.........

And someone has offered to teach me a bit more about computers in return .. lol!! Waves.

Dinner!!!

Foing to do dinner .. still cooking the same meal ..lol!!! Think it's time for a change so hope to try for a lentil/tomato/veggie/spaghetti meal soon. Well .. soon .. you know what I mean!!! Just put the water on!!! lol!!! Will add something to it soon.

Lol!!

The VentriloChoir


http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvrN4xHr32o





I've corrected the 2nd link in my last post

Arabic

Someone has just asked me to teach their little girl the Arabic alphabet .. should be fun. Bet she could learn in a few days .. well, the initial forms at least .. but we're doing a letter a day.

There are lots of Arabic alphabet songs etc on the web to help people learn.

http://www.funwitharabic.com/song.htm


http://www.unilang.org/view.php?res=1318



On this page you hear someone singing the Arabic letters to the tune twinkle twinkle little star in the first video and then, in the second one, there's a lesson about the vowels.

http://www.arabiccomplete.com/modules_read_learn/read_learn_alphabet_with_short_and_long_vowels.htm

And there're lots of other links to click on.

It's an introduction to a course .. a good one I reckon if someone wants to learn the language.

They do colloquial and MSA courses. Think the colloquial one is Egyptian.

Saturday

Oh well, the site has certainly gone. All the books were all old or unpublished ones so not much chance of seeing them again if the site's gone .. but, still, the information's still out there .. just dotted around the net in various places I guess.

Just sorted out me info to contact the hospital on Monday. Bit difficult with the postal strike .. was going to phone my consultant's secretary and put a detailed letter in the post. Will have notes by me when I phone .. will make it a lot easier. Bit like writing things down before you go to the docs as they suggest sometimes.

Anyway, see how things go.

The pain relief does help .. just not as much as it did. Suppose I should read up on that too. The docs sometimes ask you to read up on treatments .. maybe I should start now.

So ...............

I'll now get my own experiences ready for people who are studying the subject and will take them seriously .. and I'll offer to have a lie detector test if anyone wants me too.

There are a lot of people who play games out there so I really don't mind, in fact, in the circumstances, I think it'll be a good idea. It's not a reflection on me .. just the circumstances.

Of course, there are many more people who don't .. but even at a tiny % it still adds up.

I'm quite happy to do it .. or let someone else do a lot of it .. lol!! People are busy though and have lives apart from sorting my stuff out!!!!

I don't particularly want to do it .. plenty of other things I'd prefer to do. But I guess I will.

DBVs

Anyway, I really should leave it .. there're lots of other voices out there as I keep on saying and really a blog written by one person isn't a very good place to find out about all the ins and outs of peoples experiences around the subject when it's all written up in much more detail elsewhere.

There's also death bed visions which I mentioned before because I'd heard them happening when I'd been in hospital.

http://http://www.pararesearchers.org/Psychic/dbv/dbv.html

Guess they're the best known of all the different subjects.

night

And, as for me .. when it's all sorted out I'm happy to take a lie detector test. Doesn't bother me one way or the other.

Wouldn't be any point in lying .. it wouldn't make any difference to this lousy illness .. the other way round .. it does. It's that simple really.

Don't know if things'll be as easy today as they were yesterday cause my ribcage has been moving a bit more than usual .. thought there was something brewing just before I got in. Wondering whether to stay up in fact .. just doze if I can. Dad used to have to stay up.

Anyway .. might start feeling better .. who knows.

........................

Still haven't watched the DB videos .. might watch a bit of one tomorrow. I take it he has no belief in other peoples experiences at all. Why, I really haven't the faintest idea. He waited a long time before writing his book about the experiences .. was this after the paper who had visited him in hospital had folded.


I was surprized that someone who'd been through what he had would lie about something like this .. though it turned out that his account of his health at the time was only partly true which explained a lot. Wasn't surprized when I found that out .. be very naive if I had've been .. huh!!

What surprises me is that he takes no notice of the millions of people who've had authentic experiences of one kind or another. Don't the sheer numbers nudge something in his mind. Apparently not.

I think when the whole picture's looked at it has to make you wonder.

I hardly count myself in the countless millions .. though, ofcourse, it's more personal to me.

meditation download!!!

I have to say that I don't have any idea what their meditation is like. I would like to do something different I guess. I just sit silently with the word meditation running through my mind .. but I might try different things .. though what I do now works for me .. so .. maybe it's best just to do what I've always done. Wish I'd kept up with it over the years now.

Think I'd seen the meditations before but had decided not to do them .. think I'll try the first two .. not sure if the others are really my type of thing .. will listen to them to see what they're about but probably won't use them as meditations.

Have started again .. and so far things are going well.

Nothing to do with that .. but it's been quite a good day, painwise .. bit difficult going to the docs this morning .. but going to Clapham was ok this afternoon. Last few minutes weren't so good .. but that soon cleared up. Still have to rest quite a bit walking there and back but today was a lot better than it has been though I did carry too much back .. silly cause I can get the tinned things from Tesco. Just didn't want two journeys.

I hope I read that book and watch some of the videos on you tube. I would like to try and see if it does have an effect on the pain. I'm not quite sure what they teach at the Pain Clinics to help help but I think it must be some kind of deep relaxation.

I have had a book about OBEs for years but never got round to reading more than the first few pages .. I'll see what the net has to offer. I did listen to some music on youtube that was meant to help people have out of the body experiences. Zilch here .. but guess I was more curious than relaxed .. which probably didn't help!!

found it

Found it

http://umsonline.org/FreeMdtnDownloads.htm?gclid=CJ2QyuHe5Z0CFcts4wodzQfTMg

I think the booksite must've gone. I joined but never read any of the books .. missed opportunity .. but there you go.

Free OBE book

I used to belong to a book site that had free out of print books to download. There were a couple about OBEs .. never got any further than reading the descriptions .. can't find the site now .. but I've found this. I think the two I noticed before were by women and this one's written by a guy so ..not the same book,

I think the site must've gone .. been searching for it .. on and off for two days now .. but. no luck.

Anyway .. here's the one I found. It's not one of those sites where you have to download anything .. you read it on site.

http://chestofbooks.com/new-age/astral-projection/Out-of-Body-Travel-School-OOBE/index.html

I also found some free meditation stuff at a teaching site but didn't save it so am going to have to search back over my history to find it!!! Looked interesting though

......

Changed ill to very ill as that's how things were.

...............

Someone said to me that they thought these things were more likely to happen as you got older and I expect that's so, I've known of people who certainly didn't believe in anything like this who had their minds changed through experience .. generally when they were very ill,

Some people are stuck in one particular mind set for one reason or other. I think it must help to have an open mind .. lol!!!

But, as I've said. there's heaps of info connected to the subject for anyone who's interested. Those who aren't .. well, everyone has their own beliefs as the argument between creationists and the Darwinian scientific community proves.

Don't know if I'll listen to the radio show as I've read the book I mentioned .. but I probably will. It's interesting though you know you're only hearing about the tiniest proportion of stories out there .. but I guess people talk about them in families quite often and that's even better than the books I guess.

mainly music

I expect that there are other stations on the net that talk about similar subjects but are more down to earth .. haven't really looked. Listened to one with DB doing a talk in once .. don't know if it was C2C but haven't really looked for any.

This is a new agey type radio station .. mostly music but does have some talk shows .. don't know what they're like though.


http://www.cosmicdimensions.com/.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

I found another longish interview to listen to with DB. The Trinity hospice shop turned up a book about lying which should be an interesting read .. don't know if it'll help me as I go along. It was only published this year so it will have a lot of up to date research in it.

Also found an interview with someone who helped write a book on ADCs .. on the same radio station that I found one with DB.

Erm, yes the station seems to revolve around conspiracy theories etc but this guy co-wrote a book on peoples ADC experiences. I liked the book Emma wrote that I found in The Works on the same subject .. I didn't believe every story though I did most of them as I mentioned before. There was one that I remember that I certainly didn't .. the one that mentioned the star on the duvet cover that I've written about.

Only heard a little bit from youtube so I've no idea what it'll be like.

An interview with Bill Guggenheim:

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/show/2009/09/08

zzzzzzzzz

Didn't do anything as I fell asleep for most of the evening. Well, expect I dreamed but I hardly ever remember my dreams and this evening was no exception.

I suppose it's good that I fell asleep because I must've needed the extra rest. There's been a bit of major pain today .. not for long periods of time .. just short bursts. I know what's causing it and it's nothing to worry about but it's bad enough to break through the pain relief badly. Will definitely put the pain relief back up again tomorrow. I'll record when I'm taking it to help get into the new regime, or, rather, back to the old one too.

If that doesn't work guess I'm going to have to give the hospital a call.

Hmmmmm

Will get back to the languages this evening ... lol!!!

Which is a good place to be!!!

!!!!!

It would be nice if I was a bit faster at my favourite game ... sigh .. but it's not going to happen ... lol!!! Some people I know can just romp round it with no trouble at all while I potter around admiring the scenery or something!!!


I think they're great and they have me in hysterics sometimes .. click, click, click at the speed of light. It would be nice .. u know .. just once .. but I don't think it's going to happen!!!!

diddley pom

I guess what it will be is a point of reference for people who want it .. just like other peoples are for me .. though I know there must be something like well well (well) under 1% of all peoples related experiences out there. Who knows .. boggles the mind going back to time immemorial. There's plenty to be going on with under any category anyway. I guess people can just relate their own experiences to other peoples and that's a comfort.



Back to reading!!! It sure is.

.............

Guess I'm becoming interested in things again .. maybe the meditation has helped .. who knows .. maybe being interested in that has made me curious about the rest of the things I was doing .. so back to the languages.

Will have to put the pain relief back up again though .. not good as the evening went on .. then back to the doc if I need more help.

It's been a good day though.

I have DB video to watch that I found on the net .. not the UK one mentioned on Wiki unfortunately .. I'd like to see that. It's an interview with the bloke himself. Wish I'd read the Wiki page earlier too. I knew what I'd read at the start of one book and what someone on a message board had said about some rather crucial editing in different editions of a book but I was still left wondering a bit.

Expect the interview will be interesting. Though for different reasons than the ones I ordered the book for.

He obviously doesn't give a damn.

I feel the same though coming from the opposite perspective .. lol!! I'm not trying to convince anyone. It'd be nice if it;s taken seriously in certain places and recorded as it is .. but, other than that .. everyone has their beliefs and that includes the issue between evolutionary scientists and creationists .. a lot of religious people accept evolution .. a person's personal path is their own and it doesn't have to include scientific related beliefs. I won't say scientific cause my note taking etc was well below par .. lol!!! .. but, well, related. Best to keep as near as possible to the scientific route though.

Mine are personal too .. in that I've formed them in what the state of knowledge is at the present. Could've done it without my own though I know that I'd've never researched anything so would never have known what was what.

I would still like to experience an OBE .. well, a few .. so that I could see for myself .. but I'm still not helping myself in that direction.

Monday

Today's been good really and I feel much better for all the sleep though I know I've got a bit of a cold. Actually feel like doing something again which I haven't for a while. I don't sleep for long periods of time anymore.

Done my meditation ... just as usual. The site was more about NDEs than meditation so I haven't changed anything after all. No need to as what I do works well enough for me .. so why change it ... though I wouldn't mind trying other methods out just to see what they're like I guess.. but there's no need.

I settled back into it well .. no twitching to release accumulated tension as can happen when you start or get back into meditation .. just straight back down into deep relaxation .. which just feels so good. I always wonder why I don't meditate once I actually get round to doing it. I guess I just find it difficult to start doing something that seems like doing nothing.

Was not looking forward to going to the docs this morning cause I thought walking there was going to be really painful but it wasn't too bad at all things considered..

Playing for change

Found on someone else's blog while pottering through the googlesphere

http://www.playingforchange.com/episodes/2/Stand_by_Me

zzz zzz zzz zzz

Have been dozing on and off throughout the day. Can hardly believe the day's gone by so quickly .. not complaining though. It's gone six o'clock!!! My sleep's all over the place now .. guess it's a mixture of my illness and age. Feel kinda floaty and relaxed .. that might be because of the Buddhist chants I'm listening to.

Haven't done any meditation .. still, the day's not over yet .. I'm sure I can find ten minutes to spare this evening .. unless I doze off again!!!

..................

Me friend is sorting things out the best she can but I don''t really see the point .. while it's interesting there's nothing there that isn't already out there .. books of it if people can be bothered to read it up for themselves .. plenty on the net.

I'm doing it cause it's just another bit of info for them .. like there are loads of NDE stories. It's all out there for anyone who wants to know .. has been for ages. And. unlike mine, a lot of it verified as much as it can be .. different in different circumstances .. which, if you're serious about this, is, ofcourse, what you want!!!

Bit daft otherwise. Plenty of people out there to read about which can then help you make up your mind whether other stories are true or not because you'll have something to go on. Anyway, spoken to my friend. I have a very nice .. lol .. waves .. scientist friend who is giving me lots of encouragement too now that I've decided to add my tale to the rest .. thinks it'll do me good!!!

Question Time

Ofcourse everyone has been talking about last week's Panorama and Question Time. Think they've been the most talked about topics all week. There's been so much debate over whether the BBC should have ket Nick Griffin on Question Time but really there are problems either way. He's the leader of a minor political party that has two members elected to the European Parliament and the question around all this must revolve round whether people would vote for the BNP as a fascist organization. I don't know how they ran their election campaign so I can't comment on it.

Did their supporters know, for instance, that the BNP restricted it's membership along ethnic lines.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/politics/6004182/BNP-faces-legal-action-over-membership-and-constitution.html

Something that has been found to breach The Race Relations Act.

Politicians had been talking about the Far Right and the question is whether the political face of the FR .. the BNP should be invited onto a programme such as Question Time to answer questions put by the audience to a mixed panrl of people.

The BNP have two seats in the European Parliament and it would have seemed strange if they were never on the programme while, say, members of other small political parties The Green Party and Respect were. Can you imagine the eventual problems that would cause when the BNP pointed it out.

The day after the press seemed pretty united in the opinion that the programme hadn't done the BNP any good but some backtracked a bit when Nick Griffin filed a complaint against the BBC.

It is so difficult to know just what the programme altered. The people I know didn't like Nick Griffin before the show and didn't like him afterwards so no change there.

Slight revision

Well, I won't for a while anyway .. I have enough to do as far as that subject goes both for myself and other people. So for now these blogs move on to other things.

The spiritual people from atheist through to all kinds of beliefs will probably end up knowing more than I do .. lol!!!

I'm looking forward to finding out more from other people too .. it'll help put my own beliefs and experiences into context.

Sorting it all out seems like a lot of hard work but probably won't be.

Back to meditation

Anyway .. that really is the last time I'm going to mention NDEs etc on my blog!!! Plenty for everyone to read on the net and I don't want people fixating on one persons experiences .. it's just daft and totally going in the wrong direction.

Even I don't!!! lol!!

As far as the unis go it's going to take ages sorting it all out as I want to present it well. See what they say. I have quite a lot of whats and ifs and buts etc to go with it all.

It will take me ages anyway because it's quite complicated. I think it's best that I do it with a bit of help. My friend has said that she thinks it's much too involved for her to do .. and it is really.

I will talk about it with her every day and she can ask the questions she wants and that way something ok should come out of it.

And back to meditation. I think I'll be pleased when I'm doing it again. I'm lucky because I find it very relaxing. Think I'm going to have to go through a few days of twitching etc as my body gets used to the calmness .. though I've just sighed with pleasure at the thought of it.

....................................

There is a good side to it though .. well, as you can't change what has been said and written, and that is that it shows the need for a good base of researched facts.

I'll go back to Pim's article and remind myself of the kind of things I'd like to know and click a few links and see where that takes me.

Meditation

I am surprized. I did think that this was something that people wouldn't want to play games around .. but I was wrong .. talking about NDEs as they would be part of their being very ill. But I was wrong.

Fortunately I'm pretty sure they're going to be in the minority. Will go back and read Pim's article again and get a bit of sanity back in all this. It's pretty obvious that there are going to be people with weird and unpleasant agendas all along the way but there'll also be lots of people who don't have them and who research to know the truth so will stay on track. And there'll be many more of them than the other kind.

I was lost for words for a while .. sort of encircled in their web of lies and manipulation which is the last thing this should be about.

Anyway, I think I've found a site that might be good to help with my meditation, Have just glanced at it but I'm quite hopeful. It's going to be interesting anyway. Found it while trying to find something out about the NDE story .. so looks like the time wasn't wasted at all. I didn't find what I was looking for .. didn't matter but it would've been interesting. Have also found a sceptics site that I'll go back and read though I don't think I'm going to like it very much .. think I've certainly read better more balanced ones. There was also a Dutch site that I'll have to go back to read which looked interesting and entertaining too. All need exploring but I'll be heading for the meditation one first.

Be glad to be in a healthier headspace,

Good

Well, I feel more confident now .. can show that I can at least spot things that are strange contradictions or that can't possibly be true cause they are just physically impossible. Lol!!!!

I feel a strange empathy with James Randi!! Lol!! I don't know much about him other than he's refered to as a sceptic and has issued an invitation to Sylvia Browne to let him test her psychic abilities that she hasn't taken up.

I suppose people like SB and The Saved by the Light guy etc can't believe in life after death. I don't know what JR's beliefs are as far as that goes. If he's a sceptic does that mean he's not closed minded.

Hmmmmm

Been looking round the web trying to find out more about the over the top website I mentioned before. I've a video to finish watching. The guy who owns the site has written a few books but, from what I've seen I have to say that I'm not at all happy about what he says. One thing I'm told is medically impossible and the description that follows of his treatment sounds a bit dodgy too!!!!

Also the people he mentions just appear to have been ill. I know that some people include this in NDEs but I generally only include verified clinical experiences where there is a record that someone has passed over and then come back. The others are kind of pre NDEs for me.

I don't like this site at all .. at least some of it obviously isn't true .. and while giving a rather lopsided view of things. The professor I mentioned before is on the site and in the video.

It's all very odd.

Scientists, generally, don't doubt that NDEs and OBEs happen and have tried to reproduce out of the body experiences in labs.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6960612.stm


Not the same obviously but go towards showing that it can happen even if this isn't the way it does in a general one without all the paraphernalia.

.........................

I'm not doing much reading at the memory .. though there's enough to keep me occupied for years ... lol!!! As for adding my own knowledge to the pile out there .. I've decided to do it humorously .. no great scientific meanderings here .





Let's face it .. it's a difficult subject to approach even with people who know what you're talking about!! I don't know whether to count people like James Randi in that group or not as I'm not sure what his boundries of research are and I don't know what his individual beliefs are right across the spectrum ... so??!!??





I'm interested in Mr Randi's work .. finding out what isn't true is important too ..finding out about the light book changed my attitude radically and I think, if it hadn't been for my own experiences and those of people I could trust, I'd've lost interest for a long time, regardless of the present scientific research. I just found it very difficult to believe that someone who'd been through the type of health problems he said he had would do something like that!!

It turns out that he could've exaggerated. I didn't read the discussion pale on Wiki at the time so had no idea. I just didn't think that it would be possible to lie about your health to that extent publicly as I thought a lot of people must've been involved medically with him at the time.

Still, he's one person out of many .. and there are a lot of accounts from all sides of the equation to form your opinion from. It takes time .. but if people are really interested then they'll do it I guess cause no one thinks that one persons experience is going to be their deciding factor .. it's like giving someone a bag of yeast and saying go bake a loaf of bread to someone who has no idea how to.

I mean .. I know because I experienced it so I know what happened. I have something that will remind me that it's true .. but I can't give the experience to anyone else.

A lot of people will spend their time trying to pick holes in it .. lol .. instead of trying to find out more. Some will accept it and try to find out more .. others will link it to what they've read or experiences that their friends have had. Others will find out that they become more aware maybe. Etc, etc, etc.

It's still important for me to read to though even though I have personal experience to rely on. And I should be gerring on with it.

I'll be reading my ADC book that I got from The Works too .. it's out on loan at the moment, I still think it's the best and I do like the butterfly story a lot. I'd say the majority of stories are true .. there was one I didn't believe which I mentioned after I'd read the book. I usually think about 5% of stories like this aren't true.

I won't comment on the magazines cause I very rarely read them .. but I'm not an astrology fan .. but then I'm a Capricorn .. lol!! I can remember a line like that in The Likely Lads where Rodney Bewes character said the same .. "I don't believe in astrology .. but then I'm a Capricorn"!!!! It makes a good joke given what us Capricorns are meant to be like!!!

Hospital

Yesterday was hospital day .. the new appointment after the cancelled one. That appointment has seeded a few more in different departments to help deal with specific problems.

I was lucky that it was a relatively easy day though things weren't too good by the evening again. Still .. I'm now waiting for appointments with different doctors to cover all the things they might be able to help with. Some of it crosses between different departments as doctors in one department need the knowledge that other doctors have in other departments before they can get the full picture. as well as my needing the help for individual problems.

I did wonder if I would be sent to Kings as it's nearer and they have the base of the department that specialises in my illness there though it overlaps into St Thomas' and Guys too. Seems that I belong to Guys and St Thomas' though. Had a crowd if students and another doc come along with my consultant to see me while I was there. They're teaching hospitals and I guess it's good for them to have hands on experience along with reading about things in books.

Anyway .. there is some new treatment in the pipeline though it's going to have to be changed for me because of my reaction to mega doses of prednisolone. There are other things to try after this if it doesn't work. Also they'll be trying to get my pain under control.

wednesday

Have been rather tired for the last couple of days so have been dozing rather than doing. Think I've got a slight cold ... well lots of other people seem to have so I guess I have too. Nothing too bad though and I seemed a bit better again yesterday evening. There's been a bit of troublesome muscle movement too so I've just been downing the pain relief and relaxing as much as I can.

Monday

Had a bit of a bug again .. noticed I was a bit achy yesterday but feel a bit better again today. Haven't done anything much today .. well, except go to the docs.

Haven't even slept!!! lol!!!

.......................

Though one good thing did come out of my reading DB's book and that was that you really do have to ground yourself as far as your inner cynic goes. My shock made me push my experiences away regardless of what anyone said.

The bad thing is that it still affects me .. the disbelief that he was lying after I'd thought that I'd bought a book by someone who was telling the truth. I knew that as far as I could after reading quite a bit and listening to people that NDEs are real so I had no reason to doubt him so he seemed like a friend through experience. He talked about the love etc that other people talked about and which, in a different way, I'd experienced myself.

And it really looked as if he was telling the truth .. there was no reason to doubt him if you had reason to believe in spirit.

I guess everyone's spiritual journey is their own. I have no idea what the spirit plane is like .. I said a long time ago that I believed we experience it in ways that maybe we can't on this plane ... in some ways ... so therefore some of it is totally outside of my understanding. But that we can understand it all in spirit.

Um .. whatever ... er .. um!!!

Pain relief???

I write about the possibility of learning to be able to distance yourself mentally from your body as a way of having a break from the pain months ago.

Hopefully it'll be able to be put under more control through medication. I know there are more things to try .. but it would be nice to be able to learn control techniques. I believe they teach something similar at some pain clinics.

Perhaps learn something about the physiological side of pain too.

I really don't know what the options are or how far the pain could be got under control. I know people're working on something to add to pain control that is showing a lot of promise .. but using it is still in the future if it does prove to be ok..

Anyway will be at the hospital soon for the chemical side of it I guess. Will be there talking about it all. It can vary from day to day .. at the moment it's not very good .. at the more painful end of my pain scale as it is at the moment. I've put it back up to what it was .. could take more ibuprofen .. but it would be quite a high dose without a clinic's supervision and I'm not keen to do it.

I think it might be a good idea to try to use other methods of .. well, at least being able to distance myself from it.

You never know.

EFT??????

Might try that to help with the pain too.

OBE????

I dunno .. there are quite a few how to have an OBE pages on the net .. so I might go for it. Not counting on anything happening though.

Join the one in ten????? ????

I've wondered if being able to do that might help with the pain .. if you can sort of distance yourself from your physical sensations a bit. That could be a bonus even if I don't manage to have an OBE but just sort of distance myself from my physical feelings. I think as far as an OBE goes it might be a case of don't watch this space .. lol!!! It might be because subconsciously I don't really want one. I'm not sure .. I guess if I was really keen I'd've been trying rather than just thinking about it.

I know, from the research side, it'd be a good thing cause I could test myself .. but I've done nothing about it really.

Suppose I should.

Dinner

Nice day again .. got more veggie sausages and baked beans in. Along with wholewheat spaghetti and tinned tomatoes and tinned carrots they make a nice enough meal, I just cook the spaghetti and them bung the rest in. I add a bit of cheese at the moment because of the illness as I need extra protein.

Suppose I should have a change so I might cook up some lentils or buy some tinned ones. Or. maybe not .. I've a few tins of beans to be going on with at the moment. One tin lasts for two meals!!!

?????????

It's interesting to try and work out where religion and science meet and divide. People who've read the ADC book will know that the pope has said that he believes .. but then that is part of the foundation of the religion I guess.

Just meandering cause someone asked me yesterday and I looked through the book to find the page about it again this morning. I gave a copy of that book to a priest I knew .. one of the copies I'd bought from The Works .. after reading that .. wasn't quite sure if it fitted in with his beliefs or not before.

Also talked about people who lie like this big time. I said that they twist things up so much in their minds that I guess the brain must start to physically respond in that way for as long as they do it. Heaven knows what sort of emotions it generates.

It's still being questioned how much is nurture and how much is hardwired in. Also how much is hardwired in while the brain is growing and how much is basic. Can it be temporary or not?

It's part of the epigenetics study I guess.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/sciencenow/3411/02.html

Or in more detail

http://blogginglemuures.blogspot.com/2008/07/why.html


?????????

Sunday

When I first wrote about that guy here I was in shock. Couldn't believe that someone who'd been through what he had could pull such a stunt. I did say that I wondered if he'd just exaggerated to make things more interesting .. as I've said my story is pretty boring .. not something that's in the least bit exciting .. and most definitely on the new agey side as well.

But I know it's true and I have my reminders now .. so however far my belief might wander because of people like him it can always be brought back again now.

My friend looks after it all for me as I'm not the most organised of people.

I knew that there was something up before I read the book .. I'd ordered it and it was a bit late arriving .. and I'd read more around the net while waiting for it .. think I'd read the excerpt on Amazon and a couple of message boards. The excerpt on Amazon had obviously shown that something was up. What I don't understand is how it got past everyone before it was published and why so many people didn't appear to notice afterwards .. it was made into a TV film.

I was kinda in shock for around three weeks after that I reckon .. my own belief a bit shaken. I believed, at the time, that the medical side was true and just couldn't believe that someone who'd been through that would then go on to invent a story like this about his experiences.

As far as I know there isn't any doubt that people have these experiences .. it's just that people interpret them differently because no one is sure yet what causes them.

I think that I might have started to piece together something that answers something I was questioning. But, I can't be sure yet. It's a complicated subject and I don't know much about it. I still haven't read the New Scientist article on consciousness which I think covers this to some degree. Well, there's a lot to do and I'm just giving an hour to it a day.

Anyway .. science has more than enough to be getting on with.

At the moment no one can give definite proof about anything. I have my proof but I still have no way of being able to give it to other people .. but, then, this is the way it appears to work.

I will ask for a lie detector test or something along that line. I believe there are ways of telling if somethings are true or false because of the way different muscles are used in the face when things are real or not. If people want to bother it should still be relatively easy to tell if I'm telling the truth or not under laboratory conditions I should think,

I do understand why people don't bother telling people about their experiences .. it is a lot of bother. In my case I'm really too ill to even be thinking of going down this path .. but there is no other way if I'm going to present it properly otherwise it'll just end up a muddle. Still I have friends who'll help.

Will leave the subject for a while as far as the blog goes .. as I said .. there's plenty of stuff out there to read. I've no personal experience of any out of the body experiences of any kind .. but I've spoken to people who've had them .. know that they've been known about since antiquity and that scientists are trying to reproduce them in the laboratory.

Maybe I would have one if I tried .. but there you go .. haven't really tried that hard to put it mildly. It would be interesting though. I do wonder what scientists do who've had one. Obviously there is a division of opinion about it all as it's really in the early stages of research.

There's a lot of knowledge out there though.

I know my experiences aren't that rare either .. have found people joking about similar things in their lives on the net. People in the news. Mine have been quite intense though and that's why I think that I should take the path I am. Think it has something to do with me being ill.

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It's funny cause I don't know if I'd want to know if I didn't .. or .. if I was younger I'm not sure if I'd want to know. I've asked people .. after all some people I know just take it on trust cause I've said so without knowing much about it at all .. not really interested .. but just accept that if I've come out with all this stuff it must have some truth in it or there'd be no point in saying it.

I do have some kind of proof as well which I mentioned before .. just a pity that I didn't detail everything a bit better .. but it's still there .. and a couple of other sort of milestones here and there .. lol!!!

But I don't know. Obviously I don't mind now because of my health. In fact it's the best thing ever not to have to worry for .. the next few years or so.

.................................

Anyway, will get moving with it all .. will be done and sorted in the next two weeks. Then I can get on with my other things.

I really don't know if this is important or not .. I know it's true and I know what it appears to mean. And I know that in the present state of knowledge it could easily be possible .. by that I mean we just don't know. It's really all a mystery.

Anyway, once we get down to it, it won't take long .. leaving bits out here and there isn't really a problem. It speaks for itself without that.

There has to be something else .. and it looks like that something, from my experience, has to be the survival of the soul.

I'm not sure that it is a good idea to tell people. I've had to get through most of my life without the knowledge .. and I don't regret it. And I do feel if you have an open mind spirit will come to you in a way that will enlighten you and give you peace even if you have a questioning mind like mine, I am at peace as far as that goes.

But .. I will go ahead and will also write a book about it .. that won't take long once the stuff to send to the unis etc is sorted out. Wasn't going to write one but I've changed my mind now. Changed me mind about a few things .. lol!! There and back and there again.

Back to the grindstone etc.

I suppose a lot of it's about the seven principles .. personal responsibility being one.

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I don't understand how so many people could've read and, it seems, loved the book. I believe it was made into a film too when, in the first few pages, there's a big mistake like that, but, it goes to show that people will run things through their own beliefs and believe accordingly.

It works the same in reverse .. people who don't want to believe in something won't regardless of what's written.

I'm not sure if this means it's worth all the work to present my own experiences to places that are studying them or not,

I discovered the same when reading an account of a woman who said she could diagnose illness just by looking at a person. People only seemed to hear what they wanted to hear in a lot of cases.

It does all seem a little pointless but as it's obviously not like that right across the board it has to be good for some people and will give them peace and happiness just as it is. So I'll still go for it.

I wondered, was up late again last night, if I could ask for a lie detector test .. or to be evaluated by an expert in body language or .. maybe .. even go got brain imaging .. only to find that the latest reports on brain imaging .. which had seemed very promising .. say it's not as good as they were hoping for.

Back to the beginning

I've started reading Pim van Lommel's paper on the nderf site. Thought I'd read through their Life Questions. I was going to go back and look through the professor's story again but I have too many questions about it and I think that it's best that I do more up to date background reading first.

I've been reading the discussion page of the Saved by The Light's author's Wiki entry and I'm not a happy bunny .. lol!! I know I've talked about him before when I discovered that he'd contradicted himself in the first few pages of the book by commenting on something that he later said he didn't know til he was in the ambulance. There'd been other things too.

I had questions about something else that I'd been reading connected to a NDE and the over the top site I mentioned. I had an idea that I'd find the account I was reading there .. and I did!!! Not that this means anything much but I'd like to do some more basic reading before I read the other story again.

I'm lucky that I've spoken to people who have had experiences that come under a NDE heading and people that have had an OBE .. not too difficult as one in ten are thought to have had at least one OBE.

..........

I suppose, from what I remember, that people have NDE's that relate to spiritual things whether they know that they've been in a physical position to have a NDE or not. I've just been reading about one experienced by a professor .. which changed his attitude to life.

Away from the actual experience .. it made me wonder how someone who, by his own admission, had not been a nice person at all, could change so much. Ok it was a really amazing event .. nothing wishy washy here and it would affect most anyone I'd reckon. It was played out in spiritual terms he would be familiar with.

Blimey .. I'd have quite a big choice I reckon!!!!

huff and puff!!

I did find the site I mentioned before .. how much is true I just don't know .. but it's obvious that some isn't. It's being used to push a certain belief by a few people.

I don't really understand. What comfort is there when you know it's not the truth. Totally beyond me. Other people with the same beliefs don't seem to feel the need to do this .. but there you go.


I haven't done any reading today but might before I go to bed.

The really cool thing I guess is that it's taken the fear away from this crappy illness And as it appears to be supportive, loving and kind I guess things are alright.

I know that a lot of people lie about it all now and it really does make me wonder if it's worth bothering adding my bit to the research. It seems pretty pointless in a way. There are lots (and lots) of people telling the truth though .. both in collections of peoples experiences and books that are just telling about the authors experiences .. but they get lost in with the lies too I guess.

The website I rediscovered is very sensational and over dramatised, I would like to understand this free of sensationalism. Haven't read my New Scientist yet to delve into the brain and consciousness .. not too long to go on the pills though now. Do have a slight chill too which isn't helping either.


Lots of people have out of the body experiences .. think it's reckoned that 1 in 10 do. It must be really interesting. I would love to know what they are like through having had one but it appears that I have to go on second hand experiences on this one.

Lol!! With a slight touch of grumpiness.


Does the slightly grumpy hedgehog huff 'n' puff.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Back to bed in a minute. One of my friends will be sorting out me info to send. To be honest I think there's little doubt .. but that's just my viewpoint and it doesn't go any further than that. Well, that's not quite true but my interpretation is just that .. my interpretation. I think it's right cause it seems to fit in .. but that's all.

Will start reading about things along this line again but maybe I should really be getting on with other things.

I would like to have an OBE just so I have personal knowledge of what it's like. I'd have a better understanding then and maybe I could give myself tests!!!!! But really I guess I should be getting on with other things.

I feel quite cut off from the whole subject at the moment ..but maybe I'll give myself an hour a day to study it again and see what I think.

I would like to hear about other peoples experiences. They are fascinating and wonderful I have to say. Maybe I should start again. I said once before that it's strange walking around knowing that so many of the people I pass have interesting stories of this kind that I don't know. But c'est la vie .. lol!!! I know they are precious and personal things.

I just so thank the people who have talked about it with me though. Goes off into slight daydream.

Spirit hasn't affected my life in any big way other than , it appears, to let me believe that life continues. Otherwise I have to poddle on!!! lol!! I would like to learn more though so I guess I have to put the work and time in.

It's reassuring. So, it's worth it.

wednesday

Had a bit of trouble getting back from Clapham today .. misjudged what I was carrying .. slightly!!! The extra pain has eased up a bit now but because of my muscles moving my lungs have had to work differently and it's been a bit difficult at times .. though exercising should help .. though maybe it's not a good idea to overdo it!!!

I should exercise everyday really to help the slight daily change in my muscles settle down.

Still on the pills .. though only another one and a bit days to go now. They've made me feel tired and a bit nauseous at times but I had a slight problem I didn't know about to sort out so there was no choice but to take them.

It's a difficult choice really when it comes to accepting help. I don't have to shop cause it could be delivered by the store. A friend was here tonight and said they could easily pop what I need in .. or my friend here would too if I can't manage .. but, for now, I think it's best that I do what I can for myself.

I cook every night now instead of eating ready meals. OK, it's not that great ... lol .. I'm just a bung a bit of this and that in cook .. but I'm managing to get through it.

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I will get on trying to sort it out .. though heaven knows how I'm going to approach the subject really.

All I can do is tell the truth and let them decide where and what they want to do with the info. Hopefully I'll get to know more about it and will have a better understanding of it all. I just want to know as much as I can so that I 'll understand it more. Possibly someone might say something that will give an extra clue .. something that will take us much closer to understanding it.

Someone might say something that with someone else's info will start someone thinking and they'll come up with something.

and scientifically

On the science side .. to start off with I blogged about it cause I found it hilarious .. and reassuring. I didn't understand it but, at my time of life if nothing else .. I certainly wasn't going to turn away from it.

But, it became obvious that if I was going to take it seriously I couldn't blog much about it other than to say things were still ok. One reason was that it could influence the outcome .. and it would've done .. and that it is a serious subject and needed to be investigated .. seriously.

Which it is going to be. But, I'm going to take my time about it .. it'll go through the proper channels and we'll see what happens.

This is the best way to do things. Wish I'd thought that to begin with because I'd probably made more notes etc etc .. but, still, at the end it worked out fine except for my mistakes .. but .. there you go ... lol!!!

It's still ok.

I would like to hear more stories from other people though.

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Actually I went back to read the blog. I'm afraid the people I mentioned, apart from the BNP bod, were carers .. that's why it was mentioned .. cause we used to go to Sainsburys together. The comments weren't just about the building .. which is how I know they weren't just about the building!!!!!!!

Didn't let it pass though anymore than some of the people there did.

There are other factors before all this I'm told .. though I haven't checked them out .. but it does partially explain their treatment of me .. but then I guess .. that's how it is.

I think people are equal right across the board .. and there are good and bad people everywhere.

But I guess people will have it as they want it.

It's not just to do with racism but inequality from any viewpoint you want to view it from. I'm not someone who views it all without thinking and know very well that there're good and bad in all groups of people .. I don't expect to find any one group to be better than the other .. especially after all these years on this planet .. you get to see it all.

It's up to the politicians to publicise the tactics of the far right or people with similar outlooks .. it can be on a variety of subjects .. not me as a little blogger .. not much I can do.

Lol

The rest .. I'll get round to some time .. in my own time. I want it to be fun rather than very serious .. even though it might be a serious subject, Will do it though.

I suppose it is serious .. but maybe, at the moment as far as science has progressed, it's just a sideline. Guess. in some ways, it doesn't really matter .. it's either a fact or it's not. And whether it's a fact or not isn't going to make much difference here .. only there. Science has yet to convince people about anything they don't want to know or believe .. that is a fact.

So, I could give absolute proof and it wouldn't make the slightest difference in quite a number of ways.

Until you pass over .. I guess.

Lol!!!

..............

really thought that when he was mumI'll leave it here .. only mentioned it again because it came up again in conversation. I'm feeling pretty annoyed I guess .. but that's neither here nor there.

Someone said to me that I must've been furious at the time that people thought, just because I'm pale skinned, that some people thought that I'd agree with all this rubbish. And .. er .. I was very taken aback to put it mildly.

I also thought that it kinda fitted in with the rest of the reasoning .. not quite on the button so to speak.

Still there you go. It was all very confusing. Fascists that look like Jim Morrison in his early 20s. I really thought he was from the anti nazi league or something similar until I looked at the leaflet I'd been given and latched on to what he was saying .. thought I'd misheard before that.

And people who think they know what I'm thinking. Hmmmmmmmm!!

Still .. I think the political parties have said what needs to be said,

Though I bought a copy of the Morning Star yesterday. 2nd time ever .... lol!!!!

etc

By the way .. this building is way out of town .. not near the older buildings of the town .. about a three quarters of an hour walk or there abouts and going away from the town centre near an out of town shopping area,

It's the same colours as other similar temples in this country and is rather pretty .. and out of the country too. I don't know about the symbolism of the colours but I've seen a photo of a very large and beautiful one in Asia which is white and gold too so they are the same design in India etc too.

Anyway I now know what a Gurudwara is


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gurudwara


And they do seem to be white and gold regardless of what that person said about having been to India and the difference between there and here .. and a lot have the domes.

Well, I totally disagreed with all the nasty things that were said to me about it. And the council didn't pay for it .. I remember two temples being built in Slough .. had a friend who lived in Langley .. where the people not only paid for the temple but gave up their time to help build them too.

I remember we used to buy lovely pictures in Slough that used to go with our interest in yoga and meditation.

When I last saw the temple .. from Sainsburys .. it looked very pretty .. and not huge. No one moaned about the traffic going to the shopping estate .. except me maybe cause when I was looking after mum I'd walk up there from Leamington town to get some of the shopping for us and felt that it could've done with some more pedestrian crossings. So really .. even then it wasn't so much the traffic .. rather it needed more pedestrian crossings of one kind or another .. traffic lights .. something.

I was pissed off too that people thought that they could say these things to me because I wasn't part of the Sikh community there .. actually it absolutely shocked me .. but there you go.

The local paper

Well, there you go .. hey!!


http://theleamingtoncourier.blogspot.com/2008/08/is-new-sikh-temple-too-big.html



Didn't read it because I wasn't looking .. had no reason to. Didn't really follow the anti fascist news either .. though did take note and agree with what the major political parties were saying about the dangers of the far right in the last weeks.

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Have to say that was most interesting reading .. have told a few people. I suppose it's no surprise that I didn't find it before .. was just searching for a picture to show people as I'd been talking about it. Hadn't looked before.

There you go!!!

?????????

As for the rest of it .. it's going to take a lot of work and just at the moment I don't feel like doing it .. I will eventually .. or ask someone else to do it for me .. almost, but not quite the same I guess.

I really wonder what the point is. Perhaps it would be better if I just said .. whoops .. brain loop di loop and left it at that!!! Or .. meds to blame .. er, well, um I wasn't taking any to start with .. so let's go for early stage illness then them meds to blame. Too many x rays .. or the pain drove me mad!!!!!!

Well, yes I know I said that .. but they were visions .. whoops dreams .. well, yes I know a lot of them weren't a sort of dream/vision experience .. but I think they could be if we tried hard enough!!!!

Maybe I should start to imagine ectoplasm all over the place .. whoops .. whoops again .. then everyone almost cept James Randi would believe me and I'd find meself as a guest on TV looking into the future practically every week .. not quite what I was thinking of. It seems that it wouldn't really matter if I got it wrong all or most of the time either .. my ability to do this would convince lots of people that I really was psychic etc., etc and not confused.

I give up.

Seriously .. on one level the questions still keep coming. It's not on the level of whether things happen/happened or not. It goes something like this .. the world is cruel so how could there be life after life .. a soul personality .. it just doesn't really make practical sense .. well, to me. If it wasn't for that question I'd be fine .. but it keeps coming back and I have no answer to it. Mentioned this years ago and it's still here with me.

As far as NDE etc go .. maybe they are part of the soul process or maybe not .. who knows .. but if the soul exists then there has to be something and there's no reason why it shouldn't kind of come into focus now and then without us having the slightest idea that it is what it is if we can't really connect any of the rest of the process .. and, of course, as spirit seems to be all knowing .. you have to accept that they know a NDE is just that with an emphasis on the NEAR.

What might/could be going on!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you do believe that this could be possible then the resulting possibilities get very involved and confusing.

I do believe it in a "this could be possible way" .. really don't see why anyone would think that it couldn't be possible given how little we really know in the total scheme of things. I mean it has to be a possibility and I think it's a much less involved possibility than us existing at all.

But I still have this question that I can't get my mind round. If it wasn't for that I'd be digging and delving quite happily, I guess, confident in my own mind that there was no doubt I was on the right track. Though with a questioning mind .. just in case ... lol!!!!

sigh

Was talking to someone on Saturday about the problem I got annoyed about only to find that it's now become more of a focal point Well, I suppose something had to. Then researching a bit on the net I came across a discussion about it all.

As I said on Saturday. from my own experience, read the article etc the next day, on Sunday, some of the language and phrasing used is much the same as was used to stir up bad feeling against Jewish people before WW2 .. all the "they're trying to take over" .. though with the Jews I believe The Nazis were making out that the Jews were bent on World domination .. as it turned out it appeared to be Hitler and his mob who were actually going for world domination along with their superiority of the Aryan race theories.

Can't remember why we started talking about that .. because I rarely bring it up .. but I guess it was something to do with the news from a few days ago and I just chipped that in.. was just talking about my experiences from a few months back. I didn't find the article/conversation on the net til Sunday though it was started at the end of last year.

sunday

Bit whoozy with the meds .. though not too bad. Had reduced my pain relief but have upped is again. This morning felt better .. whether it was down to the extra pain relief or I was just feeling a bit better I've no idea. Anyway will do the same tonight again and see what happens.

Will be glad when I've finished my other course of tablets though.

extra meds

I'm on a bit of extra medication for a couple of weeks so I might be feeling slightly more tired for a while .. though better in the long run

Friday

Was down at the docs late today .. but either they'd got someone in before me who'd got there early or they were ruunning late too. Guess it was the latter as I suppose somedays appointmentas do run over a bit .. but I must try and get there early rather than just on time .. think aiming to get there 10 minutes early isn't a bad thing.

Anyway, not been a bad day.

Thursday

Met someone I thought I didn't have much chance of seeing again as I thought he'd moved out of the area .. he had, at some point, but is back again. Very nice to see him.

Another nice day though it felt a bit colder than usual this morning .. though I've got a slight cold so maybe that made me feel colder.

Spent the morning language learning. Will get on with the other stuff .. and I will tell everyone once I've found out more through people who know more than me etc.

I know that the most logical and likely explanation is what I think it is. If it wasn't it wouldn't've kept me buoyant all this time especially as I've questioned everything so much. And I certainly wouldn't've spent all these years interested when I could've been doing other things.

People's beliefs are their own. I couldn't care less if someone thought that the world was a cucumber sandwich and life was just because it had gone mouldy and that after mould there was eternal cosmic mouldiness as long as they realized this was their own personal belief and was happy to keep it that way. Totally harmless though flying in the face of scientific views rather ... lol!!!

Anyway, I need to find out more now as well as think back over the last 3/4 years.

Later appointment

Ah, well ,, the hospital called and my appointment has been put back a week .. still nice and early really though. O wonder what will happen .. there are other treatments they can off er to try and get things functioning better. Guess we'll have to talk about them or if, maybe there's anything I can do that might make the treatment I'm on at the moment more efficient. Probably mot.

Some, I'm not too keen to try.

I might .. or rather I will ask about diet as it seems there are foods which might make it worse. Like sugar to a diabetic maybe. I'll ask anyway .. not quite sure if it's across the board with this condition or not. And. of course,I have to be careful of the sun .. though as it's October now that shouldn't be a problem.

Anyway they do have a unit at St Thomas/Kings that do research into this condition so who better to ask.

It's in the group of illnesses that rheumatoid arthritis and multiple sclerosis are .. though all the conditions are very different .. same basic problem though.

Anyway, see what they have to say at the hospital.

"angles"

I don't really know how people really feel about this .. do people hope that there's life after life? I really don't know. My friends are a mixed bunch of religious people to people who aren't in the least religious. All are happy to believe that the soul survives death. And are happy to accept what I say as they know I wouldn't be lying.

And, of course, are happy that I've found something to help with this horrible illness. I do wonder sometimes if they would've kinda agreed with me anyway because of the illness .. after all they wouldn't want to take such a great comfort away from me ... lol!!! And I know that they wouldn't really .. fortunately I also know that they are seriously interested too.

Things didn't really work out in a way in which that became an issue thank heavens. Also lots of them were aware of research etc and weren't that surprised anyway.

I could write a whole lot of stuff about winged angels appearing all over the place .. doing this and doing that and things working out through them .. after all angels are very popular now .. and lots of people would find comfort in it .. but it wouldn't be true.


Sort of Call on your angel books with pictures of winged people etc. It would be very easy. It would've been easy not to have blogged but to have written and illustrated a book along the lines of how my angel guides helped me through all this, complete with visions of angels in flowing robes, along with visitations from major religious entities .. all with messages. I could've predicted things too .. in a meandering kind of way and probably got a few rightishishish as long as you could read a few meanings into them and they were connected to things that could be predicted from scientific knowledge and the news

Would've been a lot easier than doing this. Maybe I should start again .. have me first visitation tonight .. write the next few chapters over the next couple of months as the angels help me through the pain and problems that these conditions bring. Can't do the cosmic ordering thing cos it's pretty obvious that if it worked with my angels being there for me I'd use it around the illness and would recover over night. Foiled on that one!!!! That would be chapter 10 gone then.

It would've been so easy to write something like that.

What I'm doing is really rather difficult .. but I guess I should do it .. regardless of what I believe .. just my belief again .. so that there're more stories added to the heap .. that might be of some interest.

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And I guess I have to get in touch with the universities, don't I. Not that there isn't enough information out there already. I don't really want to though at the moment I have to admit. I really feel that spirit visits people when it's time for them to accept that the soul lives on in a sensible way.

And that it's just a simple step .. nothing fancy .. just a simple step from one plane of existence to another.

That's how I see it and I guess that's how it is.

The only place it's going is to people who study things like this because it's the only way it'll be taken seriously without a load of rubbish being talked about it all ..also it is about part of my personal life and that's not going up here .. unless lots of people want to start blogs and do the same ... lol!!!!

I've said if you want to know about it read what doctors and scientists have to say .. some will agree, some, will disagree.

The people who are looking for peace .. well, I'm sure you'll find it.

I have .. though my brain does keep on questioning it all the time ... lol!!! But my experiences have been enough to show me there's life after death .. well. no, that's not right .. they've shown me that there appears to be life after death when I put them together with other peoples experiences.

I haven't had a NDE or an OBE or some of those types of experiences but I know people who have. My belief is that they are part of something that comes into being to help us pass over. I believe what you experience is related to your beliefs .. but I have to read more I guess. I believe not everybody's start off very well.

Both my friends had lovely ones .. one had his beloved wife there and the other said she was surrounded by the most wonderful feeling of love and acceptance she has ever felt.

If I hadn't had experiences myself I don't know what I would think .. maybe that it's just people trying to comfort themselves .. or would look for something within the very limited amount of medical knowledge that's around about this without looking at anything else seriously.

I don't think that we're meant to know for sure .. and I don't think that we ever will .. but I'm 99.99999999% - 100% .. I wasn't going to put the 100% there but then I realised that I'd be lying .. lol .. ok .. it's the first consciously .. the second subconsciously.

I do think that people looking for peace in this will find it. And, without my help ... lol .. I'm not spirit .. still here on this plane. Know I'm very ill .. have to say it's got me through that and it's been very bad at times. Not through the pain .. but knowing that there's more to it .. like the er lady seemed to .. has made it a lot easier. But I'm still on this plane.

Like my friends couldn't let me experience their experiences .. I can't let you experience mine either .. and, for all you know .. I mightn't be telling the truth .. which is another reason why I say find out what other people have said. If you don't know me to know whether I'm being honest or not .. the best thing I can do, in the circumstances .. as I keep on saying .. is to direct you to doctors and scientists who are interested and to books etc where LOTS of people have written about their experiences.

It's not as if it's breaking news. There's lots out there .. and a lot of it has been talked about for many. many years .. judging by some things written in old books apparently .. just now. because of the way medicine has changed things .. some can be seen to happen and be explored more.

But it's right at the beginning of really serious study. I don't think the truth will ever be known 100% .. but maybe I'm wrong.

I have my reasons for thinking this .. but they are just my opinions .. lol!!! Just my opinions .. what I've come to think about it all.

I do hope you find peace.

?????

Will start thinking more about what I'm going to tell the people tomorrow. It's been interesting finding out different peoples views. Obviously it's long and complicated .. not something you can tell people about quickly off the top of your head. One newish friend has said to tell him nothing for a while until he understands more about it all. Difficult not to in some ways .. but he's only going by what I said and, in my opinion, will have a much better chance of feeling more secure in any real knowledge he finds .. otherwise it's very easy for the mind to reject it .. and much more so if it's not your own experience or your hearing about it from someone you don't know .. and it can be very hard to come back from being in that position.

He's bought a couple of books with friends and I think is just chatting with other people to get info. We're not talking about it all that much ... lol!!!! Though, when we do, he has told me stiff I didn't know.

It's good to question but the inner cynic can be very powerful especially if there's not much knowledge about.

The inner questions are good but the inner cynic can sometimes make you miss things you otherwise wouldn't etc which is why it's good to know as much as you can and develop an interest.

OK, I know there'll be people out there who'll only be looking for anything that might suggest that there's nothing in it. I'm not talking about them .. just saying that it's very easy for the inner cynic to take over.

It's hard not to talk much about it though.

Not reading much myself .. though I guess I should be. An hour a day?? Time does fly and I'm often very tired.

Pets

Spent quite a bit of the day watching videos and reading about animals on the web. I wouldn't want another pet but it was nice seeing videos of them.

The mouse is still about .. doesn't seem at all hungry though .. doesn't eat anything. Though s/he did run round the corner once straight into a soya yogurt carton that I'd put on the floor then knocked over .. backed out and ran off again behind the sofa.

I wouldn't want another pet though. OK so maybe it's tempting when you have a mouse in ur yogurt pot at your feet .. but I'm resisting!!!

"""""""

Well, onwards again .. lol!!!

It is worth it.

???????

LOL!!! I really don't want to have to search for it .. and heaven knows how many flips my mind'll do when I find it. I just read it in disbelief the first time I can't across it .. spent about three hours following links and reading, watching and listening to things I found connected to it. Once the contradictions start along with other things that just don't appear to be medically possible .. lol .. I mean .. really really REALLY not medically possible in any way that I've ever come across in a very big way .. you have to start wondering .. yet it's given out as fact that this happened.

Do you give up and think "What's the point" or do you potter along anyway.

I'll see if I can find it.

I'll also follow more links to things that are more restrained.

Tuesday

I've dpne quite a lot of looking around because I'm aware that, even with this kind of research, you can land up in the wrong place. I really don't want to find myself around people with personal agebdas/vendettas if I can help it.

Was a bit of a warning the other week I guess not to go wandering in without thinking it thriygh. For me that's extremists .. I'd think veering towards the extreme right and things along that line .. but, anything like that. I did come across something rather strange a few months afo .. have to try and find that again. Suppose it's best not to say what it was til I find it again .. just incase it dusappears. Sigh!!!

Maybe I won't find it again .. don't really want to spend the time searching either .. but it'd be a good thing to have on hand as reference.

It shouldn't be like this .. but, unfortunately there are so many people with agendas of one sort or another out there rather than just having an impartial view of the facts and being happy with that.

I suppose it's easy with something like this which is really in its infancy as far as research goes.

Work

I suppose I'll have to get round to asking people again .. won't I .. lol!!! I've .. um .. stagnated for a while I guess. I've pulled back again .. The Secret discouraged me ... not like The Light book .. I've forgotten the name of it now .. but in the same way that Sylvia Browne and her ectoplasm did.

Apart from talking there's plenty of work out there and really the best thing to do is to read what various doctors etc have said I guess and form opinions from that. And studies that involve lots of people.

People know people who have had experiences .. whether they believe or not is up to them, Eventually, mine will end up on peoples desks to become part of various studies which I think is the only way to go. There are some very interesting and interested people involved in this work it seems .. some doctors .. interested in things they've heard from their patients .. some from things they've experienced themselves among others. I've mentioned books that I think are interesting .. but others might relate to other books better. As I keep on saying .. lots of people have had experiences along this line .. one way and another .. people have talked about them .. it's out there. Mine are just more. And, as I have said .. there's no quick route to formatting a belief in this .. and you can add my experiences .. if you want .. plenty of others out there .. when people who study all this have had a good chance to look through them .. cross reference them .. do what they want to find out what they can in a stable setting.

Add to their pile of work.

It's a shame there's a sort of circus away from the serious side of all this .. but that's what's been created and you can't circumvent it .. it's good to take it to people who've heard about similar things and will just accept it as ... work!!!

And that's what it is.

2

It's the same all over the country but I think it's going to be a bit trickier getting to St Thomas than Warwick .. longer journey .. more traffic jams etc .. but hopefully not.

It's the same for home visits .. the criteria is that you're housebound. I was allowed home visits after one stay in hospital when I did have a few problems though wasn't totally housebound .. could walk about five minutes without having to rest .. used to stop at Waterstones on my way to Tesco then sit down at Tesco on my way to somewhere else or going back to the flat.

It must be very difficult for some people .. don't know if it accounts for some of the missed appointments .. especially at hospitals .. possibly more so than ones to the doctors.

Problems

I don't qualify for help getting to the hospital even though, on a bad day, which I have to count as being the3 default as far as getting to an appointment goes, I can only walk for 15 mins or so, without problems beginning to start. Very occasionally, less. I had a problematic day about a week ago. It's not that often though.

I'll get in touch with PALS .. the patients liaison service .. it's just having to get there at a certain time and not wanting to put people under pressure especially if I'm not feeling very well by the end of my visit to the hospital.

Will sort it out.

Hopefully, things will be OK and I'm being over cautious. If it is a bad day maybe I can cancel the appointment and, if things improve, can be got back on the appointments list pretty quickly again.. Think I'll leave it at that. Should be fine.

Must be tricky for some people though.

Chinese

Ni hao .. now if I plan on learning 2,500 words .. only another .. well, includong the very limited vocab I already have .. about another 2,000 to go .. lol!! Mmm, and a new script. lol!!! And grammer!!!!!

Ni hao

Ni hao ma?

Hello

How are you?

Eh. There you go.