Friday

Even after yesterdays mega dozing I'm still feeling very tired .. but there you go .. I know I slept but it sure doesn't feel like it. Slept for a few hours in the early morning too.

Will start my new pill tomorrow now as I left it a bit late .. will still just take a small amount for the first dose.

Accidentally swallowed some meds that I shouldn't too .. they're just for coating the mouth's mucous membranes .. but I suddenly gulped and down they went. Oh dear .. had been told over and over not to swallow them but then I'd involuntarily gulped. Phoned the hospital .. but my team had all gone home so I had to be put through to A & E. They're not allowed to give out medical advice over the phone but I understood that this wasn't an emergency from what was said. He told me to phone NHS Direct who told me what to do within a few minutes. I'd already drank extra water which had helped by diluting it and I wasn't too bad as it turned out.

I feel so tired though .. but a lot of that could be down to my illness anyway.

Ah well.

Thursday

Have got my new meds though haven't started them yet. Will start on half the dose I'll usually be taking tomorrow morning.

Have spent the day dozing, reading around the net a bit and listening to a little bit of music.

Hospital

Hospital this afternoon .. more pills with other treatment to follow.

Tuesday

They're going to see me this week. Not too well at the moment though.

The internet can be really good as far as getting info goes .. best to check it out a few times through different sites. Was really good following that study a few weeks ago. I have to admit, even though I already knew that it wasn't the whole story it still shook me a bit just like some of these made up stories do. I really don't know why .. still slightly suffering from the aftershocks.

Well, I'm not a machine

Good morning hugs

Someone I know found some scientific solace for me on the web which is nice. Think it's a mixture of research and general information. He found it while looking for things to read while making up his mind whether he wanted to spend any time looking at things more closely .. well, almost at all really as he didn't know anything at all virtually at all before which he thinks is rather strange in itself.

Thankyou .. it's 150% appreciated. And that goes for everyone else who's spent time on the journey with me. I will certainly read it.

Thanks again

xx

Monday

Oh well .. the doc says I have to go to the hospital because they can't do anything more for me at the surgery so just called my named nurse .. just as she was putting the answerphone on .. but I've left a message and she should call back early tomorrow. I should've called the doc earlier.

Won't be going into hospital but I need some tests done. and maybe they can suggest something to help things along again at the moment too. It's a crappy illness but there you go .. not the only one who's seriously ill and having a hard time.

Other than that .. think I can start work again. It's difficult but a couple of hours a day should see me through for now. The only thing that worries me a bit is doing things I'm not used to doing .. hmmm .. but I guess it should be alright.

Wrong attitude I guess .. and not the way I usually think about it. Guess it'll be fine once I start. Should be.

.....................

I often wonder about my old friends .. have a few back in my life now which is nice .. waves .. with lots of love and cyber hugs xxx ..and to the people who came into my life later on ofcourse. We chat about the people who drifted out one way or another who we were close to over the years too and the people who've passed over.

Time has gone so fast .. can hardly believe I'm almost 60 now. Well, the last ten years have been out of running really .. first with looking after my mother and then straight into this illness .. but there you go.

I would've still looked after her even if I had known that things were going to turn out like this .. as it's worked out I've gained much more than I've lost by being there for her. In what really counts anyway. Very hard work though.

Would rather not be ill and it was going on long before my body finally gave in to the illness as it is now. My dentist had said a long time before it did that my gums were very fragile .. it usually affects the mucous membranes first. Found out that the same had happened to someone else with the illness too. Guess it must've been simmering in the background for a long time.

Anyway, will phone hospital/GP on Monday. It's here as it is now and I just got to cope with it. It's difficult but going back to the 60's ... lol .. you just gotta keep on truckin'

And .. u no who u r .. I'm so sorry about the illness .. and thankyou for what you've done for me.

Have to say that I've found out that the forgetfulness part is very true .. it can be quite invasive .. know of someone who couldn't remember anything for about 24 hours before it happened as well .. all just a total blank. A bit extreme possibly .. but it just goes to show you.

Hmmmmmm

Guess I'll have to get in touch with the hospital about things again on Monday .. things seem a little better in some ways .. in others, not and I haven't the faintest idea of what's going on Well, phone the GP too .. cause it's obvious I'm going to have to have a test or two to see what's what.

Will read around a bit on the net too to try and pick up some info.

Then and now

Taking a small course of B vits to see if they'll help at all. I remembered being given some at Warwick hospital so decided to read up on the net to see if they might be able to help in any way and it's possible that they might.

Looked back at more things from the 60s and into the 70s. Went back a bit before my teen years into the Beat generation. Guess the Woodstock people had evolved from the Beats through the people that called themselves hipsters, a lot of whom were original Beats, into the hippies of the Woodstock generation.

Someone I knew said that the hipsters were the real hippies and that the Woodstock people were something totally different. Well, we were a totally different generation .. and I would say that the original hipsters .. Ken Kelsey's magic bus crowd .. were different from quite a lot of the beats and the Woodstock hippies because they were all about promoting drugs where as quite a few beats and hippies didn't take them.

But, I guess the Woodstock people did originate from the Beats who moved into San Francisco and from the anti war movement of the time .. a mixture that included a lot of different people.

I don't know if some people romanticise the times a bit now .. Woodstock was a festival and the music was great but it was also a time of war .. in 1967 an average of around 770 Americans were killed a month in that war, escalating dramatically in 1968.

It was a time of political activism that journeyed on into the 70's on all kinds of fronts.

caring

Right on .. even if there are problems .. the net has lots of good things. I know it's best to check the medical info out but it can be a lot of help once you've been through it.

Was reading this which I thought was a good thing to be reminded about

http://www.caring.com/articles/medication-mistakes

They always tell you to make sure with paracetamol that it's not being included in more than one med that you're taking so that you don't accidentally go above the limit . There's a lot of similar information here.

And

Yeah .. I might do their short course .. I don't know yet .. seems like a good idea though. I'm very grateful to them I must say for clearing things up so quickly. I'd hoped that they would as they're linked into the universities so would be the most likely to know what else was being said as far as studies go and would've been very surprised if they'd let things go without a comment.

As far as the pills go .. found everything .. I've decided that as I generally just sleep a few hours at a time it's not really going to make much difference that way so I reduced them as people seem to think it's the better option.

Thursday

Phoned the hospital and talked to my named nurse .. still more to do though. My GP's not here til next week so will talk to her then.

Have got to make sure that I don't get dehydrated too,

Otherwise been looking at bits of film from the 60's and reading up a bit on health matters and meditation.

Wednesday

Have got a bit of a cold I think and've just woken up after a few hours sleep.

But another question answered

This answered another very important question as well .. though not related to this. Sometimes one thing can cross over into other things that are totally different that you would like to know. Been thinking it over as time meanders on and finally found the answer.

Seems you were right S.

So onwards and whatever.

Should u use the daisy petal method after all

I'm not quite sure what you do when faced with three different studies all giving different results .. two saying there were significant differences but giving opposite results and the other saying that there was no significant difference at all.

And then, ofcourse, this is compounded by the other different effects that the substance can have. It is this bit that I'd been going into before the last results hit the news. Though they. seemingly, could give opposite results .. because the gas can make the memory worse but it's possible, with cardiac arrests, that it could stop the amnesia that can be connected with them. But then we were there already.

So .... looks like this could just go on and on and on and on.

Because whatever the results they could lead to different conclusions.

Opposite ones even.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

...................

Have carried on looking around. Went back to have a look at one board that is related to another board I used to be a member of a long time ago. It was a political board, related to a magazine, that the magazine eventually closed down because they didn't have the staff to monitor it and it often used to get rather out of control. People who know me and those who've been with the blogs a long time will know which it was ... lol!!! My brother found out that the board had closed when he heard it being discussed on the radio.

I'm not surprised that it went in the end. There was a pecking order there .. everything they used to say they disliked about society in relation to their political stance they used to play out on the board. It was a very weird set up and if the movement needed any bad publicity they could be sure of getting it there.

Though having said that there were a few nice people there who used to try bring a bit of sanity to the place but never got anywhere. Eventually the magazine closed it down.

There were a few of spin off boards from the mother board. One run by someone I liked, so I joined that, but didn't stay long, because, for all her trying to make it something different from the original board it soon disintegrated into more of the same and another board was set up. There were other boards I posted on a bit too but they didn't stay active for long either.

Anyway .. went back to the spin off from the main one ..TP .. today to find that it had virtually ground to a halt. Nearly all these people who had spent all these years .. there had been another forum some of them belonged to connected to a political organisation which also closed its boards because it couldn't spare people to monitor them .. were finally going their separate ways. Some had drifted away earlier but I still thought that, given all the years these people had known each other, that there would be feelings of closeness and bonding and that people would want to stay in touch ... but it seems not.

There were a mixture of all ages, though very few people had really young children, but that seems to have changed a lot and some do have young families now. But, really, I'd've thought that the children could've created more bonds between people who'd known each other for so many years.

I do remember one woman saying that the only reason she was there was to talk politics and that she wasn't interested in the social side of being there. Well, OK .. and people do drift in and out of your life over the years but, I don't know, I just didn't expect it all to end up like this. Some people had met of the boards too. I was really surprised when I saw the dates of the last posts and reading back found that people had just drifted away.

Strange to see the board go.

Manana

Still reeling from that a bit.

It's difficult for everyone I know to know whether to encourage me to do things or to rest I guess and it's difficult for me to know what to do as well. Tomorrow I've got to really start pushing to get my medical problems sorted out.

Well, tomorrow.

It's a pain in the butt ... but ... that's the way it goes .. which reminds me about something else I've got to do. Well, write a list out with the names of people I've got to contact and their phone numbers and then work my way methodically through it. Then just keep on going back to it til everything's sorted out.

No other way.

And. now, it has to be a case of Manana rather than manyana .. well, u no wot i mean. Really do have to get down and sort it out but it shouldn't be so difficult to start off with a list of people and phone numbers and then just working my way through it. Might make a few notes too.

Then just keep up with how things are moving.

Should've done it to start of with really.

Old friend

And found someone I used to know a few years ago on the net. Was going through the introduce yourself and post a picture thread when I saw her picture. At first I thought .... No, it can't be. Must just be someone that looks like her .. but thought "this is the sort of board she'd join." Read what she'd written and realised that it had to be her. Then I thought that as this had been posted almost five years ago that she might have left .. but, no, still there.

Nice to catch up. Very nice woman.

Sunday

Well, have found a place IRL to mull things over. Have been talking to one of the members and we've gone into things and been very open. They know quite a lot about me already as they've been reading the blogs for years and someone there knows someone I used to years ago.

Looking at a couple of general but kind of similar places on the net now .. but will take my time.

Realise that I'm going to have to take things easy for a while now .. will be talking to my docs tomorrow about it all.

Just going to relax, get things sorted out and try and get a bit better.

ACTA

Talked to my DJ friend that I got to know about from Jamendo about the ambient site that I visited yesterday and stopped in to listen to some of the music. He said he didn't think it was legal and so he thought it best to give it a miss.

He was talking about the ACTA .. a new trade treaty that is going to be made public this week which is hoped to be sanctioned by the end of this year. I've been reading about it this morning and legally it's really interesting. I suspect that all the countries are going to be watching what happens in France closely as they have already passed a three times and you're off law into their legal system. At the moment the EC wants each of its members to be able to decide what it does regarding graduated penalties into its country's laws. The treaty also covers how much liability ISPs are going to have.

Mashups .. legal

http://www.out-law.com/page-7844

Podcasts .. legal

http://www.out-law.com/page-7845

...............

Oh well,, back to Jamendo to find a piece of music I can hopefully adapt a bit to meditate to or something new to download .. I would like to try to adapt something myself from the people there. Didn't get round to doing anything before but I might have a try this time.

Will go back through the blog to try and find some music I can remember but can't place where it came from too.

Resting

Rather than reduce the amount of that med I'm using and how long I use it for I've decided that it'd probably be better to leave it out for a few days and then start it again. Think it'll make things easier especially as I'm taking a higher dose of prednisolone for a few days. Used it this morning but will leave for now until things have totally settled down. Shouldn't be long.

Been reading about and listening to some 60s garage bands.

Will speak to the doctors on Monday about the problems if they haven't settled down a bit by Monday.

Hmmm

And now got to sort something out that I thought had been sorted out months ago. Never mind .. will leave a message for her for Monday. I'm not meant to have to do anything .. slight hiccup!! I know why .. it's cause someone's left the firm when originally they were only going to be away for a couple of months. I already knew that things had got a bit mixed up with another aspect ... should have realised really.

Too little

It is difficult writing and trying to keep things condensed to just a few paragraphs. At the moment I'm trying to condense them even further and, with some subjects, it doesn't really work at all. A single sentence doesn't work at all generally speaking.

Oh well.

Saturday

Going out yesterday made me think of the Icelandic erruption and wondered if it would have any effects on climate change. Haven't been following the news reports about it so I'm not sure just what's happening. Guess it depends how long it goes on for. Think the last one that had that kind of impact was the one back in the early 1990s that affected the atmosphere for a couple of years.

I expect it'll start the controversy going again though. It has a kind of dual effect .. creating a haze that obscures the sun a little and producing an acid aerosol effect that can affect the ozone layer .. the environmental news topic back in my younger days. It was thought then that volcanoes were the most significant cause of any global warming on the whole but that has changed because of research into the tip over balance from various inputs.

There have been improvements over the years though with a variable problem over Antarctica that I think I blogged about some time ago .. when I used to be more into writing about the subject .. because. like volcanoes there are dual effects from having the hole there or not. The hole is expected to clear up showing that we can help the environment.

Difficult to know just how to phrase things at times because often you start heading into a different subject and could .. um .. be writing for ages .. but, sometimes, things don't really fit into a few words.

??????

???????

A couple of weeks ago I read a thread where two people were really going at each other .. one was a creationalist, the other had a lot of scientific knowledge and moulded his beliefs around that. I thought it was going to be really interesting .. well, it was .. but mainly for the way they quickly turned into a really nasty personal argument with both people cussing the other person and their ideas out. The argument, on both sides, got stuck in the there's no proof/it's just theory/ supposition/anecdotal/hearsay mode because neither person would move on from there and it got really personal instead of talking about what they knew .. and this just went on and on and on.

I don't think either was doing it because they enjoyed doing it and were just using the discussion as an excuse to become abusive because I think, here. they did both believe what they were saying though neither seemed aware that becoming personal in that way wasn't doing what they were trying to get over any good.

Don't think either of them were drunk either. It was strange watching the discussion deteriorate into what it did so quickly so did cross my mind as, on the net, you've plenty of time to decide whether you're going to post what you've just written.

???????

Really, not well enough to do much. Dunno when I'll start to feel better though I do know now that meditation and lots of rest are very good things so I'll be including more rest in my timetable too. Maybe I'll have a bit more energy then. Difficult to rest though.

I said to someone this evening that, apart from having a lie detector test .. easier cause there's only one of me ... I couldn't see that writing was going to make any more difference than Emma's research has. Talk about missing out a few words om half a page in a paper or some posts in a blog or hundreds of sites on the web .. they can also miss whole books!!!

Partly because it's not what they're looking for because they have preconceived ideas so whatever is said they're going to reject it without taking anything in or making connections. And, ofcourse, what is there is replaced by figments of their own imagination a lot of the time .. one being it's not there which must lead to more thinking which will become a barrier to anything getting through I guess.

Lots of people put some things up on the web and I've shared more than most I guess .. just multiply those by millions and you get the picture.

Though, having said that, as far as some people go, it doesn't matter how much is out there, they'll miss it.

That guy's research is really interesting .. would be nice to know more about it. It's fascinating.

Tesco

Did get over to Tesco today though still can't walk there and back. It was a spur of the moment thing and maybe I shouldn't've really done it but it was such a nice day again .. as people keep on telling me. Wanted to go out and I felt better for not having to rely on other people for everything. Though will still need a few odds and end I guess but I have the heavier things in. Haven't got the Fortisips. Have had a repeat prescription done but it was done by the duty doctor and they're not up on the computer so will have to phone my doc on Monday and sort that out.

Think it was good to go out in some ways anyhow though just to be on my feet for longer than I usually am now. I'm not laid up so my muscles are still ok but I'm not that active. Remember when a friend of mine not being able to walk for a while after being laid up in hospital for eight weeks because her muscles had become weak.

today

Ah, well, the increased prednisolone seems to be doing some good. I've increased it to 30mgs today and will up it to 40mgs tomorrow then keep it at that for four more days.

Last time it was increased for a few days it did do some good and stayed that way for quite some time.

Asked the nurse this morning about the pain team and he said to phone the hospital!!! Will phone them soon. Got a few departments to get in contact with!!!

Have been reading what a few other people have said about how themselves or people they know are coping with the illness. Given me a few things to think about. Reading that was probably the best thing I've done for a long time really.

Star, cross, rose ................

Haven't done much today. Been reading around a bit .. played a kind of are you psychic test .. well, as I said before .. when we were discussing this on a message board I rated myself as much less psychic than anyone else thought they were .. this confirmed that I ... um, wasn't wrong!!! lol!!

So the game just confirmed that I'm not .. psychic that is . Could I, in psychic terms, ever predict that it's not going to change cause if I said that it hadn't changed and I'd predicted that it wouldn't would that mean that I was psychic because I'd got that right, that I wasn't but in getting it right had I become psychic so was now wrong so, infact,couldn't have got it right after all ... etc., etc. lol!!

Or was it just logic!!!

Surely not .. well, it couldn't be ,.. now could it!!!!

Oh, well, then, just a lucky guess ... lol!!

Maybe .. maybe!!!

Whatever .. I obviously certainly can't be psychic because

.... oh, forget it .. not explaining that again .. cause I'd have to remember where I put me words ... difficult in this case.

Sigh.

......

It's been quite a sad day too for a number of reasons .. one ofcourse that I've had I've had to think about the time when mum was very ill and looking after her but there have been other reasons too .. one which means I'll give a fiver to support someone's charity run though.

Anyway pleased that I feel more confident about the side of things now as far as the other post goes .. but the idea of getting it all sorted out at once in some ways anyway is a great relief .. though has it's funny side too. But that part is really very important..

Anyway, time to get moving I guess.

But, that was the best!! Hopefully it won't be so difficult ... huh.

Guess as far as I go things aren't too good at the moment. Have started sorting one thing out today though I have to admit it's only because I had to phone about something else and realised I might be able to get a bit of advice about this too.

.........................

That guy is really interesting ... huh.

That is a kind of a dedicated blog joke I guess.

For anyone who is really interested.

Quite a joke in quite a lot of ways.

Thanks for believing in me. C above.

xx

But ... I've not been doing much today cause I'm still not feeling up to much at all .. was a bit optimistic earlier on.

I'm trying to keep it down to 9mls a day and only using it for 2 to 3 minutes .. though it is towards the 3 minutes cause it's not working too well at 2 so seems a bit pointless. I was absorbing too much because of how things are at the moment.

See how it goes,

Found out that using a chamomile rinse might help soothe things a bit .. so will try that. Worth giving it a go I guess.

Thursday

Went out to the front to suddenly hear this loud laughter .. the TV can really get you when you're not used to it .. lol!!

I tend to listen to music and tune out a bit when the TV's on or just put ear phones on. Bit difficult if both are on. Often just listen to nothing.

It's a lovely day out there though ... so warm. Makes me think of summer.

Not feeling too good .. could probably walk again though. Time to take some more pills .. will see how things are when I've done that.

Still taking time sorting out the meds. I'm taking the higher dose of prednisolone now. It can only be for a few days though. I've got to put some other treatment back til I feel a bit better so it'll kind of fit in with that anyway.

Maybe I'm on the right trail now too. Maybe catching the sceptics interest is a way of promoting more academic interest ... lol!!!

Pardon

I was chatting to someone last night and, because of an article in the news, we got talking about something else that had rather surprized me which reminded me of this.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/3304496/Be-lucky-its-an-easy-skill-to-learn.html

????????????

One of the boards I used to belong to has had at least three spin off boards .. found out about one yesterday .. wondered where people had gone and guessed a lot of them would stay in touch .. didn't realise that it was a forming a new board situation this time, Don't know where that is because it's private. Think the other one had to move and I've no idea where it is now,



The one I did find had me in fits of laughter. Sad that the forums have split up so many times. Think the last lot to leave only left because they didn't like the new forum lay out so went and set up something they're happier using .. the last time it was something to do with the site rather than disagreements between the people using it too.

I guess the private board is probably quite slow .. just like its parent board which is slower than the one I was reading today. When it was busier it used to attract quite a few people who'd post for a few weeks/months but now it's hardly moving.

I feel too old to rejoin now. It's not something that's ever been a problem anywhere else but I think I'll forget about rejoinimg here. They could do with a few more chatty people there because it's really slowed down and I guess the slower it gets the more people will just drift off and the less people there are the less new people'll want to join.



Some of my going back in time like this has been really sad .. some surprizing. One board seems to've banned quite a few people .. and I can't work out why as far as some of them go. I guess things must've changed somewhere down the line. At the moment it seems really strange though.

Dunno whether to start posting there again or not. Might do, might not, might do, might not.



G'wan G'wan G'wan.



Decisions decisions decisions.

Afternoon

Had a quiet day. Whoops .. one day gone and still haven't sorted anything out .. it would be so much easier if I was in better health .. but then everything would, wouldn't it. Writing. research, working things out, being able to talk to new people.

If you're well everything is so much easier.

Today's been more spent on personal things .. which reminds me I've got to get in touch with someone. Health and a couple of technical problems have got in the way since I've been here but I'll contact them via someone else .. should've done it ages ago.

Got to pick up on my languages too .. a bit a day. Otherwise other people end up having to do more for me than they need too. Unfortunately Google isn't tooooooooooooo accurate!!!

Though often quite a laugh.

Hmmm ... zzzzzzz

Think I'll just have a quiet restful day today. I need a rest from reading confusing reports .. this time because of some of the strange "science speak" used in an excerpt from a report I was reading. Also wished some of what I read wasn't so vague.

Think a rest would do me good.

morning

Been going over things done ages ago and changing them here and there. Couldn't remember where I'd put the discs for a while but they eventually turned up. Wouldn't have mattered if I had lost them as quite a few other people have the same.

It seems ages since I sent them but it's only a few months ago.

Whoops .. fell asleep .. can't believe it's just gone seven .. woke up a little while ago and was wondering about turning in for the night. Think I'll forget about that .... bit late now ... lol!! Go and get breakfast soon as I'm expecting someone round today .. though don't know when they'll be arriving. Was surprised last time as they were here earlier than usual and I'd slept in!!!

Music

This sounds as if it might be nice

http://rec72.net/?p=266

Just about to listen to it now.

Yay!!

I will sort that out in the next week!!! lol!!! Or, I hope to anyway.

Must remember to phone my doc tomorrow too. There's just so much to do but it is slowly getting done.

And, now, off to get a Fortisip. I need to make sure that I'm drinking enough as well as eating properly. That does two in one to a degree. Guess this is kind of "yay" as they don't taste that nice but they are good for me.

And as for the med .. this is to reassure people who know me .. I am being careful .. just using a very little amount for around two to three minutes .. though have decided to use it five/six times a day with a fresh dose .. 1 to 2 mls .. each time. That's only 6 to 12mls a day at the most which is on the lowish side .. with just over a ml at a time I'm not going to absorb that much. I'll make sure it's only for 2 or 3 mins too. It does help at that dose and only using it for that time.

Looking around

I'm still quite weirded out by all the people who didn't notice that guy's rather obvious contradiction that I mentioned having read on Amazon. Couldn't understand how it had been missed or how it could've been written in the first place. More so the latter ... really strange how someone could not remember having said that and then kinda rewriting the whole thing a few pages later.

Makes you wonder. It's not just that but it's also become obvious that some people read whatever they want to as well and it often has little to do with what's been said.

Guess blogs should be easier though as there's just a little info to take in at a time.

Anyway have been reading and empathising with people who've been writing on the net. One woman brought tears to my eyes because I knew just where she was coming from. Was going to get in touch with her and tell her I'd experienced something similar but didn't want to intrude. She sounds very nice but I decided it would be better to just let her chat to people she already knew as it was about something very personal and emotional.

Think I made the right decision.

Actually forgotten which forum it it is as I was visiting quite a few trying to find one that I'd like to be part of. Did like it so will try and find it again. I would like to discuss things with new people. Maybe it'll be off the net though. Guess I'll have to search. I miss that kind of interaction, meeting different people to talk to about these things.

It's difficult at the moment because I can't be up and about for long but I'm still going to look around. Hopefully I'll find something. Would be much easier if I was up and about .. the rest of the illness doesn't help much either .. but .... hopefully.

out of date

Quite a lot of the posts are out of date now so I'll post some of the ones that are ok later on as there are so many pages .. lots of the working ones are just to Jamendo's better known musicians anyway.

Hard work ..!!!!!

It's hard work so it'll probably take some time .. in the mean time you can read some of all the other books/studies/papers on the subject.

And you can make up your own minds after all that I can't make them up for you.

Obviously what I'm writing is going to about much more than some of the things that appear to be pointing to some kind of method in life .. but I will include that to give all the others who've experienced it something else to give them a bit of reassurance. And I will write about some of the things that don't appear to make sense .. but I'm sure other people who are putting a bit of time in have probably noticed them too .. but I'm writing about a lot more than that.

I've friends who are going to help me .. though they want me to do other things too and some feel that I'm spending too much time on this anyway and that I should be doing something that 's a bit more fun at this point in my life.

I will try and make some of it funny .. lol!!!

It is hard work though.

Still people are talking it all over with me a lot now again.

And I'm trying to sort out my languages/art etc.

How about a two hour maths video folks?

Maths

http://www.frostclick.com/wp/index.php/2010/03/08/dimensions-two-hours-of-mathematics-fun/#more-9572

and

Really, guess it was probably better that I did just potter round the web and in and out of a couple of books for the last few months.

Oo .. er

Whoops .. that was left over when I realised I was writing on the wrong blog and deleted what I'd written first for that post.

I am a busy person .. sort of!!

It is difficult though. At the moment I'm in quite a lot of pain ..and my tummy muscles are quite tight .. but that should get better over the next week. The tummy muscles that is. As for the rest .. well, my doc has to sort out something with the community pain team. I've got an appointment with the one at the hospital but my care plan which should have been put into place when I left hospital seems to have gone a bit haywire.

Someone said to me last week that this sort of thing often happens. Also said if anyone could sort it all out properly .. there's a lot to sort out .. I could. Not so sure about that but I have realised that you do have to look out for yourself.

I've also got to be adamant about postponing some treatment because I'm not well enough right now and making sure, when I do have it, that the right precautions are in place.

But it's all extra things to do. Have to say though that some people have been great helping me with some of the practical things.

Wish I could do more to thank them .. they certainly deserve it.

Anyway .. want to get things sorted out for tomorrow.

Just remembered something else I've got to add to my things to do.

Koestler

I still can't find the Koestler organization that used to be on the net when I was first looking for somewhere academic to get in touch with. Think they were Scandinavian. They had quite a lot of info up on their site in English. Still things change over the years.

I did notice that one of the Scottish universities has a Koestler division when I was looking around a few months ago.

Anyway .. back to where I was.

Back into a routine

I'm limiting the time I'll spend blogging too. At the moment I just seem to have spent ages going over and over one subject that .. if people are interested .. they can go and look up themselves. And not sorting it and myself into a situation where I can do something to verify what I've said.

I've loads of other things that I should be doing and that I've told other people I'll do. So I need to sort both of those things out.

It'll feel strange not just going with the flow .. but there you go. Guess once I'm into a routine I'll soon be OK with it.

Planning

Well, have sort of made a sort of timetable. Don't know how keepable too it is!! I have a friend who has done much the same and he is getting on very well ... so we shall see. He's often quite tired but training and keeping to a plan of his day more or less keeps him doing things on time even though he's in a position where it'd be easy to get distracted from what he should be doing ... lol.

The tiredness has been showing too over the last week but he's still managed to get everything done,

And things have turned out well. I've said I'll do some work for him ... hmmm .. been saying that for a while now .. but maybe I'll actually get round to doing something if I'm a bit more organised.

Guess it's difficult actually getting down to it .. once I'm used to it there won't be such a problem

I suppose I could alter it a bit ...

10 hours meditating .. I know it's good for me .. while simultaneously surfing music sites.

And doing walking meditations to eat etc.

Break for 10 minutes work

Resume meditation while simultaneously .....

Well, maybe not!!!

Monday

Looks like one of the problems is sorted out. I'll phone the hospital tomorrow about something else that I want to make sure has been too. I'm not sure as no one has actually confirmed anything. Will try and get something else on the go too.

Slowly starting to get things sorted out.

Apart from that .. just resting and hoping that I feel a bit better soon.

.....................

There was a bit of synchronization in some of what the researchers were thinking and what I'd been wondering because of something someone else had mentioned a while back .. but it's all wound up in so many whys.

No one involved is saying that this discovery couldn't mean other things as they've said themselves .. though you wouldn't believe that from some of the headlines.

But as I said .. am I glad that I didn't say that I'd experienced anything like this. And am I glad that I'd been reading around trying to make sense of it all. Wouldn't've done it anyway cause I'd've found it difficult to keep the whole thing going .. today would not have been good ... lol .. I'd've had to remember what I'd said. Today is good cause I can ramble on and not have to worry about that. Can just type.

Anyway, have other things to do .. found some Buddhist lectures that I might listen to soon .. not today though.

http://www.archive.org/details/Tse_Chen_Ling_Emily_Hsu_Mind_Mental_Process_Complete_2006

There's a lot to do.

Hmmmmmm

I would like to have an OBE but I guess all I can do is read about them and listen to what other people tell me. I'm not well enough to do anything else. I would very much like to have one of the ones where people describe things they see accurately.

There are things that don't seem to make sense. I was wondering about them before and they still don't. I'm reading the things that I think will have the most accurate accounts of everything and am left totally baffled because things you'd expect to happen if one thing is true just don't.

What did that guy say .. lol .. I put that up rather tongue in cheek quote .. hey .. the guy on the BBC programme also said something about science fact being stranger than science fiction.

Have to say that the more I read the more difficult it is to make things gel from a number of points of view.

I was wondering why a few people who started off being quite methodical in the way they looked into this ended up becoming, what I thought, was very gullible. But, honestly, after the last few days, going through a couple of books and reading around on the net .. I'm not surprised because there is so much that is difficult to put together to make sense.

and

And with the woman who had the 2 in a million experience .. I wasn't looking for anything connected to the med or anything to do with me and was very surprised as I read down.

Anyway .. have been reading blogs and listening to music. I slept quite well last night but am still very tired.

Hopefully I'll be feeling a bit better soon.

As people who know me know the two things I found out about the two meds are very important to me .. without one things would've got worse and the other gave me information that showed I had been right though it had been suggested that this sort of thing wouldn't happen .. I knew that I'd developed a sensitivity because of all I'd been going through. It lead me to refuse the second half of a test .. which incidentally I didn't need anyway as it turned out ... because I was worried there'd be a repeat of my other experience and I thought I was now in a too sensitive physical state to risk it.

I knew what had happened but was left, for a while, feeling as if this wasn't possible .. I now know that isn't so.

Eventually it was seen what was happening and now I have confirmation that this is so and that I was right.

I'm very annoyed about it as this led on to another problem that became quite serious. Anyway it's taught me a lesson and made me decide to be very careful in future .. sighs.

I only found out about the first med because of a difficulty in finding out whether it needed to be prescribed from the hospital or if my GP could do it too. It's a strange situation. What would happen if I lived on the coast or something like one of the patients I met who had some treatment at the same time as I did. I think the answer to this will be to have it prescribed somewhere nearer if possible though it was collected for me last time .. but that is a bit of a nuisance .. or, maybe I could ask if it could be collected from the ward connected to one of the treatment clinics at the hospital I go to now rather than having to ask someone to wait for so long as they have to now, Or, I guess they could go out for a while instead of sitting in the pharmacy for all that time. There's a problem with it because of the way it has to be prescribed .. you can only have about a weeks supply at a time.

There's been a bit of a mix up about prescribing it and that was why I was reading up about it .. a mix up I don't understand .. but I'm glad there was now because I found out some important info about the med.

Hmmmmmmmmm

Well, that report doesn't appear to be the whole of the story as there is a report of a patient who had a NDE who saw his doc doing a blood test that revealed low carbon dioxide and high oxygen levels. The experience was written about by Dr Sabom.


While I was reading I came across an account by a woman which answered another med question I had. The odds of coming across this were very low .. first of all the chance of it happening in this scenario are something like 2 in a million and then the number of people who would have been in the position to have experienced it would've been tiny to start off with. Then she had to write about it .. and I had to find it.

She also reported a strange coincidence which had helped her. Good bit of timing there!!!

Hmmmm .. phew!!

Well. back to where I was a few months ago. Hmmm .. will have to refresh my mind on a few things though.

How does fings work?

Hmmmmmmmmm. Expect just the same as they did then!!

Must say that I'm very glad that I didn't lie about experiencing things I hadn't just to try and give more credence to my own beliefs and that I had made it very obvious in the last few days.

It would've been very easy to've .. um .. upped the anti a bit in my direction .. wouldn't've felt very happy about it today though.

Or, if I'd gone along with agreeing with some things just because they was accepted as they stand by quite a few people .. kind of embroidering things to give myself more credence to be able to write things up here.

and

Obviously if you do write something like that it has to have some kind of officialdom behind it .. rather than coming from someone on the internet who could be writing anything. I could just say anything as I proved a couple of posts ago.


The whole thing has certainly brought my sense of humour back for the evening at least.

!!!

I think this is quite a good quote to be going on with .. thankyou JBS Haldane .. The universe is not only queerer than we imagine .. it is queerer than we can imagine.

Weird!!!

Very weird.

Life is weird for sure.

!!!???!!!

I am glad though that I haven't written about everything that has happened up here. I've posted a few things over the years as a lot of you will know ... lol .. interestingly enough a lot of the people who've been most insistent about wanting to know have missed them apparently because they go on regardless. Strangely enough people who've called me a liar seem to behave exactly the same way making it obvious that they've missed things too as it would have been very difficult .. if not verging on the impossible .. for me to have had any chance of setting anything up.

I will leave it like this now and carry on reading and trying to work things out .. and hopefully writing about it eventually.

But this has been quite interesting too.

............................

Have to say that if I disconnect from my own experiences .. I needed something logical rather than abstract to become interested in the first place .. don't know for sure but I am not 100% sure that a NDE would have been an ideal starting point for me. Though I did have one very strange experience where my perceptions were different from how they are in this reality. But that is very different from the things that did get me interested.

I'm more curious now than anything else .. and not so scared about having an OBE .. have to admit that I was rather before. The fear seems to have gone now anyway.

I'm very glad that I can watch all this from where I am. Otherwise I might be feeling as I was the other day times a billion or something but as things stand I can just wonder about it. Have to say that something had crossed my mind about all this a few days ago on two counts .. one a spiritual thought .. and the other a physical one which applied to all the other similar connections made over the years too. And then something else was added after reading the report .. and made me start thinking again.

It's so involved.

The interesting thing is that I'm not feeling frightened or anything.

So .................................

But I do feel a bit more motivated

Though my illnesses might get in the way of that a bit .. me tummy's not too good at the moment .. though I think I know why that is thanks to the reading I did yesterday. Might take a while to clear up though but I am being careful and hoping that things will soon improve. Well, give it a week or so.

Saturday

Consciousness is an interesting subject to explore. I see another possibility has come up to explain some NDEs chemically. I'm not someone who has experienced much in the way of what might be termed altered consciousness in my life. And, generally speaking, if I did I'd head for the doctor.

I have noticed some interesting things coming out of these studies though .. much too general from what I can see to be put down to coincidence.

.......................

Found out the guy had been banned. So he could fool some of the people most of the time but not all the people all of the time.

Doubt if I'll ever find out what actually happened. There's someone there I could ask but there's no way I'm turning up out of the blue and then asking about that.

Still feeling pretty lousy. It's going to take a bit of time for this to sort out I guess. Anyway however annoyed I was about the situation that lead to me reading up about it I'm real glad now.

Going to spend a bit of time amongst the atoms etc this evening. Think I need to spend more time resting and relaxing because I don't get much sleep so I won't be reading for too long.

Think I'll get supper now.

This evening .........

Well, putting facts together as I read more .. this time lots more reviews .. combined with the report I mentioned a few months ago most noticeably.. Life experiences .. especially, sadly through getting older, have helped me understand some of the report better than I would even a year ago and much much more than I would've say seven/eight years ago when I hadn't much personal experience to help me.

I suppose I've had a lot of things to think through .. and you have to give the mind time to process it all and to work things out.

And ... then .........

And .. then maybe ... meditate ... lol

...................

Well, it's all been much harder to sort out than I thought it was going to be .. one good thing though .. while looking things up myself I've found out something I didn't about one of my meds which I didn't know before.

The hospital phoned back again and hopefully what I asked about has been sorted out for me. The other problem is always going to be a bit of a problem but is going to be a bit easier cause of someone else's help now.

Haven't sorted my days out yet .. but will. There's a lot I want to do. Being ill does get in the way but hopefully I'll find ways round it.

I still feel a bit .. I don't really know what words to use to describe it really .. but the same has happened as it did last time and I've become a little distanced from my own experiences .. don't know why cause it doesn't make sense that I should feel that way .. but that's what I thought last time too. I decided that it must be a bit like being in shock then as an explanation. I was too I guess .. couldn't understand why someone who had been through all he apparently had would do something like that. The answer was quite simple really as I explained some time back.

The people whose reviews I've read of the book didn't notice the mistake. I really don't know why .. this goes for both people who liked the book and those who didn't. I thought that it was relatively easy to notice because of the way he'd written it and it all took place within a few pages so there wasn't much time to forget what he'd said.

Not going to try and give any explanations because I don't know.

Going to get dinner now and do my meds.

Friday

Went to the docs .. will be hearing from them this afternoon. I'm leaving the rest til next week. I suppose everything will be sorted out eventually.

I might get in touch with someone to ask if they'll do it for me. Know someone who did in a similar situation so will look into that next week too. Might be the best idea.

Went to Tesco and got some food in. There was no way I could carry anything much back so got quite a bit and got driven back.

Will ask the doc to add Fortisips to the prescription when she phones too .. just one a day.

.................................

I'm very interested in stories of mind/body separation. It's very off putting when you realise that some people are lying. Obviously the best way of finding out would be to deliberately try to have an OBE and make sure that you are very aware of everything that is going on while it's happening. Which is what I'd like to do. I started watching a video about having one but it was through sleep paralysis. I've had that a couple of times and am not going to try through that route.

It's easy to make up stories .. nothing could be simpler .. but what's the point .. doesn't give any comfort at all. Obviously in my state of health I'm a candidate for these experiences people have when they are very ill. It'd be very easy to write accounts of how, while I was in pain with my heart beating irregularly, blood pressure reacting to the pain and weak from lack of food I found my consciousness leaving my body and floating free from the pain for a while and being comforted by a friend who passed over many years ago while being surrounded by a very strong feeling of love. Then describing how this has given me the strength to carry on. I wish. I would really love that .. but it hasn't happened, And it's probably what people would want to hear. I could carry on like that, elaborating. Actually, wouldn't be difficult at all. But it has a number of downsides too .. that these people don't care about. Guess they might not even occur to them .. not what their minds are focused on at the moment.

Anyway I am going to sort out what I can so that I understand it the best that I can. And hopefully then I might find out what I want to know. Already well down the road with one thing thankfully. All the info's out there so anyone can do the same.

Thursday

Phoned the surgery today and the hospital phoned me .. and I'm on the way to getting a couple of things sorted out. Well .. I hope.

Back thinking/feeling a bit like I did after discovering the contradiction in a supposedly true book I read a while back. Well, I found it before I read it as it was in the Amazon excerpt. Should have cancelled it I guess and left it at that.

Right I need a biro and notepad and try to get started sorting things out. And to start looking through my books again. Just a bit exasperated I guess.

Anyway .. haven't meditated .. quelle surprise .. huh. But the evening isn't over yet and I'm sure I can manage 15 minutes of quietness.

Have been round places I used to go to on the net ages ago. Some of the people are still there but most have gone from a couple of forums I used to belong to. On one I guess some of them might have stayed in touch. Both have a few people that I remember though, I was surprised to see one person had gone from one board. Couldn't remember his name but, amazingly it came back to me. I could remember the picture he had as his signature and eventually thinking about that and visualizing it brought his name back too. If the archived posts go far back enough I might search and see if I can find out why he left. Bit of a story behind it all .. bit interested to know what happened.

Interesting to see how different the different forums are too. Will probably spend a while there again this evening. Quite interesting/

Difficult

Not a very good evening .. I suppose I should have gone to the clinic at the hospital today. I was told that I could just turn up if I was feeling worse. Going by the card I've been given this applies to people with my illness and lupus. Might phone the department at St Thomas's instead tomorrow or might phone my GP first and see what she suggests.

I'd think that some of it might be because I couldn't eat much for a few weeks. I was on a saline drip but still tried to eat. I had Procal and Fortisips .. you can get small Fortisips now too.

Will ask my GP for some Fortisips as they're a vitamin and protein enriched drink so you get liquid as well as food at the same time. Procal is very condensed though it tastes nicer. As I've got to drink .. Fortisips .. the usual kind .. are better as they do two jobs at once. I had one for dinner tonight!!!!!

Couldn't manage anything much for a quite a while. In fact I guess I hardly ate for about five weeks .. almost got to the point where I was going to have to have a tube to my stomach .. it was talked about twice but I just managed to keep going.

meditation

Anyway .. thinking of health .. back to meditation. Not difficult to do .. it's just taking the time out to do it .. but I will because it's well worth the time spent doing it. If I was well enough I'd do yoga too. As I'm not I'm going to try and adapt some exercises. Might put about half to three quarters of an hour a day aside for that.

Even with things as they are getting a routine going is important otherwise it's so easy to just drift through the day.

So, tomorrow I start meditating again. Thought about it during the power cut. Well, it was a kind of natural thing to go into though I spent more time kinda semi dozing but, for a little while, I thought it over and went into a meditative state.

I'm going to find out more about the type of meditation I mentioned the other day. Know a little more about it now because some people on a message board mentioned it which kinda got my interest going again. There's no rush as I'm happy with how I usually meditate but I'd like to see what this is like too.

I think 15/20 minutes will be enough and to start off with I'll just use med-i-tate as a mantra to concentrate on. I 've meditated because I like the feeling of relaxation that can go with it but there are other benefits.

http://www.spring.org.uk/2009/05/how-meditation-improves-attention.php

Just like everything though there are some people who find meditation doesn't suit them. If you take any medications to help with your mood or if you feel you might need them or anything like that it's best to talk to your doctor as there could be a difference when the body/mind relaxes. Also if you are someone who feels a need to be in control meditation might be difficult for you.

Wednesday

I will have to write about it all anyway to keep it sorted out in my mind. Might write the book eventually .. now that I've got something more interesting to talk about.

Or ask someone else .. though not quite yet.

Still sorting out a lot of medical things. There's so much to do .. get back down to it tomorrow.

Think I'll have a rest now.

We've just had a power cut. I rested through most of it. Was actually quite surprised to find out how relaxing it is just to chill like that in the evening.

I am still feeling a bit annoyed about having to take a much closer look at things than I thought I would, though things seem clearer now. As far as Emma's and Dr Moody's books go I'd still stay with accepting that 3% to 5% of stories probably won't be true.

But then there are people like the priest who didn't change his story to make it more exciting to reflect his beliefs.

There must be people who would be happy, anonymously, in lab situations, to do what they could to get as near as they could to verifying what they've said.

Also, went back to re-read a report I mentioned months ago and I guess that does explain things. So, it's as simple as that. Thought there'd be more to it. Difficult to take in. It's fine on the other count too.

And it was pretty good to go from having read all the other stuff to reading something that is a scientific study and articles round it as an antidote to it all.

Think I'll have a rest to let this soak in after some of the reading of the past couple of days!!!!!!!!

tuesday

Right I've decided that this is going to be my last post about any research I do into the possibility of there being life after death. It's an interesting subject and one that anyone can look into if they're interested. I don't have any more information than anyone else does out there .. infact those who've spent the last few months/years/whatever reading up on the internet etc will have a lot more than I do.

There are a few things I need to find out .. think I'm on the way to clearing up one. I might be wrong .. but, fortunately for my sense of peace, it doesn't look like it. Think it might have upped my cynicism levels a few points in a very healthy way as far as some other things are concerned as well.

Don't think the other thing is possible. More something for the universities where they can have more access to information from different sources.

Anyway there's nothing I can find out that other people can't as well. I might be a little more driven than some because of my own experience and my illnesses but that's all.

Monday

Anyway .. no point in trying to work out something that is a complete mystery. It would be nice to know everything .. lol .. but it's not possible.

Hopefully, though I might get nearer the truth about something else though. Something a guy wrote keeps on going through my mind. Just one sentence .. wish I could remember which site it was on .. I'd like to go back and read the whole article again but it'd probably take ages to find it. Anyway, what I can remember will be an interesting thing to look into.

Sorting out what is meant by a NDE will help too and just looking into the whole thing again.

It was realizing just how broad the description is along with reading accounts that were obvious inventions .. there seem to be a variety of reasons for making stories up .. which then made me wonder about how NDEs were categorised because something was beginning to be apparent. Then I read what the guy I mentioned above had said. Made me wonder.

As I've said quite a few times before my proof is personal and I can't prove anything to anyone which is why I mentioned lie detection tests as a way round the problem. I'm very happy to have it though .. didn't when I was trying to work out how someone who had been so ill could possibly make something up like that .. until Wiki came to my rescue .. I think it's helped because it's something more tangible for me to relate to. Shouldn't be that way really because I know I can trust my memories .. there's nothing very involved.

I decided a little while ago, when I was feeling very ill, that if I could write I would but, whatever, I wasn't going to bug my friends about writing for me. Everyone only has so much time to spare and as I was worried about them they were worried about me too and felt that them writing was also putting pressure on me because it had to include me too.

I think it's turned out for the better really as I'm quite happy looking into what I've found out now. It was something that was worrying me before. There are quite a few things I'd like to look into but I've got to sort out some basic facts first. Somethings just don't seem to gel very well and I want to find out if this is kinda making things harder to sort out and understand.

I'm also a bit wary of calling things written about in very, very old books NDE because most of what I'd call real NDEs these days are only possible because of modern medicine. The others are more like VIEs .. very ill experiences or whatever you want to call them.

?????????????

I guess, in a way, science does point towards an answer to one of the problems I have and that is about time. If, nothing else, it shows that time is a bit of a mystery within the physical world as we know it at the moment.

http://discovermagazine.com/2007/jun/in-no-time

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/space/exploration/timetravel/index.shtml

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19726391.500-is-time-an-illusion.html?full=true


Nothing is simple

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/6546462/The-10-weirdest-physics-facts-from-relativity-to-quantum-physics.html

My other question is more of a philisophical one and I wish I knew the answer cause it's at odds with other things that I feel now.

Sunday

Was up a lot again last night .. but did get to sleep eventually and slept for about five hours which was quite a bit more than I was expecting.

I read a bit while I was up ... mainly book reviews though I did read a few people's descriptions of their NDEs as well.

Going by what the reviewers had to say about the books I ended up agreeing with the people who only gave one star to a book rather than a larger number for most of the books. Added a couple more that I liked from the descriptions this morning though.

Read a couple of accounts of NDEs too. I wondered how one of them could even remotely be called a NDE to start off with and as for the description of the NDE I suspect that the priest I mentioned yesterday would have the same problems with it that I did. I believed what the priest had to say about his NDE that night in hospital. The feeling of sitting up while he knew he was really lying down happened at the start of a short experience that was similar to experiences that could be termed as NDEs. He was very ill .. had just come out of intensive care but was conscious and lucid. And was aware that he was and that it wasn't a dream.

After reading the book reviews I found, from their descriptions, that I was agreeing with the people who gave them one star rather than those who were going up towards five. The night's reading almost made me decide to give up looking any further into the subject.

I do believe in life after death though I do have the same problems about it that I did when I didn't. If you've read the books I've mentioned along with related stuff on the internet and have come to the conclusion that their is life after death you could probably be in the same position as me. Someone has contacted me through a friend who has done that because he still had these other questions buzzing round his head. The only difference between us is that I have had similar experiences described in the one of the books so I had my own experience to confirm that things like this could happen and he hadn't. I said that I wished that I could give him personal experience but all I could do was to say that, from my own experience, I could assure him that this sort of thing was for real and he said that, from what my friend had told him, it was much the same thing .. if not better!! lol!!

I told him about my personal reality check .. my "proof" .. it's only proof for me because I'm the person who it relates to and I know it's the truth. I guess you could say the same about everyones experiences but for a lot of people the proof is just in a memory and there is nothing else to remind them. It has nothing to do with how important the actual experience is in how I might think about it, it's just having something a bit more tangible to remind me and keep it fresh in my mind. Someone who's known me a very long time and who is rather poorly at the moment is looking after it for me.

I guess the people who lie about it don't believe in life after death because there's no comfort in lies because I know in my position it would bring no comfort at all, Was kinda referring to that last night. I'm fully aware of how ill I am but lying about things wouldn't bring any comfort. The truth does though. Doesn't mean that I'm free from worries and doubts but it does seem to have changed my attitude a lot. I think I would be more or less the same if I'd read the first book I read by Emma and the first book that Dr Moody wrote .. read more on the net about everything I could think of connected to the subject and listened to what other people had to tell me about their experiences. I'm pretty sure that I'd've come to the conclusions I have about the possibility of it being true. It's nice to have first hand experience .. at least I know that this kind of thing does happen regardless of the liars out there .. but it's more of a plus than a necessity. I would have reached the same conclusion from what's out there with or without personal experience to back it up.

Saturday

Done my reading for today too. Have been around lots of sites from universities, schools of medicine, blogs, to book reviews etc, etc. Lots leaving more questions.

Wondered whether to call a doc in last night again but in the end decided that it wasn't necessary. Will get in touch with my GP and the hospital at the beginning of next week though.

Will have to write things down before I do to make sure I don't end up putting the phone down only to realise that I've forgotten something.

I am still wondering about what I was thinking about last night. There are quite a few things that I'd like to know. Knowing that people had lied .. in one case because what they said was physically/medically impossible by a long way .. made me broaden the way I was thinking. Also realizing that categorizing experiences is all over the place.

I was reading what a well known priest had to say about an experience he had while very ill in hospital. It was categorised as a NDE .. though it had happened while he was very ill though conscious. He said that he'd always been very skeptical about this kind of thing after reading about them. He said he was aware of his state of consciousness and lucidity at the time. He felt that he was sitting up though he was aware that physically he was lying down. After the experience was over .. it was more than just an OBE .. but not what I would think of as a NDE .. he tested his awareness as a reaction to his experience after it had happened and didn't have any problems.

Last night I wondered what it would be like if I tried to create a comfort zone in my mind .. an invented place that would correspond with my hopes and beliefs of what and where I'll be passing over to. I thought this after reading an article on CSI .. the committee for skeptical inquiry. Ofcourse I was aware of what I was trying to do. I didn't find it a good experience.

I suppose I should join a couple of organizations. Will think about it. I was told about one. Forgotten what it's called but I expect I'll soon find it.

Also I'm going to read a few papers on the subject that cover quite a bit of research.

Reading

I've decided not to try to have an OBE. Think I'm too ill really to go down that path. It would be interesting but it doesn't matter. I decided after reading a few chapters of a book last night. I know they can happen and have known for a long time because someone I know had a very quick one many years ago.

Done my internet reading for today too. Five accounts of NDEs. Made me smile.

I've got the couple of Dr. Moody's books here somewhere that I picked up at Help 71. Was a charity shop in Acre Lane managed by Jackie. I expect people remember her .. she was so nice. Might read them again too. I know that a few stories won't be true. I always think about 3 to 5 per cent in this type of book.

Knowing that a small percentage won't be true has made me wonder about one or two things. I just may have worked one thing out that was puzzling me .. but then, on the other hand, I might not have.

Almost 60 years!!!!!

It's a very nice book. I'd already read a very short book that was a bit similar. I suppose, in a way, they're all connected .. just depends which category you choose to file things under really.

I've been reading on the net this evening though .. well, more than the book.

I was thinking .. almost 60 years on this planet .. that's quite a lot of time I guess though I feel the older I get the more I realise how little I know. Apparently a very common feeling ... lol!!!

Anyway, I'll just explore various topics .. can't do anymore than that really.

On the topical science side too .. as they say science fact appears more and more like science fiction.

Thursday

Well, will be on here sometimes. Am not at all well again and am spending time resting and in touch with friends.

Have read bits here and there from this new book but it deals with things that aren't really part of my experience so it'll be a different kind of read from the other one. Guess it'll take a lot longer because there'll be a lot more to think about as it's dealing with something that I don't know much about and something that isn't part of my own experience.

Was looking through a magazine .. it's a free one that I've been told is in difficulties now .. guess the ads were paying for the printing costs and the recession has probably cut the advertising down. Just glanced through it and saw an article on a form of meditation called Vipassana .. will read more about it and see if I think it might be suitable for me. Don't know anything about it .... so will have to wait and see.