Thursday

Up and medicated .. think my cold might be on the way out .. I thought I was going to sneeze last night but ... didn't .. see how today goes .. I wasn't in the pain I had been for the past few days this morning .. a cold can intensify the pain .. nor as wobbly when I got up .. nor as queasy. Meditated this morning, again for longer than I meant to .. but I didn't sleep well last night so it meant I had quite a bit of extra rest .. my thoughts did wander a bit .. but not for long. My eyes were still slightly watery when I got up so I guess I haven't quite shifted the cold yet. Feel a bit better though.

tuesday

Well, three days into the green tea and meditation regieme. I'm just going along with what I'm doing right now .. and once I'm a month into it I'll look further into meditation and pain relief. Got a book on folk lore and Warwickshire from the hospital League of Friends bookshop .. the guy who was volunteering that day had found he had two copies of it and brought one in. He said it was an interesting read and an eye openner and it certainly is .. not that I've read that much of it yet .. there where quite a few regional books along the same line printed but I doubt if they're still in print .. haven't checked .... it would be interesting to read more to compare them. Noticed that The Works had a book on Victorian London but I've read enough of those during me life I think though it was tempting. I know someone further up North who might have books like that though .. I'll ask her if she has and, if so, if I can borrow them .. they were published back in the 60s and 70s. Was reading it while I was at the hospital .. still in the middle of Beyond Coincidence .. that was only published four years ago. The book's split into two halves .. the first going into coincidence/synchronicity and what has been written about it and the second writing about the coincidences themselves. It's very interesting.

I mean the universe is an incredible sequence of coincidences by itself .. though even those can't explain how anything is here .. going back to .. there has to be something for there to be anything for there to be anywhere for there to be a universe.

There was a cool breeze blowing on my way back tonight .. mum was certainly right about the change in the winds over the years .. this year though it's not just the insistancy of a breeze in the air but it's so cold for the time of year too and it's so noticeable going from the heat of the sun and until suddenly a cold wind blows in and you're left with a humidity along with the cooler.

I'm off to bed soon .. had a nice dinner of cauliflower, baked beans and potato with apple crumble and custard at the hospital midday .. so have just had sandwich this evening.

And .. I will be in bed on time.

Me book

One of the guys who wrote the book I'm reading on coincidences also wrote a series for the radio on the same subject and I take it most of what's written in this book came from what was researched for the radio.

On the fly leaf it asks "Is someone playing snap with our lives? Could it be the hand of God? Or, magic? Or are we, as some scientists have suggested, being granted an insight into a hyper-connected universe whose ubiquitous web-like workings we can only discern? I go for the last of those - it's what I said after I had the experience where I saw colours I couldn't recognise. I said about that that (that, that, that!!!lol) I felt our brains weren't equipped to understand a lot of what could happen.

This is an intereting passage from the book.

"Electrons, those tiny particles that exist in orbits around an atom's nucleus, exhibited the same wave/particle duality as light, suggesting that in a microscopic sense, all matter is wave-like. Electrons were very mysterious: Einstein called them 'spooky'. They appeared to exist in 20 places at once (quantum superposition), they would suddenly change their behaviour for no causal reason, and if a pair of linked particles were separated they exactly mirrored each other thereafter (quantum entanglement), whether they were two feet or a billion miles apart. n experiment which changed the state of one would be instantly reflected by a corresponding change in the state of the other, the information having passed between them cross any distance instantaneously. Each particle eemed to "know" what the other was doing. The phenomenon is very diffiult to explain as it violates Einstein's law that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. Scientists have used the word 'telepathy' to describe it and have even speculated that the particles' sepration may be an illusion.

More alarming for traditional scientists was how personal the study of the atoms' interior parts was becoming. As soon as a sub-atomic particle such as an electron was measured (i.e. observed) it changed its behaviour. If you tried to measure a particle you found something that looked like a particle, otherwise it behaved like a wave. Things changed when you looked at them so you never know what they looked like before you looked. Interpretation was neessary. Scientists were forced to be subjective - that intimate adjective that also defines the essence of consciousness and coincidence. Quantum physics seemed to be teaching us that at the microscopic level there may be no objective reality; that what we observe is always affected by the presence of the observer. Wolfgang Pauli, the Nobel-Prize-winning physicist who first postulated the existance of the neutrino in 1931 (and who was also interested in coincidence, as we shall soon see), said: "On the atomic level the objective world ceases to exist."

Well, it's almost time to turn in .. might be a few minutes late tonight I guess .. but not much!!!

Repeat!!!!!!

Well, another coincidence in the same line really as the Gordon Smith book one .. thought it had come to an end but then told the person it concerned and it seemed it was there to make someone feel better .. rather than just being pleasant as I thought .. and .. I bumped into the first Gordon Smith book lady as I returned from having me hot chocolate and green tea in the middle of it all. Howz dat den!!!!

And carrying me book about coincidences. Just incase I forgot I guess.

It's been interesting.

meditation

It's nice to be getting up earlier too!!! Though I sure would like to sleep a bit longer .. but meditating is meant to help if you don't sleep well .. it's not the same as sleep but it's been said that two hours meditation can give you rest equalling about an hour's sleep. That may be so but I'd till prefer the sleep .. going through it's natural cycles than meditating to make up for the lack of sleep and then adding on a half hour of meditation .. it's not the same as sleeping .. if it was there wouldn't be the beneficial things happening in the brain as far a coping with stress and things like that go cause you'd get them just from sleeping. On the other hand I'm pleased that I can get more rest from meditating .. and, ofcourse, that it's working on my brain at the same time. It sure won't have lasted from the last time I meditated .. it's like everything .. if you don'y use it you lose it!!! The little pathways you've built up from whatever you do go away if you don't exercise them by doing the same thing. I think it takes about a month to build a neural pathway. I'm on my way.

Scientists meditate on happiness

http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2003/09/60452

This looks interesting though I've not listened to anything from here cause I'm just happy with my mantra.

http://meditation.org.au/index.asp

I'll listen one day I guess cause I am curious.

This next story is good for two reasons .. reading the comments as well .. in that it shows the benefits of meditation but also shows that you should always ask your doctor before starting taking herbal supplements, epecially if you're taking other medication and at least doing a bit of research if you're not. The link to the Psychiatric Time lays out what have been the problems and for the most part it seems the problems are down to a contaminated batch or mixing the herb with alcohol and medication .. I think I'd prefer to go the meditational path all the same. Hopefully I'll do about twenty minute meditating a day .. that sounds about right really and use the mantra meditate: med .. i .. tate to consentrate my mind so that it doesn't wander off so much.

http://www.cbc.ca/news/viewpoint/vp_pearson/2008/04/meditate_your_way_to_happiness.html

Meditation doesn't work for absolutely everyone and if you take medication for an illness you shouldn't just stop taking it because you are meditating. The doctor is the one to ask here again.



Right, I'll take a bit more oramorph and get ready for the day. Excuse me if letters are missing from me post .. my keyboard has problems .. I try to catch them all but I'm gonna miss some now and then.

Sunday

Still got a cold ... sneezed again this morning and my eyes are watery. Meditated for about three quarters of an hour .. only meant to for around half an hour but over run a bit. Wasn't easy without the pain relief cause me mind wandered a bit but I just kept bringing it back to the mantra.

Got to bed at a reasonable time last night and fell asleep straight away .. good considering I have a cold. Must remember to get ear drops today .. this illness seems to mean that I have to have them .. well, I'm not quite sure what it is .. I think they use a gentle suction rather than syringing now .. whatever it was it was fine anyway .. or it might just be my cold making things worse. I have a bit of tinitus anyway which means I don't hear that well .. it's a bit fuzzy unless I'm actually face to face talking to the person .. think it's something that comes with age a bit anyway .. remembering reading someone else saying the same about being on the move. At the moment it's a lot fuzzier so I guess I better try and sort it out .. and tell them at the hospital. I'm resonably ok on the phone still .. but then you couldn't get things much more direct than that. Need a new pair of earphones too if I'm going to be relaxing listening to music .. me old ones weren't that good last night.

I'm better at carrying things .. carried a large bottle of diet fizzy lemonade and two packs of those two for a fiver yogurts back yesterday from Tesco amongst other thing which was rather neat .. ok .. it wasn't that easy but it's not that long since I used to have to stop in to rest at Waterstones just to get to Tesco. I still have to stop on occasion and have had to rest there once this week

I'm a little bit trembly this morning but not too bad .. that's the cold and I felt sick just before I sneezed .. very sick .. but only for few seconds .. then .. asnichoo .. and things soon calmed down again. At least that's some of the bugs gone .. I usually do me sneezing soon after getting up when I have a cold .. don't know why.

Will carry on reading my book today .. it's pretty neat.. It had obviously grabbed the attention of someone .. round here I guess?? .. and .. a lot more too I'd hazard a pretty safe guess. lol!!!! I'll never know any of their stories .. well, I still might hear a couple I guess. What people have told me has been interesting .. especially a war time one and a couple of ones about children. I'm still not up there for reincarnation .. but you never know .. I just think once here is enough. I suppose people who've had experiences that could make them think that reincarnation is a real possibility will believe that .. but I don't think reincarnation could be the only reason for these experiences. The knowledge could come from there just being anything beforehand.

Sigh

Sigh .. yes, I'm really turning in .. though I feel that I could stay up another couple of hours at least!!! But .. I won't .. lol!!

Tomorrow .. bone sparing pill and I'll try and spend that half an hour meditating.

Now ..

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Taken me oramorph!! whoops .. off I go!!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It's great being able to think in a different way about death. I have to say. It looks like I'm not going to have an out of the body experiencee I guess ,, but I know about my brother's .. and I someone else that I know's had a near death experience quite recently .. though I'd've rather he hadn't been that ill .. though he's fine now. All I can do is thank him for sharing. I feel like asking more .. but I won't .. he's not some kind of experiment .. though I want to know technical things now!! But I will just keep what he told me. He's the third person that has told me about their near death experience.

People are quiet about their out of the body experiences too on the whole .. I guess they're very personal really .. maybe I'd be quiet too if I had one. Hear the wistfullness there ... lol!!!!! I really think that I'm not well enough I guess. Don't think my body would want to do it while I'm in this condition. I suppose I see it as a dry run for the actual death experience too!!! lol!!! A kind of practice run .. a bit like what happened with mum which took away her fear.

I know there are people out there who understand every word I'm writing without knowing the actual experience. I would like to be that understanding .. I still have problems coming to terms with it. And, people won't be interested because they "don't believe in things like that." that's their choice .. we all choose our own paths. They don't have to be religious .. mine still isn't .. but they don't have to include anything on the metaphysical side either.

I said when I started this tht I'd put up a few experiences for people who wanted to add a few to their own or for people to compare to if things started happening in their lives and that's what I've done. I doubt if it'll have made all that much difference though .. as I said before .. most people who are interested will go down some similar path and there's already loads of information out there and those who aren't .. it'll make no difference to at all. I also know that spirit can show itself very differently from what I've described here .. so people tell me .. I find some of it very difficult to take in at times and don't really understand.

Anyway .. off to bed now .. almost midnight ... lol!!! I had trouble last night cause of me cold .. hope it's better tonight.

medication

Jut taken me slow release morphine and mycophenolate mofetil. And must put the bone sparing pills out for tomorrow morning so there's no chance of eating or drinking before I take them. Done!!

Gone

My friend has gone for good I think. I feel sorry but I'm over it. I just hoped that things would get better. I know why she started drinking and it just seems that her life has won where I'd've liked to see her win. Even if she was getting bad and she was .. maybe it's not too late. She has a good partner .. well, as far as you know about everything that goes on with anyone. But she does have a heatbreaking past. I hope she wins and I hope she comes through and is the lovely person who used to shine through now and then even when things were bad. I have wondered whether to contact them again .. I could .. it's not like all avenues have been closed. I just haven't responded to the one that's been left open. I'd rather she explained things to me because she knows I want her to get better.

All that's left really is for me to put her down for absent healing. I don't know how much healing works as Patric says .. by the healer being there to help you heal yourself .. though not everyone who seems to have been healed has believed in healing. lol!! But maybe on a subliminal level they hoped that it would work .. otherwise why try. I suspect those that don't have any belief in it have tried everything else and there must be a strong feeling of wanting to get better and maybe the thought of a healer has got through to them on some level. Healing is about healing the mind too during illnesses .. I was talking about physical healing back then .. but not everyone who goes for healing is going to be physically healed .. but hopefully they will be in other ways.

She does know I want her to get better. She's had a hard time .. I hope she comes through in lots of good ways.

I am over it though .. not mentioning that I knew her to people who don't know that it was always me she confided in. Won't say much if she's mentioned. She was a remote part of my life really in some ways .. but I now know lots of people from the same interest and I ain't gonna talk about it all.

I do hope she gets better though .. and comes back .. nice and cosy and healed. She was very entertaining .. and she would be without the booze .. just different. I don't undertand it all obviously. I hope it all goes right for them.

I am over her not being around .. but I'm still hoping she gets better.

..... cont.

Ah .. yes, I remember, it was in a book about evolution I guess, not quite sure what of .. of the brain .. of society .. can't remember .. just a book whose title interested me so I had a look at it .. but it was quoted at 2/3%. The author wondered why natural selection hadn't got rid of the psychopathic gene .. if there is such a thing .. but decided that it was good for a group of people to be kept on their toes so to speak so that they were ready to fight if they had to. I wondered why they'd have to fight if the gene was gone .. but I guess it wouldn't happen at the same time every where so ............................... Remember learning that there were two kinds of psychopathic personality too .. the inadequate and the aggressive .. the inadequate wasn't really a problem but obviously the aggressive sort was. Still wonder about the % though .. it seems rather a high rise in a few years and rather a lot.

Anyway that was the gist of it all. I once knew a psychiatrist, who I'd love to talk to again, who said he hated psychopaths. I have tried to find him but with no luck .. traced him so far through a book and some articles he'd written .. guess I didn't really try hard enough really. We were quite young when we knew each other. I think I'll leave it though.

I got some green tea from Tesco .. liked my cup of it yesterday and it's meant to be good for you. I usually just have a couple of mugs of hot chocolate .. had a couple of omelettes there too but have stopped that now.

I haven't read many books for a long time and it's good to get back into them.

I'm enjoying the one of coincidences .. I'll probably read it twice I guess. Got one on the "gay gene" to read too which looks as if it's written very well. There's an interesting one on racism and antiracism too .. but it's the same with all this isn't it .. good and bad everywhere across the globe.

I don't know when I'll do my booklets for my friends .. when I'll get round to it ... The Works have packs of suitable notepads for around £2 for a pack of 10 .. I'll just do a little myself and leave the rest for them to do when they want.

I hope they had a nice time last night .. I left about nine .. well, it was getting late fer me .. lol!!! And sitting there wiv me mugs of hot chocolate ... lol!!! listening to the dj. Actually I didn't sleep long last night .. was sneezing a bit this morning ... so I meditated for an hour today .. yup .. a whole hour. I didn't think that I'd have the concentration to do it but I did .. used a mantra though occasionally slipped into silence just listening to my breath. Was surprized that it went so well as I had a cold. An hour is a long time to sit there doing nothing .. well, you are doing something a the changes in the brain demonstrate. There was a good chapter about it in a book on stress in the Oxfam bookshop .. can't remember the name of the book. It was a good description of the benefits of meditation. Don't think it works for everyone .. but the majority of people are said to find it beneficial. There are different kinds of meditation too. I just use the one where you calm and still the mind rather than the story type. Though at meetings we went into our minds in a given location and I've heard cds where you are asked to listen to the sounds of the surf on the beach etc., etc. I don't find that as relaxing as just concentrating on a mantra or my breath but different things for different people.

Haven't started listening to much music again .. I've been listening to Ravi Shankar since the year dot so to speak .. now and then. Used to listen a lot when I was young and then not so much. Was listening long before I started yoga. They didn't mention the blues in the experiment I don't think. Anyway I'm sure there'll be lots of music to listen to .. I never liked western classical music and I never will .. Ravi Shankar loves it .. Just different things for different people again. I'm still going to listen to rock though .. I love it .. and not all the plants reacted that way .. maybe I'm in with the few plants that didn't. I'm not sure about the muscle strength ..if that was 100% across the board. I find it difficult to listen to Western classical music .. me dad didn't like it either unlike me mum and brother.

books ... continued

I was leafing through a book the other day and came upon the fact that it's considered that 2/3% of the population have a psychopathic personality. When I was last looking for information like that, a long time ago, it was reckoned that 1% of men and just under that could be said to have a psychopathic personality. They weren't really sure about women back then and said the figures for women might be wrong as they thought women might show it differently from men. It was said that you could tell a psychopath because they didn't see other people as "real" Ofcourse once that hit the stands everyone would be saying .. yes, ofcourse they saw other people as real .. unless they were in the psychiatric profession it seems .. lol!!!! I've never forgotten a story in The Times I think it was where a guy was becoming suspiscious of a collegue and he asked him if he saw his parents as real people and he said ... no!!! There was more to the conversation and the guy had his reasons to think this of the other guy for a long time. I don't know .. looking back .. what the guy meant by "real" ... I can't remember that part of the conversation .. but I expect it meant did he think his parents were real in that they had feelings to be considered. I wish I could remember the whole article now. I wondered when I was reading the bit in the book the other day why the % of people seen to have this personality disorder had changed. I also wondered if "real" had been replaced by another word or paragraphs or even a whole book. I know that some people don't like the word psychopath or sociopath to be used at all because they say it covers too varied a set of people.

Books

Just waiting for my washing to do .. had to go out and get some washing liquid so couldn't do it first thing. Chatted bit round town .. can't wait to hear what the surprize was on Monday ... I'll be the only one still to be excited then I guess .. cause it'll be over by then and everyone else will know!!!!lol!!! Was pleased to see someone else back .. had known through my brother just how ill she's been .. she seems to have lost nearly half her body weight in a few weeks and I could've mistaken for her daughter .. talk about peas in a pod ... anyway I hope she really is a lot better now. Told someone else just how ill she'd been .. really hope she's well on the mend now.

Went and got some more bags .. the ones with zips .. cause there weren't that many left and I might need the extra ones.

Read quite a bit of my new book on coincidences while out drinking my hot chocolate and green tea .. it's an interesting book. I did worry that it might be full of stories like .. "I met someone who I went to school with forty years ago while on holiday in Australia" .. things like that and all one offs and with no connecting chat to surround the subject. I don't think it's much of a coincidence that the book and the ones on OBEs were in the Oxfam bookshop when I went back to have a look .. for all I know they might've been given by someone who read this blog and hopes that I'll have found them .. by the way .. if they were .. thankyou .. I hope the few experiences I've mentioned in my blogs over the years and on Empower when that was up and running like it was have helped you. If it was purely chance .. thankyou too .. I'm really pleased to have them.

I'm convinced now I guess .. but by the mixture of my own experiences and other peoples .. it's always more real if they're your own I guess .. and you know for sure they happened and how. Someone elses are always someone else's I guess. Even though I know that people have told me the truth their experiences are still theirs. The book is good though. Thanks again whoever gave it.

I have another similar to read from Oxfam too .. though more general than that and a book on natural pain relief from The Works which I really should read.

Back from docs

Had to go to the docs early this morning .. walked back .. popped into the Oxfam bookhop and got three books .. me last for a while .. one called "Beyond Coincidence"(2003), others "What remains to be discovered"(1998) and "Why people believe weird things."(1997) Looked at a couple of health books and read about the proven benefits of meditation .. I'm meditating most days now .. for about ten minutes .. it gets easier each time. My mind stays pretty concentrated on the mantra now. Also have a book to read about living in Afghanistan under the Taliban from one of the charity shops. My brother said there was a good selection of books in the charity shops and he's right. I'd found some health and general knowledge ones in the hospice one too earlier in the week. I forget what he found .. but something he'd been looking for .. probably about the Beats or socialism or art!!!!! He said that the university bookhop had some obsure Marxist type books in, something related to the SWP. I said that I thought there was a slight interest brewing up again, at least there had been in London for a little while but that it wasn't so dogmatic these days .. more feeling that there should be a fairer world but not necessarily Marxist and more mixed in with other things like the environment ... he was surprized. Marxism had been quite a big youth thing when he was young .. I said that I didn't think it would ever become like that again. I'd thought it had been a bit too dogmatic in the 70s .. too much power over and not enough self expression encouraged .. though the SWP had encouraged feminism I believe. Though in the States some felt that it didn't and for that and other reasons the Freedom Socialist Party was born. I wasn't a Marxist .. being more like it is today I guess but from a different era. I think I'd've preferred the FSP to the SWP if I had been Marxist. I'd've been interested in how much party control there was/is .. one of the reasons they split was the control in the SWP of the time.

Taken me next doses of pain relief and the herbal pill .. just about to chew the calcium one .. done ... and have had a sandwich for lunch and a yogurt.
I'll potter off to have me hot chocolate soon .. usually take me arabic books and get stuck into that there now. Pleased that it's going ok. Not sure about going out tonight .. don't think I'm well enough really.

I wrote an entry last night but lost it because I hadn't been signed in .. serves me right .. I should've been back in bed .. didn't stay up too long though but it was just about something I was thinking about so I wrote about it. Gone though now!!!!!!!

Up....

I think I've still got a bit of a cold too. Me eyes are a bit wet. Anyway .. went back to bed after blogging and fell asleep straight away .. woke up about twenty minutes ago so that's not too bad. Took me oramorph about a minute after waking up!!!!!! The ribcage is painful today .. and a cyclizine .. I always take the two together first .. except Sundays cause of having to wait the half an hour .. then they go down with the rest of the pills I have to swallow.

I was wondering how I'd've coped with all this .. it's obviously not easy .. the pain is high and does break through all the pain relief at times. Hadn't been taking the new herbal remedy either .. that should be taken with food .. will start again today.

More oramorph

Woken up again!!! Taken some more oramorph but I think it's more to do with the change in me muscles again .. the right side of my rib cage seems to be loosening up and it's changing my breathing quite a lot .. I almost laughed when I woke to feel the change in breathing because it was so noticable .. why this should happen when I'm still and asleep ..I can't move much in my sleep cause of the muscle/bone problem!!! It's painful but I think the change in breathing was what woke me up .. I'm usually out to the world between doses of oramorph except if I have a cold ... ocasionally that'll keep me awake. There's a kind of clicking on the right side of my head as the muscles are changing at the moment too which might've woken me up.

My walking is changing from day to day at the moment because of the changes in breathing .. some days it's really difficult and then it'll ease off again.

I got invited out to lunch on Monday but I'm going to have to say no beause of the difficulties at the moment. It would've been nice too sounded as if I'd've met some interesting and pleasant people .. and get to do some Arabic recall with one of them .. but I'm really not finding eating that easy right now hence the mugs of hot chocolate.. at least I get the milk in those. And I have me protein sips .. though I'm thinking of going back to the soya powder ones from Holland and Barretts and taking a vitamin pill .. think it's about time I started going more vegan again .. I'm not sure if you can get soya powder ones on prescription or not though .. I somehow doubt it.

Got me bags to start putting my books and cds in the other day .. won't be taking all that much back but me books go with me.

What about music .. well, I don't listen to all that much anyway but I think a mixture of rock and Indian and Arabic and ambient should be fine. Not giving up on rock totally. Was wondering about country rock as apparently country music was fine in the experiment. Can't do Western clasical music I just don't like it.

Anyway I'm back off to bed again. Been up half an hour and the oramorph has taken effect though me right side is still trying to move more. Dunno what the rest of the night's gonna be like. My right side has been like this for a few days now.

I'd not taken me calcium pill .. infact hadn't for a few days but I've been getting plenty of calcium and I take a pill once a week to stop the steroids leeching anymore calcium out of my bones .. the Sunday one where I can't eat or drink anything but water for half an hour and have to sit upright. Waking up reminded me that I hadn't taken the calcium pills .. so I did. Even though I've been having lots of calcium in my food but I need the extra to build my bones back up again. All me other pills are swallowed .. the calcium ones are chewed and occasionally I forget them.

Zzzzzzz

Turning in soon. Not so shakey this morning but there's still an underlying bit of a chill there. Got someone new to chat to tomorrow .. a friend of a friend in a couple of directions it seems!!! Be nice .. but I'm tired out .. and need to turn in before I become rooted to me seat again.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

El Nino

Temperatures have been steady for about ten years with a blimph in 2005 when the year had the second hottest average temperature recorded .. which meant it appeared to be on the rise again .. it's difficult to quite know what year to use as the year temperatures evened out a bit because 2005 was the second hottest year on record .. 1998 being the hottest .. but just by a fraction of a degree.

In my last post I set it at 2005 because of the high temperature that year .. the temperature was surprizingly high cause the 1998 one had been influenced by El Nino while the 2005 one hadn't .. which year to use???!!! Some scientists thought El Nino was going to influence the temperatures to reach a new high in 2007 but it didn't happen. I've typed in 1998 now .. but I felt easier about 2005 because of the El Nino situation plus the fact that it had been the hottest year recorded other than 1998 since records began and the difference was minute.

Some scientists predicted that 2007 would be even hotter but it didn't happen ..wonder about those sun spots .. though it may be more down to a change in El Nino. It's so difficult to make predictions because of all the changes that are happening so rapidly in the ecosystems at the moment.

The hottest years have been: 1) 1998 .. 2) 2005 .. 3)2003 .. 4)2002 .. 5)2004. (Climatic Research Unit)

The weather

People were saying last week that this week was going to be one of those gloriously warm and sunny summer weeks but so far, while it's been pleasant and dry there've been a lot of clouds around. Apparently it was meant to be hot and sunny all week and start cooling over the weekend. I was wondering yesterday if it's been nicer this summer than last .. it feels it but I don't know if that's just because it isn't raining at the moment!!! I just remember last summer as a grey and dismal washout .. which it was but I might feel that was worse cause of the nice summers before it .. this one is just one predicted wet and cloudy summer following another and the lovely warm ones are further back in my memory. At the moment it seems quite nice though!!!!

There's been quite a bit of discussion in the press about climate change again becaue of a TV program. It was found that the TV program had misrepresented some scientists views on global warming though it didn't pass a viewpoint on the subject itself.

The overwhelming majority view is that the problem is down to human activity releasing greenhouse gases into the air rather than to natural processes like solar activity and volcanoes. The model focusing on human activities is constant in that the more green house gasses that are released into the atmosphere the more of an effect you get while solar activity changes in regular cycles and volcanoes errupt when they do. And volcanoes would cool rather than heat because they contribute more to the haze effect than the greenhouse effect.

At the moment there's a new solar cycle beginning

http://www.spacetoday.org/SolSys/Sun/Sunspots.html

It's a bit late starting this time and there are different thoughts as to what might happen because of this. The mini ice age followed a time when there were no new sun spots on the sun for a while and the slow start with no new sun spots when they were expected is making some people wonder if the earth's temperatures will cool as that is what is said to have happened when it became very cold in the little ice age .. but this just affected the Northern hemisphere rather than the whole planet whereas climate change at the moment is affecting the whole planet. There are other reasons why the climate could have become so cold too. But during the little ice age sun spots fell by an enormous amount. A scientific model that had been 98% accurate which had predicted the strength of the last eight cycles had predicted that this latest one would be a strong one so I guess we're just going to have to sit back and watch and see if it picks up.

Since around 1975 - 1998 there hadn't been any significant changes in solar activities that were felt to influence climate change, sun spot activity was high but constant, but the temperature had still been rising and research into the connection between solar activity and climate change, the Solanki et al report noted this.

http://www.mps.mpg.de/dokumente/publikationen/solanki/c153.pdf



http://www.mps.mpg.de/projects/sun-climate



http://www.mpg.de/english/illustrationsDocumentation/documentation/pressReleases/2004/pressRelease20040802


The temperature globally has been more or less constant since 1998 .. though with the seond hightest average being recorded in a blimph in 2005 .. so what has happened .. is it something to do with the melting Arctic and glaciers or are the greenhouse gases starting to block as well as absorb the heat. It'd be interesting to now how the yearly temperatures are made up .. whether there's been fluctuations yearly in night and day temperatures would be interesting and where in the globe these fluctuations took place and during what seasons.

Another thing that has interested me during the whole debate is why when fossil fuels are gradually declining are people trying to stand in the way of developing energy technologies that don't rely on them. The major probability is that they are changing the ecosystems or so the vast majority of scientists believe but eventually they are going to run out anyway, though not before a lot of damage has been done to the planet, and different technologies need to be found to produce energy. Surely it makes sense to be developing them now!!!!

Early zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzs

I'll be off to sleep soon .. not staying up late tonight ... hopefully I'll've turned in before twelve. It's been a nice day though my health hasn't been too good. Woke up this morning thinking of Flo which was rather a surprize as I hardly knew her .. yet she was in my mind as clear as day. She was someone mum knew but I'd only spoken to her a few times. Actually I am really tired. Just got a few messages to send though it might be better if I left em til tomorrow. Or .. I'll probably be here for hours .. more that I'm feeling too tired to move than anything else and'll sit up rather than having to get up for a while!!!!!

Gosh .. it's only 10.45 (p.m lol!!!)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

So tired I can hardly move .. been falling in and out of a doze for the last ten minutes ..... so off to bed ... EVEN if it is rather early!!!!!!!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I've actually got to take some more oramorph before bed ..think I'll take it in with me .. lol .. or I'll have a hard time getting there. zzzzzzzzzz

It's actually real good stuff though could be a bit stronger I guess. Someone I was talking to today suggested that I went for the patches instead of the oramorph and MST .. his wife had used them and found them better. I don't know if I'll be able to use them though because of my auto immune illness. Might be able to as I can have dressings and they're stuck in the same place time after time .. we shall see.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I really am tired.

And it's not even midnight.

.................

I may have lost one friend to alcoholism .. and I'm very sad and accept now that it's unlikely I'll/we'll hear from her again .. I know the whole story now .. well, as far as her friends are concerned and she won't be back for a long time .. if ever. I was so worried that I'd somehow hurt her and that was why things had suddenly changed .. but I couldn't really see how .. unless suggesting the doctor's surgery was a better place to be than drinking so much if she couldn't sleep had got to her. Anyway, I know now that it wasn't me .. but I also know that I doubt if I'll ever hear from her again .. though may do .. if it really is the early stages and she stops drinking. I find it hard to take in that she's developed wet brain so early on but I suppose it must be something to do with the way she metabolises alcohol .. I realise why she developed jaundice last year now too. On two bottles of wine a night. I know that's way above the recommended limits regardless of whose limits might be being recommended but I'm still surprised.

The real story had me laughing, sad, angry .. quite a mixture of emotions .. but I'm glad that it's all come out into the open because now everyone might realise that things are very bad indeed .. whereas before they didn't. Obviously I can't tell her story here ... I'm sad she's been through all she has in life and hope she can pick up now before it really is too late.

Strangely enough .. my life has become flooded with new friends in the days she's been gone from my life .. not without a little effort from me .. but not much I have to say .. they knew of me before but that was all .. I hadn't really been well enough to sort things out before .. but I certainly didn't expect this level of contact in return.

Tuesday

Back from the hospital where I managed to walk up the slopey corridor without being totally puffed and having to stop half a dozen times .. though I was puffed a few steps further round the corner. Probably discovered why I'd been feeling so achey in the mornings for the past couple of days and extra achey .. met someone who'd had a bug with the same symptoms. She'd stayed up two nights hardly knowing where she was the temperature had got to her so badly .. but she's ok now.

Had some chickpea curry and swede .. there always seems to be swede in the canteen .. didn't eat that much and didn't fancy pudding today .. it was sponge and custard .. can't remember what flavour sponge .. the pudding's are usually very nice but I just didn't feel like eating that much.

Got to bed early last night .. sent there by Orange .. they closed down at midnight ... lol!!!! so I just turned in. Woke up snuffley but not as snuffley as yesterday nor as zoinked out .. I almost felt as if I was sleepwalking .. took me ages to really wake up. Today was a lot better and some of the extra aches and pains had gone.

Zzzzzz

Fell asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow and slept through til past eight this morning .. though still very tired. I woke up as if from a very deep sleep and felt half asleep and it took me quite a long time to wake up properly .. but I think that's my cold .. it still hasn't gone.

Anyway .. slept well .. though rather bleary with cold still.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just about to turn in!!!!! Did get out this evening ... though was late as usual .. was pleased I went though .. an interesting evening. I guess I never really need worry about experiences being there .. they do kinda fit into my life now .. got talking to someone afterwards and they told me of two experiences they'd had that were the same sort that I was referring to when I talked about Lin and mum. Makes me think even more now .. but too late to know for sure.

They are all around .. just going by the one in ten people who've had an out of the body experience .. plus all the other kinds of "related" experiences .. they must be very common indeed. Just that people don't generally talk about them much. A relatively private matter. Anyway, I'm sure there'll be plenty of new ones to find out about once I'm in London.

Anyway I had a nice evening .. and a nice cup of tea .. and went for healing. Someone said that they would be doing self healing at home as we had to go. Interesting.

I'll start playing my ambient music from The Wors after reading a bit about music in a book I'd got from the Oxfam bookshop about accelerated leaning and how some plants when put to the test loved classical music .. in particular Ravi Shankar .. they were virtually trying to cuddle the speakers it seems when listening to the sitar.

http://www.ravishankar.org/

http://www.last.fm/music/Ravi+Shankar

This is another Ravi Shankar .. the one who I wrote about who someone I spoke to had said that his breathing exercises had helped her asthma a lot.

http://www.srisri.org

http://www.artofliving.org/

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2002075460_healthbreathing31.html

Click the article on breathing in the in the news section in the Art of Living page. Doesn't tell you how to do it .. just about it's benefits. The woman I spoke to said you could get a copy of a small book somewhere in Birmingham that detailed the exercises. They'd worked for her, she said, as I think I mentioned before, that she'd told me to try and help me with my illness.

I wouldn't know but maybe some yoga breathing exercises could help too.

The plants had liked classical music too but not rock. This was written about because music has been used to help people learn.

Anyway, I'm off to bed now, Actually just as well I did stay up in some respects as I'd've woken up again about now anyway it appears. Now I can just go to bed and hopefully settle for the night.!!!!!! Well, you never know.

Now: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ashihooo .. who'd've guessed!!!!!!!

Atishoo!!! I wonder if that's why I was feeling so tired again when I woke up this morning. I got to bed reasonably early last night again .. though I know I should be turning in before twelve .. and, hopefully, ready to get up by about 8.30 or so .. so I'll've slept about eight hours depending on how often I wake up during the night.

I could feel worse!!! At least I've not been sick etc. And it's probably the cold that's making me feel so tired.

It'll be interesting reading me new OBE book .. I glanced through it before going to bed last night and read a little. Interesting because I'll be reading views from before an OBE or something like it was reproduced in a lab. William Rushton had wondered if they could be dreams .. it appears not .. my brother was awake when he had his anyway so I realised that not all of them where. I was awake when I had my experience though I really don't think mine was an OBE .. too many discrepancies. They didn't sound like dreams anyway. Not that I know that much about dreams anyway, on a conscious level, cause I don't remember many of mine.

Today I feel more like curling up and dozing than reading though.

Then ..... zzzzzzzzzz

People had told me their experiences earlier in my life too .. though not many .. mum mainly .. found out she'd told my brother too .. so, they were happenings that had made a big impact on her. Lin's mum too. I didn't take much notice .. infact I hadn't really let myself think about what Lin's mum said in any great depth until tonight. I thought it was some kind of guilt about family things and had left it at that. I can't remember if I told her that something had happened in my house that night too. I would love to know about the rest of her friends .. I didn't know them .. we went back further than the new friends she had in her life at the time. If I knew more it would be easier to call it syncronicity rather than coincidence.



It's intereting that one in ten people have had an OBE .. they certainly keep it in the family so to speak. Or. at least amongst close friends .. yeah .. makes you wonder though just how many people know a lot. I only tell people one or two experiences that people have told me and that's only cause I know they discuss it freely.

Once I'm back in London I'll be surrounded by places to go. Whoo hoo!!! And I expect they'll know other people to talk to. Whoo hoo!!!!

I'm not as immersed as I was .. but I do like a flow of stories from other people and experiences of my own. I've got to get back into learning my languages again and other things that I'm interested in .. not that I'm not interested in this anymore ... I'd be sad if it stopped as it has been.. but then it's not likely to .. there are lots of people to talk to if nothing else.

I must go to bed now .. thinking has kept me up half an hour longer than I intended to be.

Deja vu??!!

Just typed back some of the words I'd taken out by accident when I was editing earlier ... lol!!!!

Friday

I turned in earlier last night but still felt tired when I woke up this morning even though I'd slept for around eight hours. The day's not been bad though, all things considered. I browsed the Oxfam bookshop and left with a couple of books .. one on out of the body experiences. There were two there and I hadn't read either. The one I chose was by Susan Blackmore and published in the 1980s. It'll be interesting reading especially as a few months ago it was finally proved that the brain could do something resembling this under certain stimulation.

I still have my books by Raymond Moody which I found in Help 71 and one other book about NDEs plus another about how to create OBEs. I never managed to have one but then I guess I didn't try very hard either.

I bought two other books "They Would Never Hurt a Fly" .. about war criminals on trial in The Hague, and Learning Non-Aggression (The Experience of Non-Literate Societies) edited by Ashley Montagu.

Also read in one of the papers how it's thought that the net is altering the connections in our brains. It appears that going quickly from page to page could be making it harder for people to concentrate on anything longer and therefore not having the concentration to read lengthy paper or magazine articles and is also changing the way the brain contemplates things .. well, it seems that using the net and darting from one small bit of information to another makes it harder to contemplate what you're reading than if you spend the time slowly reading a book .. the neural pathways are formed differently. I wonder if you use both, books and the net if you get both sets of neural pathways. If you read a language that uses ideograms .. like the egyptian hieroglyphs .. different pathways throughout the brain are used to those than when reading an alphabetical language..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideogram

Someone wrote that even reading a blog of more than three or four paragraphs is too much to take in.

I saw the works of Lobsang Rampa and Carlos Castaneda in Oxfam today. These were popular authors who both wrote what were seen to be works of fiction, Carlos Castaneda in the late 1960s/1990s and Lobsang Rampa inthe 1950s/1980s.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlos_Castaneda

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobsang_Rampa

It's thing like in The Third Eye where Mr Rampa describes being drilled in the forehead to produce a third eye as being compatible with Buddhism that kind of makes you wonder because the third eye is said to be there all along and opens rather than being drilled in. It appears what people referred to as the third eye is infact the pineal gland

http://godsdirectcontact.us/sm21/enews/www/133/ss.htm

http://www.strayreality.com/Lanis_Strayreality/thirdtyepinealgland.htm

and doesn't need anyone doing anything like that whatever way you might be looking at it .. infact it you'd think it'd have the opposite effect!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's the pineal gland that I was referring to before when I wrote about sleeping in the dark and melatonin production.

The other guy who wrote about meeting a shaman who he learnt from but the teacher was never produced. The books, I dipped in and out of a couple of them, were quite compelling and the covers exotic.

Apparently Lobsang Rampa's books are out of print now but you can download a few for free from here

http://www.lobsangrampa.net/lobsang_rampa.html

This is why you really need to have your own experiences or listen to those from people you trust. Otherwise you never really know if it's just good entertainment or not.

I trust in the kind of experiences Gordon Smith talks about cause I've spoken to a couple of people who have known things they shouldn't've done about people I've known complete with a strange kind of synchronicity. I could relate to his books. I've spoken to people who've told me things I know are the truth beause of how they were telling them .. a knd of naturalness that threy couldn't've conveyed if they'd had to make them up on the spur of the moment


I didn't go out tonight because I want to get to sleep on time now and I could've pottered round on time but I guess when I got back I'd've stayed up a couple more hours than I should .. someone said they were gonna have to come and confiscate me mouse if I couldn't manage to turn in by midnight ... hum .. look who's talking .. lol!!! LOL!!!!!

But I do know that I've got to.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I went out this afternoon .. glad I went even though I was so tired .. just to see the people. I closed me eyes and just listened through most of it .. felt very sleepy. Had me cup of tea and came back.

Later on picked up a copy of Aldous Huxley's Doors of Perception and Heaven and Hell and also a book called Khama which is a collection of essays about the idea of khama. I've never believed in khama because I haven't included reincarnation in my beliefs and I don't believe in khama during a lifetime cause it doesn't explain a baby having to go through difficult times. I'm open minded as far as reincarnation goes but don't believe in a lifetime kind of khama because .. well, it often doesn't play out.

I do believe in "divine retribution," for want of better words, though .. that was coined in the 19th century when it possibly didn't sound as grim as it does today. My belief comes from reading about NDEs where people report feeling the pain they've caused other people and also going through life reviews. It's just logical to take from those experiences that it's possible that there is some moral reason for being here.

Aldous Huxley's book is only a short one though I've always found it heavy going when I've tried to read it before but I've had me interest revived a bit in the brain .. there was a little book on the new books shelves in Waterstones a couple of weeks ago that looked interesting .. it was about the brain .. the author said that though people always praised the structure of the human brain there were reasons to think that it could have been much better than it is even just doing the things it does at the moment. That it hasn't developed to cope that well. Could do better was his verdict!!!!!

Anyway I have me two books and maybe I will eventually read my way through the whole of Aldous Huxley's book. I think I might've mentioned it before in my blogs .. it was popular student reading in the 60s and 70s. Jim Morrison named The Doors after the book and the book itself took it's name from a quote by William Blake: "If the doors of perception were cleansed man will see things as they truly are .. infinite."

I'm off to get some sleep now.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Not what I wanted to hear

Well, me brother gave me the answer I didn't really want to hear .. that the person who had the worse case of wet brain he'd ever seen was in his late twenties. He said that one last binge had done a lot of damage and although some damage could be repaired that done to the brain in this case couldn't be. I always thought that wet brain was the result of many, many years of heavy drinking but it seems that it can happen to younger people too. And that it appears is what is happening to my friend .. I think I mentioned that she forgot which of her daughters had a page on her site .. she forgot that she'd given her e mail address to someone so he could send her some photos the other night and she said something about her partner that totally bewildered me a couple of weeks ago and that made me really pissed off though I didn't say much cause I realised something strange was happening. The last I couldn't understand .. the rest you could put down to just being drunk I guess. As far as I and I guess anyone but her knows .. she's drinking two bottles of wine a night .. I didn't think that could do this much damage in someone so young.

Link

Had to alter the link in last night's post as I'd spelt behaviour the English way rather than the American way.

The link to the letter I was refering to is this.

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Addiction-Alcohol-2053/Behavior-changes-long-term.htm


I usually check but it was very late and I didn't bother.

Snuffled up

I'm a bit snuffly this morning .. nose is blocked but I don't feel too bad all things considered I guess. Quite a few people have said that they're bloced up .. well, my cold seems to be really there now .. though much better than erlier this morning. Me nose was blocked earlier on but then cleared a bit.

I'm very much hoping that my friend has gone to the doctors this morning. Fingers crossed. It's the best thing that could happen.

Sigh

A busy day .. covered elsewhere so I'm not writing it out again. I think I might've lost me friend to the booze .. she's gone quiet .. I do know what's happened though she doesn't know that I do. It's sad .. cause she is a nice person .. but the drink's changing things. Sad.

I was reading a mag in the hospital waiting room about drinking here .. it was really sad reading about a 14 year old diagnosed with liver failure and people in their 20s developing cirrhosis. She said something about being jaudiced a little while ago but had said it was due to a cold .. guess it wasn't.

The magazine was sad reading .. According to Alcohol Concern it's reckoned that 1 in 7 16 to 24 year olds are dependent on drink. It reckoned that as kids brains are still developing they're more prone to brain damage. Dunno when my friend started drinking but she's in her late 30's now .. so quite a bit younger than the woman mentioned here .. but .. she's still quite young too.

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Addiction-Alcohol-2053/Behavior-changes-long-term.htm

Oh well. Maybe something will happen now and she'll get help. Fingers crossed, huh. I know she knows she needs help .. she says she drinks to help her sleep and because of stress .. hopefully she'll go to the docs now. She just seems so young to be developing these problems .. she's only been drinking wine.

Still .. there you go .. she's very tall .. you'd think that would mean she'd be better protected too.

Anyway .. I'm off to bed now .. later than I intended. Just been thinking .. she must wonder if I know .. I wonder if she remembers what she said before .. she'll be really upset if she does. And I know what she'll think I'll think .. but I don't .. I just think it's low self esteem and alcohol mixed .. though I am pissed off .. though, strangely, not as much as I was the first time .. I didn't say much then .. just reminded her how lucky she is as far as that part of her life goes now .. and she is .. and left it. I am very sad though .. because she can't be as happy as I thought she was there .. this has nothing to do with her drinking .. you'd've hoped that she might've tried to stop now that part of her life has improved so much. It's actually really confusing.

She lives too far away for me to be able to go and see her now and she won't travel so there you go.

I'm going to bed. Because I don't drink I don't know if this could happen just because she was blotto on a couple of bottles of wine. she remembered who I am so surely she'd've remembered something she said that was so reflective of her life. She knew about the rest of what'd happened and what she'd said. Guess she's the only one that can answer that really.

Sigh.

The sad thing

The sad thing is that I found my friend's memory is really going .. sad .. wish she'd stop drinking but there is nothing I can do .. put her in the healing book for a try maybe .. maybe it'll help when I talk to her beause it might focus my mind more. Who knows.



She's a nice person.

I can be forgetful at times beause of me illness and medication but I am nothing like her .. that is the shock .. watching her go down. I understand about the past and why she drinks I just hate seeing what it's done to her.

Out now

It has been a busy day .. I've been carrying on where me friend left off .. I'm looking for what I'm taking with me and what I'm not too!!! I have what I need with me books, study stuff and a bit of music. I will eat me way through me tinned stuff.

Sorted.

I got something sorted for me brother this weekend and I will do something else too .. myself .. if I feel well enough. The cold got me .. just when I was feeling better and interested again. Oh well.

Things are better though .. you know it when the languages start again .. though it was the hieroglyphs that moared me this time.

The other stuff has been great .. just what I needed and though I didn't ask for anything I will always search now. It was frightening to start off with but I just accept it now. I do like exchanging experiences with other people .. sad that I've forgotten some but that's the way it goes I guess. I wondered if I have any favourites but I don't. Considering I don't know many people here and most of the exeriences I know about have just centred around people I've met in hospital or just by generally chatting and getting to know people.

I was firmly plonked outside the place I ended up in just before me illness broke out by a series of strange coincidences ..as I once wrote about somewhere .. or, probably somewheres as I was writing about nearly everything then .. gosh .. gosh .. gosh!!!! But the return wasn't so good from doing that. Seemed to be more about people wanting something .. think I should direct them to that book the secret if they want to explore that kind of thing. Personally I think it did very well fer its author!!! Cosmic Ordering is where it's at now or something .. not NDEs or things along that line. Someone had a book about how to make money through the universe I had to tell her that I didn't think it would work. We lost touch .. she did get a bit of recognition .. but not lots of money .. and I think she'd've got that any how .. the book made her work very hard!!! which helped .. so maybe it did have an effect though different from how she thought it would work.

Music

Guess I've got to think about what music'll be best for me .. I'm not buying any more .. the ambient collection from The Works was the last. I thin I'll listen to that ..The Quo .. well, it was their music that pulled me around when I was reovering before .. just greatest hits type songs .. they're kind of good time music .. Steve Earle and Donovan .. Jimi Hendrix and few Stones songs that I like and Buffy Sainte Marie. I think they'll be on the most .. though I will listen to other things as well .. but that music kinda goes with how I'm feeling right now.

Status Quo just got my mind reacting to music again .. so why not try again .. there are a few Stones songs that I think would be fine and a lot of Steve Earle, Donovan, Hendrix and Buffy Sainte Marie .. she's probably my favourite musician of all time .. if I HAD to choose one .. but, really I like lots of music. And the ambient cds will be relaxing to listen to.

That'll do it .. it's kinda relaxing to have music from my youth too for my mind to relax to.

Told her

I told me friend in a PM rather .. I guess we'll just have a laugh about it and that'll be that .. at the moment I don't want long, involved conversations about all of this. Everyone has their own spiritual path and make their own choices. I know she's interested because of things she's spoken about .. being in the medical proffession has probably given her a lot of chances to talk about these things.

No luck!!!!!

Last night I tried listening to music that someone had put up on the net saying it could help u have an OBE .. I listened .. but no luck!!! It was very relaxing though and I drifted off to bed and then quickly drifted off to sleep .. though unfortunately didn't sleep for long .. but I think that's down to having this cold. It's making an already erratic sleeping problem worse.

One in ten people have had an out of the body experience .. that's roughly one in every ten people u pass in the street .. I know it doesn't work out quite as exactly as that but it's reckoned that 10% of people have .. I'm not one of them .. though my brother is.

Once you've had one then you have the experience to compare it to the scientists reports .. quite a few people who've had them naturally say there's a difference between what happens to them and those that has been stimulated to occur. I would like to have one and then compare it to what I know about laboratory induced ones. I have to say that, from what I've read, they often sound very different indeed!!!!! I've read some very good accounts about this from people who have OBEs .. very down to earth thinking.

Really, though, I only want one if my health can cope with it But I'm so curious.



Nits not fair!!!! pout!!!!



lol!!!!

Up .. partially medicated .. and not fed so far

Well, didn't have a good night last night but it looks like it's just me cold ..me eyes are a bit wet this morning and I'm a bit blocked up. I'm a bit shivery too .. sounds like a cold. Other than that I'm not too bad .. the thing that seemed to improve yesterday is still better this morning .. rotten cold or not .. not quite as good as yesterday but still much better. Me bone sparing pill went down very early this morning .. I'm glad I've got it back to Sunday .. it just makes it easier to remember.

Looks like it's going to be a nice day .. haven't read the weather forecast .. but the sun is out and the sky is blue .. today I'm going to meditate. If I didn't sleep well last night it seems a good thing to do .. the rest is different from sleeping but it's better than not resting at all. And there's plenty of time to do it in. Sigh.

I do sleep quite well I guess all things considering. I do feel quite awake too this morning which is surprising since I slept so badly last night .. can't judge what is going to happen though. I was probably out too much yesterday .. which I enjoyed regardless of the pain .. but it mightn't've been such a good idea. Me left side seems to be warmer than usual this morning too .. have to wait and see if that is good or not. Probably means nothing ... lol!!!! But I notice all differences that are as plain as that and wonder if it's gonna mean any permament changes one way or the other. I have no idea what the chances are of me getting better .. there's more going on than just the initial illness. I guess, realistically, the chances aren't very good .. but then I never expected to be able to walk to and back from me docs again .. and .. I can. I can remember when I could hardly get to The Parade .. and always had to rest at Waterstones .. and even then it was very difficult .. some days I don't know how I managed it but I was determined that I was going to.

I feel as if I'm gonna sneeze .. wish I would if I'm going to. Maybe it's just yawning cause I'm tired that's making me feel like that.

I've just been trying me mantra .. using .. "med .. i .. tate" rather than anything about getting to bed before midnight!!!!!! I don't think it would've made much difference the last couple of nights anyway .. I'd've soon woken up the night before last and had to get up .. and last night wasn't promising either!!!! Anyway .. back to what I was saying .. I've just been trying my mantra and it's much easier than it has been for a long time .. for some reason or other it's been hard to concentrate but this morning it seems easier .. just tried it for a minute and no probs.

And .. back .. after 15 mins .. not bad though I did have some some intruding thoughts .. quite funny some of them .. but I just brushed them aside and went back to concentrating on my mantra.

I was finding it quite difficult to meditate before .. but it was much easier this morning .. though my mind did wander a bit!!!!! Just have to keep practicing.

Tried for another few minutes and my mind didn't wander so much.

....

Well, off to bed now. Had a reasonable day all things considered. Plenty of hot chocolate anyway which has made me feel nice and cosy I think .. I like the warmth. And an ice cream went down well too. Started reading my New Scientist .. have bloggied about it on one of the other blogs. Actually it's was a very interesting article and very important as well. I started reading it yesterday while I was still very muzzy with cold so didn't take all of it in .. but today it was just a good and interesting read.

Did me Arabic for the day .. good fun too.

I remember when this site was completely up to use but it's still good to look at. Me mum used to like the arabic alphabet song and I thought I'd just have a potter back to have a look at it .. it was nice when you could play with the whole site. Think I put this up before .. maybe a couple of times ... lol!!!

http://www.funwitharabic.com/

Well. went off to say goodnight in the middle there .. and am off to sleep meself now. It's cool having people in ur life u can trust .. it takes time I guess but that's what it's all about really I guess. It can take time cause at my age u have loads of baggage. I was talking to .. a friend .. a couple of weeks ago .. and he said that he always holds back a bit now and he knows lots of people who do too cause they get fed up of being let down .. he said .. but I said that I have a kinda space and if people are kind then I'll let them inside the usual boundaries but if they mess me around then the doors close. I think I might've written about that conversation before .. it's one I've had with quite a few people now and it kinda brings us closer .. if people don't mean it and aren't expecting it it can be difficult to get all the phrasing and body language etc right if they don't mean it .. it can be a very close conversation if u know what I mean. It's been good to have. Though sad people feel that way so much.

Which reminds me I did get what I said I would done today. I'm surprised that I did but there u go .. thought I was far too sleepy. Glad I did too. Now fingers crossed that it all works out well.

Haven't talked to me friend .. but I will .. but in private .. think I leave colleting experiences from people in exchange for me own this time. Again I guess it would've iven me a lot of kudos for talking about it .. but I'm really not interested in that .. and this time i don't really want or need to listen to a lot of stories however pleasant and nice and uplifting they may be. I like a lot of these people and I'm sure I'd get to hear some nice, interesting and uplifting stories .. but I don't really need to hear just now .. though any of me friend's I'm telling would be welcome. It is interesting .

If I get to feel better than I do now then I would like to have an out of the body experience to see for myself what it's all about. It would be very interesting. I can only imagine at the moment and don't know how close I am. One in ten people are estimated to have had one and that's a lot .. don't see why I shouldn't too!!

I have read lots about scientists creating them. This shows that at least something resembling them exists .. people who've had them have thought a naturally occuring OBE could be somewhat different to a stimulated one. It has sounded like it from what I've read on occasion I must say .. but, at least, the scientists have shown that something resembling an OBE can happen. It is really interesting. I would like to have one and then it'd be easier to make up my mind.

Out

Right, I'm off out for a while .. get something to eat and a paper. I've got a lot to do. I have more of a time table now .. I've also got to sort something out for a couple of people that I've been promising fer ages but have been to tired to do.

Sigh.

I suppose I could pass it over for one of them to start the ball rolling but there's not much point if I can do it myself .. and I will .. it's just I've not been feeling at all well at times since me last stay in hospital.

Taken me meds and sorted meself out .. so will be out fer a while .. and get this done!!!!

Saturday morning

See they're handing out the hugs big time over on the bag. I found a good hugs and kisses cartoon but have lost it. Though I still know the site. I'm feeling quite good this morning ause a friend came over to give me an hour or so's help tidying up .. there's still a bit to do but ... gosh, she's quick!!!!! It was brilliant to get up this morning and see it done .. brought a smile to my face. Also, I've been having a horrid health problem that is much better this morning .. it comes and goes .. so it might be back again .. but this morning it is much better. I was still very wobbly when I got up though .. something else that comes and goes. The pain isn't quite so bad as it can be .. but that is very variable too.

I was going to go out yesterday evening but didn't in the end .. and I'm not sure if there's a coffee morning this Saturday so won't potter down. I'm a bit tired anyway .. still recovering from me cold I think .. adds extra tiredness. What I'm going to do now is get a timer to help me cook .. so that I don't have to worry about falling asleep. Me friend is going to help me with me sorting out and cleaning!! But I think I might be able to sort that out too .. it just depends how I feel though I guess. Some days I'm ok .. others not.

And .. I'll test meself to make sure that what I learnt the day before stays in me head.

Gud night

Anyway ... off to bed. Just taken me meds .. I'm happy really .. had someone in to help me tidy up a bit cause I'd just been concentrating on trying to eat and me meds. Got this weeks New Scientist and it was worth waiting for. Got me Arabic language books out again. More experiences and now enough to really convince me. And .. knowing that really there are plenty more people I can ask who can tell me more and will ... if I ask!!! and share too. I just have to start the ball rolling.

It's fascinating to me the number of people I pass everyday who will have had an OBE just going by the % of people who have. And all the others who will have had spirit intervening in their lives in some way or other to show them that spirit is a fact. Nothing to gain from it other than the proof of knowing .. which is what makes it so cool .. so there can be no greed attached or anything like that .. just knowing that spirit exists. I, ofcourse, will never get to hear their stories .. but I don't mind though I'm very curious knowing that there are all these stories that I haven't heard .. but that's life I guess .. you can't know everyone!!! lol!!!!

The great thing is though that seems to be centred around love. Just too cool.

I've written what I have so that people can add a couple more experiences to their own .. for thse that are there for them .. I know that most people wouldn't bother to lift a finger unless they thought there was something material to gain from it .. which there isn't .. let alone spend a couple of quid on a book!!! lol!!!

But this is for those who really are interested .. I've given a few accounts of spirit coming into my life over the years .. I say coming into rather than seeming to come into cause it's happened so often. And I don't have any doubts any more .. though I like the experiences to roll .. and to hear about other peoples .. just keeps things fresh for me .. and keeps me happy about all of that.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just off to bed now .. day spent talking a friend through a bit of a problem .. but things sorted now and the friendship has deepened cause of it. It's taken a while .. because she was a tad homeophobic when we met .. and although she said she's changed her mind totally .. it's taken me quite a while to start really trusting her .. I've kept on wondering if she's gonna change her mind .. regardless of how much she says she likes me etc. Because of her attitude when we first met I've been rather wary .. today I realised that there was no need. She's obviously known that I am rather wary and has tried so hard to put me mind at ease.

We're getting there .. takes time to build a friendship up anyway .. plus we're different generations. but today there's more trust growing. All because someone she was helping .. treated her badly .. he was moaning about being treated badly and then does that ... shakes head in bewilderment!!!!

I told her me last three experiences to cheer her up too .. her partner's had a good one too .. though he was a total skeptic .. big time .. nothing like ur own experiences to change ur mind I guess .. blushes very slightly .. I never had a completely closed mind .. because I always realised that there was a chance logically.

Soon I will discuss it with the other person too .. she sees me as a kind of best friend too .. but I'm not sure how far I want this discussed .. I don't know her friends very well and I'm becoming more wary who I talk about it with ... like most people seem to be .. people often don't even talk about their NDE outside of close family members or very close friends .. let alone any other type of experience along these lines .. and, it sadly seems the better choice .. as I said u don't help people it seems because in general it doesn't make a difference to them .. if they are going to know spirit will be there and if they don't want to know then nothing will change things for them .. whether they know that other people have these experiences or not. Because of their general attitude .. it's what I said earlier on.

I know if I tell this person I am going to hear about a lot of new experiences .. she has a lot of friends .. and my telling mine will start a lot more openning up. I deliberately didn't tell some people a little while ago .. one person there had had a NDE too around an accident .. but, with a couple of exceptions I didn't feel that I had been made to feel very comfortable there .. and didn't really want to share something so personal with them although I knew, in this case, that I would be very welcomed if I did .. I just felt that it should've been like that anyway. Sad .. but there u go .. her sharing her NDE meant a lot to these people but I just didn't feel I was in the right setting to be able to feel comfortable which also meant that I wouldn't've talked about it all very easily anyway .. though, in this particular incidence, all that would've happened would've been that I would've beome a member of the group a lot quicker than usual .. but I didn't feel comfortable with that .. I would've still been exactly the same person who I'd been before telling them .. and that should've been so anyway because I've known them a year .. one person a lot longer than that. Other people have said that they've felt the same about the acceptance thing there .. but it doesn't seem to change their behaviour when someone new comes along!!!!!!!!

That probably needs breaking down into more paragraphs to make it easier to read but I'm so tired.

It's not something to do with age either .. more to do with personality. That goes for the talking about NDEs too along with other things in that line and understanding the effect of the whole .. it has more to do with the person than the experiences!!!!! unless u've had them for yourselves. I was right first time!!!

I'll have to think about it .. I have no trouble talking with the friend I was talking to tonight because I do trust her now .. and her very nice partner has had an experience along these lines too which shocked him at the time beause he like me was very skeptical .. there've been a few in his life .. but one that really stands out .. he's only in his 30s too. But I don't now how keen I am on starting the whole thing rolling again and having to explain everything again .. even though I'll get to hear lots and lots of very interesting stories in return. I'm just not as overcome by it all as I was .. don't have the need to tell everyone I meet almost about some of it .. even though I'm still very keen to hear other people's experiences. Perhaps I feel that I've shared too much or something. After all most people do keep them very much to themselves.

Anyway .. off to bed now.

Sun

I was surprized that I could remember me name in hieroglyphics when I woke up this morning .. or that I even thought about it first thing on waking .. guess I might've been dreaming about it. Funny when you wake up and realize that you now something completely different from what you knew a day ago.

I have a young friends who're very interested in languages .. and seeing the kit in The Works just had me thinking about that last night.

I've still got me cold and I'm still tired though I'm getting a reasonable amount of sleep. I'm told that the morphine will make me a little sleepy .. though yesterday I think it was the cold .. I'm not that tired today .. I noticed that I picked up a bit last night when playing a couple of games .. I'm still missing things but I'm quicker. Still not back to usual though. I'm not very fast anyway .. and never will be while I'm on all this medication which I suppose will bw for a long time if not for the rest of my life. Can't say .. just have to see how things go.

Oh, yes, that reminds me .. tiredness got in the way before .. but even though this illness can be caused by solar exposure .. it's best to have some sun throughout the year .. I think they suggest about a quarter of an hour every day in the UK .. though being careful between 11am and 3pm in the summer. That's to help the skin make vitamin D .. it also protects against some diseases.

Potters off to find a link.

http://www.safekids.co.uk/VitaminDAndSunExposure.html

That sums it up well .. they say 10 to 15 mins.

A .. snishoo ...!!!! Yup, still got a cold.

Someone I know is off to the docs this week cause she has a couple of darker patches of skin on her face that have suddenly got darker .. they could, ofcourse, just be sun spots that have got darker all of a sudden but it is still important to get them checked out. Sun or liverspots are just darkening patches that appear on the skin as a result of sun exposure .. they're not dangerous .. but, these were very light before and now they've suddenly darkened a lot. She's around forty so is at the right age for them to be showing. Hope she's fine.

Pottering around The Works

Met the woman who I gave the first book to again today but didn't have time to go for a cup of tea .. she's lent her book out to someone else who wants to read it .. and she asked me if that was ok .. well, it's her book and she can do what she likes with it. I just think it's a good book to have on ur bookshelf!!! I think the other person knows about the author though. The other woman can worry about things a bit .. the book has obviously grown to mean a lot to her. It's good on the comparrison line. Gosh, it seems to have changed life for her though .. so much more spontaneity and general happiness. Nothing else .. just the book and a couple of cups of tea!!!! She's reading Buddhist philosophy which I guess was what interested me a lot once. I guess it's how you respond to things.

I've not done much today cause I woke up rather snuffly and with a headache .. went out getting on for five. I'd been really tired today and had been falling asleep at the computer .. well, I guess falling asleep isn't quite how I should describe it .. but dozing on and off for thirty seconds or so. Guess me cold had broken out a bit.

I'll be in bed on time tonight. I have me experience of the other day to remind me. lol!!! I will tell her .. but, not quite yet, I'm too tired to have to start talking about all that's happened. I know she knows something's been going on .. and has been hinting a bit .. but I really have felt too tired to start going into it all. Then I'll get to hear her experiences if there are any .. she and her partner work in the medical field and I suspect that there are stories to tell from her side too because of things she's said. Just at the moment I'm too tired though.

Once I was so flabbergasted that I talked about it all a lot .. but, I don't feel like that any more. Maybe it's because any fear has gone and I just don't need to .. it was so interesting hearing from other people too.

The Works has been brilliant .. the specs are good and just what I needed. And there was a pack on Egyptian hieroglyphics that interested me a lot .. I'd just got my arabic books out again and it had reminded me .. so I was really pleased to see a child's hieroglyphic set there for a couple of quid .. a memory aid and two art instruction packs caught my eye too .. cartoons, one a manga one and the other more Beano style .. just fer a couple of quid. Couldn't open the packs to look in .. but from what I could see they looked good. It's great to see things like that out there .. I know of one lady who buys art books for her kids from The Works and I guess these new ones will be added too.

I liked this best out of the hieroglphic translators etc that I found together on the net. Just click on Ancient Egypt to find them.

http://home.freeuk.net/elloughton13/index.htm

http://www.uponreflection.co.uk/heiro/glyphs.htm

On the other site you can get to other pages by clicking on the symbols on the top of the page. Also clicking on the hieroglyphs to find out more about them.

I know who's gonna enjoy this ... lol!!!!

I gotta start thinking about getting some sleep now.

And .. again

I think I would like to have an out of the body experience .. there's no need to be scared it seems. I guess spirit are taking my latest "show me" mood quite seriously .. well, maybe seriously isn't the right word .. they do seem to have a good sense of humour. If things continually happen I guess you just have to accept it. I wish I'd written everything down now. What I will do is write down everything I can remember .. both about mine and other people and then will add to it as the memories come back .. probably when I get my sleeping and meditation times sorted out. I can't do anything about the distraction because of the pain for now. There has been so much though and I realise that I've just been surrounded by love of the kind that the people that I've known who've had NDEs have spoken about.

U can only laff .. I was thinking about this morning .. and, really, there's nothing to be scared about. If good laughter is good fer u then this morning gave me something to giggle about in the experiences line .. but, it's between me and a friend who's been there for me quite a bit .. she knows nothing about all this yet .. and I know she's worried and a bit scared because of things she's said. How you can be a committed christian and still be worried is beyond me. Her girlfriend has had some close bereavements lately though.

Well, she knows that something's been going on but we haven't talked about what. I guess she might be asking me soon. I have checked this morning out!!! lol!!!

Well, I will be getting on with me meditation. I found a brilliant book in the Oxfam bookshop a while back about mindfulness which I will read .. it just seemed a very good book from skimming through it.

I have laughed before about some of the things that have happened .. because they have been funny .. but I think today was the first time I'd laughed with more understanding and no fear. Maybe it's seeing my friend after his NDE. So, I can't have that experience for myself but I can see the difference it's made to him. He kind of radiates from the inside out.

I was speaking to someone he used to know many. many years ago on the phone this evening and forgot to tell him. Well, I was very tired again so listened much more than I spoke.

Maybe I'm not really well enuff to go gadding about having OBEs really.

Wednesday

Did me shopping .. it was raining ofcourse!! Told it's gonna rain tomorrow too!!! The general long term foreast is that it's gonna be a wet summer .. let's hope it isn't .. after all it was said that we'd have a very cold winter by some forecasters and it certainly wasn't that bad. It's much better for me without too much sun because of me illness but it gets so depressing when summer comes and goes without a few sunny weeks just to mooch around in.

Tomorrow I start a slow tidy up and clean .. I'll have to take it slowly cause .. of me .. illnesses .. again!!!

Got to bed earlier last night .. tonight I aim to be there even earlier.

Didn't go down to the meeting today .. mixture of being tired and the rain .. but I must say the company there's good and I enjoy me up of tea .. though I don't have a biccy. I was just much too tired today. I've a slight cold and was a bit puffy when I woke up this morning and it was obvious that I wasn't too good .. but, never mind. I didn't really want to get up cause I was feeling quite rough .. but I did .. and things haven't been too bad.

There are lots of days I can go .. the brill thing is when I go to London I'm absolutely surrounded by places to go .. I had no idea before .. not that I think I'd've gone even if I had. Think there's two in walking distance .. and that's walking distance for me!!!!!!!

Hmmm.......

Well, things get more bemusing .. it seems that the syncronicity in my life might have been much more than I thought and I thought there was a lot going on anyway. Somethings I just assumed that some people knew certain things and that was why it was happening .. not syncronicity at all .. just friends being nice .. but, I've had to rethink that after checking something out last night. Still, I don't know about all of it .. and going on from that .. there are some things that I can't check up on really at the moment. Maybe later on .. but, not now.


Hum!!!!!

I was quite scared at one point about all this although if nothing happened I'd get worried too and start saying show me then etc. And .. I've always been answered.

I have got to the point where there isn't any doubt in my mind that something is cetainly happening. I was very surprized about yeterday's news though .. it seems that spirit has been trying to reassure me a lot more than I thought. Though there's a lot I'm going to have to check up on when it's easier to do so. Now .. just isn't the right time.

Sigh!!

Up again after just having downed some more oramorph .. think my cold is making itself felt. Won't be up fer long though. I've just be pottering around mulling things over. In time I will make the little books I guess .. though it doesn't really matter .. the people who I'll give them to probably know more than I'll bother to put in anyway!! But it's still a nice thing to do. They can always lend them to me later so that I can see what they've written!!!

(Um ... joke!!!)

I think I've had a smile on me face when thinking about it all this evening. I think I'm convinced now .. while before there was an element of doubt. It really is best to have your own experiences and I guess most people do or people they trust and are close to do. Really I supose I should just have kept all of this between friends beause really they're the only people who can know me well enough to know how I've reacted etc and who know my personality.

I'm ok with it now. As I said before there doesn't seem to be any reason why this couldn't happen. If you consider how much more complicated it has to be to get this all going from "nothing" to start off with.

I can only say thankyou. I wish I could hear lots more experiences .. but it's a pretty one way kind of thing .. and that's an understatement generally. lol!! But, I do have a collection from people nice enough to tell me. I don't blame people for not having the topic as general conversation .. I think they're very wise really .. most people aren't really interested I guess so it's best to just share with those you know are and who you love and trust to tell the truth and also that you feel you can confide in. Guess that's what people do for the main part.

I guess that's about it really. I'll potter on, I suppose there'll be more for me to find out both from other people and from stuff that happens in my life.

Right .. the oramorph has helped a bit and I'm off to bed to get me pre hospitaling sleep.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Well, off to bed cause it's hospital day tomorrow again. And .. I've said that I'll go to bed on time tonight. Repeat to meself .. I should be in bed by midnight .. I should be in bed by midnight .. I should be in bed by midnight .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Well, it's getting on fer twelve .. and I am thinking about turning in. I guess "I should be in bed by midnight" could be my new mantra.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz It probably would work.

I've been thinking a lot today .. things are cool really, aren't they. I never was scared of passing over .. but the thought of nothingness was strange and a bit forbidding. I've seen how scared people can be .. but now I know there's no reason to be scared. I used to believe that it was nothingness.

I thought of offering a book to someone else I was just getting to know and who most or all meetings were seemingly accidental .. and see if the same thing happened again .. but I guess .. if u plan it .. it might not. I wasn't expecting anything any of the times. I told one of the people I'd given a copy of the book to .. about the synchronicity .. and she said quite right too .. you shouldn't be carrying the books around all over the place with you. If I remember right .. it's in that book that he talks about a bit of synchronicity involving him, a woman and child and the book when he was out wandering trying to get a little peace in his life. Seems the book is a book that likes synchronicity ... lol!!!!!

I wish I had been in contact with the Arthur Koestler place .. I wrote about it a couple of times much earlier in my blogs .. guess they've run out of money now. It would've been interesting to have chatted with them. Knowing me .. I doubt if I'd've got round to contacting them this time either .. well, it's not that important and I was just being curious rather than anything else

I must turn in now. Gone twelve .. I'll start a five minute meditation with the mantra soon. I guess it should help.

Drr .... Drr!!!!

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Sit down and tell me all about it.
I can't. I'm not allowed on the furniture.

Sunday night and Monday morning

Just back. Walked there and got me lift back .. was going to go for a cup of cocoa but thought as it was almost nine I'd left it a bit late really .. lol ... so changed me mind. Had a cup of tea there .. was fussed over a bit .. and got a top up for me tea!!!! so the cup of cocoa wasn't really needed.

I was late getting there .. we sang this song: I missed the rest but the songs are repeated quite a bit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZv9y3KOjxw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDTNkmC-ldQ&feature=related

Keep me travelling along with you.

Will check the links ofcourse ... lol!!!!!

I had healing. Quite a few people wombled in fer that this evening.

Felt a little sad that I had missed the rest of the evening cause it sounded really good and quite funny at times. Hence the womble reference!!!

I was sad that people weren't feeling that great but there was a good atmosphere there which is good for healing anyway. Well, good humoured laughter is as it sets the endorphins going.

http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/micro/gallery/endorphin/endorphins.html

I suppose judging by the comments for the rubber duckie song linked to this morning you could just play some animals that song and you'd get good results. Well, with a lot of them anyway.

The speaker said someone had said that there's been a great atmosphere there this evening after really looking into my eyes. I'd wished her well and told a bit of a joke. Guess it had really meant something to her .. you just never know.

I'm late off to bed tonight .. been topping up the pain relief. Pain worse .. breathing not too bad.

Sunday

Missed Tesco .. but it didn't matter .. was only after bags and cleaning stuff and that can wait a day or so.

Talked to a young woman I knew from when we were in hospital together. It was so good to see her and to see her so much better. She's getting married soon which is great. Says her partner's done a lot to help her.

Found some ambient music in The Works .. 10 cds for £5.99 .. it's either 10 or 12 .. can't remember offhand .. should be good for meditating to. I don't usually use music but it might help with the pain to start off with until I get used to meditating every day again. The pain can be a bit distracting. Hopefully the music will distract me from that. I think they were playing one of the cds in the shop while I was there .. it was very relaxing.

I seem to live my life through The Works .. what with Gordon Smiths books, the glasses and now the music .. I buy pens and paper and pencils from there too .. and other interesting books. There's always something that's intereting. The glasses especially cause I was just thinking that I needed a new pair .. didn't expect to get them for £1.99 though. lol!!! I just need them to read with. The 2.50 ones .. the same as I've done for ages.. since about a year after my injuries. I thought my sight was getting worse but it seems to have gone back to how it was again.

I didn't get the pills from Holland and Barrets but have some gel. The capsules weren't vegetarian .. and because of the tummy problems I wasn't too keen on openning the capsules before taking them. If I find vegetarian ones I might give them a go .. otherwise let it be absorbed through the skin and see what that does.

Breathing's been a bit better than yesterday. It wasn't good at all. I think it could've been very painful too but I upped the oramorph for a while to cover it. I am very tired though.