Saturday

Off to bed soon. Haven't been out today as I've been so tired even though I got a reasonable night sleep last night.

Been talking to the guy I mentioned who's probably going to have to change his meds. From what I can work out things look more hopeful than unhopeful at the moment. I hope that's the way it's going to be.

I saved his life some years back (a couple of times). Yes, he's the one I mentioned in my earlier blogs!!!!!! Guess I can't do much this time round .. that's up to the medicos. Will say this though that I don't think the care he's been given is very good. Apparently they knew there could be problems with the meds he was on yet cut down the number of appointments he had to see the specialist about them to once a year. I think this would've been ok if someone had been giving him tests throughout the year to make sure he was ok .. though really he should've been seen often ... from what I can work out ... by the specialist he was seeing for this condition.

The people he sees about his other illness, which he is taking the meds for which are causing the new problems, said that he wasn't showing any classic symptoms of becoming ill. Well, no .. but, from what I can work out .. the only one they mentioned doesn't happen until the problem is quite advanced.

Anyway .. it looks as if the change is comparitively recent .. there are a lot of "minor" symptoms before the one they'd been looking out for and he's not showing any of them cept he's often quite tired and his memory isn't quite as good as it used to be .. he can get a bit foggy.

He thought that he had one symptom .. which is generally a sign that things have got very bad .. but, really, it's not likely as I pointed out and can happen without there being any serious illness involved .. something he'd forgotten.

We'll know quite soon what's wrong and what's going to be done. I think he should be ok. It's not going to be nice changing the meds over and perhaps he'll have to go into hospital while that's happening .. but if that works then that's all that will have to be done. From what I gather the odds are that there's a reasonable chance that things will go back to how they were, and, as the change seems to be quite recent, the meds shouldn't have done too much damage. Bit of lucky timing there.

He is worrying but it looks as if things should get better. Really hope so. If it is the meds .. and they think it is .. then there are others he can go on that do't do this. I think it was hoped that this wouldn't happen cause the medication works very well for the illness it's prescribed for but he'll have to try another one which works slightly differently.

Hopefully it is the meds causing the problems. If it's not then he'll have to have some treatment for the condition that has flared up which can be a bit difficult.

I'm off to bed now.

Today

Just had a quite day in today .. still have a bit of a cold and am tired though eventually had a reasonable night's sleep.

Found out two people I know are quite ill yesterday. I knew one was going for a test to see how he was getting on and it wasn't good news though hopefully will be sorted out. Looks like a med he's on has made another illness worse so that'll have to be changed over to something else. Let's hope that's all it is .. looks like it. Won't be easy but hopefully it'll be alright in the long run.

And then someone else I know told me that she's ill and often in quite a bit of pain.

So, yesterday wasn't a good day .. hopefully things'll turn out s good as they can though. If it is the meds that are causing the problems with the first person things should work out ok after they've been changed. I believe there's a new med out that doesn't cause these symptoms ... let's hope that it works for him if it's needed. There are others but the one he's on at the moment had been working quite well.

Ah, you never know ... maybe he'll be put on something without the side effects of the one he's on now .. that will be better in all ways!!!!

Fingers crossed!!!

I've been being groomed again .. along with a host of others .. aren't we lucky not!!!! I've blocked her from communiating with me .. that's the way the site works. I got to know her through other people I'd met there .. some of who know her to talk to on the phone .. so she's definitely a woman and probably in her early sixties. No-one has met her though.

I wondered about her almost from the beginning because these strange messages used to go up on her profiles .. she has two profiles that I know of .. maybe more ... who knows .. threatening to tell on all these people who were getting at her. Up they went .. down they came .. up they went etc. And .. then when I asked about them .. she ignored my question .. I was sympathising with her!!! Infact said something that made it look as if nothing bad had ever happened on there without actually answering my question. Strange I thought ... considering how graphic some of the things were that used to appear on one of those profiles.

She also seemed a bit taken a back when she found out that I knew about her other profile and was very interested in finding out how I knew. It wasn't difficult to find it if you knew one of them .. but .. anyway .. someone had told me about her a few months ago using the other name she used rather than the one she contacted me by. She explained why she had two but what she said didn't really pan out if she was using the main one very often .. it was her main one .. and .. she was using it a lot. Like ... everyday!!!!!!

Sigh!!!

Still, never mind .. people I knew knew her and supported and helped her and she seemed pleasant in return.

Sigh!!!

Still .. there did seem to be things that weren't quite right .. as I mentioned before. The messages that kept on coming and going were very strange. It was strange that she ignored what I'd asked. If nothing else as a concerned soon 2 B friend you'd think she might want to warn me.

Well, things moved on. There were occasional things that again didn't quite tally .. but then she had an ill partner and, she, herself, often wasn't very well and had other unfortunate happenings in her life.

But, then ... I started getting more suspiscious .. she had moved in as a friend very quickly. This isn't always a bad thing ... and I can be a bit retiscent .. but, still .. this time it didn't feel quite right .. not surprizing after the disappearing messages I suppose.

And .. then suddenly .. stopped being quite so friendly. I was ok about it and said just rest cause she'd been ill .. she was back again as things were before.

Things didn't seem quite right though .. it was like a disaster a week. And .. maybe it was ... who knows!!!

I really don't know about that ... until the last one.

She didn't know who else I knew there ... strangely enough she never asked ... except about the woman who had told me about her ... and she'd left because of problems. She's back now though not that it has anything to do with this.

She started wanting to know rather too much about me .. on the very personal side .. I side stepped it a all bit, She told me how much she liked me and how she thought we had so many interests in common and how she wished we were IRL friends rather than just net buddies.

I told her quite a bit ... enough really so that she wouldn't've been to worried about me leaving somethings out.

I still wasn't quite sure but deided to test it ... ause I thought that there ertainly had seemed to be something wrong. I told her about something but left part of it out whih meant tht if she wanted to know she'd have to ask. She did .. I told her and when she replied again saying how she wished we lived next door I wrote back saying how glad I was that I could trust her,

And sat back .. and waited.

It started almost immediately.

The messages got a lot fewer .. she rarely visited the profile I used to contact her. I found out that I wasn't the only one though that she was ignoring. I had some important info for her partner too which I left .. and, I mean, really important. She read it ... didn't thank me ... didn't ask how I was ... ignored me and didn't visit the site for the next few days .. by which time i had some more really important info for her partner. Could've been the difference between being very ill or not and she knew this. She was on line though.

Very strange.

Then a few days later I got a message saying her arthritis was stopping her contacting us ... first I'd heard about any arthritis .. and I'd known her a few months now. There was a slight similarity in this sudden on set arthritis to her partner's illness .. the one that had just been tested for a couple of weeks before.

But, judging by what she'd written, this arthritis wasn't new ... yet, she'd not mentioned it to me before .. infact had made a point of telling me everything that was wrong as it happened ... and arthritis had definitely not been on the list!!!! There had been nothing mechanically wrong like that. Infact she was known to be very into gaming where speed was of the essence and we did know for a fact that she was very good at this.

Puzzled but not for long.

I'd found a strange message sent to someone that made me wonder just what the heck was wrong. Haven't found out cause I don't know this other woman. Do know some of her friends though I haven't asked what that was all about. But it kept me looking around.

Sigh.

And found that ... even though she was far too ill to even sign in to the profile we knew her from there she was thanking someone for the games they'd been playing.

I politely sent her a very slightly cynical message ending LOL!!! .... and blocked her from contacting me again.

The next morning she'd rewritten her profiles again and they had new messages on them just like the ones I'd asked her about when she'd first contacted me.

Looks like they go up everytime anyone calls her bluff.

I haven't said anything to anyone on the site about all this. They've all be very nice though .. and the friends we have in common have been much closer than before.

Now .. there were signs that something was up .. but they were easily overlooked I guess ... though I did't. She could've just forgotten or got excited cause we'd just started messaging each other and there was a lot to find out ... but that didn't quite gel really.

The message I sent was actually really nice and you wouldn't've known it was cynical unless you knew what had been going on. And the lol would've looked as if it was celebratory for her. The blocking could've been accidental or a fluke in the system .. it can happen.

When she changed her profile to something rather like what I'd seen when I first got to know her and then a few times later on that she didn't explain made it look as if the odds were that she knew I knew. I didn't block both her profile ids either so she could've still contacted me ... infact there are a number of ways that she could've ... and she knows the system can have its problems ... she was complaining about them a couple of weeks before ... though way, way, way over the top.

She hasn't tried to contact me so I guess she knows what me last message meant. It was just her bad luck that the other woman had left her that message and that I'd bothered looking. Wanted to get it sorted though so that I wasn't unfair.

I think I know what she was doing. Guess not only would it have been rapid onset arthritis .. which actually can be serious and u should go to the docs very quickly. It can mean other things but it can be very serious .. though can mean other things and often isn't just in the hands ... but I think one she'd've gotten what she wanted she would've suddenly got better too!!!!

Anyway .. it's been a week or so and things are fine.

I'm off to bed now

John Martyn

One of my favourite singer songwriters has just passed over. The person who told me had his life changed by booze and drugs too .. he developed an illness in his teens from which he never really recovered .. though medication has helped quite a bit. He was one of the people who developed schizophrenia through smoking dope. He started smoking very young and developed schizophrenia at a very young age too.

John Martyn did a lot of drugs and drunk a lot of booze and I guess they ruled his life to a great extent. I've always thought of drugs as more of a prison than freedom. His performances became rambling though his earlier years produced some of the best music I have ever heard.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x38zpg_john-martyn-may-you-never_music

On the Old Grey Whistle Test. How I used to love that programme in the early days .. used to be full of the most wonderful music that you didn't get to see or hear on most of the other radio and tv shows that much. Just like John Peel's show.

He comes over as a bit of a musician's musician rather like Steve Earle. Playing and improvising and playing music that was from his own depths.

Steve Earle

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sHyGuI3N2x0

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ytHMQyJfVfg

............

Well, just having a mug of soup and then off. Someone told me about a few of their experiences which was interesting. Haven't experienced anything like that myself.

In this case I didn't want to ask many questions cause i think that would've upset her. They are very common though aren't they ... lol!!! This was something new to think about though. Well, newish .. I hadn't thought much about it before.

I think I might try for an OBE if and when I get better. Would give me a much better idea of what they are I think than just going by other peoples experiences of them. Very interesting though.

And the mysteries that surround why is there anything at all.

And peoples varying experiences that tie in.

It seems experiences of one kind or another are very, very common so you can't really go wrong. I laughed when I realized just how common today. Someone else, without knowing I was interested, told me about another one today .. though this could've been something that she'd had as a memory from many, many, many years ago .. but the odds are somewhat against it, though not totally by any means.

And Darwin looking out there and wondering. A bit differently from me cause the times are different I guess.

I'll always be interested. I have decided that, logically, it certainly looks as if life following life is a great possibility.

And, on that basis, i'm now not worried about passing over. What's it like. Who would be there to meet me. What's this amazing relaxation that people talk about. OK, not all the NDEs are like that all the way through. I think the Buddhists noted this back when their book of Living and Dying was written and, from all accounts, that has remained the same. I got a Buddhist book on sleeping and dreaming that looks very interesting and a nice read from the charity bookshop at the hospital today.

I have wondered who I'll meet and what you do and how different is it from here. Not a clue.

This is what my mind has pulled up from all I've experienced, from what I've read and what people have told me.

The funny thing i've noticed from some people who say they don't believe in anything like this is that they often focus more on the fact that they don't believe than on anything there is out there to study.

I think Richard Dawkins just doesn't believe in religion .. he's still able to look at it all from wondering if the personality goes on fron this plane of existance .. though with difficulty ... lol!!!! I would like to have a long, deep and meaningful chat with him about it all .. just to see what he thinks face to face rather than through the pages of a book or watching or listening too an interview. Some people have said that he doesn't really listen but just counteracts argument with mechanical argument. That he is no different from people who feel the other way around and have no room to manoever.

Anyway, I've got some very different experiences to think about. It would be more interesting if I'd had one of myself because it would give me a base to look at theirs from.

I still have a lot to look at. It's all out there. To be honest I don't think i'll learn anymore from either of the last two people who told me anything. One because she doesn't know anymore and the other cause she dosn't want to tell anymore cause it's getting too far into her personal life. think i'll turn out to be right there.

Anyway .. i'm turning in.

Fascinates me that there are so many of these type of experiences out there. I know the teeniest, tiniest amount of them .. and it can't be much more I guess ever here. I've made my mind up which seems the most likely to be so.

I'm a bit nearer to finding out about something that would help a lot in my quest .. it makes it more probable but not a certainty so I'm not that excited .. cept the more I know about all the separate little subjects the more likely it is to be ok. If only I'd stayed on the phone a bit longer .. both times!!!! Still, I'm nearer getting to know someone who knew them quite well and I've spoken to someone who knew them through work. It looks more probable that it is ok .. but it might not be!!!! lol!!!

Best to rely etc ...etc. Though this is part of my experiences .. I just got off the phone twice when I shouldn't've have done without asking more questions. Sigh. I would be as certain as I could be if I knew the answer. Along with all the other things it would be pretty good on the logic side even if it was just theorizing from the evidence.

I might start a notebook soon .. still haven't done that. Said years ago I thought that it was a good idea to and some of my friends have of their families and friends experiences. I've forgotten some of mine but not to worry .. it's been quite a while all in all so it's not surprizing. Will illustrate it too. It'll be nice and very spiritual.

Hope I eventually find somewhere where they discuss things like this a lot .. very spiritual things. Not topics like The Secret and how that can work for you .. though ofcourse if people want to do that fine .. but it's not for me .. it's a personal choice. I don't believe in it, from what I've read and been told about it. I do think that it might be a good dollop of psychology though a bit like the book I mentioned ages ago by a psychologist who showed how some people saw opportunities and some didn't. It was something about whether people saw themselves as lucky or unlucky .. it was quite amazing really. Ofcourse you still had to work hard and study if it was about work Interesting sounding book. Don't know if it was down to how much interest you had in things and your concentration.

It wasn't about making the universe work for you though. I might be wrong but I don't think that works .. if it did the world would be rather different. I've always said that about that kind of thing. Don't believe in magic. Blogged about that countless times .. believe in some psychology that if the person knows about something it can affect the way they see things and what they do. But that's just what I believe .. won't influence anyone else .. because they'll believe it if they want to. Anyway good magic is just like prayer really .. asking for something from the god/goddess of your choice/universe by ritual. Whether you clasp your hands together in prayer or use herbs if you're asking for good health for someone or something similar it's the same kind of thing.

It's just a different religion.

I believe the secret gets filed with new agey stuff. Actually, thinking that makes me think I might ask someone if he believes in it ... but I bet he's never read it or anything about it!!!! lol!!!

I don't know .. is there a lot of stuff about building self esteem etc in it rather than connections with the universe. I don't think it's his type of book anyway. I've been tempted out of curiousity just to see what it says and how it's all been put together .. but never actually curious enough to buy it ... lol!!!! Though i expect other people love the book .. a matter of choice and belief. For some reason or other it just doesn't appeal to me at all but I know that some other people must love it

Anyway, I'm off to bed.

today

Just off to bed now .. have a bit of a chill whih explains the extra queasyness and the sleeplessness.

Tuesday

I often have to potter off and leave my posts half finished these days. Had to with the climate change one. It's interesting .. one of the really important topics of the time. All fuel needs to be cleaned up really. We have a growing global economy which should be the spur for new inventions and the realization that this really does have to be sorted out .. the sooner the better. In the 70s we went green then the Dallas syndrome took over .. the Ewings .. power dressing and all that and it got forgotten about in a world of fashion. The Good Life was as good as forgotten about.

I think James Lovelock is right about the extreme importance of carbon storage though. His vision of the future is that it won't be a total disaster even if things are left to late by his calculations. Life got through the last time it got that bad .. 55 million years ago .. and he thinks it will again.

I guess people will press for carbon storage to become a working reality.

It's said that fashion is changing again .. as it invariably does .. and the celebrity fashion appears to be on its way out now ... wonder what will be oming in to replace it .. maybe it'll be more on the green side. There is only so much you an read about Ms Spears etc. Or, so they're saying now.

Have to go.

.................

Did get out this evening though wasn't too keen to go cause I was still rather queasy and tired ... not surprizing. Very glad I went though .. just a very nice time. People said that I looked very tired but I enjoyed myself and liked being there.

Dave was singing .. the guest was funny and caring. Nice chat and a cuppa afterwards .. and there were even chocolate biscuits and someone had bought there lovely little dog along with them. One of the women started singing Mull of Kintyre and you should have seen the look of love and wonder on the dog's face. He was obviously enjoying his evening too ... don't know if he had tea and a biscuit.

Am off to bed now. I had zero sleep last night. Hope to go on Monday but it's in the morning and I'm not sure if I'll be up and out on time.

Sunday.

Didn't sleep at all last night. Still, I caught up with people. Stayed up in the end cause it was obvious that I wasn't going to get any sleep. Still not too bad ause I aught up with people. Feel a bit queasy today again though. Thought I was going to be sik this morning and maybe heading for hospital.


Head turned up one of James Lovelock's books for £2 yesterday. Revenge of Gaia I think, Think I mentioned years ago in the blogs that i never read Gaia If I remember correctly about Revenge of Gaia it's his theory that the world is doomed, doomed, doomed because of the breakdown of the eco systems.

The article in New Scientist is rather more hopeful than that. He just feels that we need to get a move on but isn't hopeful that it will happen. I think he's basing that judgement on the Kyoto treaty which he felt didn't go far enough in combating climate change..

Well, carbon storage has started already and G8 has laid out future plans. It has to be combined with something like Kyoto though because you still can't continue producing huge amounts of the chemicals that are affecting the planet's ecosystems.

You have to use quite a bit of energy for carbon storage .. processing it and transportation et6. Some people have wondered if it will be worth it but it will save the planet from a considerable amount of the carbon stored .. the rest will be new fuels used to process it etc .. which is quite a good saving and will give the planet more time to recover and slow the damage down..

It is a very, very expensive procedure and this has already caused problems .. but it does look as if it's the best hope there is along with decreasing the chemical output that is changing the eco systems so radically.


A rather nice video on carbon storage

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6CD9GFcjCdg

Carbon storage happens naturally in nature when there are storms at sea. There was a typoon in Taiwan last year which was studied by scientists to see just how this worked and how much carbon was stored.

Saturday

Well, didn't wake up knowing a theory of everything. To be honest I wonder if we ever really will know on this plane. I said ages ago I wondered if we have the capability of understanding everything in the universe and beyond. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong beause I don't have the slightest idea why there's anything at all .. or a place for there to be anything at all.

I do know people who've worked things out in their sleep .. not that that was ever going to happen realistially .. be nice to wake up with the real theory of everythig but let's face it it ain't going to happen.

I know what the guy was saying though .. and he was astounded that his hard work had paid off. I don't know .. maybe there had been times when something he'd thought would never work out came through unexpectedly.

I was listening to an interview with him last night but wasn't conentrating o it and was too tired anyway and not feeling very well. Woke this morning feeling bad too .. didn't really want to get up cause I knew things would be worse for a while too as my body sorted itself out from the hours I'd been asleep. I'll listen again tonight.

http://itc.conversationsnetwork.org/shows/detail3699.html

I still think that the answer to everything might be too difficult for us to understand because it involves things our physical minds aren't able to understand .. not as far as the universe goes but to the answer to why there is anywhere. I might be wrong and, ofcourse, there could be a chance that we are evolving to understand .. but, maybe not .. who knows!!!!

Questions .. questions .. huh!!!

(Then if you read the ADC book or whatever, study and think through your and your friends experiences in that and related topics and come out thinking that there is another different realm as well to be considered there is even more to wonder about. Does the same rule of nature apply here as well. But, I suppose as that has more in theory than out of it it's best to stick to the universe and beyond on our physiCal level .. rather than pondering that on a physiCs level at least.

Really, though, that's different to the universe etc cause that is still on a level of theory muh more than finding a theory of everything for the universe.)

Always write down things too. I've lost a lot because I didn't .. and now I can't remember little bits and pieces over the years.

Done me meds and better get a move on I guess.

Friday

The book is an interesting one .. not that keen on some of the biographical bits where he's describing peoples personalities .. the way it's written doesn't quite gel with me for some reason or other. One thing's for sure though and that is that their interests carry them through and that they are very interested and into what they're doing.

I liked this bit .. if I an find it!!!! lol!!! If I can't I'll just have to scrub this!!! Found it .. Right, there's a few paragraphs: Kauffman and his collaborators published their results in 1986. Farmer and Packard had already moved on to other interests by that point - although Farmer had taken on a graduate student, Richard Nagley, to amplify the model and speed it up substantially. And Kaufman himself had gone on to think about other ways in whih self-organization could have occured in evolution. But after the computer model, he felt more deeply than ever that he had truly come face to face with the secret of the Old One.

He remembers taking a solo hike back up into the Sierras near Lake Tahoe to one of his favourite spots, Horsetail Falls. It was a lovely summer day, he realls. He sat on a rock by the falls, thinking about his autoatalysis work and what it meant. "And suddenly," he says, "I knew that God had revealed to me a part of how the universe works." Not a personal God, certainly, Kauffman had never been able to believe in suh a being. "But I had a holy sense of a knowing universe, a universe unfolding, a universe of which we are priviledged to be part. In fact, it was quite the opposite of a vainglorious feeling. I felt that God would reveal how the world works to anyone who cared to listen."

"It was a lovely moment," he says, "the closest I've ever come to a religious experience."

Nice to read. I don't think that the universe is just going to hand over it's secrets to anyone who cares to listen or is interested .. but I think I know, to some extent what he felt, a sort of feeling at one with the universe.

Anyway .. I'm off to bed now .. taking my soup but leaving my book cause if I start reading I'll be up even longer.

Thursday

Not been feeling that well tonight so stayed up .. thought I had a sneeze coming .. but it didn't happen. Not that sneezing means what it did .. well, not for the last few months anyway. I can hardly believe that things have changed .. not without a lot of hard work .. and, there's still a long way to go .. but, at least that's stopped.

Read a bit of New Scientist this evening .. didn't feel well enough to concentrate that well .. so will go back to it tomorrow. Charle Darwin was on the cover as he is on a lot of magazines this month.

The editorial started with a quote that was similar to one mentioned in the book I'm reading .. Lord Kelvin saying in 1900 that everything had been discovered in physics now ,, can't remember who the person quoted in my book was .. though it wasn't Albert Michelson who said much the same thing .. so I guess that it was quite a popular viewpoint. The author had mentioned it to show how rigid science and other subjects could become.

Complexity seems to be the way forward now for all of these subjects .. all looking to each other to help. I was told today that Warwick University has just started a course on the subject.

http://www2.warwick.ac.uk/fac/cross_fac/comcom/dtcsite/video

And they recommend the book I was told about.

It's so fascinating .. I think physics side is the most fascinating ... can't imagine not being interested in how all this came about .. or, trying to fathom it out. Along with lots of other things in life .. but it's a lifetime's fascination.

Kind of tied in with an interest in the ossibility of life after life. I would've loved to know exatly what Charles Darwi did think on the subjet .. in detail. What did he think of the people I read about in the book I was reading before .. the Victorian religious sects who were investigating and/ or interested in the subject. Why did he think what he did? why had he changed his mind? Had he ever had a OBE (lol .. I've given up on that for myself. I don't have sleep paralysis anymore .. it was just a couple of times and I don't really want it back again just to have a personal experience of an OBE!!! .. sure if I did I was instictively try to wake myself up anyway without thinking of OBEs ... I don't think my curiousity would over ride it. Still, my brothrt's had a couple so I'll rely on him, .. I know he's for real. Perhaps I could have a laboratory simulated version of one .. not the same I know but it would give a vague idea of something like that).

My belief is that the physical wasn't the only thing evolving.

Next week in the magazine we have mysteries of the solar system .. the six biggest mysteries in our backyard.

I find it strange that people aren't interestd in scienCe these days after all it's about the biggest mystery of all .. why is there anywhere. Some people don't even appear to have any idea what it is at all. I was told that the schools have a difficult time interesting people in science. Obviously the kids I know are interested in it at least in their academic lives. I find it strange that people aren't .. partiularly with climate change with us.

There's an interview with James Lovelock in the latst edition of New Scientist too .. author of Gaia .. talking about the fate of the planet. He thinks burying carbon is the way out of the situation .. he also thinks that it won't happen cause people won't bother.

He also talked about climate change 55 million years ago, probably due to massive volcanic eruptions, where creatures started migrating northwards. In Madagascar the lizards are already moving.

He says that change is even noticeable in the UK .. I saw trees in blossom a few weeks ago .. only a little blossom but blossom all the same.

He's going on a trip into space this year .. hope he takes lots of photos and comes back with lots of observations and things to tell us about it.

I'm turning in now. Still not feeling at all well .. but I'm just so tired.

Wednesday

Managed to get there this arvo .. though late as usual. Lots of hugs .. I don't mind anymore ... lol!!! So, me friends are a friendly bunch. I'm happy I gave the book .. wanted to give something to the library box and that's a nice book .. me favourite on it's kind of subject. I gave the one with the new forward .. was going to give the older one but it doesn't really matter. The forward was written by someone else whose interested in studying the subject .. I can't remember much about it as I just skimmed through it meaning to read it later but hadn't by the Monday I was going to take it in. doesn't matter. Don't know if anyone's reading it at the moment but it has an interested customer from today.

Obviously it's just a little of a lot of subjects that make up the whole and help you make up your mind how you feel and what you think about the subject as a whole.

I had hoped that the book might've expanded by a chapter or two rather than just a forward .. or a forward that might've told us how the author felt now .. if her beliefs had changed or deepened. I believe even more strongly that your own experienes and those of your friends have to be the underlying foundation to it all along with other things that come across as trustworthy through your own and the people near you's experiences.


I think most of that book can be relied on. As I said to someone if they believe that book is ok if people who have had experiences says it is that means they have many, many experienes to think about plus those of friends family etc. If they don't believe the book then that means they think that you are mistaken too and can go on to investigate other things or nothing else .. whatever they want.

People's spiritual paths are their own.

I believe in life following life now ..the only think that keeps me wondering is the cruelty on this planet. I believe Charles Darwin had much the same problem though I think the complexity of evolution made him query that again later on ... can't remember now .. it's so many years since I read about that ... thirty or so I guess (lol!!!!!). I think it was him that went through the same sort of questioning. I wrote about thinking that years ago in one of these blogs and I'm still left wondering about it. Thinks back in amazement .. did I really think that all that time ago

Anyway, still reading Complexity. It's a good book. There is an economics thread running through the book. Economics is a very new subject compared to physics ... lol!!! After all people are made out of atoms and "nature" has had a long time to develop a system to study in comparrison to being able to study economics.

Just thinking of this universe. which is estimated to be around 13.75 billion years old working with the latest data , sure gives, even on that scale, a very long time for laws to evolve and build up for present day scientists to discover. Economists, on the other hand, are working with a relatively new social science where they are still charting the system more or less as it develops. eventually, I guess, they will have a data base that will contain lots and lots of scenarios and make prediction much easier. Little changes along the way could bring out different results .. but watching things unfurl as time goes on should help make prediction easier as more knowledge from different angles can be entered.

But, having said that , it doesn't mean that an idea that has from the economic system won't help solve something in physics by giving ideas from the way things interact!!! It's watching the way complex systems interact and perhaps spot a simularity in one that might shed light on what is happening in another.

My book is the story of the change from a very insular way of seeing things to generally broadening that view and then to sharing it with other fields of study. It's still growing from where my book left off. Apparently if I want a better overall account of CDS I should read a book called Sync. This is an overall view though. Not just reading about physics.

The book really is an account of how the Santa Fe Institute came into being and the people who first got together to discuss the possibilities of complex adaptive systems/complexity science. Complex adaptive systems describes it better than complexity science I guess. It is interesting too because it tells you about discoveries people made or ideas they had started investigating which made them become interested in developing this field of science.

I've got to turn in now. With me mug of soup and meds. Better leave me book behind though. I'm not going to leave the book now that I know that it's an account of how the Santa Fe Institute got off the ground .. there is technical stuff as you go through about different subjects .. economics is the thread throughout the book so far to hold the different subjects together ... but not much. The book isn't an in depth discussion about complexity science .. more a disussion about the people who started the whole thing off via the Santa Fe Institute and why.

Still got me other blogs to sort out as I've gone back to just using this again . I had another up and going wiv leetle green men NOT helping crossing the roads on all roads and what to do if they weren't around.

I think this used to be my political/science/news blog, Dancing in the Dark was general, and Drifting through Space was my music, book etc blog ... and now they're all just mixed up in this one. Used to think it was easier for me friends to choose what they read if they hadn't much. And people who I knew well IRL or on the net had access to my private diary with was friends only where we talked about my health, mum and things like that .. that's gone now so won't be starting that up again.

Right, finished my soup.

Time to zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Tuesday

I've got another cold though am not back in hospital though I sneezed twice yesterday, Guess it's why I started feeling so tired again though.

Still reading my book .. I'm finding it quite hard to get into the way it's written .. though understand what the author is doing. I can almost see his chapter plan written out on his desk .. and, by chapter, taking us along and explaining why the people involved were interested in the idea of setting up an institute to study their ideas .. it's fine .. but I wish he'd written more to connect those ideas as he went along, comparing and showing the idividual connections.

Physics is different from economics because of the social elements and atoms have been around a lot longer than people and have had a lot longer to build up bases to what they do.

I'm not totally sure what the economic input at the beginning of the book encompassed.It appeared to be economic trends and how they can be affected by all kinds of variables that at one time hadn't been considered. Was this taken into other parts of economics or just left there. Will it tell me when I've read more?

We're in what is generally termed a recession now. Sometime around the beginning of the 80's there had been hope that recessions might become a thing of the past because it had got easier to model economic trends through using computers. It didn't happen and it is still very difficult to predict a recession, let alone predict one and turn it around before it happens.


I gotta go.

..........

Back .. felt really tired this evening .. some people noticed and seemed really upset .. think I really do need to rearrange my sleeping but it's probably partly to do with the muscle problem as well .. it's quite a major thing to happen and the looser they become the more they affect.

I'm not the only one with problems there by a long way. I'll feel better once I've had me cup of soup .. well, you know what I mean. Kettle has boiled so I better head for the kitchen.

Done and diner is on too.

I'm trying to remember where I found something I read on the chaos theory many years ago .. but it won't come back at the moment. I an remember what colour the book's cover was but not the title or author .. have been googling to try and find it but no luck. Still I have Chaos and Does God Play Dice to read again ... both found at Oxfam Books .. thanks very much .. along with a few others. Expect the cover might've changed anyway as it's been quite a fw years since I read it .. nothing I saw rang any bells.

Will be heading off to bed with Complexity soon and'll read for an hour or so .. before lights OUT!!!!! Well, half an hour now.

saturday

Off to bed rather late .. much too tired to be up. Went to the Oxfam bookshop and came away with a small pile of books along the same line as the one I'm reading now .... investigation into the origins of life, the universe and "everything." Had ordered another opy of ADE, this time from Waterstones as The Works had sold out a long time ago and didn't get anymore in .. so guess their warehouse emptied quickly. I'm giving a copy to some people I know for the little library of spiritual books they're starting for their little group. Hope they enjoy it .. though I know a couple of people have already read it.

I was a bit disappointed because I found out that there was a new edition coming out with changes so we ordered one of those .. turned out though that it just had a new forward. I suppose that could have had something to do with it turning up in The Works .. can't complain about that or I mighn't have read it in the first place.

It is still a favourite book and, I think. the best one of it's kind in that kind of subject. I am slowly reading through Complexity. I would still have bought it if I'd known for sure what it really concentrated on .. but I think the blurb on the back cover gave more space to what there's little of in the book and a little to what there's a lot and I bought it thinking that it would be the other way round. Still, not to worry .. it's a good and interesting book and I soon get lost in it once I start reading.

Anyway .. I'm turning in now.

....................

Well, off to bed now .. or very soon anyway. Just been page hopping on My Space and .. thinking completely unrelated things. lol!!!

Well, I'm tired. I oasionally just potter round the site though .. start off on a friend's page and end up miles away from anyone they know .. as far as I know anyway. I like page hoping round musician's pages quite a bit and listening to all the music .. most i've never heard before.

I've found a couple of old friends along the way to say hi to. Tonight I was a little preoccupied though and was just glancing at the pages listening to whatever music they had playing whether it was their own or other peoples. One page woke me up enough to save it to go back again to listen to sometime but generally I wasn't taking too much notice.

Right, off to bed .. I keep on promising people I'll turn in earlier .. but never do. it's not just the nights I can't sleep but when I know I will doze off reasonably easily I still stay up past midnight. It's 11.20 though now and I'll soon be off to bed .. take me book .. it's great really .. just not quite what I expected .. thought it'd be more technical than it is with lots more examples and explanations right across the board when it's concentrating more on the people and the Santa Fe institute in detail rather than the work that would be going on there in detail.

Santa Fe Institute

http://santafe.edu/


Anyway, I'm getting my mug of soup and my meds and my book and turning in now.

Though it looks as if the book will have to be left except for a bit of soup time til tomorrow.

Thursday

Muscles still on the move which is making things pretty diffiult at times .. but my breathing has changed a lot and is much deeper .. so things are really notieably moving .. it just takes so long.

Had a good day at the hospital on Tuesday .. got given some bookmarks whih was really nice .. I shared them with some people at my GPs cause I was there later that day .. thought it might cheer them up a bit!!! And I think it did!!! Will also be having my hair done there in a fortnight's time as it helps the nurses with their work if it's tidier. One of the nurses used to be a hairdresser .. she was the one who cut it last time. Think I mentioned it here when she did it. Was a bit worried about having it cut the first time but am looking forward to it now. Ofcourse it's really better if I have it done at the hospital cause me scalp's a bit delicate cause of the auto immune illness.

I left much later than I intended to cause I met quite a few people I knew. Well, a ouple of hours. Was nice to know how people are getting on.

Still reading mybook .. though just a few pages at a time cause it's quite heavy going if yiou're not sleeping much. It's not really in the line of textbook physics etc which is what I was hoping but is more a social history of how things were in academia at that time and how difficult it could be to get original ideas off the ground. though having said that .. everything has to start somewhere and there are so many ideas that met with a lot of opposion in the history of science. Things stood a better chance though if they were very straightforward and had experiments to back them up in a linear fashion from a to b. If there was a lot of experimentation to be done and there was a lot of inclusion of other ideas to be tried and tested it could be much harder to get them off the ground beause people wanted to do things where there was a chance of good results I guess.

The book suggests that people would have to put their own ideas and interests to one side to get work and promotion and eventually they would be drawn into the system and start to forget about ideas and a working life outside it.

There is scientific disussion along the way but not much of it .. but, then I'm not all that far into the book yet .. but, I've a feeling that's how it's going to be. At the moment it's just telling the story of how a collection of physicists, biologists, soial scientists and economists came together to discuss diversity and complexity in their subjects .. trying to show that things aren't quite as simple as it was sometimes thought they were. That things didn't constantly run in straightforward patterns or lines.

Wednesday

Haven't been getting very much sleep the last two nights .. though did better last night than the night before.

Think it's going to be like this for a while .. depends when the pain gets worse. Left a letter for my consultant while I was at the hospital yesterday. I had a good time there yesterday .. had woken feeling much the same as usual rather than in more pain which surprized me because the night had been bad and I'd only had a couple of hours sleep .. did finally get to sleep but only for two hours. Had thought that I wouldn't be able to get into the hospital so hadn't set an alarm clock but as things turned out I woke up after just a couple of hours sleep anyway and was well enough once I'd taken me meds to go in.

Anyway, I've got to move.

.......................

My favourite bluegrassers

The Nitty Gritty Dirtband (and friends)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=sLD85G2jr-o

Found it through looking for Quicksilver's Happy Trails and got into bluegrass territory. Ages since I've heard the song though. First heard it by The Carter Family, pioneers of the music.

The Carter Family

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ewnfWoSQz3o&NR=1

Maybelle Carter was June Carter's mum. June who was another country artist married Johnny Cash who was well known for his country songs.

June Carter and Johnny Cash and people

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGPE1y_CXU&NR=1

Sunday

Yesterday afternoon was really painful. I had some, what seemed like, major muscle movement which caused a lot of pain along with difficulty getting my lungs and ribcage to move along with the new deeper breathing. Did not want to get up this morning but I took a little extra oramorph from my few days extra supply and waited. Had to wait to take that ofcourse as Sunday is bone sparing pill day .. the one ... you have to wait half an hour after taking it before you can eat/drink/take anything but water to make sure it's absorbed properly .. also have to sit up or walk around for half an hour. I chose to sit for most of the time. I think that's to make sure it goes right down to your tummy. You should drink a glass of water with it too.

The extra bit of morphine helped a lot .. if it carries on I'll get in touch with the hospital. Never know quite how long this is going to last ... suppose it's generally about three days for the muscles to get used to their new movement and flexibility.

Just taken my second lot of pain relief for the day.

Not sure how the new medication's going for the person I mentioned .. there has been a little relief so let's hope it gets a lot better in the next few days .. it might just be that he needs a higher dose of medication before things improve a lot more.

Have been listening to Quicksilver Messenger Service .. arguably the best rock band of the 60's.

In quiet(er)(ish) mode.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bqVVnExlX9c&NR=1


With screaming guitars

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=MpTGM74dbuQ&NR=1

When they were having a blue cheer moment


Blue Cheer .. then the loudest rock band in the world.

http://uk.youtube.com/wath?v=39W1QicB8j0

singing Summertime Blues


Summertime Blues written and sung by Eddie Cochran

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm2Mdma2dXw

Woo Hoo

To quote Gram Parsons. Maybe this is in the wrong blog then .. but maybe not!!!! I cleaned the kitchen today .. not much news there then you might think!!!

Hmmm .. not so!

Up to a little while ago I used to drop things a lot and even if I did try and sort things out I generally wasn't very sucessful .. bits of paper used to get stuck to the floor and when I did drop things I often found it difficult to sort it all out very well.

Today .. I got down to really cleaning it .. which was why we'd got the cleaning stuff on Wednesday and I'd gone back to Sainsburys to get another bottle of anti bacterial disinfectant the other day. Had done what was worryig me the most yesterday .. I'd had a slight leakage from a tub the other day and as it was sticky it was difficult to get it all up and I had't!!! Had just dealt with what I couldn't get up with some anti bacterial spray and disinfectant. Got stuck in yesterday with hot water, more disinfectant and some disposable gloves .. and managed to sort it out.

It's not easy but I'm used to feeling rough now and can get down to things for a little time .. helped by the knowledge that it might be stretching the muscles out and hopefully saving me some more pain later on .. if it doesn't at least thing that spurred me on!!! And it's possible that it might.

Same with the walks .. it's not that long since I could hardly make it to Waterstones. Though with this illess it's difficult to know if long walks are a good thing or not .. to start off with they were scared for me if I just walked round the hospital corridors for long .. I was only allowed to walk to the shop and back at one time because of the amount of repair work my body had to do. Obviously it's still an on going thing but not on the scale it once was so I'm probably fine as long as I keep my protein levels up enough to do the work as well as keeping my carbohydrate levels high enough to cope with the amount of energy I use and not have to use the protein instead.

Have read a bit more of my book .. so far it seems very economics based rather than physics. Is the author an economist. I have got to the bit where the economist meets the scientist who invites him to a meeting of twelve economists and twelve scientists but dipping in here ad there further in the book there doesn't seem to be much scientific work and I'm starting to wonder just what the book is really about.

But ... lol!!! Maybe just dipping in here and there is bringing about an unexpected result because of what I've chosen to do.

Complexity and chaos!!!

Anyway ,, I've got to move now.

...................

Yup .. walked to Sainsburys. Where I went the other day and had to get the bus back. Walked up in the cold but was fine.



This keyboard is just getting worse and worse .. it was never very good but gradually more and more keys are getting dodgy. I've tried cleaning it but it still doesn't work very well.



I can't remember if the last time I walked up there before this was the time I had that blister the size of a hen's egg on the side of my little toe .. can't remember which foot .. and can't be bothered to look back in my blogs to find out .. left foot? .. right foot? Just before the auto immune illness was diagnosed .. so that's about two and a half years ago. Don't think I went up there again after that .. though that was before the bone and muscle problems started through taking the steroids.

Just had to warn someone I know about that as her partner's just been put on steroids .. though it's a low dose so hopefully he'll be ok .. I don't know what dose can start causing problems if you don't watch your calcium intake and have a bone sparing tablet.. He has other bone problems too. Hopefully he'll stay on them cause if he does it'll mean that he'll be in a lot less pain than he's been in for a long time. If he's taken off them it'll mean that he does't have the illness he's just started treatment for. If he does have the illness he'll be in a lot less pain in a few days!!!!!!!!!! His GP's started treatment before his next appointment with his consultant to get the results of the test because the steroids can stop the pain of his illness in about a week. No point having to wait in pain for six weeks when you don't have to.

I'm starting me other blogs up again .. sorry .. I've started my other blogs up again .. sorry .. i've started one of my other blogs off again .. not up to sorting all .. let's check ... lol!!! 4 out .. got these 2 up and running now. have to look at the other two and see what they were about .. it's been a long time.

Got to finish a post on t'other one and link to Leonardo and mum!!!!! Leonardo is back with his family.

thursday

Walked to Sainsburys today .. ok .. kept on having to stop on the way .. well. a longer walk than that actually because I detoured on the way. Dunno if I'll get another cold as I was quite near someone with a mega sneeze .. though they did cover their nose .. on the bus on the way back. Seems the place out there is a heaving mass of sneezes at the moment.

Got the cleaning stuff I wanted .. nice day out there too and got some of what I wanted to sorted out when I got back. Might do just a little bit more this evening.

Had been wondering about the legal matter .. whether to let some of it ride but towards the end of the afternoon it was pretty obvious that I couldn't or shouldn't Oh well .. give meself to Monday now, cold permitting. Kinda had my mind made up for me on one point. Ah well, not really much of a problem I guess.

Me new book seems fine. Went over to Amazon to read few reviews to see what other people were making of it now .. same kind of comments that people either liked the biographical element or they didn't. One person said that they didn't like the first sixty or so pages at all and couldn't see the point of them .. possibly more because they revolved around economics and the social sciences rather than physics etc. I didn't think that they were particularly overly biographical for the subject .. but did feel rather incredulous that some of the ideas of the time had been soooooooooooo inflexible. But I did wonder if that was very much in the minority, in some cases, rather than the majority. I felt that it didn't really need explaining because it was obvious anyway.

The back cover was a summary of the introduction and, ofourse, it went back to what I've been wondering for a lot of my life .. why is there something rather than nothing .. or, why is there anywhere. The eternal question!!!

I guess "Why is there something rather than nothing?" is the easy form of the question .. once you leave that behind it starts to get more and more mind boggling because there has to be somewhere for this to happen and it becomes "Why is there anywhere?"

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm???????

Um .. oh, well .. oh, yes ... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?????!!!!!!!

Lol!!!!

Because ..........

There is!!!!!!!

Q.E.D.

Going to get diner now!!!

Tuesday

Well, we slowly plod on to the truth .. lol!!! Found out the last little bit I needed to today so can start sorting things out properly. But, really must get it done by Friday. I said years ago that I had to be really accurate which was why I wanted to do all the legal stuff myself cause I could sort it out in my head as I went along .. it's different now .. not half so complicated .. but I still need to get it right.

Just got back in from a mug of hot chocolate .. place I usually go to had shut early and the next place couldn't turn up what I wanted so pottered down to another place .. having me festive hot chocolates a bit late I guess in some ways .. maybe shouldn't've gone out tonight either as my tum wasn't all that good.

Quite cold out there .. but not too bad .. watched where I was walking .. someone told me today that they'd had a difficult job staying upright yesterday at times. A friend of mine further up has had snow .. but that's what you expect this time of year. We're way, way off the recorded record low for the UK .. that was around -27C .. it's happened a few times .. the last being in the mid 1990s. Was having a chat with a much younger friend about the terms global warming v climate change .. I prefer climate change really because the planet isn't heating up uniformly at the moment because the shifts in various eco systems are causing cooler weather in some places and the UK will get colder if ocean currents change. Though the base of the change was down to warming.

Was telling someone about the breezes that started blowing through everyday life years ago and how mum noticed them .. blogged about all that numerous times so won't again.

Have finished my book .. the one I got from the second hand bookshop in Warwick. The author's interest in the subject in general wasn't just down to a piece of architecture it appears .. there had been experiences in his family .. he covered them in a single paragraph though which made them hard to understand though they were interesting in a different way to the religious cults. I would like to have known how they affected him and how they changd his outlook on life .. he was quite young when they happened so I presume were a new experience for him. Generally he doesn't write about things like that though and they were kept to a small paragraph in this book.

Well, on to the next book now!!!!

Monday

Blogger was a bit on the slow side for a while there ... unlike me today. Well, maybe that's not quite true .. but I did manage to walk a bit further than I had for a while and have two bags of salt and vinegar popcorn to show for it .. and they were on special offer ... lol!!! A week ago it looked as if things were going backwards healthwise .. but I dunno .. it's difficult to tell what's going on really.

It's still really dodgy in the mornings though. Got out yesterday evening and this morning though I was much too late this morning .. woke up very late after a bad night's sleep the night before.

Am back where I was a couple of years ago in another respect .. going over a legal matter. Sigh .. didn't really want to have to do this .. but, there you go .. the truth will out in the end I guess. Was going to write my letters on Sunday but decided to wait til Wednesday and just as well that I did because more and more has been coming back ito my head .. I threw my notes away ages ago. Sadly the story is even less pleasant now. Again .. if it'd been left for just a while longer I wouldn't have to be sorting it out now. It'll be interesting in some ways. I mean I knew that it was nasty and mean and bad but i had't really stopped to think just how nasty and mean and bad because time had gone by and I thought ok .. with my health the way it is might as well leave it .. but, blow me down, something has come up where I have to go into it plus developments since then. I'll make me notes tomorrow and have it done by the end of the week. Think I've thought of everything now .. there shouldn't be an "everything" .. it's really not good .. but, there you are .. such is life. Can remember going through this all a couple of years back .. well .. here we are again .. but fortunately I can remember everything .. it's not going to take the legal form it was then .. this is much simpler. I think I might've left it too long for that now anyway .. can't remember the time limit. This is just a little thing.

Still sorting out here .. bit difficult though as the bins haven't been emptied for a while. met a guy from home this evening when I went out for a cup of hot chocolate .. lol ... he was out for a pint or two. Found out he wasn't well and had been in hospital too .. though over Christmas .. had quite a natter and bought him a pint to help with the next lot of treatment but then had to come back for dinner. Will be back fer a mug of cocoa sometime .. lol.

Really wish him all the best.

Am having to stay up a bit longer than I would like this evening cause I forgot to take me meds with me when I went out for my cup of hot chocolate and don't want to miss taking them so I'll be up to one again.

Am pleased with the day though .. never thought I'd do what I did today again .. only walked one way though .. well, with all that iciness walking back as well wouldn't've been a good idea. Chatted on the bus on the way back.

Hope I'll finish my book this evening. It's been a sad book, I guess, for lots of reasons. Don't think there was one bit of it that really left you feeling good about things. My next book will be a science book, I bought from the Oxfam bookshop, called Complexity ... published in 1992 .. it is a book that had people complaining that it concentrated too much on the scientists rather than on the science .. and the title "Complexity" was a little misleading as the book had maybe over simplified things by including too much biographical material. Other people thought it was a brilliant book, especially as an introduction. I expect that I'll enjoy it.

The back cover:

"Scientists in many different disciplines are increasingly sharing an impatience with the kind of linear, reductionist thinking that has dominated science since the time of Newton. Instead, they are gathering novel ideas anout interconectedness, coevalueation, chaos. structure and order - and they are forging them into an entirely new, unified way of thinking about nature, human social behaviour, life and the universe itself.

They want to know how a primordial soup of simple molecules managed to turn itself into the first living cell - and what the origin of life some four billion years ago can tell us about the process of technological innovation today. They want to know why ancient ecosystems often remain stable for millions of years, only to vanish in a geological instant - and what such events have to do with the collapse of Communism in the 1980s. They want to know why the eoonomy can behave in unpredictable ways that economists can't explain, and also how the random process of Darwinian natural selection managed to produce such wonderfully intricate structures such as galaxies, stars, planets, bacteria, plants, animals and brains. There are common threads in all these queries, and a diverse group of scientists is seeking to understand them.

As stimulating and thought provoking as James Gleick's Chaos, Complexity is their story: the upredictable and human story of how science really happens. Most of all, however, complexity is the story of how scientists are begining to forge the sciences of the twenty first century".

I read some of the latest New Scientist while I was having my hot chocolate ... about friedship .. the cover story. Found it iteresting as I'd been thinkig about things like that myself because of the woman who had been in my life. Will read it again before I comment on it .. there were quite a few statistics quoted and I can't remember them all off the top of my head. It tied in with something else that I'd been thinking about too and seemed to confirm what I'd thought .. not so much about friendship but about how parts of identities may be formed to an extent. Have to read it again though.

Anyway can take my meds now and turn in.

....................

Just having a mug of soup and then off to bed. Have been thinking a lot about my time on the net and the people I've met because of it .. waves at frendzzz .. I have to say right now is the best time. Doesn't mean that we'll all stay in touch for a long time .. I expect some of the newer people'll drift off .. but, maybe not .. don't really know. But people change or just don't stay so involved. I've seen people just vanish after years of knowing each other on what seems a very close level .. then .. one day .. they've just gone. Sometimes cause someone else on the board has upset them .. they go and no one hears from them again including the people who thought they were close friends. Guess it's easy just to walk out at a click of a mouse.

I just accept that with the people you are just kinda friendly acquaintences with .. though you miss them for a while.

Whoops .. soup finished .. time to turn in.

Saturday

Woke up very tired again .. wondered if it was my iron levels going down again but I'm taking a vitamin pill so that should be ok. Think it might be due to the bugs going round here. I'll tell the do when I'm up at the hospital next and get some blood tests done I guess .. it's rather a long time since I've had any done and maybe something's come up.

Read for a couple of hours this morning before getting up .. same book .. at the moment it's more about the private lives of some of the artists and writers interested in religion and metaphysics but I expect this is leading up to something.

Spent a bit of time reading cat forums last night after someone I've met on the net has had problems with her kitty messing with her artificial plants .. I learnt that brand name at repellents don't usually work .. well, for these people .. though humans often don't like them .. the other alternatives seem to be lemon or vinegar or putting foil down. Guess it could be worth giving them a go .. though I guess the lemon and vinegar could stain the plants .. you'd have to test first. So much for that then maybe.


Have to say I've met a whole bunch of lovely people over the net recently .. the sort you'd like as friends if friendly friends is what you want.

I have one of the others back in my life though .. just busy confirming to me that I didn't make a mistake. I do not want to be her "friend" Been talking about this kind of thing on a forum .. it's different folks for .. different folks .. and her friendship is well into my idea of toxic territory. She's actually worked quite hard on this one .. lying etc .. .. you just have to work round her .. kind of. I'm not the only one .. well, it's like everyone really .. notice she's pretty vicious in a passive aggressive way round the place and by default being vicious to those who get taken in by her even if she doesn't turn on them too. I was treated like the long lost beloved best friend eva!!!! I knew the best way to get rid of her was to respond the same ... and Voila!!!! Poooooooooooff!! As if by magick!!!! She has backed off rather. lol!!! I did make sure that I didn't respond to the kizzy, kizzy ... lurve oo's (reply could've been interpretted different ways etc) .. making sure that it couldn't be interpretted as anything more than very platonic but caring was the way to go!!! She's now thinking of me caring without her .. but doesn't realize that er ... I don't.

Anyway. time is flying so I better get moving.

.....................

Think I will get to bed on time tonight .. the pills I take twice a day were down at 9.30 and my last dose of paracetamol and oramorph'll be down around 11ish .. have got to go and fill my water bottles up for the morning though.

It would be nice to sort it out.

Thursday

Being out of pain reminded me of when I was injured years ago and felt no pain. Wrote about it in an earlier blog .. remember writing anout Donald Campbell's similar experience .. he too had bad injuries and felt no pain .. was wondering if me cold virus had something to do with the lac of pain for a little while .. anyway, it's back now .. though not as bad as during the early days of this fluey bug. I can remember saying that I'd met someone else on a message board who the same had happened too .. suppose the pain circuits are damaged for a while. I wasn't totally pain free .. I can remember stubbing my toe and being very surprized that there was pain cause i'd assumed that it was everywhere. not those toes though!!!!!

Still reading my book .. it's dealing mainly with one set and, so far, bringing in other religious practices as they tie in with this set's story. It's interesting but I'd bought it thinking it was going to describe others in more detail .. like the book they had on sects in the 1970s, That had different chapters on different sets while this one is mainly about the one set .. well, so far, and, if it does go into more detail further on in the book still has a thread of the other sect running through the later chapters.