave isn't there with his guitar. I suppose I should have done but I just smiled at him on me way to the cash desk. Perhaps he could've given his views on the other book .. he was sitting looking through a book of his own though and we only know each other by sight .. one of the few regulars I don't know. We just smiled .. I think he took a few seconds to place me. The book had good reviews on the back .. but I dunno. I just couldn't connect with it really. I like hearing people's experiences now .. though they're fewer .. but books like these and Ray Moody's are always there to dip in to. It does make sense and they've been reported or things like them since the year dot .. just more common since medicine has improved ... as far as the NDEs go anyway. They've managed to create something similar to an OBE in the lab now. Last year I think it was.

Here we go:

http://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/news-articles/0708/07082305

I tend to believe that it must be similar rather than being what people talk about when discussing them

I think that we'll never really know either .. or, at least not for a long, long time. There is no real theory of everything .. just everything known about how what we know interacts to create what we know about .. the latest contender for something that would combine the theory of everything (we know) is the string theory.

http://www.superstringtheory.com/basics/index.html

I think we're quite far from knowing what it all means.


The more I know the more I'm sure this is just a place to go through .. and, why not .. it's so totally beyond comprehension .. that we're here at all. I was reading in Discovery that the void .. the nothingness that isn't really nothing is going to be the next big thing to investigate.

I was going out this evening but I think I'll give it a miss cause of my cold .. different people go on different days .. well, they overlap here and there .. and sometimes there're a lot on Friday which means it can end rather late. I'm much too sniffley really.