.........................

Just off to bed .. had a strange night last night .. lay down and after a little while all my pain went .. wasn't moving .. just lying there hoping to get to sleep .. but couldn't .. I felt wide awake and my heart was racing a little but there was no pain. You'd've thought that no pain would mean that I'd be able to fall asleep easily .. but, no. Took about two hours before I dozed off. When I woke up the pain was back again behaving as it usually does .. though maybe not quite as bad a it'd been for the past few days beause my cold is probably on it's way out. I expect if I'd moved before going to sleep it would have come flooding back .. so I didn't. Strange how it felt .. as if I was floating in some nivana. I was very relaxed emotionally despite the faster heartbeat. was fascinating anyway.

Read a nice story someone had put up on the net about his three year old daughter who'd been very, very ill and who had told him that she'd met an angelic figure who had told her it was time to leave but she'd said she'd wanted to stay with her mum and dad .. he'd said to remember that he'd always be there for her. another one of these visions that happen so often and documented through the ages and in all cultures.

It's interesting when it's from a child who doesn't understand the significance of it. The little girl is perfectly well again now.

I've been told a few of those.

Nice story.

Right going to turn in.

.....................

Got to bed at a reasonable time last night though had a very restless night because of my cold .. woke up to the day much earlier than I'd've liked too. Then stayed in bed reading my book for a while .. the one about Victorian religious sects .. found it in one of the second hand bookshops in Warwick.



It's fascinating reading. I guess their beliefs kept them happy however strange they might seem to people who weren't members of the sects .. and as long as they were causing no harm, could believe what they what they wanted to. On reviewer has been quoted on the front of the book with the words "quite startling beauty" which had interested me .. what had the Victorians been doing???!!! Or, some of them anyway. You generally think of them as either drinking etc their lives away or being very, very straightlaced .. but, reading this book they come across, given the differences in our societies, very much like us.

I wonder what made the author interested in this .. I just had no idea that there were all these religious sects around at that time .. around 300 towards the end of the nineteenth century.

Anyway .. I better turn in. Had my soup .. sorted out my water bottles etc for the morning .. just got to take me oramorph and paracetamol.

Awwww!!!! I've just heard what attracted the author to the subject .. a piece of architecture built by one of her followers. I was hoping for something much more exotic but I guess, like the book, the building has the same mesmerizing qualities.

today

Got to bed earlier though last night after rushing round filling me water bottles etc .. though didn't have a good night's sleep thans to my cold and felt pretty rough when I did my meds this morning. Stayed in bed for a couple of hours reading .. same book .. until I felt well enough to get up to do breakfast.

That's it really.

......................

I'll go and put the kettle on for soup, get my water bottles ready, put some books away. Just had a glance through my new second hand book .. am reading one about different religious sects in Victorian times .. it's very interesting in a kind of day to day picture of people getting on with their lives and reacting to different things that come up in them.

Anyway, off the computer for today now.

..................

I am tempted to go and warn people about that woman but it would look pretty strange if I just turned up out of the blue and said I know most of this isn't true .. and it's stuff that you'd think there would be no reason to lie about .. it's all so petty.

It's hard to grasp that she's sitting there thinking she's getting one over on them. I suppose they'll just wave bye bye when they find out as they must eventually do I guess. They'll get on with their lives and she'll ... um .. carry on doing what she's doing I guess.

I will probably leave it .. though it is tempting cause it'd be so easy to wrong foot her.

The strange thing is that know I'm left not knowing what I thought I did about her. And I'm not sure why she's suddenly gone on a bender in this way .. loads of it gushing out from her keyboard. I guess something has happened there that has irritated her but heaven knows what it is. I suppose I should read it a bit more carefully and see if it's aimed at anyone there's views in particular.

Another one of her games is to praise you to the skies, try and make you think she's trying to befriend you and then when you get in a one to one situation with her, PMing or something becoming very passive aggressive. Though this is quite a common thing with people like her if she doesn't think she's going to meet you IRL.

Her friend was the multi hugs 'n' kisses "feminist" (with the racist/anti-gay/anti-feminist partner) who dropped me like a hot potato when she decided my illness meant that I wasn't going to be of any use to her. I had worked out that she had quite a few issues long before then, as I said at the time, but because she'd appeared to be so nice, and, then, yo yoing between niceness and not so niceness I stayed around a while just to make sure I was being fair.

Both of them are middle aged with good jobs and both have families.

The strangest things in space

Wot perplexes scientists!!!!

http://dsc.discovery.com/space/top-10/strange-universe/space-10-weirdest-things-universe.html

Can't remember if I've posted it up before but someone I know's been looking at it which brought my attention back to it.

Sunday

Got to bed a little earlier last night .. still got up late though cause I had a very good night's sleep. Don't know why but I slept through the night and then woke up ready to get up around the same time that I usually do.

Not feeling at all well though despite the long sleep in.

Had a mug of hot choolate out and am now having my dinner and will be off to bed earlir again. Read for hours today which was nice though not easy with this cold as my attention span isn't that great.

..........

I went off to try and find the woman who I used to be "friends" with who ignored me when I went into hospital but she seems to have vanished off the net. She and her "friend" who didn't even appear to know she'd gone .. sigh .. what good friends .. did it again later on. Seems they have nothing better to do.

Seems they couldn't even rely on each other in the end. Though I did expect them to stick together a bit better than that. The other one is busy manipulating some new people.

I'm just leaving it .. I know she'll get found out sooner or later .. though the latest lot has rather astounded me cause i didn't think she was that bad.. It goes to show that you need to be careful on the net. I know she's lying cause I know she's told other people elsewhere the exact oposite .. and it's nothing to do with time going on and her changing her mind .. well, she's lying somewhere.

I mean .. none of us are truthful 100% of the time .. but these lies make it look as if she's setting up new personalities in different places and she's putting people down by doing it and trying to manipulate. I can't see the reason behind it .. though she obviously has no respect for the people she's with.

I could have a bit of "fun" with this but I'm leaving it. I don't think anything more'll happen there than they'll just learn a lesson without much pain and she'll move on to repeat the same somewhere else. Remember the troll on the bag who had the sig that I saw before anyone else picked up on it ... lol .. which showed s/he wasn't quite who she was saying she was .. she's still there .. though not so often now .. perhaps s/he's found another board to troll!!! S/he's perfectly harmless on the board ... though I would NEVER meet her/him off it I think I might've guessed what's going on there .. and it is harmless .. but, I would still be wary.

I find it difficult to believe quite how the second woman is behaving .. though obviously I know that she is doing what she's doing. I have to realize that, however bizarre it might seem .. and, boy, is it bizarre, that she was lying about a lot of other things too. There seems to be absolutely no point in it and i see nothing in her life that should be making her act that way .. not on the surface anyway.

Guess she has something going on in her own mind though. Quite honestly you'd think she'd have better things to do with her time .. there's a whole world etc out there.

I've been reading her latest works of fiction this evening ... going ... aaarghh!!!!!!! Often quite loudly ...lol!!!

Though it's not funny .. because she is grooming people on the net .. she's not going to harm them in any other way than them feeling hurt when they find out that she's not telling the truth .. but she is grooming them. I think she must get some strange sense of control out of it .. she obviously has no feelings of real friendship for these people .. but it really is very bizarre because it all seems so very, very pointless.

I'd really like to know why .. because I just can't fathom why she's doing it. The nearest I can get to it is that she's a control freak .. and I suppose that has to be the answer. It's very bizarre though. I mean, there's no doubt that it's happening .. but, sometimes I think of her by her real name and back in the days before I knew her like I do now.

Someone locally has gone off to join some group he met through the net .. I don't know anymore about it than that cause I haven't got further than reading the headline and a few lines as I was skimming the article, so, I don't know how young the guy was who went away or anything about the group he went to be with or about him. I will say though .. be very careful.

........................

Been looking at my new science books .. bought the last one today. There are some great books out there. It is a puzzling universe (etc). Haven't read my mags for a while but will get round to them soon. It's all very interesting.

Well, it all is. Trouble is you get stuck on what to do next.

Thanks to spirit being so kind as to turn up the way they have I've been looking into life after life and it's been fascinating .. not scary at all .. well, if it's about love .. quite the reverse eh. And, it never hurts to plan a trip I guess. I know that there shouldn't be any fear though I do now that the life review can be a tough one .. which is what gives me the idea that it is all about love .. they seem to be well aware of what is seen as good and what isn't from peoples reports and that feeling of love and security you get on your way .. I'm told it deals with any worries you might have about being frightened of the change.

Too cool.

I hope that woman has enough material to bring out another book like the one I've just read. Not sure whether to head to the universities who are studying it or not. Waves just incase. I will probably be in touch. Though I don't know who with yet.

..................

Bit cold out there today and going to be for the next few days .. though it's winter so that isn't too surprizing. There's a cold wind blowing through the town .. must be time for a cup of soup.

I don't feel the cold that much really .. I think it's the meds though I could feel there was a cold wind out there I wasn't that troubled by it. I'm pretty sure it's the pain meds that push the cold away.

Will be reading my new second hand book .. though not backwards!!!!!! I think some mediums are the real deal but not all of them by a very long way .. this doesn't mean ofcourse that they haven't had lots of experiences just like other people that make them believe that life follows life. I've met some who are very good .. but on the whole I've not been impressed .. sadly. Two were really astounding. A third might have been .. I think I mentioned her before .. that there was just one little thing I wish I knew .. if I could find that out I felt that it would be total proof .. I left it too late before I started checking up .. but I have to say the little I found out looked good .. but it wasn't anything like ample proof. I wish I'd stayed around a bit longer too .. too late now though. I had me chance and I actually lost it through skepticism. I didn't bother to continue to investigate something that had come up ... well, it was earlyish days though that's no excuse considering how important it was .. there u go, eh. I might see if there's any chance of backtracking and finding out ... think it might be very difficult know though. I also wish that I'd kept a diary.

Anyway, finding out about the pain relief is more important for now.

As far as this book goes I'll see what I make of it.

Off to go and put me dinner on.

.................

Taken it .. but also done a bit of stretching which has made things worse .. shouldn't really have done that while I'm puffy from the cold.

And, if you're reading this .. thankyou to the person who gave the book by John Edwards to the charity shop .. I bought it .. have read the last couple of pages so far ... lol!!!! and saw that he thinks exactly the same as I do where he says that real learning can only come as a result of your own experiences .. I would add and to a great extent .. experinces of those you trust too. He also says that he's not trying to convinve anybody of anything ... quite .. people make their own minds up .. he says that just before he goes on to say that real learning can only come through your own experiences. Very true .. no one who reads this knows if I'm telling the truth or not .. well, that's not true .. people who know me know that I am .. and, ofcourse ... spirit knows whether I'm telling the truth or not. Seems they know all things like that which is cool. Phew etc ... lol!!!!!

Going to read that book soon .. thankyou. I bought a few more too which I guess came from the same person and a couple of creative books .. they meant a lot to me .. so thankyou again'

Today (again)

Still feeling swollen and bunged up. But, I'm not too bad considering I've just got up ... always a difficult time.

As for the pain I've decided to write to the Ministry of Health about that too rather than just trying to find these docs who appear to think that all pain can be treated reasonably successfully. See what they have to say. It's worth a try. You never know. Wait til I'm a bit debunged though so that I'm sure I'm not whoozy when I'm writing.

Right, better go and get my breakfast .... up, medicated but not fed yet.

Sorted.

Quite a long time ahead now .. and not feeling too bad though waiting for my next dose of oramorph etc.

Think I'm going to have to learn all I can about pain relief .. not really that keen .. but it should be worth it .. and at the end of it all I'll know one way or another. It's amazing the number of people who aren't that keen on morphine for pain relief .. I suppose different drugs work better for different kinds of pain .. suppose that's what I have to be finding out now. I have some books from The Works about natural pain relief too to look through. I just want a general grounding in what works with what as far as medicines go and how natural remedies wor.

Almost bought some grapefruit for christmas .. thought it wouldn't do any harm just for a day but then remembered that chemicals in it can interefere with medication too .. so back it went.

Right time for the next lot of pain relief!!!!

Gud night

I'm off to bed now .. later than I meant to ... again.

Hope to go out tomorrow cause I've some things I've got to sort out .. got to find out the bus numbers up there too .. seems a million years since I used to walk up there .. though, thinking about it .. maybe I don't need to .. thinks of conversation today .. or, rather .. yesterday .. whoops!!!! Hopefully, not .. infact a 20 minute or more bus journey could be turned into a five minute walk ... hopefully.

Yup!!!!

Do feel a bit better .. though I'm a bit swollen up .. but nowhere near the stage where I have to go into hospital.

I've been reading a bit today about people seeing people who've passd over before they do themselves .. which I saw in hospital myself. I was thinking that even without my own experiences .. just reading about the things that are well documentatd .. that scientists know happen .. but just aren't sure why .. I'd be pretty quizzical about them just happening for nothing .. the near death experiences and people seeing other people who've passed over .. i would wonder if they are part of the apparatus of going from one realm to another. Wouldn't know just how far along you'd get with a NDE if you weren't actually going to pass over .. it seems from what people report that there must be some knowledge before they get there as to whether they're going to be staying or coming back here before they get there.

I've gone past the stage of being amazed and very happy at experiencing things that have made it look as if life follows life to accepting that I'm soon going to be going through this. I can't quite imagine how it feels .. though I've read and have been told by someone who's experienced it that you are engulfed in a pleasant sensation to begin with that takes away fears of the changes .. though the whole NDE isn't always pleasant.

I would like to have an OBE experience .. and am going to do me best to have one .. not through sleep paralysis .. though I wish I'd tried while that was happening spontaneously .. excuse missing letters and non capitals if I don't spot them all .. this keyboard is a bit on the wonky side but will be using it for a while longer. They reckon about one in ten people have them .. and i would like to be one. Much better to have first hand experience to go by.

I'm pretty sure that life does follow life .. well, 99.9999999999 or so % ... sub consciously that's 100%. And, why shouldn't it. We can't explain why there is anything at all. It boggles the mind a bit trying to work that out .. or to imagine nothing .. because everything thing that is termed nothing actually appears to be something in regards to why there is something for universes to form from .. why was it there in the first place. lol!!!!

Anyway .. I'm off to bed. Missed out some pain relief today so don't suppose I'll get much sleep. My sleep is generally just dozing anyway unfortunately.

That's the last time I'm mentioning NDEs etc in my blog unless there's anything in the news or I read an interesting book .. there's so much else to be interested in . I hope I'll carry on having experiences .. an OBE would be nice .. if rather different ... lol .. but I hope things carry on as they have been .. it has given me great comfort as well as being very interesting.

Last time I'm writing about it here though cause keep on going over the same old things. I'll be happy when I'm home and or in touch with an organization or two and can hear about more experiences. I'll be waiting for a new book to come out too. I won't be writing about it anymore though .. go back to climate change etc I guess and other bits of general life. And me health .. up, fed and medicated!!!

Though for now ... fed, medicated and ..........................

Off to bed.

Today

Had a birthday sneeze today and just stayed in nursing my cold .. still not feeling over it .. but, at least i'm not in hospital .. it's not long since a sneeze meant a trip to hospital in an ambulance then about a week as an inpatient.

Was very tired yesterday too .. though did do a bit of christmasing .. tiredness must've been this cold coming on .. I'd been so clammy for a few days .. someone said they'd been like that on the 24th but it'd just been a one day bug.

I'll have my protein drink but otherwise I think i'll just have a bit of fruit and some soup. And off to bed earlier .. Yes, I know .. I'm yawning as it is .. I'll do me best to head off at a reasonable time.

Will do a bit of meditation .. start off with alternate nostril breathing .. still feeling very relaxed but I'm a bit sickly with the cold. still have no idea if I'll end up in hospital yet ... still swell up just don't seem to go into the spasms and them getting stuck like i used to .. not quite sure why. I do feel sick but i just get a bit burpy rather than have the whole sickness and spasm thing going on. Well, so far anyhow.

Right .. couple of hours later now .. and i'm off to bed.

Well .. soon anyhow

(but half three isn't an option anymore)

Or ... could I leave that to the new year ... it's a long time since I made a new year's resolution .. and I was pretty bad at keeping them then .. so, after all this time and with no practice I suppose I'll be even worse now ...

So, I suppose I better not risk it.

Gud night folks.

Time to try turning in before midnight.

And .. after I've got that mastered I guess it better be 11.00 (not in the morning ... sigh)

..........

Christmas is so different for different people .. when I was young they were often sad because of family rows. I was talking to my brother who says his enjoyment is in just getting and giving little gifts and hearing from people that you've been out of contact with for a while. He tends to stay in and rlax on christmas day.

I had one of the latter pressies happen yesterday when I bumped into someone on Christmas Eve .. she'd gone down to London to study and I'd lost her phone number before actually going round her place or anything so we'd lost touch. I'd walked in to where she worked with my language books and we'd got talking through them as we were both interested in the same language.

Actually someone from there kissed my hand as I was pottering past the other day!!!!!!!

Merry Christmas to you too!!!!!!

Must go and do some sorting.

Happy Christmas

With thanks to Nancy

http://www.kenduncan.com/gfc_ausxmas.php

(you have to click play to get the picture up)

Thursday

I have a new book to read which is nice ,, on NDE!! Having experiences yourself is obviously much more personal as is hearing about them from friends .. but these books about lots of peoples experiences are great too. OK .. so they mightn't be 100% accurate .. that's the problem I guess when you as people to write in .. but for the main part they obviously are.

It's good having a selection of stories of different types of experiences. I've not had a NDE myself .. nor an OBE .. though now people who've had both.

Some people thought that I had a NDE when I was first ill .. when I had those sores over my face and neck from the auto immune illness .. and, again, later, internet friends wondered if I'd had one when I was taken into hospital later on when I was very ill .. but, no, I haven't been in a position to have one as I haven't died .. though I have known two people who have had them .. one quite recently and one many years ago.

I would like an OBE .. one brought on by relaxation and music so that I had something more personal to go than just other peoples accounts. I know people who've had them and have read about something similar being produced in laboratories. It's great people I know telling me about them .. but with something like an OBE it must be very different to experience it yourself.

Oh, well, onwards and upwards (hopefully)!!!

Think I have a slight cold .. someone was saying to me yesterday that they were finding it hard to shift theirs ... I feel much the same .. am still clammy .. just seems to go on and on. Actually, woke up feeling pretty ill and didn't think I'd get out at all but I wasn't too bad .. going to do a bit of tidying then just rest now though.

.....................

As it's Christmas I stayed up for another cup of soup. On to a new flavour when I wake up now then.

Don't want to go to bed really cause of this nice feeling of dreamy relaxation. I was sitting here wondering what has caused it .. am I getting another cold .. well, maybe but if it was only that it'd be rather different .. my right shoulder hurts .. muscle movement .. could it be that .. or .. is it reading that book. The bit of info I got because I had read some of it is training my brain a bit differently .. which is why I'm thinking again that meditation would be a good idea. I have to consciously change my way of thinking at times because of it and maybe it's that.

But, maybe not.

Anyway, soup's finished so off to bed now.

.......................

Well, back again .. hardly ate all day .. half a mug of soup .. then out .. then round six a mug of hot chocolate on my way back here.

There was a very nice letter from the Ministry of Health waiting for me .. very pleasant which made me think that if I need help with sorting out the pain problem it could be worth writing to them.

I had written to them after someone I knew had contacted both the Depts of Health and Education about a problem and had been very pleased with the outcome. I gave her one of my ADC books partially because of that and partially because of her friend who has cancer .. think I'd mentioned her before.

As for my own pain I think the next step is to try adding a drug for nerve pain. There are two different pain paths in the body and I haven't tried any medication that are just for the nerve pain route yet and I have crushed nerve endings. there are reasons why I'm not too keen on it .. side effects yet again ofcourse .. but it might be worth trying just a small dose to see if it'll help any of the other meds work a bit better .. it's trying to get an effective cocktail of pain relief. It might be just the boost it needs. can't remember what the drugs's called but I'll recognise it when I see it .. there might be other meds like it anyway .. mightn't be the only one that is just for that which you might be able to use in combination with other meds. I'll have to talk to my friend about it too.

Just going to put the kettle on .. for a mug of soup !!! Had an early christmas treat .. me yearly bottle of Diet Coke!!! Well, I have two in .. one for me birthday too .. lol!!! though maybe I should save that for the New Year .. leave a gap between drinking them. I don't miss it during the year but it's nice to have a couple of bottles of the stuff as a treat over the holidays.

Was talking about that experience the family had wasn't I. It does seem strange .. a dream that came true. Nothing like that has ever happened to me but then there is a lot of variety in these experiences. I have very little doubt that there is life after life as they say .. as people have said there comes a point where you have to accept what's happening .. because it would be really strange not to!!! I find it hard to understand that dream the woman had because it's so different from experiences of my own. I don't remember my dreams. The whole story was full of coincidencs though.

One of the good things about going to these people who study this kind of phenomena is that you get to hear about even more. I might even learn how to have a NDE .. I'd just like to be able to study one of my own.

The best thing about mine is how they've helped me through the illnesss .. much easier to get through with all that in your mind .. and I guess that's the same for everybody.

It's my own and those of people close to me that give comfort really but it is very nice reading about the ADCs in that book and other things like that. Well, I love that book.

Have me soup and'll soon be going to bed. Didn't sleep well last night because of pain in my left side .. too ages to get to sleep but I was very relaxed .. really deep relaxation .. fortunately the break through pain wasn't too bad but bad enough to make it harder to fall asleep .. it's very tempting to take more pain relief but i know I must stick to what's been prescribed. The relaxation reminded me that I must start meditating again .. I do know someone who has better pain control since she's started meditating and it is taught in pain clinics .. though I'm not sure what sort of meditation is used. I will have to ask her what sort of meditation she does .. I expect combined with massage it could be very relaxing and that could help stop the muscles being so tense with pain .. it could also release chemicals to help you relax and ease pain from the brain maybe? I have a couple of free cds given with magazines to help with meditation for this kind of thing .. I'll have to have a closer look .. I think they're just parts of a course .. and see what they're about .. don't know if they're silent meditation, guided meditation, mantra meditation .. if you're taken through it or if it's just explained.

I still have this feeling of deep relaxation .. I can remembr when I used to blog about going into Brum and doing five minutes of meditation on the train to relax .. though this is much deeper. Saw in the new little book on massage in The Works that there were a couple of pages on alternate nostril breathing. I expect that's something to do with relaxation .. didn't read any of it but having that in it interested me.

Well, off to bed now .. perhaps I'll do five minutes of meditation before sleep.

Wednesday

I have to admit that the cancer story was one that I wasn't sure about or not .. well, still feel like that to a certain degree .. but it helps me focus on .. whoops .. have to go out now!!!!

.....................

Drinking my suppertime soup and then off to bed .. well, I've got a small dose of oramorph to take before I go. I'm definitely going to try and find these docs who seem to reckon that there is such a thing as adequate pain relief. I don't know if there's some sort of mix of opiates you can take rather than just having one which would be more effective.

One of my friend's partners is going to ask to go into hospital in the new year to have his pain relief reassessed. I'm going to start educating myself about it all .. start reading up on it and discussing it with people. One of my student docs to be friends is very interested in pain mangement and has been surprized that it isn't considered a very high priority and says he keeps on finding statements that seem to suggest that there isn't a great knowledge about opiates amongst doctors. It is puzzling. We don't know if there really isn't a great knowledge of existing treatments or if there just hasn't had a great deal of research into it.

Start in the new year I guess.

Will get in touch with my other friend's partner in the new year too. Even with that subject I'm not sure if there's just not been that much research done or if there isn't much knowledge out there. I think it was Colin Wilson who said many, many years ago that there was adequate proof of life after death for it to be as near proven as is possible and many people seem to agree with him.

Maybe people don't think it's that important to find out one way or another .. I mean there either is or there isn't.

But with the pain relief surely if there are methods of pain control that make it unnecessary for people to have to think about going to clinics like the one in Switzerland because they don't want to live and/or pass in a lot of pain it should be common knowledge and people should be able to be in as little pain as possible.

I have found my experiences very interesting and very comforting .. I now they've been given to help and out of love. I always think of the butterfly story in the ADC and the story in the same book about the woman who had an experience where she was given the choice betwen passing there and then or living for two more years though in a lot of pain .. she chose the latter and passed two years to the day afterwards of a painful cancer which was diagnosed shortly after the experience of being asked to choose.

So many people have stories like that to tell and in the coincidence book it said that coincidences often happen in clusters .. as mine have.

I've felt that it's been like being at school almost. Though at the same time it's been very reassuring to feel that you just pass over to another form of life from this one. I'm as near sure you do as is possible to be.

Anyway, had me soup and oramorph .. though I wouldn't mind some more soup ... lol!!! And am off to sleep now.

......................

Met a friend again today .. bought her a couple of mugs of hot chocolate yesterday .. lol!!! Sort of a chrissie present .. but added a box of .. Tesco's thick and creamy tomato soup this evening!!! She's having one tonight .. all I can say is that I hope she saves the rest for Christmas!!!! I was tempted to buy a jar or some sachets of hot chocolate .. but it is Christmas so thought I should try for something different.

Thick and creamy tomato soup it is. I'll be having one before I go to sleep too.

Actually if she hadn't been treated last night I'd've bought her one of those dark brown metallic coated mugs from Sainsbury's and filled it with sachets of hot chocolate.

Hadn't really felt like going out yesterday evening and was much brighter this evening so was pleased to see her again, though she couldn't stop this evening, but was pleased to have a bit of a natter and give her the soup.

Had to pop out again a little bit later .. but wasn't out for long.

A lot of people seem to be quite ill with the bugs that are going round at the moment. Guess it was something to do with that which made me so tired yesterday but I really did feel tired. Glad I met her again today and gave her the soup. Christmas wouldn't've been the same if I hadn't. It wasn't just the tiredness of the night before but I really wanted her to have a little gift there for Christmas morning from me .. though she might get through the soup before then it seems ... lol!!!!

Tuesday

Ofcourse I'm going to take them somewhere .. I've taped a lot of the experiences .. easier than writing it all down .. though I might change that now I guess. Seemed to spend so much time on the end of my keyboard that recording it seemed much better. Sent it down home last week so will leave it there til I get back.

Haven't decided yet what to do .. I have one friend who will help though whose partner knows a few scientists who are interested in this kind of thing .. well, she's the one who gave me the information to start off with so maybe I'll just get in touch with them and leave it at that. She told me before I first went into hospital so they've been a long time waiting. Think I'll phone her up in the New Year.

It's been amazing and the cool thing is that I will get to hear about lots of other experiences. Put the work in and you get it back I guess. The one thing I know for sure that it is true. lol!! x so many!! And I'm 99.99999999% sure that it means that there's life after life. Can't be 100% sure because I haven't made the journey yet. I am as sure as I can be in these circumstances.

I would like an OBE though. I know people who have but that's not the same as having one yourself. I know someone who had a very awake one which is interesting too .. but he doesn't like talking about his much .. was very frightened at the time ... so I won't ask again though I've known about it for many years. Was probably what made me interested in them to start off with .. can't really remember.

Going back to reading my science mags and boos and getting on with my languages. Am going to buy a few music boos from The Works for Christmas with my Christmas money .. re-bought me ADC one cause I gave all the copies I had of it away .. had to buy it full price .. lol!!!! But, the last one was given to someone who had just lost her dad. Then I dcided that I really would like to keep a copy myself. As far as the bookshop went I was lucky .. two there the day I went to get it .. none there the next day when I pottered in to see if there was anything new to browse through on the shelves. I'm never going to be able to play again .. but reading them's a pleasure too. My hands and wrists are too stiff now. You can still play the music in your mind though.

What I would like to know is what goes on with what you learn here after you pass over.

I am very pleased I read the book .. well, haven't quite finished it yet .. because it proved to me .. not that I needed it proven again .. that some people are just a bunch of liars .. their choice I guess .. but it means I don't have to go back over it all again. Thankyou!!! It's good to be 100% sure that they know exactly what they're doing.

Haven't finished the book yet. I may or may not have come across another contradiction .. the time scale is very small and that makes it difficult .. there might be a way of finding out but I will have to wait until I get to read a book I read years ago again. I still have it and will wait until I get back to read it again.

Better move, hadn't I. It's getting late,

Monday

The weekend was a good one .. Saturday was an excellent day and so was Sunday as I found out for sure that a bunch of people were just a group of liars etc.

Not talking about the guy with the prophecies .. though it was that which provided the base for the other discovery .. so the book has been worth the time and effort.

I am tired this morning again though .. I'll start getting to bed earlier for a few nights on the trot and see if that makes any difference.

Going to have me second lot of meds soon then will do a bit of sorting out.

Have had my protein mix for the day .. going to see if having that everyday makes a difference .. it's not easy to eat and so sometimes my nutrition isn't quite as good as it could be.

Off to have a mug of soup while I'm waiting to take my meds.

.................

I love the ADC book .

I really do.

I bought myself a full price copy of that in the end as I gave all my copies away .. the last to someone whose dad had just passed. Then I treatd myself to a copy .. and that will be staying with me.

Soup drunk .. now Goodnight.

..............

Stayed up for that extra cup of soup and a chat but am off to bed now. I can look all over the world .. can't I. Said to someone that I'm sure there are established centres to choose from where I can be confident that it is science based .. no point going to the bother if it isn't.

I know about the NDE experiments here obviously .. I believe that's an offshoot of an International project????? I'd like to give my experiences in somewhere .. just to leave them there for reference.

but .. yes, I suppose I should start looking .. and I will find somewhere I'm happy with.

Lol!!!

Bed beckons!!!!

...............

I'm tired .. and off to bed soon .. don't feel like staying up tonight for some reason .. I'm not feeling ill enough to not want to go to bed and I've not got that late night feeling that sometimes keeps me up .. I'm just tired.

I do have an I'd like another mug or soup before I settle down for the night though .. so .. off to put the kettle on.

Done.

I probably will finish reading it.

Waits for aliens to knock on front door!!! A year late .. but one thing is for sure they haven't made it abundantly clear that they are here!!! I don't know where that prophecy came from .. though one thing is for sure I'm not going to buy anymore of his books to find out .. oh, well maybe if I find a second hand copy I might .. but otherwise no .. the book was a couple of quid more expensive than I would've expected for a book like that too ... won't get fooled again .. well, in future I'll wait til I know a bit more before putting my hand in my pocket.

I should've cancelled it when the first suppliers didn't have it in.

WW111 hasn't happened .. and we're eight years on from when it should. Think I might've noticed if it had.

And on that note I'm going to leave it .. we should all have experiences like the ADC ones or something along those lines or we should be close enough to someone who has to be able to trust them according to polls taken. I'd think it'd be a little higher than the polls even.

I am going to take my experiences to somewhere who studies these things .. but, one things for sure and that is that I'm going to be very careful who I take them too. I think I've mentioned a couple of times that someone gave me an address where she said it's being approached from a scientific side .. well, I know it's been taken seriously in a lot of places now .. to vaguely quote The Sunday Times .. though that was fronting an article on NDEs , That's actually been running for quite a while now I believe .. see .. still haven't read the whole article so can't really say too much about it .. though it's here by my side. Seeing that made my day .. I guess I know roughly what it's going to be about.

Not talking about NDEs .. it's known they exist .. things like that and OBEs have been documented way back through history .. the questions are how and why. I guess I could've had an OBE when I was having the episodes of sleep paralysis if I'd prepared myself .. but, I didn't .. and, actually wouldn't be ready if I had another one at the moment. I'd like to try through relaxation and music .. but, I'm not actually looking into it at the moment. Possibly that'll come when I take my experiences to be looked in to. It's going to take me a while though because I want to make sure I'm somewhere where I can be sure that people are being scientifically minded.

I was thinking that most people probably have far more than they actually talk about .. and lots are kept in the family because they are so personal and precious .. not things you'd put out there in the open arena to risk being sullied .. and, not just that, lots of people'll think they are just too personal and precious to share with other people outside the relationship anyway. All of which I understand very well and totally accept .. though I would love to here some more .. and obviously will .. though, at the same time, I can't expect people to share things with such deep emotion with me all the time!!!! thankyou to those who have.

I've had me soup ..would like another cup .. it's great when you're ill .. so cosy and warming but I really need to turn in.

So ... I 'm going to take my paracetamol and oramorph and go off to bed

.................................

I mightn't read any more of the book I've started .. it's difficult to make up my mind. I guess there's an element of truth in it .. it's just been "expanded".

We all have our free will in how we respond to things .. our own choices to be made .. I think I've worked out his reasoning if I'm right about a couple of things.

Having to make my mind up about whether to read it or not .. I dunno.

...........................

Popped some gifts off this evening instead of going to my meeting. Someone I'd met in hospital was coming over from Coventry to see someone and I went over to see them all .. decided to drop off a few more odds and ends too.

I hadn't given someone a birthday present a few months ago and time had pottered on .. I saw the perfect pressie in The Works a few days ago .. phoned up to make sure he hadn't got it .. fortunately ... no .. it's now his. Well, as near to the perfect pressie as I could get in this respect at the moment (as far as I know) .. maybe sometime later something more indepth will come out again .. the last was a BBC tape .. his broke a couple of years ago and he couldn't get a replacement.

Anyway, guess that's this evening taken care of for some folks. I had to potter off .. not my cup of tea anyway .. though very pleased that I found it. I know slightly more than I did cause I've looked it up on the net .. still feel the same but then no reason why we should have the same tastes.

He was going to save it for Christmas .. after all what's a few days when you're months late .. but it was obvious that this wasn't going to happen by the time I left.

The Works is brilliant.

.................

Well, if it had all happened, or, even, most of it, it would've been the biggest story of 2000 because it says in the book and on the back cover that these things were meant to have happened before 2000.

It wasn't.

So, it looks as if we're left with our own personal experiencs and those of the people close to us. And books like that nice one from Brum.

The beings from other worlds never arrived and made themselves nown to us before 2006 and he himself is still here .. he said that he thought that he was going to pass before 2004.

It's very easy to see how he could have built on the stories if you now the history of the times .. the Vietnamese war, the Russian/Afghanistan conflict and the collapse of the Soviet Union .. which had been in trouble for many years previously and the fear of nuclear weapons at the time.

I still think that there's a possibility that he just coloured it all in a bit more brightly than it was .. but I'm saying that without knowing. I say that because I've had my own experiencs .. not like his obviously .. but ones that have left me believing that life follows life .. and have spoen to people who have had NDEs and have seen people greeting people who have passed over shortly before they do themselves.

There's something else that he contradicts in that early part of the book in an interview. I don't now the truth of it so can't comment .. which bit is .. I dunno.

I was taken aback by all this for a little while cause I really didn't think it would happen in these circumstances .. but, there you go!!!

I will be finishing the book.

Sunday

Well, it was very difficult to se where one prophecy ended and another one started to get the full number he'd said he had and some of the detailed ones hadn't happened. As for the Ronald Regan one .. he'd won the California govenorship in 1970, run for the Republican presidential nomination in 1974 and right from the early 60s had often worn cowboy clothes in his political life so why on earth the guy only thought of Robert Redford is difficult to fathom. Mr Regan was in the public eye throughout this time. He was a guy who wanted to be president very much and was elected in 1980. And, what's more, the author appears to be suggesting that his angelic teachers mislead him!!!!!

I have to say that I'm personally happy that WW111 hasn't happened but a bit bemused that these spiritual beings would be so out on that one.

Will be going back to have a closer look later.

Have to get ready to go out now.

A busy day at the office

And, just before I turn in:

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xG-swkLOs7M

And if it won't show the name of the video to google is marcus v hp deskjet

Saturday

In the end you have to accept don't you. Regardless, I'd like to get to now about a lot of othe peoples experiences . realising that about a third of people have had ADCs and then there are those who've had other related type experiences .. it makes up a large proportion of the population .. so it must be quite unusual for there to be people who haven't had them .. after a certain age .. or who don't know anybody who has.

I'll say again though that it's best to believe those that people you know and trust tell you .. so no need for me to put mine up here as the people close to me know about mine .. and I know their's and those of people close to them .. cause they trust me with them .. and. no, I don't tell other people. They're not mine to tell.

I would like to know some more .. and I will when I get home .. and am looking forward to it!!! I'll be taking my own advice about telling people. To be honest I'd've kept it all a bit more close to the chest earlier but there you go. But, again, it'll've helped people a bit who wanted to know more because of their own and other people they know's experiences .. as I said earlier it won't make the slightest difference to those who won't believe what other people have to tell them .. and, I guess, there are people out there who don't trust anyone or don't have people close to them who trust them. Just won't make any difference!!!

I've had a lot .. and am very grateful .. it's like having your own kind of security blanket .. and .. well, I'm very grateful. Don't know why I've been so lucky.

Latest one today .. and I wanted it as kind of confirmation .. though didn't think that I would .. but .. I did.

Me conscious mind is still going .. natter .. natter .. natter .. can this be so ... lol!!! But I think I have to accept that it really, really is!!!!

I would like to know more about other peoples though. I have a selection of stories .. but would like to hear more .. when I've moved .. eh!!! Won't be long now!!!

Got one of the books that someone I know here is reading from one of the charity shops here today .. buy one .. get one free too .. lol!!! Doubt if it's really my kind of thing but I'm interested to know what it's all about so I now more about his beliefs .. he likes this book and the follow up one.

Got some very interesting books .. both scientific and esoteric or whatever you want to call them today from the charity shops.

I also have the one I ordered from Waterstones .. have started reading it .. and am past the first few pages that I read on Amazon .. I actually winced when I saw the cover ... lol!!! Those pages are exactly the same in the book and am on Amazon .. so he hasn't altered that and I can't check what I've read on the forums because I haven't got a copy of the earliest edition .. haven't been trying very hard I must say .. cause I'm really not that bothered.

What I don't get is that he is continually refered to as a great psychic and people describe exanples of this .. yet on the programmes I've heard this is anything but the case and his foretelling of his own probable passing certainly hasn't happened nor the unmistakeable contact from other beings in the universe prior to 2008. And the radio shows are awful.

He did take me aback for a while because I didn't think that anyone who'd been through what he has would lie. I have wondered if he is conscious that this is so .. because I find it so very hard to believe .. I suppose I must go and try and find a first printing of the book .. but, what a nuisance, huh. Has he changed things .. or not.

He writes a lot of the things that I've come to believe though .. that love is the most important thing .. lying to make other people feel bad etc and being a bully .. he says he was one and I guess this is true because he writes under his own name .. and not helping people .. are things that are considered wrong there .. but lots of people who have had these experiences say the same. It's difficult to know just what to think of him .. other than he isn't doesn't seem like a good psychic now .. and the beginning of that book contradicts itself very badly and hasn't been altered with an explanation that would be ok.

I have to believe in life after death .. someone said to me the other day that they would like to have a NDE .. providing they came back ok .. I don't think i'd want one of those. When you've been through the types of illnesses that I'm going through you get to realise that it's not a good option. Nothing can prepare you for this type of illness. You might think you know .. but it's extremely likely that you don't.

And it is spirit that's got me through.

I'm thinking of trying to find one of the doctors who said that the guy who went to the clinic in Switzerland was wrong in thinking his pain couldn't be managed to see what he would recommend for the pain from my illnesses and other peoples I know who are in a lot of pain at times, most of the time or, sadly, all the time. When I was reading about that I didn't note down the doctors names so I'm going to have to start again .. but I'm very interested in what they'd have to say. Obviously for myself .. but also for people who are suffering .. it seems .. needlessly.

I take it that he was given all the advice needed. I believe he was scared that he wouldn't be able to let people know when he was in a lot of pain. There are medical people out there who seem to think that his pain could be controlled then. I take it that it must be pretty bad pain if he was that concerned about not being able to tell people.

Yeah, think I'll try and find out.

Today was brilliant though .. I can't keep on umming and ahhing over it all. There was a quote in a book I was reading .. well, leafing through .. that said something like there comes a point where the evidence is just too great for you not to believe .. and it's well past that point for me.

I said years ago that I believed that I would never know what it was all about because the brains we have to decipher this world probably aren't formed to be able to even see let alone understand the next world. And I have to take that on board I guess .. but I still hope to find out more ... lol!!!

Today was brilliant though .. so brilliant it seems I've had to say it twice .. I just couldn't believe it .. well, figure of speech there .. I had to believe it .. cause it happened .. lol!!!

Ofcourse I dearly want to find out how .. but I've an idea that's not an option. lol!!! The only option is the comfort of knowing that all this has happened.

I've some great new books from the charity shops today .. might find that I don't agree with much of what I read .. might find that a lot will be truely inspiring .. who knows.

Though first I guess I've got to trog my way through this other one .. time and money wasted I guess .. though I won't know that for sure until I've read it. But that's how I feel at the moment. I should've cancelled it when there was trouble getting it .. but then I guess I'd've always wondered about it.

Taken my meds .. well, all except me last paracetamol and oramorph of the day. Tomorrow it's the bone sparing pill .. the alendronic acid .. the one you have to take half an hour before other meds and food, sitting up etc!!! I don't like taking them but they are very necessary.

Today has been brilliant though .. lol!!!

I understand that there's no way that I could possibly understand the mechanics of all of this .. or any of I suppose .. and even if I did it could only be a weird kind of guessing theory .. guesses made while totally not knowing anything about the sciences that would be behind it .. because one thing is for sure and that is that the science is from there and not from here.

Anyway, I'm having a mug of soup now, then going to sort out my pills etc for tomorrow. then taking me oramorph and paracetamol and then off to bed with book .. whether dipping into my ADE one or t'other (sigh) I don't know.

Anyway, off to put the kettle on.

Friday

Stayed up later than I should again .. sigh. Still had a good night's sleep though. Will do some gentle exercises this evening before bed I think. Do a few every day but maybe I should do a few more.

Someone said to me today to drink more .. true on days I don't drink my soup .. and to rest .. well, it's certainly true that I should try to get to sleep earlier .. unfortunately I like night time but I know I should be in bed earlier. Maybe I'll feel better earlier most days if I start the day off earlier. I hope so but it's possible that the feelings of relaxation come from being awake early in my sleep cycle. I don't know. Hopefully, I'll find out soon!!!!!!!!!!!

And as for the esoteric side of my life .. it's reached a stage, just lie some science, where I can't hope to find an explanation at this time .. just put forward a few hypothases based on the facts. And, knowing, that I don't even begin to have the knowledge that could help me explain things Though, ofcourse, I can put them forward .... lol!!! And, more and more complicated they get too!!!!

Lol!!!

I only have knowledge this side which makes things just that um .. eensy weenzy bit difficult!!!

Lol!!! sigh.

Though can't help but try!!!

..................

I won't be going to the christmas sunday evening either though hopefully I can just pop along to give someone a card and book .. I found a spare copy of one of the first books I bought from The Works to share. She's bought me a birthday pressie so as I found the book .. just the one left .. I'll give her that as I guess I'll have gone by her birthday.

Things are interpretted as you will there I guess within set principles .. I haven't discussed it much with people but Jesus is seen by one person I've talked to as a great teacher.

Wondered how Richard Dawkins celebrated Christmas .. he says he sees it as a cultural event as does Trevor Phillips who says it's a celebration anyone can join in.

Will be in bed earlier tonight than last night .. was up much too late though slept well and for the usual sevenish hours. I am very tired but that's not surprizing with my illnesses and the medication.

It is different this year .. must say that it takes some getting used to .. and my mind still can't stop questioning everything .. infact the more it seemed a reality the more I questioned and the more flumoxed I've felt.

I'm very flumoxed at the moment!!!!!!!

I'm tired.

Had my mug of soup

And

Will be up just a little longer to take my last paracetamol of the day as I was late with the last dose .. and then off to bed .. late but not as late as last night.

Wednesday

Did go today but was very late .. glad that I went though because the nurse who'd been with mum when she passed over was there. She's been very busy for a few weeks and hadn't been able to come. I was just hoping that she was alright.

She's a nice woman. I was given a lot of h...u...g...s. And returned them. Someone who's known her for years and years had said yesterday what a gentle person she is.

Anyway, I better head for bed. I was going to read this evening but didn't get round to it .. later, huh.

.............................

Christmas is different this year .. because I'm aware of how differently I felt to this time last year. I did believe in life after death last year but not to the extent that I do this year. That's not quite the right way of putting it I guess. I couldn't see how what had been happening could mean anything else but I still felt that I needed more to go on. The last experience was very poignant .. but very exact .. very sad though .. but right on the button.

I read some of the ADC book this morning again ..mainly about dreams .. I very rarely remember my dreams so it was quite strange territory to me. It's such a nice book .. maybe a touch naive in one or two places .. but nice.

I would like to know more about peoples experiences in this way and I expect I shall in time .. some from people I meet and some that I read that strike a chord with me. As such a large proportion of the population are said to have these types of experiences I shouldn't be disappointed!!!!! I believe the book was written in Birmingham .. so I wonder if those experiences came from there.

I'll be asking around more when I get back I guess too .. will join what I can etc. As such a large percntage of the population are said to have them are said to have these and/or related experiences I should be ok .. most people must have had them or through the web of human relationships know people we're or have been close to who have.

I haven't read the Sunday Times supplement article yet .. it's here next to me .. though I have glanced through it. I was glad that I spotted it on the trolley .. it was a bit more of an antidote to what I had been reading. That guy really did get to me for some reason or other .. or, was I just coming down with the flu!!! .. no, I think he got to me .. I just couldn't make it all out.

I haven't had a NDE myself but I have known two people who have .. one quite recently and one many many years ago. Still haven't had an OBE either but I'd rather not have one than experience sleep paralysis to try to have one. Still, my book is by my bed for when I return .. lol!!! Maybe I'll give it a go this time. I believe there are other ways.

Now I'm more curious about what it's all about .. love is the immediate answer I guess .. and that is a very practicle answer. I don't suppose I'll ever get to know any more while I'm in this form so to speak anymore than anyone else will. The last experience .. and it appears an ADC .. I'll ask other people what they would classify it as .. was just so poignant .. and right on the button. I'm not so much just wanting more and more experiences though I still would like them ofcourse but my mind is now wondering about it all more .. what can there be over the other side .. how do we live there .. what do we do .. are we just consciousness.

Right ... going to get some soup .. soon be time for me last meds.

As they are part of my latest experience I will tell them and show them I guess .. it'll give people something to think about for sure .. but it is so poignant. I am hoping that it will help one person in other ways too.

Off to sleep now.

Tuesday

Went to the docs late this afternoon and met one of the people from our group and had a little bit of a natter. I'll be taking the spicy star biscuits with me tomorrow if I go so it'll be a little bit festive .. might've taken them on Saturday if I'd've gone .. we all take food to share and something to drink .. you can have a cup of tea if you like .. or mugs of hot chocolate or soup as long as you or someone's brought them along. I can't even drink fizzy drinks now .. so guess I might've gone for the soup option ... lol!!!!!!!

Anyway .. hope he's going to be ok.

I think my walk back was the easiest yet .. though things weren't quite so good when I set out for Tesco.

Haven't got my book yet .. the suppliers they thought they would be able to get it from are out of it now so they're trying somewhere else .. there's no rush.

Very tired again but'll be staying up quite late because of the meds.

Monday

Still feeling rather buggy. Took meds into the bedroom last night again so that I could take them before I got up .. probably will do this every night again now. I always have some oramorph there but think I'll fill a bottle of water and have the first lot of pills ready too again.

Another 45 mins or there about to the next lot.

Seem to have got over the shock of that guy and his book. Haven't asked if anyone has a first printing of the book .. still waiting for my own copy of the book too. Oh .. while searching for the first message board I came across another where someone said that things had been reworked so that they appear more accurate.

Oh well .. that's two threads where people are saying this.

I am further along in my own conscious belief that there is life after death than I was when I came cross this guy a couple or so weeks ago. I guess it was my conscious feelings he weirded out rather than my subconscious ones.

Have taken my second lot of meds .. going to do a little bit of tidying up now.

Sunday

Have decided to stay in this evening again .. didn't sleep well last night and didn't find walking over to the high street that easy though things got better while I was out .. best to stay in again I think .. people've been refering to their bugs as fluey and as this is the nearest I've been to being back in hospital for a few weeks I think taking it easy's the best thing to do.

Would've gone this evening if I'd felt better this afternoon .. there weren't any palpatations like yesterday but I was feeling worse than usual .. and, like yesterday, wondered if I should just turn back .. but, unlike yesterday, Tesco would be shut if I wandered back and then changed my mind .. so I pottered on and I was ok, feeling in more pain and discomfort than usual but able to manage it. I'm going to see how things go and maybe ask for a review of my pain meds in the new year .. maybe some of the morphine could be changed for something else to make a more effective mixture to help with the pain.

I picked up a couple of papers while I was out .. they'd come apart and I noticed that there was an article on NDEs in one of them so I looked round to see if I could sort out a whole paper rather than just the supplement I had in my hand .. though I guess if there were only magazines there you can have them for a lesser price .. found the whole Sunday paper anyway so that was alright and came back with it and some food.

Think I might turn in soon .. will be taking my evening MST and Cellcept around 9.30 and the last paracetamol and oramorph for the day around 10.30 .. I can have another dose of oramorph and an ibuprofen if I wake up during the night after 2.30.

Heading for some nice warming soup now.

.........................

Thought I was going to go this evening after all but then changed my mind. Went over to Tesco and found I had slight heart palpatations after getting there though was ok on my way back .. so I still have the bug. Judging by the sound of people coughing and sneezing so does quite a lot of the town.



I knew it was going to be a nice evening but decided I'd be better off staying here being nice and cosy curled up with a mug of soup chatting on the phone and net. Was slightly wistful cause there was going to be live music ... more than just one piano or one guitar .. and was obviously going to be a lot of fun .. but not worth it if it meant that I might end up back in hospital cause I'd gone .. though something happened later on that probably meant that the bugs on its way out. Think I made the right decision though as this bugs the nearest I've been to going back into hospital as an in patient for a few weeks. Not sure about tomorrow yet but I'll probably stay in for the evening.



It's been a nice evening anyway. I'm feeling very tired though now .. so there you are .. did make the right choice.

Saturday

Feeling a bit better this morning than I did when I got up yesterday but was a bit clammy so have decided not to go to the Christmas party this evening or out tomorrow evening .. better to just rest I think. Don't mind though I know this evening will be nice but I'd prefer to curl up here that late while I'm ill like this. I had a good night's sleep last night .. about ten hours .. but am still yawning so I guess the best thing to do is to stay in tonight.

Right, going to get breafast now.

Thursday

Had a bit of a restless night and woke this morning to a couple of sneezes .. thre was a bit more pain than there has been for a while but I think that was because thy were bigger sneezes than they'd been for a while. That cleared up after about ten minuts though .. hopefully sneezing like that will've stretched the muscles out a bit .

Last night wasn't that good because of muscle movement and I guess that might be why the sneezes hurt this morning. I have got a bug though .. sniffling and sneezing. I decided to rest today.

I did wonder if I'd be going back to hospital today but it doesn't look like it .. suppose I should sort things out just incase though. Then I think I'll read.

................

Think I'm starting to feel a bit better .. I do have a slight cough though .. have had one for the past few days in the morning .. not much of one though but if I cough I wonder if I'm going to sneeze as well as that often happens ... not at the moment it seems and hopefully it'll stay that way.

If I'm ok I might start sorting out again . Haven't done much except get the kitchen rubbish down for a couple of weeks cause I've felt so queasy at times and I thought it best to leave things rather than risk causing any more stomach problems .. but that's been quite a lot better for the past couple of days. It's worse in the mornings for some reason or other.

I think I do still have a bit of a cold though .. still got a bit of a cough and still a bit blocked up in the mornings. Still I know someone quite a few years younger than me who's had a real problem with the bug that's going round which has been getting to people's chests and she's having a real problem clearing it .. not the only one either.

See how things go.

Wednesday

Hospital and GP's yesterday. Everyone seemed pleased with how things are going. Wasn't there to see my consultant about the pills for my auto immune illness but saw him in the corridor and he looked very happy when he saw me .. didn't get to talk to him as he was with a crowd of people from his department and it looked as if they were heading for a ward round.

Walked into Warwick again .. just missed a bus again so I thought I'd give it a try .. didn't find it as easy as the week before .. still managed it. The walk in was a bit of a mixture .. started badly .. then eased up a bit when I was half way there .. got worse again once I was there though. Still, got up that hill!!!

Went to the second hand bookshop but the book I'd seen the week before and thought I might get this week if it was still there had gone .. chose something else though. Met someone I'd seen on Sundays but hadn't spoken to .. he came up and said "hi". Said he hadn't been on Wednesdays so I said why not come along and as he sounded pretty enthusiastic I guess he will.

I'm not feeling that great this morning so I'll just have to see how it goes. Didn't think I'd get into the hospital yesterday and I was out for a few hours.

I've done most of my meds and am now going to get something to eat and take the rest of them with food.

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I still think what I did before but reading through his work has just made me feel very weary or something. I'm not really quite sure how to describe it .. it's along with a few other things along the same line.

I still think the best thing to do is go with your own experiences and those of people you know and trust. I am happy with the two books that I mentioned too.

Right time to do me meds.

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There is so much conflicting info out there .. one person quoted a bit from one of his books where he apparently foretold that there would definitely be unmistakeable contact with extraterestrials by 2008 but the person quoting got the title wrong so that it could be one of two books .. and, as he apparently edits different editions, it might be not even be there now. The quote is definitely not in the style of the person who quoted him and it's a longish quote, The mistake about the title is a pretty obvious one, Easy to see how it could be done .. just wish I knew which book the guy's refering to. Could be either as the second is pretty much a rehash of the first .. just putting things in different ways .. apparently!!! hum!!!!

Sounds a bit like the editing!!!!!

The book telling about his experiences came out long after they happened so he could say more or less what he wanted unless he'd made it all public before. It was a long time between experiences and book. Very, very many years.

It is known that he had had experiences but how detailed his reports were to other people I don't know.

I must admit I don't think I'll rely on his accounts. This has certainly been helped along by hearing him on the radio. Probably the worst psychic .. he was given awesome psychic powers apparently .. I've ever heard.

And as we head for the year .. 2012 .. when everything is going to change in a new agey way apparently .. well, if people have interpretted the calendars right .. the earth is going to come to an end or we are going to enter a period of intense spirituality. Take your pick.

Don't think I'll be thinking too much about that to be honest. Me health doesn't make it that likely that I'll be here anyway.

Oh, yes, I believe he foretold his own death and got that wrong as well.

I do think it's likely that he did have some kind of experiences but I also think that it's very likely that he coloured them in in a much brighter way than they were originally which I really don't think was necessary. His life story fascinated me and I'm sure that he could've done everything he has without changing things.

Monday

Well, there's no way that I'm going to search out a first printing of this guy's book though someone on a forum has said that he has changed some of the book. Not the bit that was on Amazon it seems though .. unless that's from an earlier edition.

Guess I can ask some of the Americans I know about him .. perhaps someone will have an early printing of the book and can check it out for me.

It's amazing what people hear and don't hear .. I think I would've turned speachless if someone had been talking about cleaning up after a .. toy parrot .. she still gushed over him though. Maybe she just wanted to get off the phone.

I am surprized by this guy .. I would love to know what he really thinks. Just listening to the end of the show .. sorry .. he's not incredibly psychic .. a million parrots would probably attest to this. He told the woman who called in next not to tell anyone what she was doing about something .. a bit late as she already had.

I will have a read through the book though .. I do want to know what he's said .. though it's annoying to find out that he might have changed things along the way .. fortunately not what I read the other day though .. unless that's from an earlier edition.

I do wonder about him though .. he's helped people in other ways .. but seems to have given with one hand while taking away with the other by hurting those who find out that his story doesn't pan out when they have taken a lot of comfort from what he's said.

Sunday

Just going to turn in now .. quite tired .. think I've still got the sniffles. Walked there though the grass and pavements were white with frost .. they weren't slippy though .. the frost was more crisp and crunchy.

Got a lift back and don't know if it'd gotten slippy in the couple of hours I was there.

Right, just going to say a couple more goodnights and maybe have a game of mahjong then off to sleep.

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Been watching some pet videos .. you know like Sparta's song

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Qit3ALTelOo

And the two talking cats

http://www.mytopclip.com/play.php?vid=1335


I'm off for bed now .. had me cup of soup and am going to turn in.

Thought if I ever had more pets I wouldn't mind guinea pigs.

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Ah .. St Nicholas Day .. they got their biccies on wednesday .. but really I should've taken the choccy ones in nearer my birthday and the spicy stars in for St Nicholas but never mind. I've marzipaned a bit.

Don't really celebrate much .. whether it's St Nicholas or Christmas.

I knew that I wouldn't be back this year .. that was obvious .. though I have got much better than I really thought I would .. or, think I have anyway. Must keep my protein level healthy .. though not too high .. the illness makes me use more protein than I normally would for repairs .. but I still can't eat too much cause that would cause other problems so have to maintain a good balance.

It's someone else's birthday this week and they're bringing a cake in tomorrow so I'll take the spicy stars in the next time I go .. it's a bit nearer my birthday anyway.

Anyway, the oven should've heated up by now so I better go and put my dinner on and sort me meds out.

Saturday

Up and out later than I meant to be today. Meant that I couldn't go to the coffee norning .. first Saturday in the month .. but, never mind. Had to dash out anyway. Hadn't spoken much this morning so was really surprized to hear how gruff my voice was .. actually guess it'd just got worse over the hour .. I do still have a cold .. but it was much better by the time I was on my way back.

No sneezing though today so far.

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OK .. well .. I've ordered the book!!! ho hum!!! er, well .. yes!!! I'm glad I'm going into reading the book knowing that this isn't about a hallucination .. thanks to the contradiction at the start of the book. Excellent. If it wasn't for that it could be passed off as one .. he made a joke .. the sort people often make one way or another when this happens and then a few pages later on totally contradicted the point that what he said had happened had actually happened at all .. yet, I still had the joke he'd made in my head .. though now about something that he was now saying hadn't happened earlier.

Just been back to check again .. yup, exactly as I remembered it.

My little run of synchronicity continued from Sunday I'm pleased to say in a good way. That's great. Coming across things like this book can take you aback .. well, especially this kind of thing .. but, I could breathe a sigh of relief again today as what happend sent my own memories tumbling out, free falling again as they usually do when faced with something like the book.

My own was spot on. I'd said that I'd totally believe ... lol!!! .. if this happened .. said this last night in connection with something that happened yesterday. it happened somewhere around threeish this afternoon.

So there you are .. suppose I better!!! lol!!! Not that I didn't before .. but I had been taken aback a bit by that book. I suppose all I can say to spirit is thankyou.

It will be peoples own experiences and those of thir family and friends that have kept them bouyant when experiences like mine with this book have come into their lives. If I hadn't had my own and nown about family's and friends then this book would really have been hurtful in my state of health. It did cause me a few moments consternation .. but guess it's just a reminder to be vigilant.

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Another cold ... another sneeze .. how I love my meds .. well .. no and yes!!!! I'm feeling a bit nauseous from the sneeze especially after coughing afterwards .. thought that was going to end in another sneeze but it didn't so .. so far I'm ok. I'm still not counting on things being ok with the sneezing yet cause my muscles, though more relaxed, could get into positions where there could be trouble again. I just can't count on things being ok yet .. looks as if the walking and stretching has helped though .. but there could still be problems ahead for a while .. just don't know for now.

Another reminder of what could happen if I go on that drug .. the swelling from that would cause problems and combined with the puffiness from a cold I'd be back in hospital again in a worse condition than I was before.


I have to stay on the Cellcept .. hopefully one of the other treatments will kick start my body into this next phase of healing and then I can just stay on the Cellcept cause it seems to be the best of the bunch. But on a much lower dose.

Or, maybe, I'll just stay on the Cellcept and see how it goes.

Went down to the docs to get my oramorph prescription .. fortunately one of the chemists had got some so I'm ok for another week. I guess, if the production and distribution hasn't caught up. I'll have to take it in some other form, either the lesser diluted version .. well I can always add water to that .. or in pill form. Don't suppose they do a soluble version!!!! That would be fine.

I was suprized to find out it was the only version like that .. it's used so much in hospitals and .. I suppose .. outside as well.

Will go and order the book this evening because I still want to know what he said. Couldn't remember his name last night and there wasn't time to come back and check.

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Went out with a friend for .. a cup of hot chocolate. Well, she had a cup of tea while she was waiting for me .. but then had a cup of hot chocolate cause I think she had got a bit curious why I always had hot chocolate when I went out. She said it's lovely and warming on a cold day, I agreed .. it's kinda cosy. Cosy on a summer's day too .. though as I only really started drinking it during the summer this year I didn't have too many hot days to try it out on. Did a couple of times though and it was still a lovely cosy drink but refreshing too for some reason or other which I wouldn't have expected.

I gave her the last of those books I have to give out .. the one I was going to send away. Asked her if she'd like a copy and she said yes so I gave it to her. Just like everyone else she was already planning on who she was going to give/lend it to after she'd read it .. seems these books are going to do the rounds.

It's an excellent little book. I expect her son will be on the list too as he's just becoming interested in things like this after dismissing them as unscientific for many years ... lol!!! He was dismissive without really looking in to it from what I gather .. I think he'll be interested in that book. I gave the coincidence book to a friend of hers so she can read that too if she wants to. They kinda sum it all up really .. well, at least mentioning other related topics along the way.

Didn't order the other book today. I'm going to .. only reason I didn't was that she phoned. Get that sorted tomorrow. I'm pretty sure what conclusion I'm going to come to after reading bits from another of his books.

I think all you need is the book I found in The Works that I liked so much .. or knowledge of it .. there were few experiences on a page I linked to and I mentioned a couple from the book .. and the one about synchronicity or some knowledge of it from the net etc .. just knowing about it .. and then add your own and your friends and family's experiences.

It's really nice seeing the smile and peoples faces and in their eyes when they see what the book is and have a quick peek inside .. I have been able to say that it's me favourite book of its kind as well.

They don't need to know my experiences because they understand that it's on the basis of those that I believe most of what's in that book .. so my own are just more of the same or related to just more of the same. It's better than the synchronicity book I think .. a lot of experiences in it could be labelled synchronicity as well as ADCs .. but the synchronicity book is very good as well. My two favourite ones. There are a lot of people's experiences in both.

Wonder if she'll bring out another book with more in soon.

Right, I'm having a mug of soup and then off to bed.

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Pottered along this afternoon .. the guest had arrived today so it was back to normal. lol!!! no, or very little, chance of anything like Sunday's bit of fun happening as I walked in. There should've been lights flashing to make the point really!!! lol My piece of synchronicity was very small compared to the story that had been told .. though I expect it'll be added on to the tale now when it's told.


Looks as if I'm going to have to buy a book that I don't really want to .. I've searched the net trying to find something discussed in detail but it looks as if the author has allowed a kind of precis of what he wrote to be published as an excerpt from his book but not a real excerpt. I've got a few more Amazon reviews to read .. so far they've just confirmed that I need to read the book .. I'm just hoping that he hasn't changed the book so much that the precis that I've read is much the same as the book now. He's revised it at least once since the 1970s.

I think I've already found my answer anyway in the first few pages of the book .. not part of the bit I have been looking for .. where he appears to contradict himself pretty strangely. I can't believe an editor would let something like that go through .. but there you are .. I felt exactly the same about something someone said in a book written by a skeptic too. Though that wasn't a contradiction.

Trouble is reading this made me start moving my boundaries too far the other way .. still being fine with myself, my friends and family .. after all I know I'm telling the truth and I know they're telling the truth .. but, just momentarily, I threw my hands up in the air in a kind of confused despair and thought that it's not worth bothering to listen to anyone who I don't know very well and trust implicitly .. but, ofcourse, that would mean dismissing all the wonderful stories I believe in the two books I've mentioned as my favourite ones .. and I don't dismiss them at all. Thank heavens for our own experiences and our friends (in and out of the family), eh. Just for a moment I felt that I couldn't be bothered with anything which I hadn't experienced myself or didn't come from one of my friends .. even when it is obviously true. better to dismiss it than have to keep on assessing it. The feeling didn't last for long!!!!! Will have to read the wretched book I suppose. The strange thing is that one of the people who wrote a review for Amazon mentioned obe of the contradictory statements as an example of what a great guy this bloke is and didn't appear to notice that his story moved on to contradict it a couple of pages later. I mean you either recognise yourself or you don't!!!! Can't have it both ways.

I've read the short extract at the beginning of the book three times now and the contradiction is still there!!!! so strange .. think I'll just potter back and read it again.

Have done .. and I didn't make a mistake .. it's so obvious that I thought it must've been me .. but it isn't.

OK .. I'll order the book .. I will be annoyed if it's been radically revised around the bit I want to read or is not detailed in the way I've been lead to believe it is from reading about it. The precis the author has allowed is very strange.

Still, I will order the book. I'm pretty sure it'll be a waste of money though.

Just going to read some reviews of his other books.


Shades of the Browne ectoplasm appearing again .. or .. not appearing .. however you want to describe it.

It's very different from that .. different field of research by a long way.

(Has to restrain self from rushing back to have another look at excerpt!!)

I'm not sure if I'm glad they published this exerpt or not .. I'd obviously prefer they published the extract he'd allowed to be precised on other sites .. then I would just leave the book if I wasn't convinced by what I'd read.

This exerpt just hints that I'm going to find more of the same.

Right, even though I found walking a bit easier today again I've been up again tonight. Going to have some soup .. then bed.

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Well, off to bed soon. Sat up again tonight .. think I'm seeing off the end of my cold. Was thinking about Sunday again and think there was more to it than just a couple of coinidences .. they were quite good ones too .. wish I'd got there just a bit earlier really then I'd've heard the full story about the other one .. though I've got the gist of it .. one to remember .. even if I can't remember it all. Must say that I'm sure the authors of one of those type of books would've loved it. Have to ask I suppose.

I think spirit gave more than that on Sunday though .. was just one of those evnings. Because I was late it brought back a memory from the week before ... well, two actually that I'd been thinking about .. and, amongst other things, pointed out the love connection again.

Well, I'm taking my achy self to bed now after a dose of pain relief. Will have to talk to a friend whose partner is in bad pain .. he's not eating much now because of it .. think he's on tramadol .. didn't respond well to morphine .. well, it didn't do much for the pain .. other things he's been allergic to .. but I think he was on a low dose morphine patch from what she told me before .. maybe they can come up with a cocktail of medicines that he can take that will help more that includes more morphine. I'm not sure that ibuprofen will be a good idea for him but surely there must be some kind of mixture that can help a bit more than the drugs are doing at the moment. Not wanting to eat because of the pain isn't good. Sounds as if he's giving up. My friend must be heartbroken.

Have a chat about it when I get up. Whatever, he really needs to get down the docs again.

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Went to the docs this evening and .. they were running late!!! I was on time!!!!! Obviously they'd had an emergency to fit in.

I was late on Sunday but arrived at a time that had people roaring with laughter as it was a bit of funny synchronicity while someone was talking about something similar.

I was listening to a radio programme today where reincarnation was talked about. I am still not convinced .. but am open minded ofcourse. The trouble is that there is so much info out there for people to learn historical facts from and people talk about things and then forget in a family or community and people could pick up facts from that.

I would love to do a past life regression I think .. and find out what I come up with. I don't know if you remember things under hypnosis that you can't remember usually. I've read quite a lot of historical books over the years .. though have forgotten most of them .. as far as I know . but perhaps it's all there somewhere in my mind. Then, ofcourse, there're films.

It would be interesting to know what kind of past lives I came up with.

Unusual things have come up from these regressions .. apparently .. but I think they can be explained in different ways than it being to do with reincarnation. I haven't read much about this yet .. and don't know anyone who's had any regression done.

Yet .. that'll change soon .. if I go myself .. lol!!!!

I still believe in life after death and still think that you should just rely on your own experiences and those of trusted friends and family. The experiences are so common that most people must have had them themselves or know people they can trust who have. Experiences that show that life is rather more complicated in a way that isn't really apparent in that kind of way.

I've gone back to being in two minds about the exerience I read about in the magazine .. the one that made me think .. in its complexity .. about the Swedish professor's one .. not the butterfly one. I was swayed for a personal reason and I've taken that out of my reasoning now .. and I'm left being not so sure again unfortunately. There's also the problem of being aware that things like this could feasibly happen. But, on the other hand, why say something like that and risk losing your hard worked for credibility .. because there would've been a million other stories that would've been easier to believe yet still give the same message.

I will keep an open mind about this one I think. Will read it again before sleep tonight.

I have a second hand book about past life regression to read that should be interesting. might start that soon. I'm sort of interestd but at the same time not really expecting to find that I finish the book believing in reincarnation .. see how it goes. Never know .. even if I don't there could be some interesting things to learn in it though not concerned with past lives and regression.

Or, I might have my mind changed.

Lol!!!!

Think I'll go back to the Schrodingers kitten book first though. I've been thinking about it on and off all evening .. so might as well get back into it while I'm that interested.

Anyway .. I'm very tired and think I'll go to bed now.

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Went after the oramorph today .. my surgery rang round and managed to locate a few bottles of the stuff that hadn't had to go back or had been on a suppliers shelves and had recently been sent out. Hope it's all sorted out soon.


There's no way I am going on that medication. Obviously my goal has to be to get through the next hours, days, weeks, months or years .. what ever it's going to be the best I can .. that medication could make things a lot worse .. my main concern has to be about the swelling up .. regardless of how unpleasant the other things could be .. there's just no way!!!!


It would be nice to have the auto immune illness under control but it would be better to have it as it is now than to risk the same things happening through swelling up with the drug as did with colds .. there wasn't much swelling with the colds and look what it did. And as it's mentioned as a noticeable side effect I should think that it is rather worse than the swelling from my colds. And, what if it took ages to go down .. or, I got a cold while I was still swollen from the treatment. It's just not worth it.

Anyway, my mind's made up about that now. If things improve a lot there than I'll think about it again if I need to. I think I should give the Cellcept a bit longer to work too.

Think I'll snuffle my way to bed .. not sure if that's me illness, the medication or related to that little sneeze I sneezed a few days ago. Just going to put the kettle on for a mug of soup and then off to bed. Might read for a while .. might just try and get some rest.

Monday

Not feeling too well today I must say .. well, the mornings are usually quite difficult but I seem quite blocked up again when I first got up. Someone down the front was sneezing a lot last night so there are still some heavy colds doing the rounds. Lots of people have mentioned the chesty cold that's going around .. one person's been away a couple of weeks with it there and two other people were quite ill. I suppose I was lucky that I didn't get a full blown chest infection with the meds I'm on.

As for the new meds I could go on .. people agree it's not worth the risk .. there are a couple of other things I could try. The doc didn't seem to want to discuss the negative effects of the medication .. just that he'd seen someone who it really helped .. but, the guy's new and didn't know about other problems I have. He does now!!! I could easily have a heart attack, or, not so probable, activate the JC virus which nearly all of us have but usually remains dormant unless the immune system is repressed by medication or illness. This could happen with Cellcept too but is not so probable and I've been ok with it, but it's more common with this other drug.. My first worry was that the swelling, which the drug can cause would leave me in the condition I used to be in when I had a cold .. quite probable and it's not just the pain .. could lead on to heart attacks.

It's not worth it. I would like the illness to be totally in remission but not risking that to try to get it there. There are two other treatments .. my brother knows someone who has rheumatoid arthritis who's been fine on one of them and the other one was suggested a while back. There is absolutely no way I'm going on the other drug.

My mother was put on two drugs in the hospital that were contra indicated with her parkinsons disease and lewy body's dementia and thanks to a remark about one of them I came back and researched them and found out that there was no way she should be on either of them. I was totally shocked by what I discovered .. she was off them as soon as I told the guy who had made the remark .. he phoned the doc .. my GP now and it was sorted out straight away before any permanent harm could be done.

Having said that I guess I should be heading down to the docs to get the Oramorph situation sorted out before I run out.