Another polyp!!

Have corrected the link in the last post.

Hopefully it's something called a Fibroepithelial polyp. He's had other polyps .. though nasal ones .. and this sounds quite likely. There are other kinds of benign lumps that can come up on the tongue too.

http://www.jaws1.co.uk/new_page_28.htm

He's a bit prone to things like this. Though the previous polyps have been nasal ones possibly linked to his asthma.

Anyway it's much, much more likely to be something benign than something cancerous.

Sleep

Slept in this morning. Didn't get to bed til late but then didn't wake up til around twelve. First time for ages I've slept for that long. Still feel tired though .. but I guess if I slept for so long I must have needed it because it's not something I do now. I can remember when I'd sometimes sleep twelve/thirteen hours but that was a long time ago. Gosh .. I've just yawned ... I can't really be tired. Probably because I've still got a bit of a cold .. I've been a bit blocked up with it and I'm often sleepy and yawny if that happens. I slept through too without waking up.

It's good to sleep

http://edition.cnn.com/HEALTH/alternative/9908/25/heal.sleep

http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1443671

http://www.healing.bc.ca/foundation_12.shtml

I wrote about melatonin in one of the blogs ages ago. I often used to drift off to sleep with the light on once. It's best to have the room as dark as possible to sleep in.

I think that the NDE must have become more widely known thanks to Dr Moody in the 70s. There have been reports of OBEs going back through recorded histories for a long, long time or experiences that sound like them.

Trying to read information about them is difficult .. I like to read from both sides. I now the experience the person had that I mentioned yesterday is true. It wasn't anything spectacular .. just a separation of consciousness from the body and a desire to get back which he did quickly. The nurse that was with him at the time understood what had happened. They have managed to create a form of OBE in the lab now

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6960612.stm

Now that it's become so public it's not going to be harder to find out what is real and what isn't. I doubt if we'll ever find out what the truth is regarding this

Up, fed and medicated

Just a quick post cause I've got to get a move on. Up, fed and medicated and slightly meditated. Had an old friend get in touch yesterday after reading me blog .. the board tends to read it cause sometimes I don't post very often now. Well, this and Blogging Lemuures are the only diaries/blogs of me own that I've had going for ages. I've pottered back to the board to say hi.

I'm trying to sort things out because I miss people too .. it's difficult trying to stay in touch with everyone .. not everyone wants to join everything cause they're busy and don't want to be joining more things which'll take up more time.

Anyway, went to the hospital yesterday and stayed to have dinner in the canteen so didn't get back til quite late. Dinner was a cup of hot chocolate, cheesy potatoes and peas, and, sponge and custard. Wasn't that hungry but ate about half of it.

Anyway, better go now.

Whoops ... bed time

Though not fer another hour!!! Last night I just got caught up chatting to someone new on the net. I haven't paid to join the site so I can't have a chat box but she appeared suddenly on me screen with hers and we chatted for a couple of hours. The box wasn't very good though and kept on jumping so it was hard to read all the message if it was a longish one. Difficult to know which is best private messaging or using chat. I don't know if you can have a conversation with lots of people via chat or just two. I didn't get back from hospital til late cause I stayed to have a meal in the canteen but I'll pm her tomorrow again. We seem to get on so just have to see how it goes. A new friend who you click with is always welcome. I find it hard to keep up with people sometimes though now .. but I'm trying to sort that out the best I can.

My priorities are .. to make Jane a little booklet for her kindness .. though I don't follow all her advice .. as yet .. but I will get there. I must listen to her cause she knows what's good for me .. and knows that I'm not the best at getting down and doing it. I have me vitamin pill now though. And .. as for other people .. do try and do a bit of meditation a day .. got a fabulous book in the Scope shop. Yoga .. more exercises to look at from the sheets they had at the back of the canteen at the hospital.

I've resisted posting at the bag though there's often something I want to say .. but someone else usually says much what I've got to say anyway cause there are so many people there and I'm usually, though not every single time, there with the majority.

Had a bit of worrying news concerning someone I know .. but so far all the lumps have been benign so I'm hoping this one will be too .. it'll be two weeks before we find out. He has had an out of the body experience that I've known about for many, many years .. which he didn't enjoy but still he knows they can happen. I know he wouldn't lie about this so I have it second hand. Still hasn't happened with me though. I would have liked to have had one but I'm not really that bothered now .. though to do so would be cool .. it frightened him .. I don't know how I'd take it. Looks like I won't really have to worry though if things continue the way they are cause it doesn't look as if it's going to happen. Not that I'm trying.

Thursday

Up, fed and medicated and hospitalized and dehospitalized and soon off to the land of nod. After last nights rather delayed trip to bed I guess I better make sure I'm there on time tonight. Just up chatting instead of sleeping. Had dinner at the hospital .. sponge and custard and cheesy potatoes with peas and a beaker of hot chocolate. Couldn't eat it all but it was nice.

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Stayed in this afternoon

Got me shopping in but didn't go down to service because it was raining too heavily .. it is absolutely pelting down .. I guess I could've got a taxi and then a lift back but decided not to. I was looking forward to going as well but I'll go on Friday if the weather's ok or Saturday as well as Sunday .. but I was hoping to go today. There is a workshop on Saturday next but I reckon I've missed that cause the tickets usually sell out quickly and it lasts for five hours too which I think I would find a bit difficult.

Today is shopping day when I get food in just incase I can't get out in the week but 'm hoping to be able to do without that soon .. I have the Fortesips and I can keep veg and meals in the freezer along with long life soya milk, cereals etc in the cupboards.

I got the info from the library yesterday about being somewhere with more help .. haven't read it yet but when I have I'll look further into it. I don't think living like this is helping my health at all. I got the cream from the chemists today so'll be giving that a go .. you never know. Took a vitamin pill today too .. just a low dose multivit containing the days recommended dose to see if that ill help. I will discuss me back at the hospital tomorrow. I guess it could be a slight problem that goes with the auto immune illness . Anyway there's no pain or itchyness there. The centre and outsides are healing slightly differently. The nurse showed me a photo on the web .. I'll ask her about it again when I see her next week as I don't know what to search under. Though her search drew up a horse with the condition for her first picture .. we studied it hard as naturally the horse had rather hairy legs .. and it wasn't so easy to see .. especially as this was my first look at something like this!!!

I was on one site that estimated that over 8,000,000 people have skin problems in the UK. I guess dermatology is very topical now because of the risk of skin cancer. I usually put up the link to the British Association of Dermatologists when talking about things like this .. my illness can be solar induced as can lupus which is apparently becoming more common in the western world. I noticed a few weeks ago they had a few posters up from another group .. because there's A Walk for Skin charity appeal going on. They've walked here and in London .. it sounds as if it was fun.

It's The British Skin Foundation

http://www.britishskinfoundation.org.uk/index.aspx

and B.A.D give info on sun awareness too

http://www.bad.org.uk/about

It might not have been the sun, but that can be a factor, and you never know these days, do you.

I now feel sad that I didn't go this arvo .. but, never mind. It really was raining hard. And people were worried last week because they felt it was a bit damp for me to be pottering out and about in. Wasn't really raining though .. sure has been today though.

Wednesday morning

Up, fed and medicated. Just waiting for everything to take effect. I take the oramorph and cyclizine first .. wait ten minutes or so and then go for the rest. I'm wondering whether to take two cyclizine a day at the moment cause I do seem to be feeling rather queasy. I can take upto three a day with a six hourly gap between them which is rather out of sync with the rest of the daily medication. Yeah, might up it to two a day for a while. One first thing in the morning is usually enough but just for now it might be wise to up the dose for a while.

Anyway .. better get a move on. Busy day.

Better move I guess

Will be off to sleep soon. Didn't have a good night's sleep last night but that's probably because I didn't take all of the days pain relief yesterday. Went to the docs this morning .. was there on time!! .. and was prescribed honey ointment rather than being given more dressings.
That's it really for today .. I'm rather tired .. had hot chocolate today and got back here ok .. no tummy troubles .. though I worry a bit ofcourse now but I guess there's not really any reason to .. it was just my cold doing that before. I should've gone in somewhere and asked for help I guess but I didn't really know what was going to happen. Well, I do now .. so if there's a next time I won't try and struggle back like I did that evening .. though .. I did have the time to get back before things got really bad.

I was saying to someone I know round here .. known her a long time now and she's ill herself that when we met I'd never have thought anything like this would happen to us. She's a fair bit younger than me .. quite a lot younger .. it's really not fair at all. She was a lot better than she had been a few weeks ago but wasn't feeling that good today and said this is about as good as it's going to get for her.

I guess she's with the same team as me in the hospital because hers is basically a skin condition that can cause some other problems .. hers has while someone else I know has the same condition and hers hasn't progressed during the 20 or so years she's had it.

Night time

Well .. off now!! Eleven minutes to go as I promised to be in bed by midnight .. I've got another dose of oramorph to take and hopefully that will knock me out for a while .. really depends on my pain levels to how long I sleep without waking.

Will try and do about ten minutes meditation before sleep .. but I might just dose off while meditation .. it won't be the first time. I'll be lying down ready for sleep. I don't do the lotus position or anything like that anymore .. well, I couldn't now even if I wanted too.

I got a leaflet at the hospital last time I was there with a few yoga exercices on them .. yoga at your desk or something that looked interesting. You just never know .. best to look at everything that might be useful. Anyway I picked up a few different leaflets to have a read of.

Started looking at my language books again the other day .. just a page a day or something I thought.

Wondered whether to try and combine it with meditation .. the more relaxed the easier to learn I should think.

It's been an interesting day really .. but .. look .. only two mins to go ......!!!!!!!!

Honey and silver dressings

I've eaten some honey today but will be asking for a few patches to bring back with me next time I go to the doctors. I think they're just being tried out on other people as the box is there and they've worked so well on me. It was a very big box of dressings .. took the nurse back when she saw it!!! They were written out on my prescription as far as I know which I have on a yearly prescription card. I hope they help healing for other people too. They certainly appear to with my illness .. something to pass round.

Silver dressings were being used before to cut down the risk of infection .. because silver kills bacteria but they hadn't contributed to the sore healing.

Silver dressings

http://www.worldwidewounds.com/2006/may/Maillard/Focus-On-Silver.html

Honey dressings

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3787867.stm

And, many thanks to me friend who told me about the honey .. ok .. it's taken a while to sort it out but it certainly seems to work with a pressure sore combined with delicate skin caused by my auto immune illness. I think trying to heal it with the silver dressings went on for about five/six months or so with no improvement .. with the honey ones .. about a week and a half/two weeks with my body being over enthusiastic as a result .. though this can happen quite a lot in wound healing apparently .. though it's a first for me.

I've told the person what's happened who told me about the honey and thanked her. Though haven't told everyone I know yet.

Be off to bed soon .. or, bee off to bed soon. I had a few hours sleep last night so I'm not complaining but I think it's better if I start organising a routine. Obviously I'll have nights where there's pain and I might want to stay up anyway if it's difficult to get to sleep or there's some other problem like sickness etc.

Gordon Smith etc

I haven't changed my mind at all .. I've enjoyed watching the clips but it makes no difference to me, or, I'd imagine, to many, many people out there. I still totally believe in life after death. I'll still be asking people about their experiences. I'm sad that so many people fake it .. but then I'd already found that out ... lol!!

Still, I have no doubts. I don't know how many people really do .. but I take it that these people who do set all this up ... don't .. oh, well .. I think they've got a lot to learn.

I had heard years ago that a famous woman medium used to do research on people who used to go to her shows. People told me not to pay for readings and things either because people would do it for expenses or free .. but I don't know if that would be 100% accurate .. people need jobs. Also, people who do this for free might not be any good at it.

I don't know just how near to death I was myself .. but I know without treatment I'd have died quite quickly when I went into hospital. I know some of the dangers now .. in some ways I've been very lucky. In hospital I've seen people near to passing greating people who've already gone over which is interesting. Nurses stories should be interesting .. I have some to read .. but haven't got round to it yet. I like to know about others experiences but ofcourse know that most are too personal to want to share with anyone other than those who are close and you can trust.


I know of someone who knows someone who had mental health problems, went to London and suddenly decided she was some kind of healer. I've also seen people who really do believe they are psychic .. but don't appear to be to me .. and I've seen people who are obviously a scam. The woman with the Native American born guide was obviously not for real .. I wish I'd made more notes now ... specially after paying £8 to see her .. she really should have done more research into her guide.s lifestyle .. I didn't know much .. had been interested as a fan of Buffy Sainte Marie back in the 60s and 70s and had learnt some things over the years .. and knew what she was saying wasn't for real .. but then so did the guy next to me cause he said he wasn't coming to anything else she did.

I would like to meet Gordon Smith I guess. I won't part with his books because for me they're a reminder of what I've experienced in my lifetime concerning my life and only I know whether what passed between me and the psychic is true or not .. that's why you can't really go on other peoples experiences in things like this. You have to have an open mind .. I think once you've shut it it's possible that you might turn a key to not having experiences of that nature yourself. I don't know .. there I go surmissing!!!!! lol .. when I always say that's something I don't like. You can be skeptical and still have an open mind.


I still think believing we go on to some thing else is a lot easier than there being this whole kaboodle of anything being here at all. At least it's from an explicable something to something. Well, totally explicable in the I think therefore I am way anyway lol.

I believe what we do here has an influence on what happens when we pass over .. though I've no idea what .. but that is just me surmissing again. I want to ask two of my friends what got them interested in things like this .. well, what got one interested and in the other case, what's held their interest. One works in a scientific field.

Two books on the go

I'm reading Nevil Shute's On The Beach at the moment .. can remember reading his books when I was around fifteen .. this one's about the final months on the planet where everything is being destroyed by radiation. The author went to live in Australia if I remember correctly because he believed if anything happened like that Australia would be the last place affected. Think mum told me that ... we all read them .. cept me brother because he would have been much, much too young!! lol!

Good books too. I find fiction quite hard to read these days .. prefer non fiction whereas in those days I used to read lots of novels. Someone else my age said that they were much the same .. that, over the years they've found non fiction more interesting than fiction.

If I read another novel after this I might try Hermann Hesse .. bring back the 60s too but in a different way. My brother was tlking about it the other day ..I don't think I ever did read it .. I've got a copy .. or, I had a copy .. because people often spoke about it as a book that had meant a lot to them.. but I never read it myself. Might give it a go but I find fiction difficult these days to get in to .. have done for the last fifteen years or so.

I will read Michelle's book again too .. one person who read it said it was a good book to take on holiday with you .. I think she meant because you'd have time to read it through and take your time to mull it all over. I read it through quite quickly but I think I'll go back and read it through at a slower pace.

Not quite yet though. I'm reading another book about self harming ..read two chapters of it so far. I've known a number of people who've done this over the last few years .. I didn't know anyone when I was young myself .. was talking about this with people too and they said they think that its more common these days. Michelle mentions it too so it wasn't that unknown in her time .. but I knew quite a few people with various problems growing up and not one self harmed in that way. I've read both what Michelle and this other young woman say and I just don't understand how they feel .. I think I would feel the opposite of what they did if I tried anything like that. I imagine this book has a good ending too if the young woman has written this book. Got it in the Works. I just wanted a couple of books to go with Michelles so that her story wasn't the only one along that line I was reading.

I have those two books on the go now. I think when I've finished them I'll read Michelle's book again. I think it'll be a book I'll keep to lend out .. rather than like Gordon Smiths where, well they were very cheap, that I gave to a few people.

I know a bit more about the TV "mystics" now .. well, Derek Acorah anyway. I saw some clips ... he was the one whose books I got in the charity shop ... lol!!!!! I wasn't expecting anything like that .. all I can say is .. um, it looks like he's a good entertainer. But .. what do I know .. does he mess around sometimes or is all the programme like that. I guess it's difficult to know when all you've seen is a few minutes of him horsing around .. someone suggested that the whole programme isn't like that .. I'll have to ask around .. so far though I don't seem to know anyone who's seen them. Never mind .. I've got the books and I suppose I'll find someone who has seen the programmes or a few of them.

Symptoms

If I'd been in a relationship with anything other than a few hugs and kisses I guess I would've found out about my illness a lot earlier .. strange way to find out but there you go. My dentist had commented when he was doing my bridge that my gums were fragile and I knew that it wasn't down to not brushing them .. that's why I really thought that the morning me illness showed itself for what it was that it was just because I hadn't brushed me teeth for a couple of mornings cause I had a bad cold and was feeling really out of it. So, the beginning signs of the illness had been there for quite a while. But, yeah, me gums had been on the fragile side.

We were talking about it last night and there wouldn't have been a chance .. at least not for quite a long while before I became seriously ill. When you know things start to add up don't they.

It's worth people knowing and going to get checked out as early as possible for something like this then they can get treatment started before the illness really breaks out as badly as mine did .. or, it's another symptom to add in when they're trying to diagnose what's wrong.

......

Up and medicated. Felt a bit queasy so am not eating much at the moment .. managed to calm the tummy spasms down after I'd sneezed by going into meditation .. didn't have any spinach on hand. I hoped I would be ok cause I'd just taken my pills .. not excellent timing!!! And it was ok. I'd taken the antisickness pill with my oramorph a bit earlier on which was good too as it might've helped me to keep the other pills down though the meditation seemed to calm the spasms. But there were a few before I tried to meditate and luckily everything stayed in the tum. Good ol' cyclizine .. huh.

Sometimes they don't work but that might be cause I tend to take them prn .. when necessary .. rather than just taking them three times a day whether I feel queasy or not. It's what I do in hospital and usually it's fine just that sometimes a sneeze can bring these spasms on.

I've been having a go on the symptoms checker on webmd .. not surprizingly me illnesses didn't come up with the sneezing .. because sneezing wasn't mentioned on the list of problems round the chest and tummy areas!!!!

http://webmd.com/default.htm

But when I typed in the symptoms for my auto immune illness they got it right .. though there were 20 conditions to choose from in me results .. lol!!! But most could be eliminated quickly and just by checking up on the others I would soon have discovered what the problem was. I guess most things boil down to the common cold in reality though .. and, in this case, regardless of me symptoms is what is causing the ikkyness this morning. Though combined with me other illnesses.

Did go out yesterday .. both to service and for food .. couldn't eat much .. though drank me two cups of hot chocolate. Wasn't very chatty I guess because of my cold. I thought it was just because of the evening before but after the couple of sneezes this morning I guess it's just down to having a cold. Didn't feel that different from usual .. just not chatty.

....

Actually, thinking about it ... I guess that Michelle's take on what happened in Italy could be right .. but you just hope that it isn't .. because of the insight it gives you. Someone who reviewed the book said that she generally didn't read this type of autobiography .. the abused child genre .. but was glad that she'd chosen to read this one and I agree .. it leaves you a lot to think about in so many ways. I'm not saying that the others dont .. they must all take people down some pretty nasty paths .. but Michelle's book leaves you asking just how widespread this type of abuse is.

Someone who works in the caring field that someone I know knows once said that the veneer of civilisation is very thin and so it appears to be.

I will read the book again though not for a while. I'm glad she wrote it.

Another article I haven't read

Someone told me last night that there's an article in the Big Issue .. this week I guess as he hasn't mentioned it before .. by Steve Winward saying that he thinks that the sixties were a mistake .. looking at society as it is now.

http://stevewinwood.com/

http://www.myspace.com/165744497

I haven't read the article .. bit like the Time one, huh, but I guess he'd be talking from quite a different perspetive from me anyway because his life would have been very different from mine .. in fact his life would have been much like a lot of peoples in the entertainment business in the last century .. if you look back to the era of the silent films you find it was much the same. Maybe illegal drugs took the place of alcohol for some people but it was a generally peaceful time .. though that surface peace was hiding a lot of things that were going on underneath which I don't know how common they were before the 60s .. but I'd imagine they were much the same even if it was expressed in a different way. But a lot of that was the legacy of the years before.

I wonder what things would have been like if the self help groups that were around before the GLC was abolished bt the Tories in the 80s. I wrote something about all that in my first blog but haven't got the disc with me at the moment so can't look it up .. it's only by someone saving it for me that I have it at all. I think it would've been better if they'd've been expanded rather than having funding withdrawn. Though ofcourse Labour weren't totally innocent of closing down community projects in the years before the GLC was abolished .. some people might remember the closing down of the community in Winchester Mews in Camden in the 70s .. OK .. so it was being squatted .. but these people had ploughed a lot of money into renovations and opened workshops, organised festivals and had a youth club and other youth organisations and a wholefood cafe.

OK they were squatting but losing them meant that a peaceful community who did something for the community was lost.

This has just reminded me of Notting Hill's Frestonia too .. now can you see something like that happening today ... maybe that could have been the legacy of the 60s. As time went on things became more violent .. not that there wasn't violence in those days .. there was but it was far from the whole story. I suppose that it might have been around the time that the American guy wrote his recommendations that things really started falling apart.

http://www.tonysleep.com/frestonia

I'll have to read the article in the Big Issue though cause Steve Winward might be focusing on something a lot different.

It's a pity some of the ideas that did come out of left wing policies at the time weren't preserved and taken through. I suppose it might have been around the time the American guy wrote the article that warned this country that what had happened in the States would eventually happen here and gave suggestions what to do about it was published here. Ironic .. huh!!!

Had a good nights sleep

Took some time getting to sleep last night but when I did slept through seven hours which makes a change. Feel a bit queasy this morning but then I do every morning .. that's what the cyclizine are there for. But I'm a bit trembly inside .. we shall see how it goes.

Still got me Sunday bone sparing pill down first and waited the half an hour before taking anything else except drinking my glass of water which is nice and refreshing.

I think this has decided me .. though ofcourse I will talk it over with everyone. I know it's probably just having a bit of a sniffle that started last night off but it happens quite a lot one way or another because of any spasms that start. Guess I better get that spinach in. I got a book from one of the charity shops yesterday which has lots of tips like that so I'll have a look through it. It's a long read .. be well entertained for £2.50 and hopefully find out some things that'll be of some help. As for the spinach .. I've read me receipes again .. though she did say she ate hers raw .. have to give it a go.

Have to look up what a lack of iron can do .. it helps my friends partner to have veggies with a bit of iron in them with his illness .. he has restless leg syndrome and finds that eating spinach and brocolli can help when it starts getting bad.

......

Thought I might be back in hospital again this evening but things have settled down. Felt a bit wobbly on my way back from me mug of cocoa .. bit of pain which worsened when I got in .. I was lucky to just be round the corner or I guess an ambulance would've been called. I was lucky this time though and things settled down after a little while. Didn't quite know what to do but decided I'd only phone for an ambulance if things didn't seem to settle down or if they kept on easing off then getting worse again for a while.

Anyway I'm here about three hours later and things seem ok.

Honey and hot chocolate

What a surprize!! Just come back from the docs!! We've been using the honey dressing on my back for a week and a half now. Today they had to put a dressing on to stop the skin growing so rapidly .. it'd got over enthusiastic .. and I guess is attaching itself to the layers below quite happily. That's after months of no improvement.

This is quite strange as it was thought to be partly a pressure sore as well there being trouble from the auto immune illness. They're happily using them in the surgery how they've got them. I said that it would be nice if we could have some kind of honey spray .. she said .. we'll have to start marketing them. I'll tell them what's happened when I go into the hospital next week too.

Will celebrate with a mug of hot chocolate. And go and sort out my b vits and will continue with the meditation.

They'd said the wound had got smaller. I said at the hospital I was pleased because two nurses had used the same word to describe it .. smaller .. though I wasn't all that hopeful because of the position it was in. It appears its had to be restrained from growing skin too quickly now .. too enthusiastic.

I didn't know that Dave was the vice president .. slight deviation there .. I'd just been off round the net a while. I'd wondered if there were more than one group here .. cause everyone asks if its the one I go to and I always say yes .. but it'd made me wonder if there were two different groups .. there don't appear to be.

I'm feeling a bit something or other at the moment.

Obviously there's still a lot of the illnesses that isn't covered by sticking a honey dressing on .. the pads come with the honey soaked into them .. but this is nice to see happen.

Don't want to be late ...

I'll keep an eye on the classifieds too. I wonder if there'd be people hoping to improve their languages. There seem to be quite a few looking for platonic friendship who are interested in the arts/languages/science etc back in town. Trouble is, my illness is always going to be in the way .. at the moment it's impossible not to be. Must say my heart flew a little as I was reading through them.

I know people on line will when I feel a bit better. Tried a few weeks ago but I just wasn't up to it. You never know. Started thinking about it all again yesterday when I was sorting out just what I'm doing on the net.

Gud bye Flutterbye. I've no idea where half the diaries I started are when I was looking through all the designs .. most had a one word entry .. hello!! or testing!! and then I was gone. 'd like to track down my old LJ and I guess I could if I contacted LJ but I won't at the moment. My diary was quite old but my LJ went back a long way and I'd've liked to see it all again .. I've some saved but not all of it. There was a legal one out there somewhere too .. though that's probably been deleted by the people who own the site by now I'd think. Maybe the LJ has gone that way too .. its very old.

And .. I should sort these four out too .. I've only been using two out of the four for ages .. cause I've been too tired to blog really. I've blogged on the two here and on the multi people blog and other private friends blogs .. best to keep them private cause then you can just chat like on me purple butterfly blog .. diary .. whatever you want to call it.

I found some different blogs yesterday after googling for some pictures .. it's amazing what google will pull up sometimes. I'll go back and have another look at those sometime too .. but haven't time now. I was wondering if they had visitor counters on them. I was surprised that the one I read didn't have more people commenting.

Anyway .. I've gotta go .. off to the docs!!!

That's the answer then!!

I have a friend, who has a similar problem to me ... in some respects .. and she works in the medical field .. and is interested in both conventional and alternative remedies. It would be so nice if some combination of the two helped somewhere down the line with the fragility of the skin.

I met someone in hospital who had a large folder full of articles connected to her illness. She had an auto immune illness too .. chronic rheumatoid arthritis. We meant to stay in touch .. but didn't. I will have her phone number somewhere so will have to look for it when I'm going through my note books.

It's strange .. possibly the first symptom of my illness was the big toe on my left foot going out of sync .. around the time when I developed that limp .. the christmas before the summer that the illness became apparent and was diagnosed. My foot looked a lot like hers but on a much lesser scale. She developed one auto immune illness while I developed another.

There is a chance that the two might not be linked in my illness .. but that was the path being ill took until symptoms showed themselves in a way that made what it was more obvious.

I was reading a website about another illness a friends partner has got and what did show itself was one treatment helping one person more than another. He finds eating vegetables helps .. doesn't like them very much really but will up the amount he eats if things get bad. I was speaking to a woman in a health shop yesterday about it and she said trying him on vitamin and mineral supplements which kind of fits with what his partner was telling me this morning about the veggies. I don't think he really thinks about it going away just making it easier. People had found things that helped them but it varied a lot amongst the posters.

Well, I pottered back and was looking through it again and found that the condition is more common in those with an iron deficency .. helps explain feeding him the brocolli and spinach then doesn't it. Doesn't make it go away .. just relieves the symptoms a bit when it gets bad if he eats more of these veggies. Guess that's the answer, well in part maybe, you never now if there's more. Have to tell her .. though she might already know I guess. Interesting.

Spinach

Someone has just suggested I get some spinach .. she says that eating it raw gets rid of her stomach craps .. lets have a go then .. maybe we'll be getting spinach pills from the GP one day too!!!

And .. I'll use the bag up quickly and won't reheat any leftovers if I decide to cook it. Maybe I'll soon make my meal again .. remembering .. ofcourse .. not to reheat any leftovers. Actually .. I did know someone, or rather their mum, who got actual food poisoning from reheating the cooked spinach she'd left out all night. Bit different from longer term effects .. the conversion of nitrates into nitrites. And I'ved always tried to be careful about reheating things after that. And keeping stuff fresh.

Anyway .. still feeling a bit coldy .. but not too bad .. was sweating a bit yesterday .. another problem with the illness/meds.

Was reading my very early diary entries .. the ones before losing me password for a year .. was writing about me spinach/tomato/bean meal on there too as well as here .. keeping any easy receipes that I used in the diary at the time .. most of them are one pot meals with soup or tin tomatoes as a base or a curry mix or something like that .. not too sure about the curry as far as my tum goes now though .. cause obviously I have a sensitive tum .. but I will still add tumeric. I do eat a little very mild curry now and then but occasionally have had to leave it .. other times .. not.

Friday

I sneezed .. thought I was going to yesterday .. but nothing happened. Haven't been sick though .. just shivered a bit. Slept reasonably well last night though went to sleep late. The sneeze has upset things a bit .. but not too much .. me breathings changed and has got a bit faster and I fell a bit queasy .. my tummy's moving too in time with the breathing. There's certainly more movement there than there once was. I'd just taken some oramorph too .. morphine can make you feel a bit queasy anyway .. so fingers crossed.

Found out yesterday that the bag's the busiest UK womens site on the web in 2007 .. haven't been reading the others .. I might take a quick peek .. but there isn't time to start reading anywhere else ..be interesting to see how similar they are.

I woke up thinking about the book .. wondering .. it was an awful thought to think that these men just arrived at the house to live and decided to take advantage of the situation without any contact between them before. She wrote about something that one of them had said to her which made me wonder if there was a ring of people who discussed what was happening and that's why it did rather than it being random.

I'm glad I bought Michelle's book now though it's certainly given me a lot to think about. I wasn't surprised by what she wrote on the abuse side .. I've known a few people who've had similar things happen .. though not to such an extent.

I'm glad that she and her partner are happy now .. it would've been nice to know a bit more about them and their family as a contrast to the rest of the book. She is protective of her son which is cool ... I was curious about him but as she wanted to leave it there .. fine .. but I'd've still liked a few happy pictures from her relationship now as a contrast to the rest of the book .. just a couple of happy pictures.

Anyway .. I better get moving .. off to the doctors today .. never ending .. isn't it.

........

Now to bed .. and tomorrow .. do me bills .. a bit of tidying getting ready for me journey to London as soon as I'm well enough .. and a bit of language learning again. etc .. etc!!!

Gudbye ....

I saved and deleted it. Saved it but had decided when I posted here that keeping it would be nice .. but .. then deleted it.

Gudbye purple flutterbyes .. or, not

Me diary dated back a while so it's sad to see it go .. can't remember how long it'd been going when I mentioned it on here .. well, obviously I know when I started it .. but I can't remember when I posted about it here and I'm not bothering to read back to find out .. but it was quite a while cause I lost the password for ages.

Well, to delete or not .. Goodbye purple flutterbyes .. I love the butterfly background .. but called it flutterbyes instead of butterflies cause u could flutterbye and write if u wanted .. well, once I let people know it was there. And .. after I refound me password!!! Almost a year between one entry and another!!! lol!!!

But, I don't use it now cause I write on other peoples journals and diaries etc and I'm part of a journal that has a lot of people writing where I can write privately to keep in touch instead of using me own diary. Shared diaries are good.

I doubt if I'll use it again.

So .. goodbye purple flutterbyes .. just pop over to another blog to say when it's going incase anyone wants to save it .. then .. bye bye. Saved here for all the lovely messages on it.

Or ..........

Shall I keep it as it is still on line ..........

Cause of all the lovely messages on it.

Hello purple flutterbyes.

Why me

Someone asked me a few weeks ago if I'd thought "why me" when I was told about my illness. Er .. no .. I didn't go through any of that at all.

I'd been through a lot of synchronicity in my life which had just changed my way of looking at things .. though it hadn't developed all that far then .. but it had removed the fear .. and I've just thought that it's just something that's happened in my life that I have to accept.

I believe in life after passing over but I have no idea why illnesses like this happen. I've read people saying that we choose our lives and things like that. I've always found that a bit new agey .. but it's one way of looking at things. Maybe it is something like that. I mean .. I don't see how it could be that worked out if we have any kind of free will because of our reactions to other people and events that cause differences. The fluttering of a butterfly's wing concept.

If things are so pre set .. then it suggests that we have no free will .. cause having free will causes changes.

B vits too then

Done .. meds taken etc .. the friend who told me about the manuka honey .. which the hospital use as dressings .. has suggested that I might be low in B vitamins too.

But really I don't know what will happen .. this illness does go into a kind of remission sometimes .. but .. not always. I'd like mine to but I'm not counting on it. It's a horrible illness .. but there are plenty of those around.

So .. off to say good night .. lol

Y'know .. it took me ages to realise all the symbols for hugs and kisses on the net .. and at one time I thought all me mates were happily decorating there messages to me with a rather nice pattern that just included kisses .. and then someone told me that the other symbol was a hug. lol!! I thought it was just kinda there to add a bit of decoration!!! I can see it now .. but not until I was told.

I made a similar mistake a few days ago .. because people were going back in time because of lack of smilies .. and it had just slipped my mind .. which made my message totally different from what I thought it was .. not that it mattered at all .. it was all good .. but, there you go!!!

A latish zzzzzzzzzzzzz

I finished reading the autobiography while my internet service provider was down. I was still left feeling that the incident in Italy was the worst .. if she read it right .. it wasn't hands on like the other abuse .. I'll go back to read it again .. maybe I'm reading her wrong .. but then why mention it. Maybe she's as confused as I am. I presume she spoke about it with her mother. It was the openess about it that got me .. just what was going on there??? With what she was experiencing as a little girl there was no reason for her to think otherwise .. and finding out about her mothers family history later on would have made it even more concrete in her mind.



I will go back and read it again. As for the rest of the abuse from babyhood upwards ... I can only assume that there was some kind of network out there where knowledge was passed on between these people .. something she says makes me wonder if there was some kind of ring involved. But, then again ...... who knows.

Moving on .. to after she'd left home .. I probably used to see her around. I remember the squat in Nursery Road .. I almost dropped the book .. figuratively speaking when I read that .. I used to think the women there were really right on feminists/lesbian feminists .. you know the scene .. and I wished I knew them, It was the house about two minutes walk (at the most) from the back of Marks and Spencers, on the sports centre side, if you turned up that way instead of going along towards the Post Office.

I'm sorry to say I changed my mind after hearing one of them being incredibly nasty .. totally unnecessarilly. There were two women, I always thought they were going out together .. though I may have been wrong. One was very tall with shortish brown hair and the other, about 5' 6'' .. had longer dyed black hair, usually wore a line skirts and quite a bit of make up and jewellry. It was the taller one who was being so nasty .. the other one, to her credit, didn't join in, but, even so it kinda put me off the place. It was just being nasty for the sake of being nasty and I just disliked her there and then .. not the other one though. So .. they weren't all right on. Dunno if the author knew these two or if they were before or after her time there. Maybe they didn't live in that bit .. I think there might've been a lesbian/feminist house on the otherside of the road at one time too .. but they did go in and out of the other place.

Reading that brought back some memories though. Dunno if the mural right at the top of the street right at the top on that other little road was there then .. must've been I guess .. think it was all about the same time. Last time I was back it was still there .. though had lost some paint.

As for the spiritual side .. we all have different spiritual guidelines I guess .. I'm not one for astrology/past life regression and things like that. I remember Rodney Bewes in the Likely Lads had a line once ..something like .. I don't believe in astrology .. capricorns don't .. something like that!!! Well, there u go!! lol!!!

I firmly believe this is just a stop on a journey and that love is the answer.

I found her dismissal of mediums rather strange considering she employs a number. From what she says in the book you'd think she wouldn't incase she encouraged her clients to be rather depressed .. I found that rather strange and rather self contradictory. From what I've read people like Gordon Smith can give others the freedom to live their lives more hopefully. They are there to try to give proof nothing else.

I've spoken to students on the psychic phone line .. it was a number of years ago when I was going through a rough patch and phoned one up out of curiousity one day and got talking to a someone who passed me over to a college who was a psychology student .. we had quite a long talk about what was troubling me at the time .. he was quite knowledgeable .. and sparked an interest off in me too .. but it also opened my eyes to the psychic lines.

But, having said that, I did talk to a number of people who were really interested in this kind of thing when I went back to do a bit of research on them .. it was part of their lives. But, again, I met people who just about knew one end of a tarot pack from the other .. and I met a few game players par excellance if you know what I mean.

I said when I was blogging about this before that some of the people I spoke to had done counselling training and things like that and I thought that they were very good at what they did.

Anyway .. go off and get my Fortesip now and do a few minutes more meditation.

There was a book on yoga in the league of friends bookshop in the hospital today. ... Unisex yoga .. wasn't everything then .. I just knew it had to be a seventies book ... yoga for both men and women. It wasn't bad though .. but I thought all yoga was for both men and women!!! Didn't buy it .. came back with a book about the changing seasons in the year .. didn't look at the date .. maybe a 1970s book too .. an observer pocket book about trees .. I left the seaside one there .. and a book of legal jokes .. by that I mean .. judicial jokes .. um .. legal humour .. you know!!!

I still have a suitcase full of legal books here .. gave a few to the Oxfam bookshop here .. the guy said he'd sent some to another shop but the ones that had been put out here sold .. I still pop in there though not very often now. I have the books I'm happy with while I'm still here.

There's still quite a bit of movement in my muscles .. my hand actually froze around my mug today because the muscles there had moved to a new position and I couldn't move them again for a while. I don't know how it's going to go.

Anyway better go.

And .. yeah .. we get on fine now. Life changes .. neither of us have the slightest idea what will happen in the future except being in each others lives as friends will be good. In reality it might alway be in different countries .. the conversation goes on and on. We've known each other many, many years as I said before with a gap in between.

Anyway .. off to sort out me Fortesip .. have to stay up a bit longer to fit me meds in but there u go.

Back from hospital

Just got back from the hospital. Had an afternoon appointment so stayed for the six o'clock meal in the cafe there .. took me ages to eat the little I could of it .. it's almost nine now .. and I've been in about 15 minutes.

I had tomato pasta .. didn't eat much .. very nice though .. and almond sponge and custard .. also very nice .. I managed all of that though it was getting a bit difficult towards the end. I'll have a Fortesip soon though which'll add to my protein and mineral and vitamins for the day. They've not been making the Fortesip protein drinks for long I'm very glad that they did decide to add them to the range of meal supplements .. before the drink had less protein in it .. you can also get a sort of mousse but I haven't seen them and they don't have the extra protein. The Fortesip protein drinks have just changed their name to Fortesip extra .. they're excellent. There was no way I could eat the tomato pasta meal (with cheese) .. cause I can't eat much. Also had three beakers of hot chocolate .. very nice.

....

Back again!!! Me service provider was down for most of yesterday. Phoned them up and got a little message telling me that they had no idea when they'd be up and running again .. usually things get back on course quickly so I hoped it'd just be a few minutes .. but we were waiting for most of the day. Phoned someone else up to check if he was down as well cause me computer was insisting that the problemo was here .. it always does that but I thought I'd just check it out anyway. And then on and on for hours with different variations of the dial up boxes coming up and you could get on this page but not that or once you were on one site you couldn't click out to another and then it'd go completely down again.

Anyway .. seems it's all sorted now .. except my computer which is always convinced it's a problemo here .. every time I run the diagnostic thing it always says the same and it's been wrong every time cept when I stepped on me keyboard and managed to change some settings!!!

Zzzzzzzzz

Not been the best of days .. the pressure in my tum and chest has been a bit rough .. but the pain relief has helped quite a bit. And the comfort of hot chocolate I guess!! Just downed the last oramorph until I wake up next.

Up late .. fed .. medicated and meditated

Was up late today .. slept quite well last night though have to say I got to sleep late but once asleep I had a good nights sleep .. woke up in a lot of pain though and feeling sick .. though wasn't. Not sure if I have just a bit of a cold still .. or it might be the steroid reduction .. people who've had a hefty dose of them often seem to feel quite poorly when they're being reduced. Though not people with inhalers or who take them for a short time or a very low dose.

I did go out yesterday .. and I'm glad I did .. the walk there wasn't easy and I had a lift back. I said .. no to start off with cause it's not far .. but after thinking about it said yes .. and I'm glad I did cause I think I would've had a hard time coming back if I'd walked. Was ok when I got out of the car .. I went for some hot chocolate and risotto .. and found it a bit difficult walking back from there and that's just round the corner.

I was very late getting there cause I'd taken me pain relief late and then just sat around waiting for it to take effect. I wasn't going to go at one point but I'm glad that I decided to.

Meditated quite soon after getting up and had better concentration than I'd had for the last few times. As I was well settled in to it all today I spent about quarter of an hour in meditation.

Sunday

No dream there when I was waking up this morning .. so that's probably it for a while then!!! I was thinking about Dr Moody's books .. it'll be good to read them again .. they did have quite a big impact on me I guess .. though at the time I just saw what he wrote about as just something that happened though I wasn't sure what rather than seeing them as something that was a doorway to something else. I believed that you created the experience yourself through your experiences, beliefs and life.

Sunday .. the half an hour wait before I can take/eat/drink anything except the bone sparing pill and water .. still .. I'm allowed lots of water!!! Infact I have to have lots of water. Not quite sure why .. whether it's to make absorbing it easier or to dilute it in the tummy to protect the tum a bit or to make sure its washed down properly .. or all three!!!! Or ... something else!!!!!! Seems to have been more movement last night .. a bit of gurgling going on inside which seems to be a sign that there has been .. it gets a tad noisy for a while as its getting used to the new positioning or something.

Anyway it's all done now .. and I've been trying to get my head round a new card game someone's introduced me to. Back to have another look in a while.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh .. well .. off to bed now!!! I fell asleep here again last night and I know it wasn't good for me. So .. off to get some sleep.

I feel so relaxed tonight .. don't now why .. possibly because I know I'm heading off for bed at the proper time. Have been in quite a bit of pain though today. Was going out to eat but changed my mind .. I think I'm training myself back into some kind of better eating ... can't wait til I'm making me one pan meals again of lentils, tomatoes and spinnach .. the spinnach will be great for me because of the iron too .. with a bit of bread to go with it all.

And maybe a mug of hot chocolate. Does chocolate have iron in it .. I have some recollection .... but, maybe that's just wistfull thinking.

I have a large bag of butter beans to start soaking bit by bit as soon as the urge gets me .. lentils, butter beans .. doesn't really matter which .. and some millet flakes!!!

I haven't felt so tired the last two nights .. though the sickness and pain has been a bit on the rough side today .. didn't go out. Think I've had a bit of a cold and that can make you a bit achey .. think it's just tenderised the pain that's already there a bit.

They can't really put the pain relief up anymore at the moment as I'm taking a gram of morphine a day plus other pain relief. It's a lot.

Still following the blog of the guy who has cancer that hopefully has gone into remission. I haven't contacted him cause only family and friends are writing there. I just want to add my best wishes but maybe I'll leave it, I have so many good wishes on one part of the net I'm on and it's cool .. I have trouble writing to people to thank them .. but I do .. and I just thought it'd be nice if we went over to wish him the very best too .. we seem to have quite a similar outlook about our illnesses. But then I've often found that those who are really having a hard time have a pretty good outlook on life, Not all the time ofcourse .. but, quite often. Best wishes are being sent anyway I guess .. but it'd be better if he knew about them!!! Anyway, he's still in remission .. whoot!!!!

Still reading the book .. it's a sad read .. but, only one bit has come as a shock to me .. and that's where she describes a scene in Italy as a little girl when they visited there .. and I'm not talking about the storm.

Our beliefs are very different. I keep on coming across people who think that we create our own next life while we're here. Well, keep on, is a bit of an exaggeration maybe, but more than I'd expected .. and from what people have experienced it does seem a possibility. All of it is just trying to make sense of the little people seem to know. But, going back to Dr Moody's books in the 70s that was the impression I got there too. I've little doubt that we do go on to something .. though I've been pushing the idea away again a bit the last couple of weeks. No fear though. Because I know they can't be pushed away really I guess.

As I said .. our beliefs are very different ... I don't believe in astrology, pastlife regression, cosmic ordering and things along that line. I know that the readers on phone lines are often trained up not just in reading but also in how to keep people on the phone for as long as possible .. but I met a couple of people who were there .. as I've said before.

I believe we all have pointers along the way ... cause I can't believe that some do and some don't and it's what you do with them that makes a difference. I've heard stories from very down to earth people which seem to suggest that some very young children seem to have some form of instinct sometimes .. well, ok .. not instinct .. they know!!!! But, as I said, I've been going through a phase of pushing things away a bit. Even though to do so stops things making sense!!!

I hope I get out tomorrow evening ... but I probably won't .. and, no, I'm not taking my b vits yet!!! But I have the honey patches thanks to the nurses at my GPs, and prior to that, the nurses at the hospital, and I'm told they seem to be doing a good job already!!!!!

Haven't meditated yet today. Off to do that now. Found a Richard Hittleman yoga book in a second hand bookshop in Warwick on one of my hospital trips. Took me back to me yoof!!! Though it wasn't the book I had.

You only have to read the book I'm reading now to know that things weren't a bundle of laughs then .. she's younger than me .. but going back further they weren't a bundle of laughs either. I'm glad she made it through.

And then to sleep .. cause that's what matters .. though I still don't feel as tired as I have been doing. Must have me Fortesip too.

Now .. Fortesip, meditation and zzzzzzzzz!!!!

Dreaming.

Strange start to the day .. woke up from the most brilliantly coloured dream .. and that was all it was .. me viewing pictures in my mind .. first dream I've remembered for a long time. Very pleasant .. though totally unexpected. Generally I remember, at the most, a couple of dreams a year. They're usually pretty topical .. concerned with something that I've been thinking about ... but they don't happen very often .. well, I expect the dreaming does .. but remembering them doesn't. Never had one like that before though. I occasionally wake up to music in my mind too which is nice. Wish that would happen more. Pictures .. sort of fractals I guess .. and accompanying music would be nice .. but I just got the fractals this morning.

http://www.coolmath4kids.com/fractals.html

Click the link to get lots of nice fractal pictures. Yeah .. that's kinda what I woke up dreaming about. I've no idea what the dream was about .. anything else has been forgotten .. but I think the pictures were part of a larger dream .. I just can't remember it!!!! Nothing new there then. Add music to the pictures ..

Music and fractals would be nice though .. don't really need anything else to go with them.

Not felt too good today so just rested. Fell asleep on the sofa for a while yesterday .. but slept pretty well all things considered .. the pain woke me up so I sorted that out and got meself to bed later on in the morning.

zzzzzz

Just a line or two .. up, fed .. meditated and medicated. Didn't feel so tired last night but woke up feeling the pain quite a lot .. especially when it was time to get up. Luckily didn't have any appointments til this arvo and things had settled down a bit by then.

Now .. back off t' sleep. And see what things are like overnight and when it's time to get up for the day. I just take me antisickness pills and the oramorph in with me at night now rather than the whole lot. They're what I might need overnight and what I take when it's time to get up.

Still very good friends

Been talking ... e mailing ... It's so difficult .. obviously I'd like to say that everything would be great if I moved in at some point .. and maybe things will be.


But it has to be just as friends. Obviously with the amount of morphine/steroids/steroid sparing drugs I'm taking I don't even think of things like that anymore .. totally erased from my mind. Which is interesting from a medical point of view I guess. The illness makes a physical relationship totally impossible and the medication ... huge doses of pain relief and the steroids and steroid sparing pills ... makes sure you never think about it anyway .. unless it's as one of the reasons not to move in. It's kind of interesting I guess. Obviously I don't know quite what has done this .. it's a total erasing .. which with this illness is fine. One goes well with the other but needs talking about in a relationship.

But then as friends ... I can't do much .. won't be able to travel long distances for a long time .. if ever .. which kinda makes things difficult .. London is as far as I can look now. I'm looking for a place I can be looked after in for a while until I see if I can feel a little better. So, possibly a while before I know what could be for the future. Will have to see. I'm ok and understand that living together as friends'll be ok though I still wonder if it's easier to think about than actually put into practice.

Even now the mornings can be quite tough and I really won't be able to do much more than go out for a mug of hot chocolate here and there. Can't even eat much .. would have to order child size portions and then take twice as long to eat as other people.

Reading ......

I've started reading the book from the beginning and, with what I now, I realise that it's going to be harrowing reading. Nothing that I'm not well aware of .. from the descriptions of war to the troubled home life.

I'm not saying much more til I've read the whole book though .. the few people who've reviewed it on Amazon think it's worth reading .. some saying that they don't usually go for this type of book but this one is different in the way it depicts an abused child's life.

I'd hoped to find out more about the people who'd reviewed the book on Amazon by reading more of their reviews but for most it was a first review or near enough to not make much difference because of the other book(s) they'd chosen and there isn't much up on the net about it.

I think it'll be a while til I finish it.

A long day .... but back again.

Just back from the hospital. I was out getting the shopping this morning then had a late afternoon appointment at the hospital and decided to stay for hot chocolate and eventually dinner as time was moving up to openning time at the canteen.

Wednesday afternoon isn't convenient though so I'm going to have to get the times changed. It's difficult .. they want more done at the GPs too and for me to join in with some of the treatment more. Well, at least I don't appear to need any treatment for the arm now .. I can lift it higher than I could a few weeks ago and it's almost back to how it was again so I think I'll leave going to physiotherapy for that because it's correcting itself.

I've lined the cupboards!!!!!!! Food in then .. and, hopefully .. I'll soon be cooking though I haven't much of an appetite at the moment .. haven't since the last bout of sickness .. but the Fortisips are always there if I don't feel like eating. I can have up to three a day on prescription which is pretty neat and'll take care of me not being able to eat .. but I think one or two plus other kinds of food will be better.

You can get ones that have less protein in them and I've seen mousses advertised .. though haven't seen them on the wards. They look nice .. but as you can't get high protein mousses I guess I'll have to stay with the milk shake type ones.

Anyway .. up, fed and medicated and meditated.

The book left the shop

I did buy the book I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. And have just been dipping into it rather than reading it all the way through ... probably because I've still got a touch of post viral syndrome.

The good thing is that she did come out of the awful childhood she lived through to a life with her partner where she's happy. It shows that, even after living through such abuse, someone can come through it to have happy relationship with a partner.

I guess the message is that the people not to have close to you in your life are the abusive ones.

I haven't dipped in to the end yet though I know she is happily settled so I don't know the path from a mother who couldn't control her temper at times and the abusive men and women that were in her life .. both from her family and ones that came in from outside of her birth families .. to where she is now.

............

After writing about me mouthwash I decided to try upping it again but it just makes me feel ghastly as if I have a mouth full of sandpaper and cottonwool .. or something close to that. I will use a paintbrush to apply gently rather than giving it the big swirl around every time. I remembered me mouth didn't feel too great after it but forgot just how ... yuk!!!

I will tell my doctor next time I see him .. maybe I have a slight allegy to it .. I didn't tell anyone before cause it's just a ittle bit of the whole solution that gets left there. I take prednisolone by mouth too .. it's the steroid along with the steroid sparing drug that helps hold back my over enthusiastic immune system .. thats 10mgs a day of prednisolone now and I thought that was what was really fighting the condition .. well, obviously it is, but maybe there's something else that I can use other than the steroid mouthwash .. it's just a tiny, tiny, tiny amount of steroid cause most of it just ends up down the sink. Maybe it's even adding to the problem .. really one mouthwash a day is all my mouth can take before getting really uncomfortable now. It's a sensitivity that built up over time. I follow the instructions in the leaflet that comes with the little pills. They're the little pink ones that take ages to dissolve. Well, in cold water anyway .. might give 'em a go in warmer water than I've been using.

There might be something else I can use anyway. I think keeping me mouth clean is the most important thing cause not much steroid is left once you've finished with the mouthwash.

These steroids are very different from anabolic steroids .. infact they cause muscle weakness rather than strength!!

.............

Today .. I also line the shelves with kitchen towel and put me long life soya milk and tins of beans etc away!!!!

...............

Done and dusted!!

As fer me own problem .. yes, I have a slight one too .. I was profile hoping on one of the sites I go to .. and found this .. which is part of a joke .. typical that I'm not typing it all in but there u go .. lol!!!!!

It's the only bit that I felt applied!!!

DA DAAAAAA

"And also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today cause they might be connected to the ass I have to kiss tomorrow."

Someone in me life seems to be feeling this and has now made things even more difficult to sort out ... lol ... I really couldn't care less .. it's not compulsory to be my friend or whatever was going on .. or that she had forgotten me for a while .. I know things aren't easy her way either. All she had to do was get in touch with me privately rather than trying to make it look as if we're joined at the hip or something now to people when they know we're not. I hadn't said a word to anyone because I didn't think it was important. I think I know what might've happened though .. something might've been said by someone who we both know now though possibly didn't a little while ago and this has worried her quite a bit even though she has no reason to be worried as I didn't mention her at all .. just was talking about personal preferences as far as something went. But I do understand how it might have got the wind up a bit as far as she was concerned. It really doesn't matter to me.

Sometimes the less said .. the sooner mended .. sigh

I too need to get in touch with some people. Not everyone I know reads this blog.

.....

I woke up (to get up) around eightish this morning which wasn't too bad. Had obviously been going over yesterday in my mind while asleep .. cause I was thinking about Gordon Smith/Colin Fry when I woke. I would like to have bought a ticket .. though doubt if I'll be here in August to be honest and really don't now if I'd be well enough to travel a long distance that I don't need to. Someone else could have had it though if I couldn't've used it.

I guess the woman who mentioned the magician didn't have any personal experiences nor had she spoken about this to people she knows and trusts who have. I haven't read what he says but I guess it's about body language and phishing.

I'm grateful that these people are out there to compare things with. But on an everyday level I still think that you should talk to people you trust about things like this. I would like to talk to the woman I know .. because I want to clarify something. I'm actually in a bit of a quandry about something .. though I know from someone else that I've spoken to that what I feel is what someone else feels .. and I know that this person was being honest with me.

Well, I almost decided to leave me bone sparing pill to tomorrow as I wanted me pain relief this morning but then decided to stick it out as I should. The lady in the flat opposite me says her pain is always worse in the morning .. I guess because there's been little or no pain relief during the night. I have it there for the night in the form of oramorph if I've been careful during the day .. but there's been no ibuprofen .. I generally only take two doses of that cause I want to watch me tum and I take me tummy lining pill in the morning so quite a lot of time has passed since I had the protection from that and there's been no paracetamol since 10ish. Also I guess you get a bit stiff over night not moving around much. During the day you're medicating the pain away so the morning and the night .. if you wake up .. can be difficult especially if most of the pain is on moving.

I did about five minutes meditation while waiting .. and was ok .. concentrated on my mantra .. a few thoughts drifted across me mind but I just carried on concentrating on me mantra.

Today I will listen to music .. I'd noticed while in Head that the music was starting to get through to me again. I don't hear as well as I used to .. sometimes it's like words just aren't so clear .. especially if I'm moving. Seems better if music is attached though.

I know what I'm gonna say today too .. seen the problem discussed enough on the bag one way or another .. I often give me own opinions as I'm reading through that .. if what's being discussed really gets to me .. don't post no more though .. the board is just so big. Though I know some people there post on that and other boards. I suppose you really have to limit which forums you read .. possibly only reading a few threads too if you look in quite a few of the forums. There's always people saying what I feel anyway .. so I don't have to add me own voice really. It's usually the general concensus too so I'm only adding to the general opinion.

Last night made me aware that I really do need to decide what to do. Today I'll go and pick up some literature to read so I now all the ins and outs as far as I'm concerned. It is such a difficult decision to make. I'm talking about it with people too.

I've got quite a lot to do today really.

.............

I have seen and talked to people who were obviously phishing. I was ok with the contents of Mr Smiths books .. cause I know things like this do happen. I decided to read the other book I mentioned though have only got through a few pages because I don't feel too good right now. I like the bit I read by the guy who was recommended in Waterstones here too .. he seems very down to earth .. and I could identify with a lot of what he was saying too.

I have seen people using tactics where they are phishing .. though some people don't see it. I as left almost hooting with laughter at the blatany of some of them. The phone lines aren't full of people who are genuine .. I blogged about this before after I'd spoken to a lot of people. Having said this .. I met the person I mentioned before through one of these. She's left now. Something else jogged me there too .. but I didn't talk about it. I wish I had now. I will with her some time though. Haven't phoned her yet though.

I'm trying not to say anything that's just hearsay .. but some of these people on these lines are no more psychic .. whatever that quite means .. than I am. I've met some people who are quite unpleasant too. Specially when u won't agree with everything they say.

I would say that I got me best results with this woman when I asked her things out of the blue that were straight to the point.

Anyway I'm downing me final antisickness pill of the 24 hrs .. saved it fer bedtime. Think it's ok to go off to bed now.

............

Almost midnight .. said I'd be in bed by eleven .. but something popped up!! Not to worry .. as I said I'll be in touch in the morning or tomorrow sometime anyway. Don't know if I'll sleep much anyway if I do go to bed as I feel a bit sick and I'm sure that'll wake me up on and off during the night.

There's been so much muscle movement tonight .. you know distinct movement .. it's been really obvious .. specially in the face .. though that's just a product of movement everywhere I think because I could feel it in the back earlier on and that's released the muscles in the face a lot tonight.

I was going out for a walk earlier on .. stopped off for a cup of hot chocolate .. just as well .. because I wouldn't've got very far I don't think .. I could feel something happening while I was there so went back to the flat. This is good .. but it feels bad!!!

I never now what to do now .. after the last two times in hospital .. to phone for an ambulance .. if things aren't too bad to get a cab or the paramedics. Or, just wait.

I phoned friends this evening .. though it turned out someone had a big problem too. Will talk more tomorrow if I can.

Sigh.

Don't really fancy going to bed tonight incase it turns into another night where I have to go into hospital.

Well, at least there might be another mug of hot chocolate going ... depends which ward u find urself on. On that score I think we should all go round muttering "cuts" under our breath. But at least the mugs of comforting chocolate or ovaltine started me drinking it again .. though ofcourse it'll be forbidden once I'm back being a vegan again. I don't now if Green and Black still do a chocolate powder for drinks or whether it's vegan. Thought it might be so don't know if I've checked in the past.

Saw someone praising Gordon Smith today but then saw them mention a guy who can pull interesting information seemingly out of his head without knowing anything ... apparently. Wish I knew more about the last guy .. I have a book by him but haven't got round to reading it yet .. all this sickness has put me off reading a bit. Doesn't change my feelings an iota .. still stick firmly to the belief .. only trust those when talking about stuff like this with people you know you an trust. My friends trust me .. so we talk .. and I know some people who talked with me were trusting me with things they didn't usually talk about outside of family and possibly very close friends. I keep their confidences.

I know people have been talking about things I told them .. I said they could, but, obviously they've been a bit on the quiet side. I know because I heard one guy mentioning one of the experiences near me .. yes, it is amazing!!!! The whole thing together.

Anyway .. maybe I'll try and get some sleep .. me mouth seems very dry and I feel a bit sickly still.

............

Caught up in a bit of a friendship crisis at the moment .. so will have to do a bit of finding out just what has been going on .. tomorrow.

I'm off to bed now.

Saturday

Up .. fed .. medicated and a little bit meditated!!! Went to sleep last night while writing out a list of what I needed to do today if I felt well enough!!!!!! Woke up this morning to find the notepad there beside me and the light still on. I was in bed this time though .. suppose I'd decided to take a rest and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz straight away!!! I slept quite well too. Waking up to get up at around eight thirty. Much better than the day before.

It's gonna be a nice day today .. though I must be careful. Won't stay out too long I guess but fortunately there are places u can be outside but inside here so it should be ok.

So, gonna wash me hair .. and, yes .. I do have all me stuff!!!! I have to be very careful with mouth hygiene too because of my medication .. can't remember which particular pill that's about .. but I take one that if you don't bother with cleaning the toofiepegs carefully you can end up in more trouble!!!!!!!! Sounded like something a bit like what me auto immune illness does anyway. Anyway I have the prednisolone mouthwash to use so I have to get it sorted or I'm not taking me meds properly .. and, as I've found out, it's really important that I do.

Anyway .. better get going I guess!!!

....!!!!????

I dunno .. I've been reading the bag again .. and I wonder how people can say they want a happy relationship if they don't think twice about cheating on their partner. Surely the basis of a relationship is friendship and once you're cheating you've taken a lot of that friendship away because you're living a lie with the other person .. not something you'd do with a friend. I suppose it's all down to why you're in a relationship in the first place .. someone on the bag once posted a brilliant summary of why people go into relationships .. different types of people wanting different things. She said the best thing to do is try and work out if you're anywhere near wanting the same things!!! Too true.

If you cheat you've kind of put up a curtain with the other person because of the enormity of what you're hiding.

I thought the four horsemen of the apocolypse about communication in relationships was excellent .. I've seen so many relationships go wrong cause of just that sort of communication. Depends what u want in a relationship though. If you're just looking for somewhere to hang your hat so to speak .. one of the examples on the bag .. examples no amount of communication councelling etc is going to help unless u change you're mind about the type of relationship you want to be in if the other person wants a relationship more based on a home life.

Whoops .. just had the message .. we r communicating!!!!!! I am off to bed .. ten minites of meditation first though.

U no it makes sense!!!!

Too tired

I was going to potter off to somewhere new I'd been invited to this evening but I'd had a latish appointment at the doctors and felt shattered when I got in.


T'other place I used to go to on Fridays .. well, they have things on during the day .. can't remember if coffee mornings are still on .. if not they have an afternoon service .. it doesn't matter if you're not religious .. as I've mentioned before there are two different paths .. the religious and the philisophical. I belong to the latter.

Haven't given the prints to me brother yet ... sort that out next week .. I suppose quite a number of people have one round here.

I've had a Fortisip for dinner tonight .. those things are invaluable when u don't feel like making a meal or eating one .. 30g of protein and vitamins and minerals .. and a breakfast type bar and some fruit juice. I've put a Fortisip in the fridge for tomorrow too.

Haven't meditated today .. but will this evening for about 10 minutes.

I would've liked to have had a hot chocolate to sit outside for a while today again even if I didn't feel like being somewhere and chatting. This will come as surprize to some people reading this .. wish it was now that I'm sort of back on me feet (just a bit) that there was no stopping me. .. but it ain't how it is. I don't feel well enough to be out fer long times in the evenings yet. I'm sitting here yawning quite a bit. And, I guess, especially after the tummy spasms earlier in the week I should be staying in and resting some. Anyway .. guess I better be moving towards getting some sleep. Trouble is .... I just wake up again when the pain comes back.

I take a very high dose of morphine .. and while I wish that I didn't need to I'm very grateful for it .. both the MST and the oramorph. Having it quite late or missing it lets me know how it helps. Feeling the edge of the pain ebbing away. I was surprised how little some people seem to need .. I've been reading about the pain meds .. it helps me understand just how severe my pain is on the scale. I've had a bit of a hard time takng it in really .. and, I guess, I hoped that I wasn't taing so high a dose cause it'd mean there wouldn't be so many problems adding to it cause obviously what I'd really like is for the pain to go.

Most of me life I've taken no more than a couple of paracetamols a year .. if that. I just don't like putting stuff like that in my body ..as a nurse said .. everything has side effects .. rather save the brain cells etc than destroy them. Someone I know was bemoaning the fact that his friends are starting to pass over .. he was heavily on booze and other drugs back in the 70s and early 80s .. I mean .. he's lost lots along the way .. but this is more the past seeming to be coming back to show himself. Ofcourse some people are lucky.

I've been unlucky I guess .. but I'd've been even unluckier if my body wasn't strong to start off with. At least I can fight back. I hate to think what now would be like if it wasn't.

On the other hand it's daft to tell people to come off medication they need to stay well and I don't know why they do. And still do after they see the person showing signs of becoming ill again after the medication has stabilized the condition.

I'm off anyway. Gotta get that rest. I'll keep me specs, book and pain relief by the bed.

A bit late .........

Today hasn't been that brilliant .. but it could've been worse!! Started the morning with a couple of sneezes but .. that's all they were .. just sneezes .. didn't set off any muscle spasms with the accompanying sickness.


This is different from the times I had to go into hospital .. the first time there I was just sitting talking to my brother when I suddenly didn't feel too good and said I'd have to be going .. and headed for the bathroom where I was sick with the accompanying pain. The pain's the same so I guess it's down to muscle spasms. Both times I've had to go to hospital I've had a cold .. just not sneezed before the sickness and pain started. When I used to get the weakness in my left side I usually had a cold too. Which is why I didn't head straight for the doctors. There was usually a bit of pain too. That had happened three or so times over a period of twentyfive years or so.

I'd written a bit about someone I know and was talking to a couple of days back who has had a minor stroke. Well, she called it a minor stroke .. I don't think it was as it involved near enough blindness for a period of weeks. Sounds to me that she went through quite a bit. You can have a minor stroke and not know much about it. But I now what she means .. she knows of people who have been through much worse than she did and was just grateful that she didn't have more to recover from.

I wasn't going to post what I'd written last night or was going to tidy it up a bit .. but I think I'll just leave it and put it u on the blog.

Last night .....

Still quite tired and have been drifting in and out of sleep all day .. well, just kinda drifting in and out of a doze really. My games have been like me .. sometimes quick(ish) sometimes not. I suppose I have a bit of a cold. I thought that I might've been a bit hotter than usual for a couple of days before the couple of sneezes and sickness .. but, with the change in the weather, it was a bit difficult to know what as going on. I guess it's a bit difficult for the anti sickness pills to combat the tummy spasms sometimes.


I think it's a bit difficult for everyone to now exactly what's going on too now. It's all got a bit complicated, hasn't it, really. The good thing is that I don't seem to pick up any bacterial infections .. or , if I do, my body seems to fight them off very well. There was no sign of an infection when I went into hospital the last time .. I was told that the tests didn't show any signs of infection. I guess it could be small fits or something like that. I've had slight weakness on my left side for sometime now. Well, it would show signs of weakness for a couple of days every so often .. it happened maybe three or four times in all.


I was talking to someone yesterday who'd had a slight stroke in her late twenties. She called it a minor one, though to be honest it didn't sound that minor to me as it involved quite a bit of sight loss amongst other things for a few weeks. Some strokes can come and go quickly with symptoms that clear up almost over night.


Hers was due to high blood pressue that she has monitored now to make sure that she's well.


Other causes of strokes are often excess alcohol consumption and/or cocaine use. I sadly know someone who had a stroke a couple of years ago who has started drinking heavily again. Not a good idea.


With coke you increase the likelihood of having a stroke cause it constricts veins while increasing blood pressure and this can constrict the arteries in the brain causing problems. Excessive drinking cause it an lead to high blood pressure. If you smoke along with all this it ups the possibility too.


(Excess alcohol is more than two drinks a day) It is thought that drinking one drink a day could protect against one kind of stroke. More than two could contribute to all kinds of strokes because, amongst other things, it raises blood pressure.



It's thought that one drink a day could lessen the risk for one kind of stroke.


What I experienced was nothing like the young woman I was talking to .. just a slight weakness on my left side .. almost a blink and you'd miss it experiece ... never lasted longer than a day or two. In fact would clear up before I got myself to a doctor.

Up .. fed .. medicated and meditated

Went to sleep on the sofa last night .. slept reasonably well all the same. I felt exhausted which I guess wasn't really a surprise after the last few days. Got taken to do the weekly shop too yesterday.

I've done about ten minutes meditation this morning .. found I had a few stray thoughts humming around .. but .. then .. that's the first time I've meditated for that long consciously for quite some time .. and I probably had a bit of a temperature the other night.

When you first start you can find yourself a bit twitchy and have stray thoughts going through your mind while the body and mind start relaxing.

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Meditate-for-Beginners---Techniques-on-How-to-Meditate&id=396693

I have to say that I often had to meditate near a very busy road .. loads of traffic .. and I found it was ok .. maybe cause I was concentrating on my mantra .. didn't use music or guided meditations .. just thought the word med .. i .. tate over and over. A mantra helps clear the mind and relaxes it .. though it can take a while .. you can be a bit twitchy to start off with as the body destresses it self and stray thoughts will cross the mind for a while but just carry on when they do .. it'll happen less and less. I learnt that from a book but can't remember what it was now .. read it back in the 70's. Well, just glanced through it and decided to do that. I did a bit of yoga from watching Richard Hittlemans TV series including breathing techniques .. though the one I used to do mainly was the alternate nostril technique.

http://www.uccs.umn.edu/oldsite/lasc/handouts/alternatenostril.html

It's just a way of learning to relax and like other things .. if you do them often enough it makes it easier for your mind to do them .. building neural pathways etc.

There are lots of kinds of meditation out there and I guess some suit some people more than others .. and there are a few people who don't seem to get along with it.

Up ........ slightly medicated .....

Not too bad this morning .. though ofcourse feeling the pain cause I'd had to cut out 200mg of MST yesterday because I'd left taking it so late .. taking it late turned out to be a good thing this time I guess .. at least the other 230mgs stayed where it should be.

This has made me more determined to look into more sheltered accomodation.

I don't think there's much more that can be done as far as medicine goes. My problems that way really resulted from the way my body reacted to the medication .. everyone is different. I suppose if I continue being sick I'll have to ask about intravenous pain relief .. I'm not too keen on that to be honest.

Anyway .. I will start seriously looking into going into more sheltered accomodation. I don't want to put pressure on anyone to have to cope with looking after me. I can still be out and about but I'll be settled somewhere where there is a lot of help on hand.

I guess I could be a bit more sensitive at the moment because my steroids were decreased by 2.5mgs a little while ago. Again, depends on the person how they react .. I was on a high dose of the pills to start off with. I generally seem to have been ok though.

Anyway .. I don't feel that bad this morning.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hopefully

My breathing is a lot better than it was a few months ago and I can walk further now than I have for a long while which will help my body absorb calcium better as well as help stop it leaching out. Most importantly though is not taking the calcium pill til dinner time on the day I take the bone sparing pill. I take two strong calcium pills a day now. I have to make sure that I don't overdo the calcium too though.

And ofcourse it's important that I don't have anything other than water for half an hour after taking the bone sparing pill cause there are a number of things that can stop it being absorbed properly. Not just heavy duty calcium.

Anyway .. off to bed now. I don't feel too bad considering how I felt a few hours ago. I did wonder if I'd be heading for the hospital again. It could've been the same thing that had got me into hospital the last two times starting up again .. whatever that may be!!!

I stayed up a bit longer to see how I felt ... it seems it was the sneezing making me sick and bringing on the breakthrough pain. I've taen some oramorph .. that will ick in in quarter of an hour or so. I've less MST tonight .. fortunately I hadn't taken it before I was sick .. but, as I took it so late .. waited til I felt more settled tummywise .. left 200mgs out so that it'll be ok with tomorrow morning's doss. Means I'm feeling it a bit at the moment but I've taen some oramorph to help there which should mean I'll get some more sleep.

It's quite amazing the amount of effort the team is taking trying to get me better and it's good to see so much liasion between the hospital and my GP. Right, gonna grab a 100ml bottle of oramorph and head for the bedroom.

Just a little zzz

Dozed off here for a while and I'm still reasonably ok so I'll potter off to bed. Was a little sick but the bad breakthrough pain just came and went ... whereas before it well and truely stayed.

I do want to know just what is going on though so I can think things through easier. I found a diary, when I was googling for info on some of my medication the day before yesterday, that's been written by someone who has terminal cancer diagnosed and who's only in their early thirties .. against all odds he has gone into some kind of remission which is brilliant news. It's interesting to see that our attitude towards coping with illness is much the same. Makes it easy for me to read what's not been put out there too here and there. All my best wishes are sent to him.

Anyway .. I better go to bed .. the doze has refreshed me quite a bit but I need to get to bed now.

Wot to do

Got a bit of a cold so if I'm offline I've gone back into hospital ... hopefully I won't .. but I'm at the sneezing and feeling slightly sick stage .. hopefully it won't get any worse than this. Maybe not cause before there weren't any warnings before I started feeling very ill the other times. I just started feeling sick and then there was a lot of pain and sickness. But .. I did have a cold the last time.

It wasn't a bad day really .. though in future I'll just have hot chocolate if I have anything to eat or drink at the hospital .. or take fortisips in with me .. I can't manage that much food!!!! Not that it was a lot .. but I don't really eat that much at once now .. I went for pasta and lentil bake wiv chips as did the young guy behind me .. but I just couldn't manage it however nice it was.

Hopefully I'm gonna be ok .. I've sneezed again .. haven't been sick and the feeling of nausea is going away. I've taken two antisickness pills today so that might be helping .. I felt a bit queasy earlier on but thought it might be something to do with having stretched out quite a bit during the imaging earlier on today.

Meditation is back on the cards .. I know I keep on saying this .. but this time I mean it .. doesn't work for everyone but I'm OK with it. I think I kinda do it naturally anyway to some extent .. not actual meditation .. but I go into a kind of restful doze .. half way there or something. I've blogged about meditation lots of times citing some studies. Can't remember which links I put up in connection with the studies on Buddhist monks .. think I might've put them up more in connection with happiness and meditation as far as the monks were concerned because that was what I was blogging about at the time.

I was googling meditation and gamma waves this time ..before I didn't separate gamma and beta waves.

Gamma waves

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gamma_wave

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A43006-2005Jan2.html

Wondering whether to go to bed or not at the moment cause I'm back feeling a bit queasy again. I've sneezed again and the sickness has come and gone again.

Up .. fed .. medicated .... then ...

A very busy day today ... hospital .. hospital .. doctors!!!! That about takes the day up really!!!

Up .......

Up .. and sorting the rest out!!! Had another evening of dozing but when I did get to sleep I slept for about five hours.

I'm glad I went yesterday .. I'm sitting here this morning feeling my usual tired self and kinda wondering how I got there .. ok .. it's not far .. but it was quite late and I'd've thought that would've made it quite difficult for me to walk there and back. I had been thinking of going for a while but when the time came around to go I'd think that I probably would find it too difficult to get there. Yesterday evening I just thought I'd go even though I had left it so late. Glad I did .. surprised in some ways that I did decide to go considering that I'd left setting out so late .. arrived at about seven!!! lol!!! It seemed longer when I was walking there too .. but coming back was much easier. My oramorph would've taken effect while I as there too .. it's a bit like sunsceen .. takes a while to be effective. No point using either and expecting instant results. The oramorph seems to vary .. probably down to what I've eaten .. but is usually about 15 mins or so before I notice a difference. It's about the same for sunscreen .. takes about 20 minutes to be effective .. you have to wait for it to be absorbed into your skin. Best to put it on 20/30 mins before going out. The same as taking the oramorph .. both rely on absorbtion to be effective.

It's why I have the MST .. that provides a slow release for 12 hours at a time providing a background for the oramorph and other pain relief.

Well ... now .. up .. fed .. and .. medicated!!!!!!