Today

Went out to do the shopping today. Didn't really need all that much. I hope I'll cook one meal myself this week .. the rest'll be ready meals. On the other hand if I don't feel like doing anything at all I have the Fortisips which are pretty cool really.

The person I go with was feeling rather tired today .. she'd joined the ranks of insomniacs while I was away. Hope she soon feels better. I'm very tired too .. too tired to get off the sofa and go to bed last night .. well, I did eventually after a few e mails winged their way this a way after someone had got up and found me still up too!!!!!!

I was just so tired that getting up to go to bed seemed too much to even contemplate for a while .. but I did and, then, much to my surprise, slept soundly.

Still tired, but I think that goes with the territory now. Will try and get to sleep earlier tonight though .. staying up like I did last night and keeping the mind ticking over all the time like that isn't good.

In a rush

Spent most of yesterday travelling to and from or being at the hospital and doctors. Got to rush now but'll be back soon.

Up ....... etc!!!

Well ... up and sorting things out. Tidied out a cupboard yesterday to put things away in in the kitchen. Should be getting back to those tomato/beans and spinnach meals again soon.

Had to get a new keyboard yesterday as the old one had reached however many strokes you're allowed before it stops. Remember reading about that on the box when I bought it.

Not at the moment!

The article people said I might like to blog about was the Time one about the Brits being afraid of their kids.

I still haven't read the article despite having it saved on the pooter and having a copy of the magazine. Possibly because I've written about something similar when the UNICEF report came out .. though it wasn't about anyone being afraid of the children .. more if anything of kids being afraid of each other and being alienated from adults.

I don't really feel like reacting and writing about all that again at the moment.

Erm ........

When I was cynical about the presence of anything other than what I could see as this life I would still have never said that the possibility of anything else was impossible ... I would've just said that I couldn't be sure ... I didn't actually believe in anything else regardless of what mum and others told me but still I would never have said there was nothing.

They talk about people being able to read you ... well, people can't if they have no idea who you are and even if they did still wouldn't've known about the information they're giving you ... nor can these people control life's events.

No, I didn't see the programme ... just been told about it. About half an hour ago.

Perhaps some people would be better off spending time just being involved. Maybe they'd come away feeling different. I don't know..

I would have written everything that had happened up here but I know for sure the only way to know for yourself is to find out for yourself and that takes time. It's about trust .. isn't it. I share what I've experienced with people I trust and who trust me. OK it's a lot .. and I've forgotten some of it sadly .. if I'd felt ok about blogging about it it'd all be out there ... but I didn't.

First of all because to start off with there wasn't that much to talk about so I was just finding out for myself and I was puzzled and a bit frightened too. Regardless of how down to earth and practical it was.

Also there is so much else out there ... so no point. People, if they really want to know need to give time over to it and get their own experiences ... my saying anything isn't going to make the slightest difference. I've said that I can relate to things people like Gordon Smith have written about so there you have it .. if people believe that then they don't need to know the personal details .. they can buy the book .. it's cheap enough at the moment .. I think £2.50 .. there seem to be lots of that one but not many of his earlier one. Most people must know who he is anyway ... even if I didn't but that's because of I haven't watched TV for ages and only listen to the news and music on the radio.

If what I say seems plausable in that it proves that life continues after death .. then all people have to do is to say I'm lying about what I've experienced .. so what's the point. There's plenty of information out there and if people are really interested they'll take the time to fine out. suposition.

I would have talked about the lot but soon realised that there was no point ... there's enough out there to cover what I'd have to say.

If people really are interested then they would spend time finding out for themselves ... how else can you be sure. That is through talking about it with people they trust .. I said that so they can rule out people lying to them. I've talked to people who I know are really interested because obviously I want people to tell me the truth .. and people have. There are a couple that I can't be really sure about but these were times when not much was elaborated on anyway. The others were just down to earth things.

There are lots of things I have on hold because I really don't know. I read those fate type magazines occasionally and they are full of things that I can't relate to so I put them on one side in my mind. Well, to be honest I can't connect at all with some things and I have reasons for not being able to. But there are other things that I put to one side because I just really don't know.

It's cool discussing things where you know you're being told the truth and that you're part of that. I guess lots of people who read this have been and that is brilliant .. I guess, other people, if they really want to know will carry on.

It would've been daft if I'd written all about it ... because people would have said I was lying if I seemed to be able to prove anything. I said that some of the experiences were very strange and bizzare and that there was no way that they could have been set up etc. That would have been the outcome if I'd said exactly what happened .. so, if that wasn't enough or it wasn't believed .. then telling all about it is going to have the same outcome.

Anyway ... I expect many people have a few tales to add to their pile now or to start one off.

I've just changed my whole way of looking at life ... not in the way NDE'ers do .. but I just realised that what I was experiencing wasn't much compared to the fact of me or anything being here at all.

Arthrotec

Well, he's on arthrotec for a while. Let's hope that it's just a pulled muscle .. though he's not aware of doing anything that could have damaged his lower back .. no sudden movements or twisting the back in a different way. It's the second time he's had pain in two weeks .. in two different places .. woke up one morning with a painful neck which he just put down to sleeping in a difficult position and then the other day seemed to do his lower back in when he was pulling up his duvet .. but has no recollection of any quick turns or anything like that which could have resulted in a pulled muscle.

If the pain is due to muscle spasm then it could be to do with something else other than what he was doing at the time the pain started .. but there had been nothing he could think of that might've started spasms off .. no previous problem other than the crick in his neck a couple of weeks before.

The pain is still there but the medication is making things a lot easier. I was prescribed it a few months ago but found that I was allergic to it.

Aches and pains

My brother hurt his back on Saturday while he was making his bed. He has no idea how he did it at all .. couldn't remember making any quick movements that could have pulled a muscle or anything like that .. he'd hurt his neck a couple of weeks ago and that had cleared up very quickly .. in a couple of days. That time he thought it was just the way he'd been sleepimg over night.

I'm hoping he's not getting arthritis or something along those lines. He's quite a few years younger than me .. but age doesn't seem to count that much for everyone .. I've met so many people who are young who have arthritic complaints or rheumatism recently. Most of them are in their thirties. And I haven't met them through going into hospital .. it's been over the net or just talking round here.

A number have auto immune illnesses too .. but not everyone. Obviously I know people my age and up who have a lot of aches and pains but I'm surprized by the number of people in their thirties who have too and as recognisable illnesses like rheumatism and/or arthritis.

We'd been talking about lupus cause I know/know of a number of people who have that condition now .. and just wondered if auto immune illnesses in general are becoming more common. I know that lupus is in the western world and just wondered about the rest. Lupus and my illness can be caused by solar influences .. but I don't know about other illnesses that come under that category. One woman I know said she thought that auto immune illnesses did seem to be more common .. she has one herself and is still young and has the arthritis that can go with her illness.

Just .. um .. hello ... and ... goodbye

Off to bed now .. just popped over to see if someone was on line but they've gone to bed. I shall do the same ... in a few minutes.

I was just going to rush over and say that I had 30,000 joolz now which gives me the chance to do ..... nothing extra actually .. but still .. it's on the way to somewhere ..being able to send animations with your messages .. in a couple of months .... or .... so!!!

Still I'm in no hurry .. I rather wish that the present giving came before the animations because I'd rather send someone a picture of a dove or puppy for them to put in their gift book than send animations with my messages ... though they're nice too.

Anyway I better make a move too. In bed by twelve at the latest.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ zz zz zz etc!!

I've got a bit of a cold .. went to sleep on the sofa yesterday evening then slept through to half five or so this morning.

Probably the cold that woke me up as I wanted to sneeze .. wasn't sick though even though I sneezed quite a bit. Did have a few spasms with the second sneeze but fortunately was ok ... I hadn't long taken my medication so it could have been "difficult"

Decided to stay in though I was feeling a bit better by the afternoon .. didn't think I was well enough to go out so I've been kind of dozing in and out during the day. Well, let's say I knew I wasn't well enough to go out so decided to stay in!! lol!!! I knew I had to stay put!!

I'll still be resting/sleeping tonight even though I've had plenty of rest today

Late iszzzzzzzzzz!!!!

So ... this evening has been spent comforting a friend. And I didn't get round to doing dinner this afternoon so here I am again wiv a late meal.

What did I write earlier on .. except that Blogger was experiencing problems again .. but it looked as if they were doing a few tweaks here and there on the site rather than there being anything wrong.

But ... still .. remembering the changes last time .. I thought I'd better be careful!! And trotted off to find another blogspace ... I've long since lost the one I put up before.

I think I mentioned that another book found a home yesterday .. trotting along happily after one of the ones before. The books are great .. they just underline what I know can happen. Well, it's all over the place .. isn't it .. but it's nice to have the book on the shelf.

Sometimes when I've got a cold or the pain and tiredness are bugging me .. I kinda try pushing what I know away. It never really works .. but it's nice to have the book there all the same .. it's like a mirror of some of the facts.

After talking yesterday I sat and thought again. About the bigger picture .. why there is anything though that's really .. why there is anywhere.

Why should there be anywhere. That's the question past why should there be anything isn't it. Why should there be anywhere at all. Or before it ... lol!!!!

I mean just thinking through all this yet again makes it obvious that what the book has to say is nowhere near as complex for its existance to be true as for there to be what we can observe one way or another .. that which is more tangeable.

If you had to explain one or the other the book just shows that there is more than we are often aware of, but, having to understand that there is anywhere at all and then to follow that up with the follow on from there is much more complex.

Oh dear!!!

In bed by around twelve last night .. up .. just gone eight, I think my brother has it right though .. he's in bed by around eleven every night. Likes to have a routine cause he feels quite bad if he looses sleep.

Wrote a lot about something I'd read about global warming but then thought I should have the article infront of me as it was filled with facts and I'd read it around half three in the morning when I was in quite a bit of pain and unable to sleep. Didn't really want to rely on my memory when I was feeling like that cause I was so exhausted and feeling rather poorly.

Sure I've still got it though. I've got to go through the papers and cut out what I want to keep. Saw that there'd been some pretty interesting photocopying going on down at Gaia along those lines!!!

I'll have a look round .. sure I've still got it.

Having to type this out again because I'd been reading too long somewhere I guess and had been disconnected so what I'd been typing hadn't been saved when I'd come back here.

I've been searching for a new site to put a new blog on. Googled it .. I was just going to go to my old diary site or LJ .. but thought I'd have a look round again .. this time I came up with a page I hadn't seen before which had a lot of addresses for smaller sites. Usually when I've Googled for other sites the larger ones have come up like Diaryland .. though I have seen a few smaller ones before .. but this one had a lot of them and most new to me.

I'd been looking cause there'd been a few problems on Blogger this morning .. different from the usual messages that don't fit the situation that occasionally appear. Looks like they've been doing a bit of extra work over there at Blogger HQ so I thought I'd go and find a.n.other place. There were lots of great blogs to look through .. some on the list had their own problems .. think one mightn't've been functioning at all but I'd've had to sign up to find out for sure as there were no blogs mentioned on the home page and you had to join before you were allowed access to the community pages there for bloggers .. the forums and choosing ur template and making ur blog. So, I've come away without knowing.

I know someone who'd've loved that so it's a shame .. sounded great!!!

So here it is:



Ebloggy .........



http://ebloggy.com/blog.php?username=Zebidee&id=1



I chose that site in the end cause I liked the templates .. hadn't looked at the other templates really but when I saw these I thought they'd be nice to choose from. There was another site I really liked but they were having long discussions and I thought if I stayed there I would want to join in a lot which meant I'd have to keep the blog quite active I guess. It'd kept me reading enough this morning!!!

Whoops .. I thought there was a bit more trouble .. !!!! But t'was ok eventually!!

Gud night

Well .. got to bed on time last night and had me dinner earlier today so I don't have to do that tonight.

Been to the library the last couple of days .. picked up some of the legal etc pamphlets to read yesterday .. today I looked at some of the Indian/veggie cookbooks. I have the beans and spices .. now I need the recipies. I have some dahl ones here .. cookery book from ... The Works ofcourse!! Not quite up to cooking yet though

I'm walking better though still in pain and today I was a bit breathless at times again .. I try to go for a walk everyday now. I'm going to go for some physiotherapy .. me docs phoning them first to tell them about me problems then I have to phone them next week. Saw me doc today. Me arm's not gone back to how it was.

For tea I have a Protein Fortesip. That's to make sure I have enough protein to repair me bod. May be my last ones I'm not sure .. I might just go for the soya protein mixes and start slowly going back to being a vegan. It will be slow though cause the docs don't want me changing back too rapidly while I'm this ill .. so it'll be slowly. I thinking changing this over could be the first step .. or having a Fortesip one day then a soya protein drink the next.

I'm off to get some sleep now. No more staying up really late.

Yesterday!!! well, and today!!!

Managed to walk a few bus stops yesterday .. it wasn't easy but I thought I'd give it a go. Not feeling so well today .. felt very pleased to have me anti sickness pills on hand. Think there must be a bug going round. I sneezed last night .. just a little one .. and wasn't sick .. woo hoo .. I always wonder if I'm going to be but it doesn't happen that much now.

Got a nice hippyish top in Warwick and picked up a couple of books from one of the secondhand bookshops there .. on yoga again. They're interesting to me cause they're the ones, or very similar ones, that I read back in the 70s. I looked at the Observer books they had there too .. you know the little pocket size ones .. they brought back lots of memories too. I think my aunts must've bought them for me .. I had space and natural history ones that I remember. Certainly sent the years rolling away!!!! Was pleased to see the yoga books were still there .. it's not just reading them for the physical exercices but also the philosophy that goes along with it.

Pottered into the health shop there to say hi too .. its ages since I've been there. And got back by bus.

Think I might've over done things a bit though!!! I've got to be careful because I still don't seem to be well enough for my illness to start being very problematic if I'm not careful.

Saw quite a few staff from the usual ward I'm in .. they seemed to be happy yesterday .. very smiley. And the people in the League of Friends shops too. I was too late to meet the chapel people.

Just waiting for me meal to cook now. Done and marked off me meds.

Zzzzzzz

Whoops ... fell asleep on the sofa again.

friends

I've been tired these last few days ... I mean really tired at times .. falling asleep all over the place and at any time. Not really doing much I guess .. except sleeping for a few minutes then waking up again .. trying to prop the eyelids up and doing it all again.

Me friends back home have been reading the books from The Works too .. we've talked about it all a lot. Guess we haven't exchanged that many experiences .. been more talking about the possibilities that things like that could mean. Right from the start they believed what was happening because they know me so there wasn't that much of a need to keep on about it. Though I'd always discuss things with someone. I was the one who had problems coming to terms with the possibilities.

Noticed in NS they were talking about possibilities and non possibilities too last week ... haven't got round to reading it yet .... just been too tired but I will soon. Looked a really interesting magazine. Guess they'll be talking about time travel and things like that and the possibilities of different planes of existance.

I've been thinking about my friends in the waking times quite a lot in the last few days.We're such a mixed bunch .. in age and interests. I value them very much and I know, almost wrote ... it seems .. that they feel the same. I've been tired and a wee bit out of it these last days and've been wondering/worrying about what it would be like if they drifted away, weren't around. I know I was tired and something had happened that brought back memories of that women who was around when I first became ill. I found out though that I wasn't the only one who had thoughts like that drifting across the mind sometimes though.

Friends are important. Doesn't matter if they're older, younger ..same age even (wot a thought!!) parents, aunties,sons, daughters, uncles, nans, brothers, sisters, granddads, partners, etc, people from outside the family. It's good to have people u can trust and talk things over with.

They've just been on my mind quite a bit over the last few days.

Up, dressed and medicated

Up, dressed and medicated. Will be off the net for most of the day. And tomorrow's busy too .. infact there's a lot going on this week .. mostly medical. I've promised to look in every day though .. and I will!!!!!!!!!!!

Off to make an early dinner now.

Feel like I've missed winter!!!!

Well ...off to bed ... put the phone down and went to sleep .... for five hours!!!!!! Didn't have much sleep last night though I rested a lot rather than gettuing up, And I missed most of the snow. I thought when someone said it'd snowed that they just meant a few flakes because when I looked out of the window I couldn't see any .. found out later that there'd been .... a lot!¬!!!! Not complaining though ... can't say I'm really up to snow just at the moment!!

A friend wasn't too happy as she'd left the washing out over night. Had a bit of a cold and didn't feel like getting it in. Mistake!!!

Looked over at the long range weather forecast for here at the BBC. What strange weather. Highs of 9C with a mixture of rain and snow .... as the temperatures are plummeting from the high to a low of -2C at the lowest looks like all the snow'll most likely be at night .. if any actually falls round here.

Whoa ... it's snowing!!

And I'm off t'bed.

So, today it's rather hello and goodnight.

Yawn

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Whoops .. off to bed ... now!!

And for people who don't believe in this kind of stuff .. the NDEs etc .. that people have had. Well, I doubt if anything except your own experiences will change your mind ... lol!!!!! Maybe u will .. maybe u wont .. only time will tell .. and only your own experiences will change your mind.

A friend said I should make that totally obvious.

I thought I had .. seems as if I've been saying that for ages now.

Well, I'm totally aware if I gave details ... it would make no difference ... because it's all been said before ... only this time with details about me!!!!

lol

What has happened though is that it's given people who do know about all this a couple more things to add to their collection and they can go out and get the bargain book if they want to if its available near them .. or discuss these things with people with like minds .. or listen to radio programmes ... or watch tv programmes ... or ... whatever!!!

It's kinda impossible that there's anybody out there who doesn't know anyone whose had these experiences. I guess if they still don't believe any of it .. they don't believe anyone!!! So on that point alone it'd be pointless me saying any more. The logic .. Everyone else whose said anything is lying .. but I'm not even though you might not believe a word I say either .. cause if everyone else is lying .. I'd be the only person really having these experiences .. and by everyone I mean the many NDEs that people have related that have changed there way of life in ways that can be seen .. down to all the people who are happy with their "proofs".. I would be the only person out of those who could possibly be telling the truth .. or would make them believe this .. it would also seem to proove that they must then think that I am the only person who is and who has ever had this kind of thing happen .. which makes it less likely that mine are for real because it is very, very unlikely that if these experiences are for real .. that the powers that be over there would decide that lil ol me would be the only person ever to have them .. and even if they did have some sort of weird problem over there (joke!! .. its something that isn't gonna happen) why have ALL these other people predicted it by all experiencing the same kinds of things that aren't true before I had mine which possibly could be (lol). They obviously know something that I don't!!!

What have these people been doing .. all making up things that only I'm experiencing for real. How have they been so accurate!!! Long before I knew anything about it .. gosh .. even me mam.

lol!!!!

A hunting for more gossip methinks.


Anyway we've moved on from there .. after all its been a few years now hasn't it that I've been posting about it .. and I can't believe that people haven't found people to share experiences with .. I've found plenty outside of people who have a very active interest in things like this.

We're on to The Four horsemen of the apocolypse and stuff like that .. well, the things you live while on this plane so to speak .. except for new people who come in to me life.

Though I'll possibly discuss the books and other similar things. I've found a couple more that appear to be vaguely similar in the works. Not the same .. but along similar lines in the sense that you have to believe there is more to life than just what u see around you.

I'm also keeping an eye on the science side .. well of the things I call spiritual ... but are they .. or is it something different to that. I guess that's a new angle or angel .. deciding which way ur looking at it .... lol ... . Not really into angels butI do understand now how the concept arose .. and when I say angels I just mean as a concept because lets face it they're not part of my belief system ... and I really know very little about the different sort of angels there are in the different belief systems. I know that Raphael is an archangel and that is about that ... and so is one called michael I believe .. and that maybe it might do me some good if I meditated on the one that is about healing and health because this might help me subconsciously! Um, but so might any meditation along those lines or just stilling the mind. And .. no .. not every day.

And

I will get there eventually though .. and soon.

Off t' bed!!!!

I've been talking to someone who knows someone who's just been taken into hospital because she's on the manic side of her bi polar illness ... probably because she's stopped taking her meds. Though that is hearsay too as she hasn't told me herself but it is what happened before so it seems quite likely.

It seems that she didn't stay in hospital that long last time and came out before she was really well. It's possible that depression might have led to her stopping taking the meds .. she's kinda lost a lot of what she'd hoped for through working hard and through just living I guess.

This is just a brief outline of what we've been thinking so I'm kinda jumping around from bit to bit .. not really writing about anything for long .. just a bit here and a bit there.

There aren't many beds available these days to help people like her so all hospitals are pushed. Someone else said a lot of time is now spent on people with cannabis psychosis. It's mooted that this is because most of the dope on the street is skunk and that is a different chemical make up to the stuff that was around when I was young but it's said that back in the day most drug induced psychosis was from acid or amphetamines. I think I know one person who probably had their life changed through smoking cannabis back then. I say this cause of the timing from the start of drug use to the diagnosis of schizophrenia. It was at a young age , very young for a diagnosis of schizophrenia to be made and it fits. Continued use and the inclusion of other drugs along with booze could have stopped any hope of recovery.

I asked, thinking that as skunk is different from the drug that used to be classed as dope .. why these people couldn't go to drug rehabilitation centres and was told that they weren't considered to be addicts and to be admitted to a drug rehabilitation centre you have to have an addiction you can be cured of.

I remember in my younger days it certainly made people on the paranoid side .. and you could hear the high pitched laugh that you hear so often these days .. only difference was that it wasn't empty like it is now. It was the difference in emotional tone that stopped me from catching on so quickly .. the emptiness is so noticeable.

I was talking .. blah di blah di blah .. to a goth guy I know and he said the empty laughter is like an epidemic today .. and I said d'ya know why .. but he didn't really. But he thought that it might be due not just to the drugs but to the general emptiness anyway. I don't know I'm not sure that there wasn't quite a bit of emptiness in my younger days too .. but I don't know .. is there more that isn't booze or otherwise chemically induced.

Anyway ... I'm off to try and get some sleep ....

No ... not talking!!!

Actually .. what I've said is that as they already know everything I've put up on the web they can use that .. much as I said at the beginning. It's more than most people say. I'm just not well enough right now .. and I'll just be saying manyana .... manyana. It would've been so interesting though to hear more myself. But I'm not well enough right now.

And I know from talking that there are plenty of people .. I mean oodles of them with corresponding experiences. It's interesting to have a few more .. but it's still oodles of the same.

I've given the books to people without computers and generally of my age and older. People who've sat and talked to me and shared. It's been interesting and the books have been an afterthought . And its nice to have help urself sometimes .. even though I often seem to be pottering off in the other direction. Or who've known someone in my family or knows someone who knows someone .... etc .... lol!!!!

And I've got a couple to take back ... now me arm's on the move again I'll try and do me little books as personal presents for those who've been there for me... but I'm gonna have to do some photocopies.

I mean this is so not unusual

Even when mum told me about hers I never carried the conversationon or talked about it to other people and for some reason or other never spoke to Lin about her and her family's experiences and/or beliefs .... I guess ... and this is just a guess ... that it came about during WW2 .. her family had something that made them want to stay. I never asked though. And I regret it now.

Games

Playing games on the net is brill. I've new friends. Playing the games is good for da brain they tells me!! And there are games where you can practice foreign languages because the site is multilingual so the word games come in different languages.

http://orange.king.com/index.jsp?language=en

And ofcourse Word Seance is a multi language game anyway so you can play with people who speak other languages that the game supports.

The games are fun .. I like the mahjong games best but I never get many joolz fer playing them. I'm pleased if I get through round two. For a long time it was getting through to round two ... now it's getting through the two rounds in time.

I tell myself ... one day ... but maybe not!!

It's just for fun anyway.

Dinner in the mornings!!

Had my dinner midday today. Going to eat it either then or around breakfast time. I hadn't been eating much in the evenings beause I just haven't felt like eating ... or cooking for that matter ... even if the "cooking" was only heating a prepared meal up. By the evening I could often be drifting in and out of a sort of daze .. like my eyes would close for a minute or two then I'd jolt awake again .. then the same would happen five minutes later .. over and over again.

So today I had my main meal at midday. Can't really do anything much in the evenings. I'm just so tired. Pain keeps me from sleeping properly a lot of the time and if I'm not eating properly either I'm just not going to be able to cope. I'd prefer to have dinner for breakfast I think .. a while after I've taken most of my pills .. not a big meal .. today it was just some brocolli in a cheese saue. I need to get those veggies down!!

Having said that I have been walking a bit better .. though my left side isn't good at the moment overall .. but ... the left arm is still much better than it was. No more Houdini impersonations!!!!!! But there is a weakness there.

And don't ask me what's happening there because I don't know!! But I have an appointment!!!!!!!

Back from the docs

Got in to a rather upset friend .. so me evening has been taken up with the personal rather than the political in quite a few ways.

Went to the docs and got a bit of food in before. Seem a bit better on me feet too though the pain ain't too good and I'm so very sleepy.

Picked up a couple more books as they're back in again and cheaper this time ... £2.99 each. Sigh .. I'll have a couple to take back with me now!!!

Woot!!!!

I first met the woman I spoke to last ages ago.

Anyway I'm really tired and I'm not going to stay up late

I got what looks like an excellent book about meditation from the secondhand bookshop in Warwick on me last trip to the hospital and I can curl up and read a bit of that even if I can't sleep.

There was a Richard Hittleman Yoga book there too ... all takes me back a bit.

Last of da books

I would like to hear what other people there have to say as well but I'm not well enough.

I'm giving the last of my books away too!! lol They were three for a tenner at The Works. Giving it to someone whose interested and has been for a long time. I said it's just nice to have one around to dip into every so often .. just sitting there on ur bookshelf. It reminds you that this is going on all the time everywhere. I must take the one in for the chapel too.

Gave the chapel a couple of quid..well, three ... cause I don't know what I'd've done without being able to stop off and rest there when I went to get me papers and yogurts and my breathing wouldn't last the distance .. it's just in the right place for me to potter into and sit down for a rest.

I am so tired right now. It's good that my arm has suddenly got so much better but I'm so tired. I'm finding it difficult to sleep cause the pain can keep me awake and then if I do get to sleep .. wake me up again. Guess I've just got to wait a while. I'm remembering the 12 hour sleep ins a bit wistfully now!!! lol. I think I've got a bit of a cold which'd be making things worse. I know people who're having trouble sleeping just because of a cold. There seem to be quite a few chest infections doing the rounds too.

Too tired and not well enuff

What to do. I was asked to talk about my experiences last night. I'm not well enough to consider anything like that quite at the moment. Not well enough to risk the travelling quite yet and not well enough to talk for ages either. I was interested though as the people there are really interested and looking at it from a serious angle. I said it might be better if I wrote it down and someone could just refer to it all while talking about the subject generally because I don't know when I'll be well enough to do anything quite like that. They said they'd prefer I was there to be able to answer peoples questions.

Not til I feel a bit better.

......

I did eventually by the magazine ... popped out this morning for it and will blog later on .. thanks. Not quite sure when cause I'm so tired ... but I will.

The winds of change

When I get back I'll have a TV again too and will be able to watch any of the programmes which'll be good.

Having the books is excellent too to dip into and I will leave one with the chapel. Met them all in the chapel yesterday. Probably won't leave one of me booklets cause the book is all you need anyway really, isn't it. There're lots of peoples experiences there.

I'll probably donate the Raymond Moody books I found in Help 71 all those years ago to the healing place when I get back ... I've kept them all these years but I think they can go now ..... plus the last of me hardback books to give away. Thanks The Works fer such a bargain.

One of the reasons I've said to be careful about telling people you don't trust about your own experiences is that they're literally looking for gossip .. won't be interested in the spiritual side but will comb through it for gossip and then you get what I think of as the turning tide effect .. they'll then say that ... they ... guess what ...don't believe you about the spiritual side ... but they're more than happy to know about great aunt Bessie or whatever you had to say ... better if it was about ur boyfriend or someone a bit closer.

Or not even tides ... just imagine the winds in a cornfield suddenly changing direction and blowing the other way .. quite a visual picture.

For example: taken out from what I've said here ... I've given a few examples on the net over time and a few recently and mentioned the books and said that I can relate to them as being close to some of what I've experienced so that people know there are experiences very like mine in the book differing obviously because they don't give any personal information about me and if you don't read the books then you know the guys from the tv and what they do so therefore it's easy to see what my experiences along that line are ... its just that there are other peoples information and details there rather than my own. Now ... if people a blowing the winds of change they would take on board what I'd said in relation to the books and the two guys who wrote them and what they do on the telly/radio/papers/magazines etc .. because obviously if I've said mine have been like that then they know what it's all about minus the personal information.

The books are good though. I was amazed that they turned up there.

Anyway .. I've added some of me own experiences to the huge amount of info out there .. which most people probably know tons more than I do about.

I was going to give Moya a ring the other day but I'll leave it for a while. She's one of the people who I think is the real deal so to speak. Doesn't say what you want to hear by any stretch of the imagination .. but for the thing with me mum got it spot on. The things she said sounded so ridiculous ..well, not the serious one .. that I thought there wasn't much chance of any of it happening .... but it all did!!!

And I asked her just as she was about to go. She didn't push what she said on me. And it had nothing to do with anything I'd said.

She was just slightly late with what happened .. but I suppose with it being me .. anything else wouldn't've seemed quite right. lol.