***********

And people just don't learn .. do they. One of the ladies that E targetted .. was telling me she loved me before she'd known me 5 minutes .. well, a week at the most. The other is now making friends with someone who someone else appears to have had a lot of trouble with .. and, I mean a lot .. and is saying it has to be a joke!!!! She has no idea ofcourse.

Um, while I have no idea what happened and I'm really not that interested .. I'd be careful. E is hanging round there too.

Do I just leave then up to it. Or what!!!!

Gud night again

Still haven't put the lettering back on me keyboard which means I end up having to correct a bit here and there as I'm going along .. cause these days I type with one finger looking at the keyboard!!!! lol!!! Don't know if I'd get it right if I typed using both hands or not.


Did get to bed earlier last night .. though went to sleep rather than read me new book. I guess part of the reason I'm not diving into the book like I once would have is that I feel I've probably read or heard about most of what's in it before .. well, not his experiences exactly .. but things very like them.


And these days I prefer to rely on my own or people's close to me .. best way as I've always said. I know my own are true and I have other people in my life I can trust too. And that's the best way to be.


At the moment I'm feeling very sorry for the Friday woman .. someone who thought that you could manipulate spirit and that it made her special ..and who started playing games .. and unfortunately now has had a lot of thinking to do .. will have scared her .. either breaking her belief, or, like my mum was just before she passed over, scared of what spirit would think of her. Or God as she put it. Actually someone who knows her well did say that everything's always about her .. and this was more or less true from where I was standing .. but as I'd said before we seem to run it through our own beliefs and morals .. and .. er ..



I got a lot out of it .. apart from being sad at the end result for her. Blimey ....!!!!! She must be feeling like crap now in some ways where she could have been feeling quite different. Though it's probably not a total wash out for herbut very different from what it could've been. Did sadden me some. I'd been feeling rather ill in the previous few weeks too and it could've been a nice experience altogether. She really won't know quite what to think now .. as I said it could've broken her belief or, more likely, she's kept it but now is a bit scared .. if it's broken through her self importance .. which she would talk about too .. lol really I guess .. because of the way she behaved. Nothing .. absolutely nothing ,, unless I really put myself out .. that I can do about it.



It did make or seem as if the thing about running everything spiritual through your own beliefs and morals for your interpretation of spirit is right though. Fits in again. I have a hard time with it all cause I really want it to be more tangeable.


Well, I'm scared in a different way .. cause I can't imagine quite what it'd be like. I know something's been going on .. and this is what it points to .. second time round seemed to centre round mum's passing .. the first time, round two friends. Though I cab't quite date it .. though I knew it was after because if it had been before I would definitely have talked about it with one cause her family had been interested for a long time. At least her grandparents on one side had been. My attitude then was that id it was comforting for her then that was fine by me but it wasn't what I believed. I revised my ideas sometime after she passed over .. at 35 from a brain haemorrage. Long story.


But then went back to my old way of thinking .. then a few things happened and I went off to search in the pagan world .. but nothing happened so left believing , somehow .. that it had just been a fluke. Then things started happening again once mum was in the home shortly before she passed .. and now I have to believe .. no one else does .. go by your own experiences and those of people you know and trust. I think u have to put quite a lot in to get a lot back too .. in acceptance and soul searching happenings. I think, in the end, it can make u a lot happier.


I still push it away to a certain extent cause I find it difficult to come to terms with mixed up with the cruelty of this world. It baffles me.

Right .. going to put the kettle on .. have done .. going to bed early tonight again .. probably won't read my book .. or just a little if I do. Who knows what's in it, huh. I don't know anything about mediumship personally .. never had a message or anything like that .. but I don't disbelieve totally in it. If spirit's there then it's certainly not an impossibility at all. I can't disbelieve in spirit anymore .. but do still wonder if it could all be some kind of fluke .. but .. to be honest that is rather pushing things .. lol at myself a bit.

I know it's real .. can't even say why not potter round earlier .. because it did .. think I wtote about what happened .. I came busting throung the front door, burst into tears said f off universe .. and that was that .. must've decided that I knew what I was talking about and meant what I said!!! lol!!!

As if!

I've met one other, no, sorry, two other people, whose experiences started off much the same as mine .. neither of them reacted the way I did. Both were very near the beginning of whatever was happening and I didn't stay in touch so I don't know what happened later.

I guess .. it is very unlikely that all this could have just happened .. but this is what I don't get .. why is this planet so cruel .. eh .. surely we don't need that to grow .. especially as from what I've experienced love is what's considered a priority.

Still there you go.



I doubt if I'll make it through the coming panademic .. most people will in this country I would imagine. Very fortunate that the country was getting prepared for an outbreak of bird flu and also very fortunate that the method of producing one chemical needed for an anti viral drug has changed from a long drawn out process that took about a year to complete to one from another source that's much quicker and makes producing the drug much easier. I'm surprized about the masks though .. I'm sure I remember them saying that they were going to stock pile those back when I first started blogging about bird flu and global warming and the scientific processes .. and political ones too .. behind it all. Before I became ill.

Anyway .. guess they're seeing to it now.

Right, computer off .. I'm not staying up to the early hours anymore. Read my books .. meditate .. sleep .. rest .. whatever .. but no more sitting up here.

Dunno if it's really worth getting down to me languages .. but why not .. huh!!!

Wednesday

Well .. off to bed with book. Even if I can't sleep not spending hours up .. better to try and rest a bit I think and sitting up all night wide awake isn't very restful. Am very tired but have quite a bit of breakthrough pain and usually I'd just stay up .. this evening I'll read a bit of me new book then curl up and get some rest even if I don't sleep .. has to be better than sitting up all night that must put quite a strain on the system .. and being in light 24 hours a day can't help either. Think I've blogged about the effects of that a couple of times.

Anyway. off to bed now.

Blimey .. almost a record I'd say ..lol!!!

Gud night.

Monday

Off to sleep now. Went for a walk earlier on and came back feeling exhausted. Won't be doing that again for a long time. Makes note in diary for next week ... lol!!!! Seems about right.

Did have a slightly racing heart yesterday for a little while .. but not for long .. have been sweating buckets at times though .. but do seem a bit better today.

Noooooooooooo .. haven't started book yet .. but will get round to it .. am looking forward to it in a way .. must've just been a bit bleary from me cold before I think. I expect it'll be full of anecdotes.

Have bought a selection of spices to make into teas or put in food .. and see how I get on. Have to be careful and watch how they appear to be affecting my meds.

I'll have a mug of liquorice tea tomorrow .. doesn't sound that great .. but then it's medicine so I won't be expecting it to be nice .. she says crossing her fingers and hoping

.... that it is!!!! lol!!!!

Sunday

Might try ginger to see if it helps settle my stomach in the mornings for a while. See how that goes .. and, ofcourse .. should investigate the liquorice root thing if it could help settle the symptoms of my auto immune illness .. suppose with the latter if it does help it's not going to happen over night .. but worth a try.

Have a look round again to see what's on offer in the next few days.

Off to get breakfast now though.

erbs and spices

A better day than I thought it would be .. no, I still haven't started my book .. lol!!! But something happened last night which made me think that today mightn't be too good .. but until quite late things were ok .. while I was out it was just the last five minutes or so .. bit of rib cage and breathing problems .. thought it might be a lot worse though.



Had been out to buy spices for medicinal purposes and some naan breads .. wholemeal and various flavours to try. Bought some lentils too .. must be a hippy ... lol!!!! But the spices were the important thing .. because of my meds I can get ill easily so I'm going to try herbs and spices to help in a way that won't affect the medication. Wrote about how herbs and spices can be used against illnesses when I first started blogging .. not sure how they work out of laboratory influences or just as herbs but I will find out if they make any difference to me .. never did test them before .. would've been better if I had because there weren't any meds to be contraindicated with then.



I did get through the bug a doctor was calling the 6 day bug reasonably well all things considered .. was rather ill and didn't have to go into hospital with it. 6 months ago it would've been a very different story .. ambulances and casaulty .. just for a sneeze!!!



I had decided if that didn't stop that I was going to go to one of those clinics .. wasn't exactly like Jade but I'd had enough and though I was getting over it faster the pain was still very bad and I thought it might be getting worse .. guess I was improving but was still messing up my insides a lot with the sneezing and spasms and bleeding.



Anyway .. will have a go as me own herb and spicealist and see what happens .. have to make sure there are no contraindications with my meds. You know if a chemical in garlic stops the mycrophenalate .. or however u spell it .. from working .. never know might actually help .. never know what you'll find out. After all chemicals in liquorice are thought to help liver cancer chemotherapy work better as routers for the drugs used in the treatment. Also liquorice used as a treatment is thought to help the liver. Been through all this a little while ago because of friend with suspected liver problems and the woman I talked to on the net who has lupus. My liver will also be affected cause of the large amounts of meds I'm on .. though I guess it should be reasonably healthy as it hasn't been under much of a strain really.

Anyway see what happens .. maybe some of the chemicals will do for my meds what those in liquorice are doing as transporters for liver chemotherapy treatment. I also need anti viral help cause of my meds. I have honey cream from me doctor as an external anti bacterial.

Was going to look into a lot of this before I knew I was ill .. but never got round to it.

Anyway .. looks like it's soup and bed time.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Tired again.



Will go and put the kettlev

Hmmmmmmm

Still haven't started my book .. the Gordon Smith one. Once I'd've been burrowing through it as if there was no tomorrow .. literally!!!! Well, I guess I would. Think I read three of his before settling down around them. They were the first medium type books I'd read and I was quite interested as two of them mentioned here .. well, it was the same incident .. one referring to the location by the town name, the other by region. Found them in the works and then discovered he was soon due to visit here .. didn't go .. wish I had now. He did some book publicity in Coventry .. I was offered a lift to the first one but I decided not to go. As I said, wish I had now.

Still believe the three things I mentioned before .. but more strongly now .. all three things. I'm happy about it overall .. but saddened by something on a personal basis. Something happened that's associated with my experiences and I have to decide where to go from how things are at the moment. Actually, I don't really .. she's kinda sorted that out for herself unwittingly .. though she doesn't know it at the moment .. and there ain't nought I can do about it.

Actually, that's rather cool!!! It has. to a degree, been taken out of my hands unless I really go out of my way to change things that I really don't want to. So, it's no dice really and, in the circumstances that seems fairy nuff.

And it is kinda illustrating what I was saying about people viewing their experiences through their own morals and beliefs. I was a bit perplexed for a few hours but I'm not now .. bit saddened though I guess.

Anyway, see what happens. She'll still be able to make choices though .. but it is rather sad .. not quite sure what I'd've done if the matter hadn't more or less been taken out of my hands. There really is very little I can do in the circumstances so changing the situation is upto her I guess. It's not 100% that way but more or less, and. in my state of health and the situation, it puts it a bit more on her rather than me .. so we shall see.

I will probably talk it over with a few people too to get their perspective on it but I'm pretty sure they'll think the same as me.

Though her selfishness gave me something in the knowledge line that's very precious to me .. but that knowledge also gave her the chance to show to me how selfish and manipulative she can be. It's a strange situation.

Best to just let things mozzie on I guess. It'll be very interesting to see what she does. I will chat about it to other people though. Have already but that was before today when things have moved on another step. The reaction then was .. "Stupid ******." I think it'll be even more so now.

Oh well ..............

We'll see what happens.

Me books

Just off to bed now .. did mean to head off around 11.00 but still ... up!!!!!! So .. book will be started tomorrow rather than the other way round. Really looking forward to reading both of them I guess .. hoping to get a bit more information out of them. Maybe I will .. maybe I won't.

Think I'll be sticking to what I already believe .. well, to me it's what it appears to be .. but different people will interperate things differently. And, it's deeply personal.

So I will start my books believing in life after death .. that spirit will give you proof of this but how you interpret it is run through your own morals and beliefs .. doesn't mean you're immoral becaise you don't believe in life after death .. of you don't ... you don't and will probably find a way to account for spirit which is fair enough Though I've given up on that one logically ... lol!!! Though my poor brain still has trouble with it .. because there's no tangeable proof that you can keep.

If only I had some of the Browne ectoplasm .. eh .. or something like it .. I'd be down the lab like greased lightening .. well, if it was real!!!!!! lol!!!!

Anyway, see what Gordon Smith and the other fellow have to say.

Early morning

Up early this morning as I left me washing in the washing machine overnight and thought I'd remove it before someone else wanted to use the machine. Quite nice being up that early though I could've done with a bit more sleep.

Right, all done now.

I've still got a bit of a cold .. nothing like the one that started a couple of weeks ago but it's still making my tummy feel a bit dodgy .. hopefully that'll ease up a bit soon though. I've taken my meds. I don't take the cyclizine anymore .. the anti sickness pill .. dunno if it would still help if I'm feeling rather queasy. I'll have to ask. Might be worth giving them a try. I stopped taking them when the sickness eased up a few months ago but I still get to feel a bit queasy at times .. especially in the mornings though that's often helped by eating something.

I dunno see how things go. There has been a bug going round that's been making people feel a bit queasy and maybe I just had that and getting another cold has kept the queasiness going cause the first bug left me stomach a bit sensitive.

Anyway have done quarter of an hour's meditation this morning and will do some EFT. I've not got into a routine with that yet .. well, I think I've done it three times since I decided to try it again.

So .................................

Our E

E is still playing her games under her new profile. I didn't believe for a minute that she was going to come back under her old name .. or, if she did, not for long .. she would've soon headed back to the other site she's on and just stayed on our site under her new name. She was already saying how much better it was ... lol!!!! Think she was just trying to make her old friends sweat a little thinking she'd go back as E and that they'd be found out saying that this new woman was her. Make them feel even more guilty .. well, it would've done if they'd actually believed her.

I'd been over there and I couldn't see it .. but there you go. I think she'd've tried to take the two close friends with her too .. she had already tried that a couple of months previously .. then changed her mind for some reason or other.

She's niggling people a bit here and there now .. some people will go and some will stay. She knew quite a dew of the people she's talking to now under her old name .. they must think she's good on the empathy .. almost putting words into their mouths .. well. ofcourse she is .. she knew them.

Anyway .. a minor warning's been put up now .. two actually .. low key ones.

Our ladies are much happier now and aren't so centred on her. It's like once it became apparent that it wasn't just a friendship gone wrong they felr more distanced from it.

She makes lots of mistakes though.

The threat to come back to our site under her old profile was one .. But boy was she angry when she said .. but she had her back covered for that even so .. but she just wanted to make them sweat and feel guilty.

Things will be fine though.



We had a small chat on a site I'm on about lying .. just day to day stuff. The lie I tell the most is saying I'm not so bad when I feel bad cause I don't really want to talk about it that much. It's daft really cause it takes twice as long later when I have to admit that I wasn't feeling at all well but just didn't feel like talking about it!!!! lol!!!!

This woman's soon going to get herself in quite a muddle I think though.

When I was talking to her last she once got us into a situation where her husband had three knee caps cause she'd forgotten quite what she'd said. Christ, it's hard enough remembering the truth about everything let alone any lies you might be telling.

Off to the dermatology dept on a nice sunny day

A nice sunny day today as I set off for the hospital to have the nurses see to me illness and, I guess, write up their notes and pass them off to the docs. As I'm in the dermy place I sit among all the pictures of skin cancer in its various forms and stages to look at while I'm being treated.

When I wrote about me illness before and said that solar radiation could be a trigger I posted up links to the people from BAD's (British assosiation of Dermatologists website .. and said that it as best to have a little bit of sun exposure everyday but to be careful that you're not out there too long and that some times of day are better than others.

Just be sensible. I passed some people who'd obviously been outside and not being careful .. someone who had been burnt too probably caught unawares by the April sun .. happened to me once many years ago .. I suspect it's more likely to happen now than then. Other people who obviously didn't know (????!!!!????) but had been soaking up the rays for hours with little clothing on and, I suspect, little or no protection.

I didn't take my sun hat with me though should've done ... bit of a rush this morning as I overslept .. had 2 sleepless nights then slept again last night.

Anyway links to the BAAAAAAAD pages.

There are lots of links to click and read on this page.

http://www.bad.org.uk/site/574/default.aspx

It'll explain all about the role of vitamin D .. why you need it and how you can get it from minor sun exposure and food and vitamin supplements .. you don't need to take huge doses of vit D infact it is bad for you.

I notice that neither my illness or lupus are mentioned as illnesses caused by sun exposure but there have been studies that are linking the two illnessess to solar radiation now. And as skin cancer is becoming more common so is lupus.

Tesco

Well, um .. walked to Tesco .. in Warwick .. and got the bus back. I was ok .. no heart probs .. I've had a racing heartbeat a couple of times before that I think I mentioned here but I was ok this time. A bit breathless .. but that were me loongs and not me heart.

Glad I went anyway. I think it's the first time I've walked to Warwick Tesco in years .. done Sainsbury's a couple of times but not Tesco. I know that I shouldn't've gone really .. but there you go.

Do feel a bit sick though and tired.

Didn't have to wait all that long for a bus back .. saw one going up to Warwick as I came out on to the main road from Tesco so knew it shouldn't be too long a wait.

Going to put oven on now. Took my pills in time to get to bed at a reasonable time .. hope I get there reasonably early. Would really prefer if I go to bed earlier and get up earlier than I am at the moment. Slept around 6 hours last night but had dozed a bit earlier on .. well, feeling very tired and resting with my eyes shut .. not sure if I did actually go to sleep or not .. might've done cause I was very, very tired. Kinda felt too tired to get up and go to bed which is why I was up so late.

Nor feeling that great now .. but it's just tiredness and a bit of queasiness. It's possible that I'd've felt like this anyway without the walk .. I was very tired last night. I did sneeze this morning after all.

Can't complain .. I went for a walk.

Taken me evening meds and dinner's on. I've the night pain relief to take later on .. just the oramorph and paracetamol.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Saturday.

I did buy Gordon Smith's new book .. though I did hesitate this time cause it's about becoming a medium and I'm not really interested. It was the last one left in Waterstones so I guess it's quite a popular subject rather than his own stories of his time as one. I will read it though .. expect it will give an insight into things.

I suppose some people might have gone to see him in Coventry for his book launch.

I think any efforts by me to be a medium will probably go the same way as my desire to gave an OBE. I've not ever felt so much as a presence and I gather that is probably resonably unusual for people interested in these type of things.

I have never had thoughts come into my head that are messages for other people either .. though I've never made any kind of effort to have one I guess .. bit like the OBEs in some ways really. More or less gave up before I'd started in some ways. Even when I was having night paralysis a while back I didn't take in any further and try to have an OBE using that as a doorway. I could easily have read up on the subject on the net and been ready for when the next sleep paralysis happened .. but I didn't. That was me not putting my work in when I should've done. I don't want any more sleep paralysis .. possible OBEs or not .. still haven't read up and practiced what I need to know and do just incase I have another sleep paralysis anyway though I have read quickly through a little bit of information but not enough to make any difference if I found myself in that position again.

Maybe I will if I get a bit better. But I don't really want to have sleep paralysis again. I know it's perfectly harmless but I'd rather do without it. So, I might decide to leave it .. even in the name of research. lol!!! Well, for now anyway. I haven't even got round to writing out a list of things I want to find out if I do have an OBE and think about them quite carefully .. so I'm hardly ready, am I.

I'm sure the book will be interesting. Will probably read it before the other one as it'll be a lot easier going I think and I don't feel that well at the moment. Still from a cold I think.

Think it will be an interesting book. Doubt if my mediumship skills will improve though and as I'm not looking for them to that's fine by me. Have never had a message for anyone in that way and doubt if that will change now.

So, on that score I don't think there's any need to watch this space ... lol!!!

Anyway, it's a lovely day out there and I'm going out for a while. I will give it a go. I sneezed this morning .. just a little sneeze .. thinl we're back to just colds again rather than that nasty bug I had a couple of weeks ago that stayed around a while. Lots of people seemed to get quite ill. A person at the hospital had a cold with three/four days of dreadful migrains that she couldn't get under control .. think that was probably the same bug I had. I did wonder for a while if I'd be going into hospital again with it. That's why I wondered if the protein in the urine and high blood pressure was from the bug rather than heart problems .. when I used to be hospitalized with sneezing before and very ill my blood pressure would sometimes go up.

Anyway, it's still a lovely day out there so I'll go out for a while. Had some water so not dehydrated .. while I've got a cold I've got to watch that carefully.

......

Well, off to bed after I've had me soup. Still got me cold .. but still not in hospital .. though haven't been out today.

Have been back chatting to me friend about E and we're pretty certain we've got her pegged now. I'd worked out a couple of things .. though because I really didn't want to talk about it all for a while had just left it. I'd done most of the difficult work anyway. Well, I wasn't one of her real friends so couldn't really give a hoot about her friendship so it was easier for me. I was trying to work out if her husband, rather than languishing ill at home not able to do anything was actually on the site as well .. wondering if we might know him or if she does all this by herself.

My pulling back has upset some people but in a couple of cases all the legwork .. well, so to speak, wasn't in the slightest bit appreciated .. though the results used all the same .. or, rather the results were appreciateed but all the work wasn't.

I know they've been having a bit of a conflab about it all and some people aren't so happy .. but what did they expect .. she wasn't even my friend for goodness sake .. I'd rumbled her after about six weeks .. well, to a certain extent .. was a bit surprized by the end result myself .. thought she was just a mind player. .. had to think for a few moments there again ... lol!!! I think, though, that they're actually feeling a bit better about themselves knowing she's a con artist rather than just someone messing them about. Think they felt a bit embaressed about it before.. not that there was any need to which ever way round it was.

She's back using the same tricks too .. hiya "sis" .. she's in there too but I think she's possibly chosen the wrong person this time. Though she knew this woman when she was using her old profiles so she's gone in there knowing which buttons to press.

Anyway we shall see. Hope it's all sorted soon.

Nothing more to say about her .. hopefully. Well, I would be pleased if I could say the guvnors were involved and it was sorted .. sigh and it was all sorted .. but I don't think that's going to happen quite yet. Anyway .. the info's theirs really now and I'm hopeful that they will decide what to do in the next few weeks once they've got it all sorted and they can go to the guvnors.

Ms YANW

It's possible that the women was after money .. she was busy isolating one of the elderly ladies .. had left the site profile she used to contact her with and was just in contact by e mail .. she'd just got an e mail when this all came to light saying that she'd had to get a new computer and her husband, the very sick one who she was looking after day and night, was making her pay him back the money he'd lent her to buy it out of her tiny pension. We already knew that she was lying about the computer because the things we'd been told before didn't add up technically .. at all ... lol .. and, as usual, we were told conflicting things as well.

There were other things going on too but she'd told a stream of lies to get herself to that point in her life and there had been hints that was where it was going before .. but everything had been overlooked or ignored because they were "friends". Sigh.

She got very, very angry when she found out the women knew about her new name etc .. absolutely no signs of friendship there at all with the things she said to them.

She's lying away on her new profile .. her age has risen. She's decided to be the older woman again .. the person she PM'd and was nasty to blocked her so I guess she thinks that she won't hear from her again!!! So, on the profile she's going for sweet granny .. trouble is .. the woman we knew didn't have ANY grandkids at all .. now, it appears she has some living with her!!

But, there u go .. miracles happen even in this day and age it seems ... lol!!! In less than two weeks she has grandchildren she didn't know had living with her .. strange thing is they were living with her before she knew she had them.

Lol!!!

We watch fascinated.

Though it's not funny. She is being watched though. I did think of warning one person and going to the guvnors this morning to be honest. But I'll leave it up to those who knew her better. Well, u know wot I mean. Shrugs.

Thursday

Still not completely recovered from the effects of that bug .. me doc said my blood pressure was still up on Tuesday .. it used to go up quite a bit when I had to go into hospital with the sneezing before. Though not when I spent weeks in there because of the sores the auto immune illness was causing .. the ones that you could see on my neck and mouth and under my eyes.

Still, didn't have to go into hospital .. as an in patient .. this time.

I had a bit of protein in my urine too .. doc asked me if I had any urinary problems as this can indicate kidney problems .. but I didn't .. and wondered if it was possibly because I'd had such a nasty cold .. heaven knows what it'd've done to me six months ago .. it was worse than the ones that used to hospitalize me then .. and that I hadn't been drinking enough .. not even with taking my pills and drinking my packet soups. My cold coupled with the pain meds had been making me sweat a fair amount at times and I think I might've needed to drink more than I was. This could be the cause .. they took blood too .. so there'll be further tests on that.

The protein in the urine and rise in blood pressure could be a sign of heart problems which could be a possibility .. but, equally, it could also be a sign of a bug and not drinking enough .. so let's see.

Right going to get my soup and protein drink.

Wednesday ..2

Well, got a discount for being nice today!!! lol!!! Sad, cause that just shouldn't have to happen .. but, nice in other ways .. also met a friend's mum .. case of lost phone number .. was pleased to be found. Friend has exams soon but I know she'll be fine. I guess these days it's quite easy to remember me even if you've only met me fleetingly.

Am feeling a bit better .. had a rather nasty cold .. hate to think what it would've done to me a few months ago .. to be honest I doubt if I would've made it through .. back in the days of blood 'n' vomit and casaulty. I could feel my stomach trembling this time and, unfortunately, I know I've been bleeding internally but obviously nothing like I used to .. well. with this illness and the way things have gone with me .. guess it's par for the course.

I have some small books on healing from The Works .. through meditation and reiki .. think will have a look through one this evening.. EFT is a sort of auto suggestion technique isn't it. Don't know how much it's strenghthened by using the meridian points .. as I've said, it has been discovered that they are points in the body that have a richer supply of nerve endings than the surrounding areas .. how they found that out all those years ago is beyond me.

But they did.

I will read my other book. I guess I'm slow picking it up cause I doubt that I'll agree with the guy overall .. but that doesn't mean that I mightn't agree with some of the things he says .. just that it'll take my mind to a different conclusion. I know very little about some of the things that he's been researching so it'll be interesting along that line anyway .. but I think I 'll just say that what he's talking about are coincidences.

Oh. how do I know I haven't read the book yet!!! Lol!!!

What would I have done throughout this illness without all this, eh. Well, not without all that's in the book .. I've managed without that til now. Well, guess I'd gave learnt a language or something .. but this has been better. Guess most people would prefer that I'd have this to see me through these times though .. whether they believe or not .. though I suppose that should be amended to all nice people as it looks as if the new books gonna take me into psychology etc. Better than antidepressants.

Well, if you do really think this is what's going on .. and I'm pretty certain.

Actually, I think my mind is going back to that other guy's book a bit .. the beings of light one and I think that's why I'm having trouble getting into it. People who I dind difficult to believe get into my mind a bit .. not people who I just feel have come to a different conclusion than me .. I'm easy with that .. but people who I feel are not telling the truth after having a pretty amazing experience. I would have been fine with it if there hadn't been contradictions and different takes on things and all these later predictions that were so way off and listening to that awful radio show where he just accepted things he'd said that were wrong as if they were right. If they'd been the product of the awful experience he'd had .. but it doesn't seem as if that was the case at all. I felt down about it or something for a while after.

Guess I'm a bit worried that this book is going to leave me feeling the same way .. but I don't think it will .. I might not agree with him but I might still think he's come up with some interesting ideas .. just that we differ in our explanations about things.

You never know .. I might end up with a new favourite book on the subject.

I met me friend's mum looking through a book about the workings of the human brain .. it's 10 years old .. the good thing is you can update what you read .. extra knowledge gained through technology .. through reading on the net .. but still have a good background .. well, as with most things, I guess .. though some are easier to work with that way than others.

Well, after 3 years or so I have 2 things that I virtually believe in and that is .. there is life after life and that when spirit does come to is we each of us individually run this through our own individual beliefs and morality in how we react to it.

It was the Dr King/ Jimmy Ibbotson thing that got me thinking along those lines .. well, it was virtually the only explanation once I arrived at the end of that journey .. and the end fitted in with the start too .. which I'd been puzzled about .. as I said I'd been trying to find out something and it all just fitted in.

Oh, guess there's a third belief too .. that the answer is love.

wednesday

As for the coincidences around his birthday and the day it was that I was writing after just finding the book and what he was writing about etc .. well, I guess you could include it in ur coincidences as it does kind of follow on with the others .. it's certainly not one out there by itself. Dodn't think it was a brilliant one .. though, maybe, in the circumstances it wasn't bad .. lol!!!

And, J, u and ur friends r reading the book faster than me .. lol .. ur way ahead of me. Still not feeling that good .. though am better than I was last week. Will start doing a few exercises again today.

It looks quite a heavy book to read really .. though apparently an interesting one. I will get into it soon.

Maybe you'll find something in there that'll interact with other things you already know .. who knows. The guy seems to think he's onto something .. and I think he believes what he's saying .. though dodn't think the interviewer on that programme sounded very friendly .. though maybe he was just having a bad day or just wasn't interested in what the guy had to say cause he thinks he's on the wrong track.

Anyway. going to have some soup for me tum now and see how I feel.

gone

Will be going to bed EARLY tonight .. I'm exhausted!!! Still got a bit of a cold and it's tiring me out.



Have left gaming site .. really got fed up with all the games .. lol!!! Plenty of head games going on there .. and I knew I was spending much too much time there when I should be doing other things so packed me bags and left. Don't mind staying friends off the site but it was just eating away at my time and I think it was time to go.

I didn't want to become addicted to the place so think it was really time to go as I was starting to spend much too long there. All the crap happening just gave me a chance to really think it over .. and, there was more than I posted about here .. and I realised that there were others things I'd prefer to be doing and other places I'd prefer to be.

When I'm feeling a bit out of it it's quite a good place to be .. couldn't really care if I win or lose .. don't think all that many people are if they're not paying to play ,, but I think most people were more interested in playing people they knew than I was .. I was quite happy playing the tournaments where as they seemed to want to play each other a lot and just play the occasional game with people I knew if they wanted to.

Will stay in touch off the site with some people now and then.

Monday

Think I've worked out what E was planning to do. Anyway .. she's not gonna do it now .. lol!! .. and she's gonna have an eye kept on her. It'll be a long time before she works her way into someone's confidence like that again.

I still don't know why she sent that last message to me .. wasn't the most sensible thing for her to do .. but, there u go .. she keeps on slipping up .. I guess she was drunk when she sent it .. though I think she remembers that she did!!! Or things she might have but isn't quite sure.

Sadly I don't think one of the other women in the group will be around too much longer .. I've noticed her memory is getting worse and worse. To be honest it's becoming a mystery to me how she's managing to keep going. She's not been sleeping so well for the last couple of nights and it's become so obvious .. things she was very aware of a couple of days ago have become very foggy in her memory. Very sad. Wish there was something I could do to help but there isn't. Must be upsetting her daughter. The woman's not said anything but I expect her daughter has been trying to sort things out for her but I don't expect she's managing to get anywhere .. don't think she'll be with us much longer though. This week really settled it in my mind though .. before I wasn't quite sure .. but not sleeping so well over this weekend has really brought it out.

Just glad that I managed to get E away from this little group of people before she really got going.

Have a new hero to add to my list of heroes/heroines .. though will have to get the magazine out again to find his name .. he's some guy in India who's been fighting injustice .. amazing man .. and totally the opposite of those he's up against.

I will enlarge the article for my wall. Some people are astounding.

the book

Well,off to bed .. have't read much .. but, will do .. whether you agree with the guy or not he's giving his views om the subject after a long term interest .. he may have discovered something that needs to be explored more .. he may have touched on something that does explain something.

He may be right .. or, he may have chanced on something he doesn't understand because we don't have all the knowledge to put it together. But he thinks there's something there.

I have to read the book first though before I come to any conclusions from my point of view. I've listened to an interview with him and it seems a number of my guesses were right .. he mentioned Aldous Huxley too .. someone I wrote about in my blog some time ago.

I guess it'll take a long time to read if there's lots of concepts to explore, that seem to be leading somewhere interesting, that I don't know about.

Had a look at the book

I'm going to disagree with this guy, I know it .. but, having said that, the book's still worth my time because of all the information it has in it that has lead him to write the book.

He comes from the symbolic, myth and mystery side of the argument .. loved by Fortean Times. I just know he'll love supernatural based comics and has probably always been interested in this kind of thing from childhood. I would think he's about my age and probably bought the Man, myth and magic magazines that were out when we were young .. or, at least, was interested in them. I bought a few copies .. they had just caught my eye .. but lost interest .. they were interesting though .. but I wasn't interested enough to collect the complete series. Bet he read H.P Lovecraft's books too. He'll also be very interested in UFOs and crop circles. I expect he'll have been interested in the popular spiritual concept of the 70s that everything is an illusion and this is where his journey to his present beliefs started from.

He's obviously interested in things like NDEs and OBEs .. consciousness seemingly away from the body.

I should imagine he's very interested in quantum physics. It goes with the terrority these days really. I bought another book from The Works yesterday, which I'd been wondering whether to read or not, about New Age spirituality, called The New Age. I saw a photo of Krishnamurti in it who was one of the first modern spiritual teachers that I got to know about and thought it would be nice to read about him again .. there is also a chapter on science and spirituality .. so, at a reduction from £14.95 to £2.99, decoded it was worth trying.

The guy who wrote the book's called Anthony Peake .. his book ... Is there life after death. It should be full of lots of interesting information but I think his views are very different from mine .. he's certainly approaching things from a different angle.

I think he'll have touched on a lot of interesting things both in neuro science and physics but I don't think he'll be touching on life after death .. more on the basics of religion and myths and neurology.

From the little I've read I think he believes that we are two people in one so to speak .. an eternal self and one that is experiencing life more or less as life for the first time but could be guided by the eternal self who has lived many times before maybe in a parellel universe.

I'm not sure if he believes in reincarnation on this planet or if he just sees it as something that happens on different planes. Therefore in his theory I guess you never die cause you, as you are now, is just a version of the real you experiencing experience away from your real self .. or, something like that.

So, therefore his answer would be that there isn't life after death because there is no death because the you that is "living" now is just a projection from your real self who is eternal. Or, something like that.

No, that's not how I see things .. my belief is much more mundane .. lol .. the you that is here now is the eternal self .. in spirit .. and that's what you take with you when you pass over.

Well, will dip into the book bit by bit. There'll be lots of interesting info in it .. a mixture of peoples experiences, neurology and quantum physics, mythology, religion etc.

.....................

Off to bed in about three quarters of an hour .. I promise .. or, I'll do me best anyway.



Me friend still won't let go .. but she really needs to. It's for her friend .. and now I know more I really understand .. but she doesn't need to be doing this .. she's almost 80, works very hard .. mainly work that benefits other people .. and she needs to enjoy herself when she's not working in my opinion not haunt her nasty ex friend.

And really I don't think that she should be thinking of writing a book. She says she's tired and sometimes she sounds it. She'll be back in hospital if she doesn't slow down.


I understand how she feels now that I know more. Still. she needn't worry .. E is setting herself up for quite a big fall on the ball. She's trying to make friends with someone whose friend I know who won't be very pleased, shall we say, when she finds out the truth. She's just making mistake after mistake already. I bet she's been doing this all her life .. we think she's in her 60s .. and all I can say, in her case, practice doesn't make perfect.

I'll never get why she told me about her new profile .. wonder what story she had concocted to explain why her two best friends didn't know about it and I did.

I suppose knowing a secret like THAT .. lol .. would have kept us fwends fer eva .. or on the other hand, put me in a very difficult position with other people that I know.

Don't know what she was aiming for and I didn't bother to find out.

Anyway, I suppose this is going to run and run .. for a little while anyway.

But .. I do wish my friend would just let go. I said to her just be thankful that she's gone now and u and the other woman can have your friendship how it should be now without all her moaning, lying and manipulation etc. I just couldn't believe the extent of the moaning .. lol!!! .. blimey, heaven knows what she'll do when she does have something to moan about in her life .. say if she does get ill herself.

Got a few books from The Works today .. one about life after death .. think that's what it's called!!! £1.99 .. and it looks like an interesting read. Probably be the last book I buy on the subject .. unless something new is discovered.

I've had another cold .. and have been bleeding rather a lot with it .. and there's been quite a lot of extra pain in the mornings but I think it's coming to and end now .. was told at the hospital that there was a heavy cold going round .. guess this is it. Four days of sneezes .. only one a day .. but imagine what that would've been like a few months ago.

Needless to say I haven't been doing me languages. But I will start soon .. not much point at the moment. Will start reading me new book too. Will take it to bed to read while I'm sitting up waiting for the bone sparing pill to settle for the half hour before I can take/eat/drink anything else but water.

I meditated for about ten minutes and did a very simple version of EFT afterwards .. hadn't been doing that either cause of the cold.

Anyway .. off to bed as soon as I've finished me soup.

..............etc

Things move on .. have found out that she is, as I thought she'd be, quite a bit younger now!!!!

No arthritis!!!! lol!!!

We're not sure about her partner yet.

The german? think she's got it from other people's guestbooks .. the site is very multilingual. She's got a few academic quotes up too.

She's after younger people this time. Early twenties and below it looks like who have troubles in their lives.

She's been over to my other profile .. she knows I know some of her old friends rhrough it but she doesn't know who I am and did something to try and find out if they'd told me the truth about her .. I played along and didn't let on .. lol!!!


The women are ok .. clinical depression, illnesses, whatever .. she hasn't suceeded in what she tried to do. They can chat away to me, or not, whichever they'd rather, whenever, however etc. I'm fine with it. We were tottering on the edge for a few days though because it brought back some pretty nasty memories of betrayal for one which E knew all about .. she'd been storing up personal information to try to work out what would be the best to do. The other woman had a rough time with it too .. though she's turned it round to something interesting now. Having said that .. she hasn't let go emotionally yet .. not surprizingly.

The sister part of all this had very sad connections to do with a twin sister who has passed over. I asked if it was E who'd thought the sis thing up and it was .. but I knew it most likely would be .. if not, it was only cause someone had got there before she had. Both women were in hospital last year a couple of times .. with physical illnesses .. not the clinical depression .. one has had cancer and had to have a biopsy taken last year again .. she was in for another illness too.

Anyway things haven't turned out the way she seemed to be aiming for .. though they have been pretty bad and emotions are still pretty raw and will be for a while.

I've had my soup and am off to bed now.

and

As for the other one who's now on me friend's board .. well, she's given herself away .. and, as another friend said .. ha ha. Because we all, well, that's a bit of an exageration .. well, some of us .. could see that she wasn't angry with what she said she was but just thought she'd found an opportunity to go for the woman's partner I mentioned before.

Ha ha.

She's being very nice to me and the board owner .. but, I know she doesn't mean a word of it

(ha ha)

Me friend's advice to her is not to read the other person's posts if she doesn't like them .. fortunately she remembered not to put "her" down instead of "them" and give the game away

(ha ha)

I warned my friend before all this happened anyway so she knows the score .. she's played the nice card for a few months there and made friends with me and the owner .. just as well really or I'd know nothing about her

(ha ha)

........................

To move on .. there's a story behind Hilda Ogden's look in Coronation Street. It goes back to the fashions of the 1930s when women had long hair and used to put in up in curlers before before they set out for work in the factories because they had to tie their hair out of the way while they were at work which would've messed it up some if they were going out that night .. so, they'd put a couple of curlers in and then tie their hair up in a headscarf which they'd take off when they finished work.

I imagined Ms YANW as someone slaving away at home.

Doubt very much if she is though.

Lol!!!

..........

Ha ha .. well, back to the drawing board .. have just been told that Ms. Ogden was known to wear a spot of make up .. and dyed her hair!!! lol!!! Oh, who never watched The Street then .. goes back to drawing board.

Don't suppose there's anyone on the tv who doesn't!!!

.........................

Well, she seems to be leaving her last image of earth mother behind her now and trying to match up more with the photo. I suppose she just picked up on the fact that I don't dye me hair or use make up or anything like that and she had already created a homebody image on her profile .. so that was what I was expecting .. though the 2009 version.

But now she's aiming for intellectual Nobel peace prize candidate .. maybe the photo isn't of her anyway .. but, I think it is. It's still a bit of a shock .. I really wasn't expecting the make up and dyed hair. Amd I was expecting someone almost having to prop themselves up to stand .. like me ... lol!!! .. though not not like me with a stick .. but through sheer exhaustion in her case ... because I heard tale after tale about how she never got more than a few hours sleep .. was always in pain .. was rushed off her feet looking after her partner .. and .. then ... I get a photo of someone who looks 10/15 years younger than she says she is. When the photo was taken, as far as I know, she was meant to be recovering from an allergic attack that almost killed her .. just got her to the hospital on time etc.

Well .........

She now has a new real name .. her profile doesn't mention illness at all .. not hers nor her partners so I suppose all that has cleared up over night .. suppose I should ask her how they've done it .. her sudden onset arthritis in both hands seems to've cleared up too judging by the way she's racing round the site. I suppose the leg pains, arm pains. diabeties have too. I think me friend mentioned another illness too that I hadn't been told about .. but I can't remember what it was.

On the profile she's just oozing sweetness and caring .. through PMs she's been nasty to at least one person .. though in rather a clever way. The guy has removed the you're a nice woman blog entry from her. His on site blog is more or less devoted to his partner which is what I think pissed her off so much .. and she thought they were an easy target cause he is ill at the moment.

The profile's too nice though .. I don't think anyone on the level would have created a profile like that. My friend says there was always something a bit too cloying about her "niceness" which is why she always held back a bit and didn't tell her too much.

God, that and she .. just never stopped moaning .. well, to everyone else. Strange thing was to me .. she hardly ever moaned .. as I said she came over as a sort of salt of the earth type .. but, it seems that was't how she was with everyone .. she was more heroic about things with me.

Anyway .. there you are .. one internet groomer.

Not going to mention her here again I don't think.

Wonder she didn't used the makeup to paint dark circles under her eyes or something,. I cab't get over that photo ..lol!!! Considering the illnesses she was meant to be recovering from .. she looked amazingly healthy especially when you considered the rest of her life.

And I really expected to see some sort of earth mother homebody type.

But, then .. I can't even be sure what her real name is!!!!

........

I'm quite happy being my mates research or whatever you want to call it. We both know that I'm her research at the moment and why not .. saves her having to spend ages researching stuff on the net when it's all in my head. She's so busy and I doubt if she'd want to pay anyone to do it .. pointless when I can give a reasonable explanation anyway. She's the one whose going to have to translate it into an interesting story .. and most of that's going to have to come from her imagination. She has dropped hints that she wouldn't mind it being a dual effort but what she's doing isn't really for me I don't think. Don't know .. but, don't think so .. better I think that it pours out of one person's imagination.

Heaven knows just what she's going to make of it all or where she's going to take it.

I'm not getting on with my own work or learning my languages. Well, with the cold I haven't felt like doing anything much anyway.

I suppose I should be getting on with that though .. and I will.

But still no reason why I shouldn't give a bit of information that I already have to someone.

Looks over at language course.

The rest will follow.

......

Think I'm kinda co writing a book with someone through email discussions. That's ok cause I know she's writing it so it isn't as if she's delving into my mind without me knowing .. but again it's taking up a lot of my time which I haven't got to spare.

It's based on the same subject and she's just picking my legal knowledge and where I think things might go and how E's mind is working. I dunno really about the latter cause I'm not her but people seem glad that I stuck my oar in now.

God, she works hard though .. is older than me .. still goes out to work during the day .. edits in the evening .. is a member of a choir and chats and plays on the site. And, is now writing a book .. and, occasionally does a bit of other work too.

Amazing woman.

I've got a cold ,.. been sneezing for three days so I'm not so good .. wondered if there might be another stay in hospital .. but, no. Did wonder when I got back yesterday how things would go. Slept a lot of the time though .. that evening and over night .. about 14 or so hours all in all. Still feel tired though. And still have extra pain from the swelling from the cold.

Have to say am losing interest in E rather. I was surprized to hear that she'd done what she had because I thought she'd be interested in new people but I huess if she spends the amount of time she does on the site she has time to have a look around everyone.

Though she isn't visiting my profile .. at least not while she's logged on which probably means she isn't.

Not even after leaving me that message telling me her new profile name.

.....................

She's back to her old tricks again .. well, you know what I mean. Just started hassling the girlfriend of the guy she left the your a nice woman message for.

Won't say how for obvious reasons but she's been really smart .. though judging by her other behaviour up to now this might be a fluke .. though, on the other hand, any crap she pulls using this profile, is , by definition, going to add to her troubles. Just another message to add to the pile for the guvnors to have a look through .. god knows what they're gonna make of it all.

Me mate who's good friends with them has just told the couple that the two people are infact the same person.

Anyway .. gonna have a mug of soup and go to bed. Slept for a few hours earlier on after coming back from the hospital. I was very tired.

cont .. again

Got back from the hospital to find a message from one of me ladies because E had left a message in one of their friends guestbooks and then he'd left one in return in hers.. I don't really know him though had almost rejected a group play offer with him cause she was included .. changed my mind though at the last minute.

I'd noticed earlier on, yes, I did go over and look .. sigh, well, you know .. it's quite interesting now her guestbook's open .. want to noe too as I'm thinking about it. I know she's on line there. One of the two ladies .. E's ex best friends .. has left a note in his guestbook .. just saying hi and being pleasant .. right on top of E's message. We shall see what happens.

I've said I think she'll have a few stories concocted to cover things like this .. but .. never mind .. technology is great and they are waiting with various odds and ends for the guvnor if she tries.

I really don't know what she's doing. No one would've blinked much more than an eyelash if she'd been someone who just lives in a bit of a dream world but all this is rather different.

...........

I suppose there are quite a few people on the site who didn't stick around. She lasted about two months with me. I knew about her almost as soon as I joined the site .. she was a friend of one of the people I first got talking to and I was told about this "old" lady who had this dreadful time looking after her husband who was very ill and was told how depressed she was and how brave.


When I started talking to her I got the impression that she was a real homebody whose life revolved around her partner and who would never have used anything like hairdye .. or, anything like that in her life. Would totally reject the bling too.

The photo painted a very different picture but then she never knew that I'd see that .. she probably created rather a different picture for the lady who received the photo.

I've got an idea that she's pretending to be younger than she is at the moment on her new profile .. she hasn't put an age up this time.


One of the people that has signed her guestbook is someone she used to know .. nice woman but someone who won't get that involved.

People think its a good idea to go in as I was going to before .. if I do I'll wait until I've got rid of this cold. It doesn't really matter .. I doubt if she'll be able to keep the facade up for long. There's already the two conflicting names on the site though I expect she's explained that away leaving the other person feeling confused by all the similarities.

Her ex best friend who kept on wanting to email her has changed her mind now. I think somewhere along the line she was hoping that there was some kind of rational explanation for this and things could go back to normal. She doesn't think so anymore.

Anyway .. guess that's it for now .. hopefully that's it for the day now.

Strange situation though.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I'm going to start my book very soon .. going to make notes first then just work it all in. It'll be good to have it to refer back to .. sometimes it all doesn't seem quite real though I know it is.


I'm going to write to one or two people too to ask about things they've experienced. I have a couple of nurse friends on line who'll have more stories to add .. more along the lines of those I already know ofcourse .. both first and second hand.


I want to write it for me though .. so it's there like the ADC one to dip into when I feel the need.


I love the notes and things I've been sent from people who've been keeping up for the last three years and doing their own .. found things out from their explorations that I didn't know myself. I went through things that are important in the blogs over the years .. me friends and anyone else interested could go where they wanted with the information. It's not new information .. just there if ur interested.


It does seem to be true that you get out of it what you put in though. I always put the proviso in .. if I'm right .. so that stands here too .. but, if I'm right, then spirit provides information in the form of experiences that each individual runs through their own beliefs and morals .. which is why someone can believe they've had an experience through spirit but not hear the information that appears obvious to other people with a knowledge of the situation.

Not talking about illness here but things that happen .. like stories in the synchronicity book or the ADC one or NDEs and other things that could be refered to as NDEs, though they're not really what are defined as them at the moment, or approaching death experiences.

Some people would say that none of these things happen even though they're well documented .. some people differ in the way they explain them. I think I have enough experience now for me to believe that spirit exists and it's something to do with crossing over to the other side. Well, they are the other side but they are also all around .. and they do know what's going on with us.

I would like to know loads more but I know all you get is proof .. that's it .. you take it or you leave it .. you run it through your own morality for what you get out of it .. what you see in it. Spirit lets you choose.

That's what I think anyway .. after looking at two peoples experiences .. was shocked when I found out what I did the second time .. the last thing I'd've expected .. and it was all totally tied in with what I'd been researching.

Didn't mean anything but show me a bit of proof again .. left me friends and anyone else who wanted to do it to do the last bit of research .. didn't take long to find out.

You don't always get what you want .. though I think I'd be ok with an obe now .. perhaps once I wouldn't've been but I think I would now .. think most people are .. waffle .. waffle .. waffle .. u can't always get wot u want .. in the words of the song .. but if u try sometime u might find u get wot u need.

Perhaps that might be what I want but not what I need. I'm ok with not having had one but it would've been interesting but maybe I'd've found it easy to rationalise it in a way that would've closed my mind. Who knows.

And. now ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

But no lucid dreaming or OBEs I guess!!!

Lol!!!

cont .. naturally

Ofcourse a lot of today has been spent discussing E. It's quite strange thinking of her getting up every morning going through what she's going to do for the day.

Mess up my "friends"

Mess up my "friends"

Mess up my "friends"

and mustn't forget to

Mess up my "friends"

Have a nice drink of Horlicks.

Go to bed.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Get up

Thinks .. ah, yes .. that's right

Mess up my "friends"

Repeated over and over and over again!!!

Anyway, there you go. Leaving it there now .. she's being kept an eye on. It's been strange seeing someone you thought you knew vaguely well .. turn out to be so different. OK, I'd known for quite a while that she had another side to her and I wasn't in touch with her any more but I still didn't expect her to be quite so messed up.

BUT .. she might be in for quite a shock .. has been hanging round an old friend of mine apparently .. ill, though ex biker chick with VERY LARGE family on the site. Sadly she's been ill for a long time now .. but I know this if E puts one hair out of line there will be questions asked to put it .. er .. mildly!!!

Sits back and twiddles fingers.

Been talking a lot to one of the friends today .. think the worst is over now. You can only grieve the supposed friendship of someone like that for so long. She does have one messed up mind I can tell you though .. I really do wonder just how much her husband knows about all this.

She's bound to give herself away soon .. she's already signed a blog message on the site with her real name using her new profile while using her new name elsewhere with the same profile.

It's a fun site .. plenty to do .. people to chat to and to have a good time yet this is what she chooses to do.

Spirit will be watching .. and so will people not too far down the road so to speak!!!!

Tomorrow I'll be spending less time on her .. it's added up to a lot of my time .. and enough is enough.

.......................

There you go. Everyone's saved and printed or whatever .. tiptoes back out again. Another afternoon/evening or most of it anyway spent talking to one of the friends .Hopefully things are sorted, saved, printed .. whatever now. I didn't know her for that long and I think I've run out of info to share now that could add anything.

Better they all talk amongst themselves now .. sure there's lots more .. but not from here.

another email .. another day

Well, she's turned out to be rather different from what we thought. Rather worse. I think it probably is best to go to the guvnors .. unfortunately I haven't got anything she said about this saved .. again it's things not matching up that she's been talking about .. but, the fact that she'd lie and invent stuff about this kind of thing puts her in a different category from before.

Hopefully people have got things saved in email though. I only spoke to her through PMs and they get deleted after a month. I didn't think there was any need to save the PMs I got then. Though, as far as this went, it did cross my mind that something similar had just been in the news. The version my friends got hadn't though.

Still, they do have loads of stuff saved, printed out .. maybe they stick in on the walls at the moment .. of all the latest stuff.

There u go .. eh.

Another email .. another day!!!

Sigh!!!!!!!

I've been asked to do a bit of work .. not much .. just a little .. lol. No pressure, no rush. Thought if I wrote about it here that I'm more likely to get down and do it.

Guess I will.

Really, there's a lot to do and a lot to learn.

Guess some days'll still be "rather" difficult. Just got to go with the flow. Have got a cold at the moment so I guess don't have to do much today. It's quite a relief these days when a sneeze comes in a way .. cause it doesn't get me into the condition it used to but it does let me know why I'm feeling extra grotty.

SOB

Email has arrived all about her complete with phote!!!!!

Ding .. pottered off to have a look to see who had called by .. beginings of illustrated biography sits in me inbox.

Another couple of hours spent dealing with Ms. YANW problem. Think it's sorted for a while now though.

OK .. it's very serious .. this woman is picking on young vulnerable people now it seems .. not children .. people in their early twenties who are ill or who have close friends who are very seriously ill and other young people too who she appears to think might be of use etc.

As me friend said Ms. YANW looks perfectly harmless. She looks young for her age too. I think u could mistake her for someone 15 years younger than she is .. 10 years younger easily .. this was a recent holiday snap .. if it is her ofcourse !!!! lol!!!! .. but, I think it probably is. Dunno why she was sending out snaps of herself .. well, to get ones back I guess .. though I found one of me friend very quickly on the net and the other one of the two is very unlikely to send piccies out I'd say.

Now .. as it's all sorted out .. I can spend the rest of the day not thinking or speaking about her!!!

I haven't been over to the profile .. hadn't even thought of it til writing to say that I hadn't been over.

And .. as I said .. there's lots more to get on with and do.

.....................

Sneezed .. so up again .. with a mug of soup. Slight panic .. will I have to go to hospital .. no .. hopefully not.

I haven't felt well for the last few hours .. have been dripping sweat at times. But I get through ok. Even when the pain is really bad ... cause of spirit. Jane Goody seemed to have an idea too, didn't she. Some people never will though.

For people who truely believe that we are born .................... we die and that's that and really logically believe that .. fine .. we have to agree to differ .. lol!!! Was it Bertrand Russell who said that he hoped there was no afterlife .. a philosopher did .. though I can't remember who now. Think it was him though. He said something to the effect that one life was enough and he couldn't bear the thought of anymore. I used to feel that way to some extent .. well, it seemed so tiring the thought of endless existance and I could certainly see his point. Was going to say that I wasn't frightened of dying .. well, I wasn't .. but I don't really know why. Almost did a number of times. Did count em up a few times .. can't be bothered to think back now ... lol!!! ... really can't.

I do like believing in life after life now .. it's been hard work though .. wonder if I would believe if things hadn't been so difficult .. lol!!! Says it all about the next life really I think.

I used to feel sorry for people like Ms YANW .. but I don't anymore .. one of the things we accept at my group is personal responsibility. She knows what she's doing so therefore she's responsible .. if she was suffering from a psychosis it would be totally random .. no way out for her I guess. She's not a compulsive liar either .. though she's always telling lies. I think she must go for hours sometimes on the net without touching the truth .. incredible .. just pottering around from person to person. But she won't change. Her choice. You sort of tote it up .. not good I guess in her case!!! I don't know if she would laugh if she saw it like that .. but it is the sort of thing that she appears to like .. just with her on the other side though. I'm told that she was always moaning .. though she didn't moan that much to me but then I wasn't as personally involved with her.

What I've found the most interesting is that she treated everyone nastily, very nastily in some cases, but no one told anyone else cause they thought she was so liked. Guess she had it sussed out for a while.

Guess she wouldn't be too happy with me giving away trade secrets either .. just incase I spoil it for her somewhere down the line .. but I doubt that'll happen but as we're talking about grooming it's worth chatting and showing how it can affect people and maybe it'll make it easier to decide what to do. There are two other cases that I know of on the site at the moment .. both were refered to the guvnors. I do think that's where this should have gone right at the start. One woman said she didn't want that to happen then did something that made it look. because of the abuse coming from Ms, YANW in return, that it would need to.

I spent over a day sorting that out because everything became so fraught and muddled. I wasn't feeling well either and it did annoy me But .. it did bring a good result in one way as she lost her temper and in the ensuing abuse made another mistake for them to file away. Just from one word on an email .. know .. know what she shouldn't have had an idea what it was about. Apparently she'd been very abusive to one of the two women just before all this started and had been with her and others for some time .. but no one said anything because they all thought she was such friends with everyone else.

Quite an amazing situation really.

We all lie but lots are just to save embarressment etc and u just try to tippitoe round them but that's not where she's at .. hers are the type to mislead people and to hurt them .. very different. In my book spirit hates that kind of thing the .most .. hurting others .. and that's what people probably do wrong the most .. but it seems to me that it's a concept that's so difficult to get across. Haven't the slightest idea why. Talking about generally .. some people are fine with it.

My cold is going to keep me awake I think again .. me tums a bit upset even with a soupy lining. Maybe I'll add more soup. Still, it's only a few months since a sneeze would've left me a mess of sickness, blood and appalling pain .. so can't complain. If it had carried on I think I would've chosen to go to one of those clinics if they'd've had me.

I would love to know what's the other side of that door .. or at the end of the tunnel .. (if I'm right ... always stick that in as I haven't actually been there). I used to wonder .. though haven't for a while. I realise that we leave our physical bodies behind .. thank heavens .. wouldn't want to be taking this one with me .. but what is it like being just out thoughts. Our thoughts I guess will be somehow processed differently because it's not done through the brain. What about music and books and things like that though.

Ofcourse, I have little idea.

Feeling a bit better now .. but think I'll stay up .. another mug of soup maybe .. lol!!! Ah, me stomach's going again and getting a bit windy. Was going to spend the next couple of hours sorting .. but maybe not then.

But at least I'm not in the 48 hour ward sweating etc through the hospital's laundry .. actually, think I'd still be in casualty at the moment lying on a trolley waiting for a bed. I did think that was going to be an ongoing thing and had decided that if it was I was going to see about going to a clinic. Things were difficult enough on the pain front as it was without that always being in the picture .. but it stopped being so bad. Think my stretching exercises moved my muscles enough for them to go into spasm without that happening.

Well, I'm going to have a Ms. YANW free day today .. no talk .. no going over to her page. She is theirs or isn't as the case may be now

Sad story and very stupid woman .. but there you go.

........................

And, I've said this is gonna be the last time .. dealing with these two women has taken up a lot of my time .. but I don't suppose it will be. There are a lot of them out there .. all kinds of people who do this kind of thing.

This last woman doesn't groom in the same way as the first but she's just as much trouble.

Fortunately they're singles. You get places where it seems to have affected all of them .. like a personality of the whole place. One place. which was eventually closed down, was really interesting .. where u actually could watch some people changing and being drawn in after they'd arrived. Some cool people stayed to try and sort it out but it was hopeless cause the vast majority were like it .. used to write about it when I first started blogging .. but most gave up pretty soon if they were cool enough and strong enough to withstand the whole ambience of the place and just left. Understood why .. cause it really was a hopeless task .. I mean really hopeless as there was no proper moderation from the magazine who ran it.

Me friend's board will get through. I think the woman will just find it pointless in the end.

This one says she's spiritual. Her son belongs to the same sort of group of people I do, so unfortunately it gave her something in common with me to talk about as she knew a bit about it through him.

I am a bit pissed off about the first incident though because I spent three days in the end sorting out things that didn't need to be if they'd talked more and listened more to each other.

But, I do understand that both, regardless of what they might be saying now, are very upset so these things are going to happen cause both are stuck in their own heads and their own shock and grief to some extent. And they're trying to sort it out over the net and a little by phone .. not easy.

Well, maybe more like four days really .. both of them. Given the circumstances I suppose it had to be done.

But that's it for now. I'm along with the woman who doesn't want to talk about it for a while .. let's hope t'other woman hears her and takes it in this time.

Just some of the problems that come up at times like this and how to try and get through them I guess. Try and talk things over so everyone gets to understand. While people's minds are a bit foggy with shock and distress there can be extra problems.

Sorry I missed group blog today .. but ... see above

....Sigh

I was going to write about her cause messages r still arriving .. but, no, no, no. I'm taking a rest at the moment. Though not forgetting that it is a serious subject and she is grooming people to cause trouble on the net. But there are lots of people involved now so I can potter off for a while.

She didn't send the email in the end .. I think if she had it would've been the end of that friendship if she had .. so glad I was up to stick an oar in ... lol!!!

I've worked out what the other woman's planning next .. she'll be very silly if she does it. But, then .. she doesn't quite get the situation ... so .... watch this space.

Actually, I might just leave it. It's just been the simple little tale of ur common and garden internet groomer .. well of one type .. there are plenty more.

I try and keep my distance for a while .. am always a bit suspiscious when people become too friendly too quickly but they work in all kinds of ways. Met quite a few unpleasant people on the net .. but quite a few nice ones too .. about three people that are like her I'd say. I just break contact with them now .. sadly, there's another one much the same on a board I'm on. No, she is different .. but she could cause trouble. She's just got back in touch with me to moan about someone else who'd done nothing wrong except pull her up about something a couple of weeks ago .. she was wrong then I thought but not wrong overall.

Well, she'd expressed herself wrongly cause she was furious cause she thought this woman was getting at her partner and rambled a bit and totally lost her case. The partner often is unpleasant but she wasn't being so this time just pointing something out really and then someone else said she'd got something wrong straight afterwards. Both could've handled it better .. though I think the second one thought she was being manipulated and I think she was.

The first woman's partner came in to defend her .. after the woman who both the other woman had spoken to .. had posted one of those .. I can't get anything right think I better leave the board for now posts .. obviously waiting for people to come in pat her on the back and ask her to stay. Straight after posting that she thought she should leave .. she was found posting in other threads probably waiting for people to ask her to stay .. there and tell the other two women off for upsetting her.

I know her from other boards ... and .......

One of the womens partners got angry but tied herself up in knots expressing the anger which gave the woman who hadn't left another chance to try and turn the tables and she did.

The woman tried to be nice to her later on but this just made her think, it appears, that she's a soft touch and when she expressed an opinion some people disagreed with .. not a way out one .. she tried to, very nastily, turn the tables on her again.

I've seen this woman at work elsewhere .. she's likely to try to break the board up. I've told the owner whose off line for a while .. who's a close friend of mine .. She doesn't want any trouble on the board so she's trying to smooth it over and has just said to the woman not to read any posts by this other woman if they upset her .. put her on ignore.

Sadly from what I've seen this will have this women bearing a grudge against her cause she didn't do anything to upset the woman she dislikes. She'll be working very slowly and stealthily .. but it's quite likely that she'll now be trying to wreck the board. It's what she's done before and I know from what she said that was exactly what she intended to do.

Now she's in touch with me hoping that I'll, as the owner's close friend, do something about the first woman she's got a grudge against, while she's away.

She has a grudge against me too .. for pointing out amongst other things that her daughter might not be attention seeking if she's still upset two weeks after a four year live in relationship has broken up and the partner was leaving for someone else shortly before going to do some very dangerous work. I'd've thought she'd be unhappy for a number of reasons and not attention seeking even though she might have things to be thankful for in life.

Obviously the wrong answer .. as she chose not to reply ... phew!!! .. until she wanted me to do something about someone while me friend was away.

Bit daft chosing not to reply .. me friend knows. Well, have to protect her.

Having seen what she's done elsewhere I reckon there could be trouble brewing .. but, she's not going to get anywhere.

Lol!!!!!

Today

Well, I'm going for a Ms. YANW free zone for a few days. Best thing I think. Not going to read her profile for a few days.

I know this is all hard for her friends and they're going to take ages to get over it.. I've been reading some of her public messages .. and, boy, is she good at playing with peoples emotions .. sending loving messages and praising them .. and doing it really well. I can see why it's hard to take in that this isn't what she's like at all while it's so new.

Didn't process last nights thoughts in me sleep .. well, not to coming up with any new answers .. but I do realize now that it doesn't matter if spirit does try to contact people .. or if they know about other peoples experiences cause what happens will always be processed through their own beliefs and morals and accepted or rejected .. just because it's spirit doesn't mean they're gonna change what someone thinks .. it's upto the person involved how they process it and a closed mind will be just that in all ways.

You have to do the work urself. lol!!!

That's a very simple way of looking at it .. but it has to be along those lines.

If you believe in spirit at all.

lol!!

lol!!!

But it is something like that!!! It's processed somehow like that .. not in the least bit sure how .. but it's something like that. You control what spirit is trying to show you by your own beliefs etc. Your own mind filters it .. which is fair enough.

I do believe in OBEs ...lol!!!!

Well. they seem to have quite a sense of humour.

Off t'bed I think!!!

................

Added a few words I'd edited out as I was changing sentences around before me rush to get over to Tesco in the entry about people believing you or not.

It's not a subject to arse around with or at least I don't think it is. I was pleased that Jade Goody had belief .. I don't know why and it wasn't my business but apparently she did .. though was heartbroken to leave her children and other loved ones.

I realize that you can't prove anything to anyone though .. at least not in the sort of experiences I've had. I've not been lucky enough to have an OBE which might've given me a different kind of experience to talk about .. burt really any random experience on this line can be faked or lied about .. though why bother is beyond me. 1 in 10 people have OBEs and with all the other kind of experiences there are they must be very common indeed so most everyone must know someone even if they haven't had them themselves .. it must be verging on the impossible not to.

Or this is what research tells us. As those that are really interested will know and those that read this blog should know as I've mentioned it often enough.

Others won't, I guess.

Maybe I'll start doing my book as soon as I've done my EFT notes.

And, really, people who don't want to know about it, shouldn't be reading this blog cause I've been talking to my friends en masse about it all for the last three years or so and I think have covered most of the important topics and given a few examples.

I was saying to a friend earlier that peoples years of being interested has been wonderful for me and given me more to go on. In my own circle of people there are a couple who wished they'd been more interested but it was just that they were a bit like I used to be .. and, just like me, have remembered just about everything they've EVER been told about the subject ... lol!!!

At least it means that they don't have to read the blogs again. But they do wish they'd taken a bit more interest .. and got a copy of some of The Works books at very low prices!!!!!! .. I will lend u mine ofcourse.

It just depends how you see things though. It would take a lot to convince me that there wasn't life after life now but lots of people really don't believe in it at all.

I don't know how spirit decides how to show you but one thing I've realised is that it's processed through your own morality/attitudes/beliefs. Like with JI .. he totally missed part of it out because of his way of looking at things which was a great shame in my opinion. I don't quite understand .. well. maybe virtually not at all really .. but I have the beginnings of some kind of theory. It somehow works through your attitudes/morality/beliefs what you will read into an experience and, even, maybe, if you pick up on it at all.

(If you believe in "stuff" like that ofcourse)

That's a bit too complicated to think about anymore tonight though maybe I'll dream about it and feel easier about thinking about it when I wake up. Bit like going into the theory of "everything" .. why is there anything at all .. and ... anywhere at all" Let the brain cry ... Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!! I believe that's the usual reaction somewhere along the line!!!!

Anyway I'm off to add to me day's dozing now.

????

I am just a little annoyed .. the woman who is physically ill and suffers from clinical depression has said that she doesn't want to talk about ***** for a while .. that's fine by me. ***** has a lot of people watching what she's doing at the moment.

I think the situation is giving the other woman problems .. so what happens .. our snappy emailer decides she wants to send ***** another email telling her that we know everything .. rather than just "know". And to let her know we have proof.

Her reasoning is apparently that she doesn't like S being upset .. but S has said she doesn't want to talk about ***** right now and is ok with leaving ***** under the watchful gaze of umpteen people.

She just won't let go .. doesn't want to. She's like 50% is out to get ***** and 50% wants her back .. at least that's the impression I've been getting. There's a chance that ***** will be as sweet as pie in return and lie or she'll be really nasty and lie .. both are going to upset E.

Oh well .. I've been up again contacting her about it but I'm getting rather tired of it all now. I've said not to send it .. God, it's three days since she sent her last nasty emails in response to N's last email .. the "know" one .. S just wants it left .. at least for a while now. She's done her best to make sure that ***** won't get away with it .. but she wants out for now.

So .. what happens?

I think she really, really needs to let go. Especially as she says that she's only doing it "for us"!!!'

I think, if she doesn't listen .. she might find out that there are no sisters left and that moronic woman will have achieved exactly what she wanted to.

I give up though. It's even looking as if this is developing into a power struggle doesn't it. I'm thinking it might be better to pull out and leave them to it. I don't dislike either of them .. but I really think this is their problem .. their friendship that needs to be sorted out .. the rest is for now. Well, all but when we go to the govenors.

I just couldn't believe it when I read that message. Really couldn't.

...................

Just giving the pain relief time to work .. and then I'll take my protein drink .. sometimes better than eating these days .. my doc has left me fortesips on my presciption just incase I want to go back to them though .. the same kind of thing cept one's soya based and one's milk based.

I got a couple of nice illustrated children's books from the League of Friends shop in the hospital to copy illustrations for when I do my own little book .. they're really nice. Just very little books .. cost me 50p for the two. I'll be able to copy my great hairy willowherbs and hodgehegs and bodgers from them.

I did start doing one for me brother while I was in hospital .. but was too ill to see it through .. but'll start again. I'll certainly put the butterfly one from the ADC book in it. I believe that one and like it .. think I put in the blogs somewhere.

Didn't believe the star shape on the duvet one.

Again, that's just my opinion.

And, having followed the MLK/JI one through to it's conclusion will include that too. Though have to say I was saddened and shocked. I know a number of people were. Was also shocked by a turn around in opinions by a friend of a friend of a friend of mine who isn't a friend of a friend etc anymore. All I could think was after all you've been through how on earth could you start treating other people like that.

Anyway .. pills taking effect .. protein mix down .. should I take an aspirin as well .. think I will .. it seems to make the pain relief noticeably stronger .. maybe it works in tandem with one of the other pills.

..................

Still chat to friends about lots of things .. though it got lost in Ms YANWgate for a little while .. lol!! I want to get on with other things now again .. a couple of weeks or whatever of sorting that out was enuff. And, as I said, a lot of people know now .. it's amazing that she really seems to have no idea at all!!!

Just waiting for her guestbook to go up .. things should start to get interesting again.

I say to myself that spirit knows anyway. But u have to believe in things like that to think that!!! lol!!! She doesn't though has been found contradicting herself in what she says to people .. but, in herself, I don't think that she does

You can only go by your own experiences .. we talk about this quite a bit .. cause you get people telling so many lies around it .. I mean there's enough scientific proof that things happen .. though there seem to be whole groups of people who can't get their heads round that .. or pretend not to anyway. But, it's how people see the experiences that is different. Well, they've not long started to do a bit more research into it all. I totally expect the results to be inconclusive .. but I may be wrong.

I say to my younger friends that you have to understand that if they are just after your experiences rather than studying the subject properly then they're not being serious and probably don't believe you. They also should know someone whose had experiences along these lines .. and, if they don't, or people aren't talking about it, wonder why. there are plenty of cases of people seeing relatives before they pass over and having NDEs and the synchronicity thing is pretty well documented too.

You'll probably find, especially in todays culture, believe it or not .. that they really are after gossip more than anything else.

If you've been talking about something for years and they've done nothing but whine rather than research .. then they're not interested. They have a different agenda.

I can't put my experiences up for testing cause they're so random .. I've talked about a few but if there's no real interest any talking isn't going to make the slightest bit of difference.

I say the test is .. if they don't believe that you should go by your own and people you know well enough to trust's experiences .. first of all .. they're not going to believe anything else you say either .. after all there's stacks and stacks of people's experiences to read out there if they want to make the effort so why just go for yours. It's when you know they do that they become people who it's easy to talk to about things as well.

Ms YANW is a good example of someone who only pretends to want to know.

I'll carry on reading and researching. Though for now I'm going to carry on tidying.

.....................

And as for Ms. YANW .. it seems that a lot of people know now .. and she hasn't the slightest idea that they do .. wonder what's going to happen. People are being very protective of me .. why, I don't know .. I've done a lot of the leg work and supported then while they were going through those first few days after finding out what she was like.

Now, I'm being made rather a fuss of and they want me to rest and/or do other things now.

They're right .. I should.

Done me EFT .. will do some more sorting out now.

.........

Well, did some EFT tapping .. though just tapped round the points I remembered .. I could remember reading a report of an experiment where EFT worked regardless of ho you tapped .. but think I will learn the usual way of doing it. Apparently the points used do have a good cluster of nerve endings compared to surrounding areas. Whoever found all this out all these many, many years ago must've spent a long time researching them .. but according to the scientists who've researched EFT you don't actually need to use the meridian points to get good results. Think I put up links last time I wrote about this so they're here somewhere .. and in one trial they got better results reported from EFT than they did with conventional meds .. can't remember what that was for now. I see it as an addition to my conventional meds and certainly NOT as any kind of replacement.

See what happens anyway .. maybe this illness isn't the kind that can be helped with this kind of therapy but it's worth a try.

Will take my next lot of meds now.

.................

I suppose I should just forget about her now. I've spent enough time sorting that all out .. they seem very grateful probably cause I spent so much time supporting them and sleuthing. S is right though and it's time to move on .. except for people keeping an eye on the woman, which they're going to do.

I do think she's got another profile there, well, at least one, that's she got incase the guvnors delete this one for her. People are wondering if that's what happened to the earlier ones .. I suppose she could have annoyed some people we don't know .. pity they don't say if the guvnors have deleted the profiles or if it's the people who set up the accounts in the first place .. you just get the same message as far as I can see.

The new profile is now just so sickly sweet .. it gets worse by the day .. she's removed most of what made her resemble her earlier profiles now .. though has left the friendship quotes up .. but the pervs and weirdos remark has gone ... lol!!! It was like a summer day trip .. people pottering along to have a look at that and taking a quick snapshot. She had it up on one of her previous profiles too. Think I might've mentioned this before in the blogs .. when I first got to know her .. I'd met quite a few people who knew her on line and they all said how nice she was .. so asked what she was refering to .. hoping she'd tell me who to avoid, as people, if they're kosher, usually do there. I just got something back about it being too busy on her other profile so she'd set this one up for a bit of piece and quiet .. avoiding mentioning why she was making it look as if she was being harrassed by people there.

I thought it was a bit odd .. but you know if she didn't want to talk about it .. fine.

It came off the profile a few days later. Came back on, in various incarnations, a couple of months after she'd taken it down. Yet, she didn't tell ANYONE, not even her closest friends, that anything was going on. She was threatening things too .. which she's doing again now .. picked the most vulnerable person ofcourse .. the physically ill person who also suffers from clinical depression.

She seems ok again now as far as coping with this woman goes .. she's blocked her from contacting her anyway now .. best thing to do I think. Ms. YANW was ranting at her quite a bit.

Asked someone if they thought she had a personality disorder .. it's quite possible .. but, whatever, she still knows that she shouldn't be doing this. I wonder if she drinks a lot .. apparently she says her partner does though she didn't say anything to me about that .. but she makes so many mistakes that remind me of the alcoholic woman I used to talk to on the site and mentioned here a while back .. it's all very similar .. though the first woman was much younger and her memory was even worse from what I could tell. I felt sorry for her partner but in a way felt he'd brought some of it on himself .. you should've seen the photos he put up of her .. she'd enjoyed flirting a bit too when pissed and, ofcourse had got the sort of attention she didn't want. But, them, she said she felt flattered .. dunno why to be honest .. certainly would've never have flattered me.

I hope she's got her drinking under control anyway .. think things will've changed a lot if she ..well, both of them, have. Both were far from happy with the way things were. She'd had a hard life but she's far from the only one .. learning to cope with it all is what makes you strong and she certainly had that in her .. though she did say to me very wistfully one day that I was so strong .. hopefully she'll be ok. Unlike this other person she seemed to have a nice side .. away from the bottle. Don't think Ms YANW is gonna change but think the other person could if she doesn't mess herself up totally with the booze .. u don't recover from wetbrain .. and she'd be so much happier.

My brother was saying that he thought that lots of people couldn't cope without alcohol but quite a bit of today's drinking seems more cultural .. just what people do. I think it's ok in moderation though they're bringing out more links between alcohol and cancer, especially in women so it really is up to everyone to make their own personal choice. I just don't like the stuff .. kinda cuts you off from yourself .. and, anyway, can't drink with me meds .. so that problem's solved anyway.

Anyway .. got a lot to do today .. and better get on with it I guess.